NYC closed down Times Square to cars. It's for the people now! Andrea Peyser despises the people.

Yesterday, as New Yorkers dragged themselves back to work, they found cheap beach chairs thrown into the middle of Times Square, replacing buzzing, honking, vehicular traffic with gas-producing tourists, who really ought to lay off the Starbucks venti chocolate mint frappuccinos, anyway.

She just thinks it's dumb, okay? And stupid as well. It attracts foreigners, for one thing:

I spied a group of fit, tanned men smoking up a lung, and immediately determined they were from Europe.

"It's very, very inviting," said Bertjam Van Der Molen, a tourist from Holland.

"We have a four-hour layover in Newark," he said. "Enough time to come over here" — and stink us out.

You close Times Square to traffic for one day and what happens? A motherfucker from Holland comes out and smokes a cigarette right there, in Times Square. Hope you're happy, Hollandaise-swilling surrender monkeys.
There was no hot teen sex to be had, either.
[NYP]

Click here to listen to the voice mail.

Back in 2006 Michelle Malkin posted the phone numbers of some college kids planning to protest Ann Coulter. The kids—who were neither running for office nor inserted at the last minute to the great buffet table of family values on display at the nationally televised Republican National Convention—received death threats! Malkin refused to take those phone numbers down! When they complained, Malkin reposted their numbers!

Ha! Also, of course, Malkin thinks we should've kept all the Japanese-Americans in WWII locked up in internment camps forever and ever, but hey. Outrage-off! Cesspool Blog! Bastards all!!!

[Photo-illustration (c) back when people gave a shit about Michelle Malkin.]

"As for last week's season finale, well, that was strange, no? Originally scheduled to air earlier in the season, which accounts for the heavy presence of Dr. Kelso (Ken Jenkins), who a couple of weeks ago told Sacred Heart Hospital they could take his job and shove it, it centered on a fairy tale told by Dr. Cox to his young son as a bedtime story. As a narrative innovation, it ranked nowhere near the "Scrubs" musical episode (a hackneyed trick, but a good one) — essentially, it was a regular episode of the show, with the addition of numerous hours of costume and makeup. Not clever, just cute.

"Once, 'Scrubs' felt fantastical even without gimmickry. The humor was quick, and the characters had texture, Braff delivered genuine pathos beneath his simpering exterior, and Faison has been among the most guileless comedic actors on television.

"This season, though, their relationship became rote, and even they knew it. In several episodes, they openly struggled against the very nature of their freewheeling bond, especially since they're both young fathers — maturity may be out of reach for them, but thinking about it isn't. (Plus, the race-baiting jokes are becoming a bit much — y'all no longer get a pass just because Turk is black.)

"Braff's continued work on the show is reminiscent of Ashton Kutcher's labors on late-period 'That '70s Show.' In the acting, to be sure — both boiled their characters down to a few key tics, easy to deliver on cue — but also in the relatively quiet accumulation of wealth while they elsewhere aim for holier artistic pastures. "Garden State" was a moment, but the "Scrubs" checks will never die — it's a pretty good hustle." [LAT]

Jerk.

FOR GAYS:

Gay marriage finger puppets make a great passive=aggressive gift for the children of your most intolerant relative.

FOR COKEHEADS WHO LOVE IRONY:
Haha, it looks like a McDonald's coffee stirrer, but it's a gold coke spoon! Oooh, so many levels. This one shows your drug friends that you didn't go to art school for no reason.

FOR HATERS WHO LOVE TO HATE MARIO BATALI:
Winding up little Mario and watching him walk blithely to his doom at the end of the tabletop will satisfy these giftees' twisted needs.

More to come as the holidays loom closer! And please feel free to send in suggestions.