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New York, 3:56 AM
Thu Dec 10
57 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of A Message To Rudy A Message To Rudy
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Eff it, I'm going back to these...and they LOOK good too!
    [www.unicyclist.com]
     Reply
    Edited by A Message To Rudy at 12/08/09 5:02 PM A Message To Rudy was starred A Message To Rudy was unstarred
    Image of GlasgowRose GlasgowRose
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    The originators of this trend, MBT or Masai Barefoot Technology, claimed to base their rounded sole approach on African's Maasai tribe - overlooking the fact that they're no longer barefoot -- but they are desirably skinny because they're POOR. Then former Bliss chick Marcia Kilgore, who helped launch MBT in her spas, left and launched her knock-off FitFlop line, and it was off to the races (to the bottom -- the tight-as-a-steel-drum bottom, that is...) Ugh.
     Reply
    GlasgowRose was starred GlasgowRose was unstarred
    Image of GlasgowRose GlasgowRose
    12/08/09

    Make that "desirably" skinny ... and a double "Ugh."
     Reply
    GlasgowRose was starred GlasgowRose was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/08/09

    @GlasgowRose: Too bad Leni Riefenstahl is taking a dirt nap at the moment--she'd have come up with an award-winning Masai-centric commercial for this ridiculousness.
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of Hiroine Protagonist Hiroine Protagonist
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    I read an article that debunked these stupid shoes in the ass. They make your muscles flexed all the time so you're much more prone to muscle tears and ligament pulls. Fun! My idiot friend got a pair of the really expensive ones about 5 years ago and said she wore them because "it tones your Kegels!" I know kegels are not a muscle group. She does not.
     Reply
    Hiroine Protagonist was starred Hiroine Protagonist was unstarred
    Image of snugbug snugbug
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Alright kids, let Auntie Snug tell you how this crash weight-loss thing is done properly: Move to Europe and simultaneously take up smoking. You'll be as thin as a whippet in six weeks, no longer have a need for bras and once again be able to fit in the Wranglers you wore in 9th grade.

    How nobody has yet exposed this essential truth in a bestseller is beyond me.
     Reply
    snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred
    Image of tigolbitties tigolbitties
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    that damn super squats image makes me giggle every time!
     Reply
    tigolbitties was starred tigolbitties was unstarred
    Image of Botswana Meat Commission FC Botswana Meat Commission FC
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    I play real sports. I don't fucking practice exercising!
    - Kenny Powers
     Reply
    Edited by Botswana Meat Commission FC at 12/08/09 1:38 PM Botswana Meat Commission FC was starred Botswana Meat Commission FC was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Eat less. Exercise more. Amazing!
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of fattyboombah fattyboombah
    12/08/09

    @Swifter: There's a marathon runner in Oz who has what he calls "The Steve Monaghetti Diet" which goes like this: Eat what you want, when you want, and as much as you like - and run 100km a week.
     Reply
    Swifter promoted this comment fattyboombah was starred fattyboombah was unstarred
    Image of Swifter Swifter
    12/08/09

    @fattyboombah: When I was in OCS, the only time tactical officers would not harass you was when you were actually eating. You could go back for as much chow as you wanted, because you burned 10,000 calories/day.
     Reply
    Swifter was starred Swifter was unstarred
    Image of fattyboombah fattyboombah
    12/08/09

    @Swifter: I'm sure that was providing it was the right kind of food.

    First mistake most new exercise / dieters make is rewarding themselves with food that has more calories in it than they burnt during the work-out.
    "I spent 60 minutes at the gym lifting weights and piss farting around, I deserve that cupcake/chocolate bar/twinkie"
     Reply
    fattyboombah was starred fattyboombah was unstarred
    Image of cmd cmd
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Thankfully the unemployment diet is keeping me in shape (one meal a day, usually a slice).
     Reply
    cmd was starred cmd was unstarred
    Image of GlasgowRose GlasgowRose
    12/08/09

    @cmd: A whole slice? Luxury!
     Reply
    GlasgowRose was starred GlasgowRose was unstarred
    Image of cmd cmd
    12/08/09

    @GlasgowRose: Thank god for the depressing 99cent pizza joints!
     Reply
    cmd was starred cmd was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    To get a superb ass:

    Climb hills.
    Climb stairs.
    Backwards cowgirl.
    Watch the preservatives, which cause cellulite. I read it in Cosmo, it must be true!
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of jelodi jelodi
    12/08/09

    @BookishLookish: Climbing hills, stairs, and avoiding preservatives is doable. Backwards cowgirl--not so much. Husband could be making gross-out faces and I would never know it.
     Reply
    tigolbitties promoted this comment jelodi was starred jelodi was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    12/08/09

    @jelodi: About your ass? Nu-uh. Besides, he will be too busy moaning to make any other kind of face.
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of tigolbitties tigolbitties
    12/08/09

    @BookishLookish: yeah, what about regular cowgirl? that one burns my thighs... am i doing it wrong?
     Reply
    tigolbitties was starred tigolbitties was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    12/08/09

    @tigolbitties: There is no way to do it wrong, baby. Unless you stick a spur in his side! Burn away!
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of jelodi jelodi
    12/08/09

    @BookishLookish: Methinks I must reverse my position on backwards cowgirl. Ha! Unfortunately, I will probably be thinking of this post when it happens.
     Reply
    snugbug promoted this comment jelodi was starred jelodi was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    12/08/09

    @jelodi: That is OK. A lot of people think of me when they think of big jiggling asses, honey.
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of contradicto contradicto
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Super squats will never get old.
     Reply
    contradicto was starred contradicto was unstarred
    Image of Rozelle’s Bagman Rozelle’s Bagman
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    I will do it with my spear and magic helmet!
     Reply
    Rozelle’s Bagman was starred Rozelle’s Bagman was unstarred
    Image of econdave econdave
    12/08/09

    @Rozelle’s Bagman: Your spear and magic helmet?
     Reply
    econdave was starred econdave was unstarred
    Image of flugennock flugennock
    12/09/09

    @econdave: Hah (smirk)... magic helmet...!
     Reply
    econdave promoted this comment flugennock was starred flugennock was unstarred
    Image of econdave econdave
    12/09/09

    @flugennock: Magic helmet?
     Reply
    econdave was starred econdave was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    This country. THIS country. I swear to God if McDonald's developed a "diet fry" made from Gogi-Caramel berries and fried in "low fat" emu oil it would become a national sensation. All you really have to do is quote an obscure "scientific study" probably conducted on Tanzanian howler monkeys, and slap the word DIET somewhere at reading level and the masses will swarm. "You mean this will increase my cholesterol, but it has less fat than the leading fry, even though it may cause atherosclerosis, but certainly lowers the caloric intake than that entire pack of Chicken McNuggets, but will most likely cause cardiac plaque and increase the chance for stroke, but I may lose ten pounds if I eat it six times a day and drink Gatorade! I'm so in.!"
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of Conrad Conrad
    12/08/09

    @Spirit Fingers: Hey! You posted this twice. At least you are thorough.
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers promoted this comment Conrad was starred Conrad was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    12/08/09

    @Conrad: Damn! I didn't realize it. There was some Gawker buggery afoot apparently.
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of Conrad Conrad
    12/08/09

    @Spirit Fingers: It's ok. That's the benefit of having a star. If only my pervert* star would transfer...

    *Fleshbot
     Reply
    Conrad was starred Conrad was unstarred
    Image of Mo MoDo Mo MoDo
    12/08/09

    @Conrad: I didn't realize there were enough commenters on Fleshbot to award stars.
     Reply
    Mo MoDo was starred Mo MoDo was unstarred
    Image of Conrad Conrad
    12/08/09

    @Mo MoDo: Burn.
     Reply
    Conrad was starred Conrad was unstarred
    Image of Mo MoDo Mo MoDo
    12/09/09

    @Conrad: No insult intended, but every time I'm there (which is almost never, ahem) no post has more than two or three comments.
     Reply
    Mo MoDo was starred Mo MoDo was unstarred
    Image of Conrad Conrad
    12/09/09

    @Mo MoDo: It's a sad thing. We try to increase comments, but they wax and wane.
     Reply
    Conrad was starred Conrad was unstarred
    Image of TedSez TedSez
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Here's why these things exist:

    "Hey, doc, how can I lose weight and get fit?"

    "Eat more healthy stuff, but less food overall. And exercise strenuously every day."

    "Forget that. What else you got?"

    "Huh? Okay, fine == bad cookies and weird shoes. Now get out of here."
     Reply
    TedSez was starred TedSez was unstarred
    Image of DahlELama DahlELama
    12/08/09

    @TedSez: I just lost myself in this dialogue a little bit and got really excited about the "bad cookies and weird shoes" option. I am why this country sucks.
     Reply
    DahlELama was starred DahlELama was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Man, I do a lot of advertising copywriting for diet pills, cleanses and the like and you would not believe the level of FTC trade regulations over what we can say in the ads.

    Everything I write has to go through the lawyers and it seems like every week the lawyers sends a new list of things we can and can not say.

    My favorite was about two weeks ago where I got a memo saying that when writing the copy for the laxative supplement my client sells it was against the law to say you'll "look less bloated" but fine to say you'll "feel less bloated."

    Like how does a lawyer or the FTC come to that conclusion?

    I live in fear over what it will be like if the FTC ever starts regulating the rent boy ad copy I write.

    I can only imagine getting memos saying that it's fine to say you'll "feel like he's giving you nine inches of pure Latino cock" but not that he'll "give you nine inches of Puerto Rican penis power."
     Reply
    Edited by drunkexpatwriter at 12/08/09 11:51 AM drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Rozelle’s Bagman Rozelle’s Bagman
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: But Puerto Rican penis power doesn't even work on a copywriting level, so it's all good.
     Reply
    Edited by Rozelle’s Bagman at 12/08/09 12:06 PM Rozelle’s Bagman was starred Rozelle’s Bagman was unstarred
    Image of Lymed Lymed
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Lawyers look at the FTC regulations, FTA opinion letters and at case law enforcing those regulations in analyzing whether a claim related to a nutritional supplement is legally permissible. Basically, the ads need to be truthful and adequately substantiated. I'm guessing that memo had to do with the research on the claim made. The client probably has research supporting how people feel but not how they look.
     Reply
    Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @Lymed: Yes, but I'd assume that if you suddenly were no longer bloated you'd probably look less bloated as well.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @Rozelle’s Bagman: True.

    "Pure Puero Rican Man Meat that will turn you into a cum crazed cockaholic" works much better.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lymed Lymed
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Are you allowed to say "you will be less bloated?" What you said you can say is you'll "feel less bloated." It is possible you will feel less bloated not because you are less bloated, but because the supplement reduces nerve sensations. Or perhaps it does reduce bloating but it also increases inflammation? I'm not saying any of that is the case, just pointing out that it is possible to feel less bloated and not look less bloated. The FTC is trying to protect people from false claims and the only way you can do that effectively is to limit claims to those that can be substantiated. There are a lot of chronically ill people who will try anything if they think it will cure them. There are also a lot of companies that prey on the ill. So all supplement companies, including the good, have to jump through hoops in order to protect people from the bad.
     Reply
    Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @Lymed: Yeah.

    Still, it amazes me. My boss is seriously anal about us making no claims we can't back up and tries to do everything in his power to be on the up and up but it feels like every week we get new and harder to deal with restrictions.

    The hoops are astounding. It's like the default position is that we must be evil.

    I've been doing ad copy for nine years and have never had to deal with these kinds of weirdo restrictions on phrasing ever before.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/08/09

    @Lymed: But you're forgetting: "It's not how you feel/ It's how you look."

    (Please tell me you're old enough to get that reference...)
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of Lymed Lymed
    12/08/09

    @Lysergic Asset: I think I'm about 2 years too young, or I just wasn't cool enough in the 6th grade.
     Reply
    Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred
    Image of clickable clickable
    12/08/09

    @Lymed: IANAL, but I always noticed that these types of ads take great care to make their claims in elusive, non-committal terms. They make sure the claim is articulated in some way that can't be objectively measured, because if you could measure it, you could see the product does not work as promised (or maybe on rare occasions, that it does). If the claim was something subjective, who's to say it didn't do what it claimed - make you "feel" less bloated, thinner, whatever. You can't objectively prove it didn't, they can't objectively prove it did, and the margin of error stays on their side.

    It always seemed obvious to me that the elusive language was the lawyers talking. They stop just short of making a claim that you can prove, in court, is false. And since they're very experienced at it, they know how to sell the snake oil so smoothly that you practically need to have a lawyer sitting next to you as you read to understand the fine line between a non-committal claim and an objective assertion.

    Or, you need to have read so many of these ads that you can point out the vagueness of the claim as soon as you glance at the page.
     Reply
    Lymed promoted this comment clickable was starred clickable was unstarred
    Image of Hiroine Protagonist Hiroine Protagonist
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: Are you kidding? You're selling pure unmitigated bullshit - if that's not evil I don't know what is. Diet pills are mostly speed and cleanses are...really? You're surprised by this? In this economy etc, fine, but jeez.
     Reply
    Hiroine Protagonist was starred Hiroine Protagonist was unstarred
    Image of Lymed Lymed
    12/08/09

    @clickable: The fact that the FTC and the FDA have to spend so many resources going after misleading advertising and of nutritional supplements and advertising with unproven medical claims suggests to me it is not just a fear of lawsuit by consumers. A lot of the elusiveness is that they can't legally say that it results in weight loss, cures cancer, or whatever claim they want to make. If you pick up a legal text book of food and drug regulation you will read many, many enforcement letters and court decisions on cases for unsubstantiated claims.
     Reply
    Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: I think that would depend on how big you are though, right? 250lbs= no amount of laxative is going to change how you look in one use. 100lbs= a sneeze would probably cause a change, and emptying your stomach contents definitely would.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of ms_priestypants ms_priestypants
    12/08/09

    @drunkexpatwriter: I read the back of an ad in a magazine about that Ally drug for weight loss, and it actually includes a whole sub-section on not wearing "light colored pants" during the first weeks of use, because of the likelihood of loose stools. This absolutely made my day, thinking about the copy writing/legal department that had to figure out a way to say WARNING: MAY MAKE YOU POOP YOUR PANTS in a way that didn't just say it outright.
     Reply
    ms_priestypants was starred ms_priestypants was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @ms_priestypants: Well we don't ask them to only use it once.

    I would think that doing lots of fiber for a few weeks would make you look less bloated.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @Hiroine Protagonist: All marketing writing is bullshit.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    12/08/09

    @ms_priestypants: Sadly, I've spent hours pondering similar things.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Lysergic Asset Lysergic Asset
    12/08/09

    @Lymed: I was in high school when that SNL skit aired... I totally didn't get the Fernando Lamas reference (the suave Mexican actor that Billy Crystal is satirizing) the song was based on, but I still thought it was funny. There's a saying that those who ignore history are destined to repeat it... God, I sure hope not.
     Reply
    Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred
    Image of Tremonius Tremonius
    12/08/09

    In reply to Magic Shoes and Magic Cookies: Bullshit
    Marketing actually has not deteriorated since the fifties, the only field that can make that claim, I think. Remember the super secret Charles Atlas secret Dynamic Tension which would turn you from a 98-lb-weakling to a vanquisher of sand kickers with an investment of only 15 minutes a day?* Salvation was like that, as Leonard Cohen invited us to sing along.

    Why don't you join the Rosicrucians?
    They can help you find a friend.
    On the backs of every magazine
    There are coupons you can send.

    *Secret: Apply inexorable pressure with one hand against ineluctable resistance of the other.
     Reply
    Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred
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