Hey, a new print magazine is on the way! How quaint, artisanal, and authentic.

Page Six reports today that Scott Sassa, the president of the entertainment and syndication division of publishing giant Hearst, is "quitting" (in the sense of "being ordered to quit") in the wake of a horrifying scandal. What is the scandal that is so bad it abruptly ends the career of a high powered media…

After a 24-hour silence following yesterday's blitz of media attention, the mysterious @CondeElevator tweeted a monologue that sounds an awful lot like a farewell. Is this @CondeElevator's swan song?

In your angry Tuesday media column: burning bridges at the AP, Jann Wenner hates iPads, Mental Floss gets a new editor, the Hearst-Lagardere deal is closing, cussing in The New Yorker, dissected.

In your cooling Tuesday media column: Nancy Grace gets sued, traffic stats for the post-paywall NYTimes.com, Hearst meets Mark Burnett, trade magazines roll up and die, and more Nocturnalist for all.

In your serene Wednesday media column: Jay Severin gets canned, a blogger sues over working conditions, Pinch defends his paywall, Hearst is full of catty status-seekers, and Rachel Maddow will make you a martyr.

American princess turned white English tea rose Gwyneth Paltrow loves to cook food. We know this. She's always nattering on about her love of cooking, and is even releasing a cookbook. So what's the next logical step the divine Ms. P? A food magazine, naturally!

In your finally Friday media column: you won't have Deborah Solomon's Q&A's to scoff at any more, more evidence of Sam Zell's intolerability, Hachette waits on its layoffs, and magazine newsstands are dinosaur-like things.

Hearst's long-awaited purchase of French media conglomerate Lagardere's international magazine business is finally official. The purchase price: $887 million. The upshot: Hearst may now be the most powerful decider of the future of the magazine industry.

In your cinematic Wednesday media column: the New York Times documentary is almost here, the Hearst way is the way of the future, fashion news doesn't stop, more finger-wagging at Howard Kurtz, and Joanne Lipman has opinions, against all odds.

In your kinky Wednesday media column: the FCC loses again, Cosmo goes to the Middle East, French Vogue eyes a new editor, SI's swimsuit issue goes 3-D, and media hiring is no longer the luxury affair it allegedly once was.

In your magical Monday media column: David Carey welcomes himself to Hearst, the NewsBeast gets delayed, Pat Kiernan's website is in danger, David Carr has predictions, and newspaper companies are the stock market's biggest coin flip.

Hearst is reportedly close to a deal to buy Hachette Filipacchi Media, publisher of Elle and Woman's Day, in a deal that would make Hearst easily the dominant publisher of American female-centric media.

Joel Klein, who's been the head of the New York City school system since 2002, is stepping down—to take a job at News Corp. One insane job to another! His replacement: Hearst chairman Cathie Black.

In your scaremongering Thursday media column: Nat Geo sells out to the Muslims, Hearst's outside-the-box new program gives employees "money," the NYT Co. expects people to pay to read the Boston Globe, and Bill Keller is a put-down artist.

Fox News is moving to the front row of the White House Briefing Room, beating out Bloomberg and NPR to take an empty spot occasioned by the retirement of longtime Hearst reporter Helen Thomas. And the AP moved somewhere, too!

In your illiterate Wednesday media column: Joe Klein fails reading comprehension, Gerald Posner does the Gerald Posner thing again, Photoshop model disclosure in Australia, a Conde-Hearst talent war foreshadowed, and Playboy grows ever less sexy.

Demand Media is the robotic online content mill that pays freelancers paltry sums to churn out stories based on "what's hot" search algorithms. Guess who's about to start "creating articles" for your local newspapers?

Because we are Not Afraid to Be Servicey, we frequently receive emails from our out-of-touch-with-reality readers, who expect that we can put them in touch with prominent people. Today, we will. Hearst president Cathie Black: you have an angry reader.