The NYT says Kissinger "possessed a charming waddle and a smile." Some war criminals do indeed possess charming waddles! "Everyone from the judge to the court officers seemed enamored of Dr. Kissinger." War criminal charm is irresistible! This was his most important testimony:

At a dinner party Mrs. Astor had at her apartment in January 2002 for Kofi Annan, Dr. Kissinger testified, Mrs. Astor leaned toward him and asked, "Who is the black fellow who is sitting on the other side of me?"

"Kofi Annan," he said he responded.

It's a classic embarrassing old person racial moment, but with higher stakes. Then came Barbara Walters who offered a picture of steely reserve in the face of some dumbass lawyer:

That lawyer had gotten off on the wrong foot with Walters anyway — asking her, first question out of the box, "Any chance Ms. Loewy is going to be on 'The View' next week?" — that being prosecutor Elizabeth Loewy, who had conducted the direct examination.

"Did you ask me if she is going to be on 'The View?' " Walters said, angrily. "Are we serious? No."

Kissinger then ordered that that lawyer's home be bombed.
[NYT, NYP. Pic of Kissinger falling down stairs: AP]

Here is a lady following our worst Defense Secretary ever right into the White House Correspondents' Dinner reception, at the Hinkley Hilton. She calls him a war criminal, and shouts at him, and so on. As a blogger who happens to agree that Don Rumsfeld is a war criminal, we are all, "oh, lady, stop it, we are so embarrassed."

But, you know, the first time we went to this event, the Correspondents Dinner, we saw Henry Kissinger hanging out five feet away from George Clooney (they weren't together), in the Newsweek reception or something, wearing a little tux, fat and rich and at the satisfying end of a full and comfortable life.

And no one was shouting at him, and he was having just a wonderful little time, and everyone—liberal, conservative, politician, journalist—was polite or obsequious to him, and we just didn't really know what to think or do, in that situation, confronted with a man who'd killed 600,000 Cambodians and then set up the Pinochet coup for good measure. It's not our responsibility to arrest him, or even yell at him, but it's nice that someone is at least making these people uncomfortable, when they go out in polite society, where they're are still welcomed with open arms and free hors d'oeuvres. Even if the person making them uncomfortable is just confirming all their stereotypes about unhinged hippies.

Update: According to Variety, Rumsfeld was so flustered that he came to think of himself as a mere beast!

The event drew no where near the GOPers of the Bush years —- one attendee called last year's event "glum" —- but figures like Newt Gingrich mingled at the pre-dinner parties. A beaming Rumsfeld seemed unfazed as he entered to the woman's shouts of "War criminal! Arrest this man!" right in his face. Asked about it by Variety, he threw his hands up in the air and said, "They are out front demonstrating about animals... It is life in America."

Either that or he's so deluded that he doesn't actually hear or process negative criticism.

The New Yorker was there and writes that "The Age of the Unthinkable" is a lot about how dumb governments have been solving problems up until now. Tough to argue with. Says Ramo:

"Dr. Kissinger's summary," he said, "after reading my book, was, ‘My understanding from reading this book is that you have complete contempt for me.' As an employee, it's kind of a conversation-ender, but I've done my best to recover from that."

Kissinger, who nonetheless was full of high praise for "young Joshua" admitted as much: "It has one basic theme that is a little difficult for me, which is that my generation is sort of a bunch of dodos, that we stagger through life with just one idea in our minds, which on top of it, is hugely wrong. We don't have the perception to look at the multiplicity of events that the modern generation experiences."

I think this is the same reason my dad doesn't understand The Word segment of the Colbert Report. TV moves too fast! Let's all agree to never change our minds!

Speaking of, here's accused war criminal Kissinger on the Colbert Report hamming it up with Pete Frampton and Stephen. A friend on the show told me that during the taping of this segment, Colbert tried to convince Kissinger to say "Where are my pancakes? I was promised pancakes," but Kissinger refused. A shame!

(Fun flashback: Elliot Spitzer is in the video too! Headier times. He probably reeked of sex.)

• Jennifer Aniston is either back with John Mayer and maybe asking for his hand in marriage because of a> "a barrage of romantic emails from him "(Star), b> her pregnancy with his love child just like in those pictures or c> an insatiable need to look insane in the tabloids.
• Madonna wants to ruin Christmas for her children, who do not celebrate Christmas, while Guy Ritchie wants to steal Madonna's money, which he doesn't need, not even to wine and dine his new ladyfriend Kelly Reilly, the actress.
• Henry Kissinger gave a private briefing to 60 plutocrats that was so terrifying he asked all waiters to please leave the room first. It's too late to buy gold bars, but you can probably still get ammunition and anti-radiation medicine. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson and Kevin Connolly may have gone for a swim in dead-guy water. Talk about debauched. [P6]
• Paris Hilton swears she wasn't flirting with either of those British princes, boring American boyfriend. Honest! Just ask yourself, Benji Madden: Does that sound like something she would do? [Daily Star]
• Donald Trump made a promise that may have turned out to be just a publicity stunt. Shocking! As a result, Ed McMahon continues to wonder why someone won't bring an enormous check to his door, just this once. [P6]
• Britney Spears was rumored to be reuniting with the father of her children, but instead she's wearing a ring from her scuzzy paparazzo ex-boyfriend. [Fox News]
• Anne Hathaway said she met a "sexy guy" in LA who is "kind of doing it for me right now." His name is Please Stop Talking About My Convicted Felon Ex-Boyfriend Here Will This Rumor Finally Make You Shut Up? [People]

Three of these meetings actually happened, according to the Times website. Three just happened the way I imagined they would were I a reporter assigned to watch various other foreign dignitaries harmlessly shaking hands and exchanging niceties with Sarah Palin before being ushered off to exchange more niceties and possibly a game recipe or two. Guess which is which!

1. Talking Georgia With Kissinger

Gov. Sarah Palin wrapped her first day of motorcade diplomacy with a 90-minute meeting with Henry Kissinger, where they spoke about Georgia. Ms. Palin and Mr. Kissinger sat on blue couches, separated by an end table with photographs of President Nixon and President Reagan on it.

As photographers were led in, Mr. Kissinger could be heard saying that he gave someone “a lot of credit for what he did in Georgia,” according to a reporter who was allowed to watch.

“Good, good,’’ Ms. Palin said. “And you’ll give me more insight on that, also, huh? Good.”

The photographers were ushered out. When Ms. Palin emerged from the building, a news producer asked her how it went, and she mouthed the words, “It was great.”

2. Palin meets her old "Sister" Mayor.

One familiar face in what would be a long string of otherwise new acquaintances was Sergey Alexandrov, the mayor of Mirny, a town of about 40,000 in Russia's mineral-rich far east that is Wasilla's partner in the international "citizen diplomacy" network program Sister Cities International. A McCain staffer told a reporter had visited Alaska in 1998 or 1999.

A tall, ruddy man who appears to be in his mid-fifties, Mr. Alexandrov greeted Ms. Palin with a small bow and a handshake, then made a hand gesture that was an apparent comment on the vice presidential nominee's height. Ms. Palin pointed to the heel of her black pump.

A staffer said the pair had engaged in a "spirited" debate following Mr. Kissinger's remarks.

3. Palin and Karzai Bond Over Children

When Gov. Sarah Palin sat down with President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan on Tuesday afternoon, the polite preliminaries to their conversation centered around children, as Mr. Karzai spoke of the birth of his first child last year.

“What is his name?” Ms. Palin was heard to ask, as she met with Mr. Karzai in the suite of a midtown hotel, according to a pool report.

“Mirwais,” Mr. Karzai replied. “Mirwais, which means, ‘The Light of the House.’”

“Oh nice,” Palin responded.

“He is the only one we have,” Mr. Karzai said.

4. Palin and Sundaravej talk cooks and cuisine.

For lunch, a security detail whisked Ms. Palin to her next appointment at the Royal Thai Consulate, where she was slated to dine over a briefing on a recent Thai-South Korean trade dispute from former prime minister Samak Sundaravej.

The two entered a dining room through an entrance flanked by gold Bhudda statues and sat at a table set with meat skewers and spring rolls.

"Did you cook all this yourself?" Ms. Palin asked Mr. Sundaravej, according to a photographer, who said the former prime minister explained that the embassy retained a cook on staff for such events.

Ms. Palin jotted notes in a spiral steno pad.

5. Meeting Uribe

The next stop on Governor Palin’s whirlwind diplomatic tour was a meeting with President Alvaro Uribe of Colombia. Mr. Uribe has a warm relationship with Senator John McCain, who paid him a visit during extremely unusual campaign trip to Colombia over the summer where he expressed support for a free trade agreement.

The meeting was held in the residence of the Colombian Mission on the Upper East Side in an ornate room with a pink stuffed chair and a chandelier, according to an account provided by the reporter allowed to accompany her into the event, Ms. Palin was overheard telling Mr. Uribe, “Thank you for your work.’’
Then the motorcade left for a sit-down at Kissinger Associates.

6. A Visitor Ponders The Implications Of A Palin Vice-Presidency

A reporter stationed at another side of the Kissinger Associates building saw Kissinger briefly emerge from a back exit to heartily greet a tall slim man of apparent Arab descent. Mr. Kissinger was overheard wishing the man a happy birthday before apologizing that a surprise guest would be "keeping me all day."

"Like your father, only I am allowed to go to the bathroom," Mr. Kissinger told the guest.

"A woman then!" the man replied. "Let me meet her!"

Mr. Kissinger paused. "Well, you two are about the same age, but she you would never know," he said with a faint chuckle. "Her youth is — in many respects — quite well-preserved."

"Inshallah," the man muttered in response. "Leave it to you, Henry. The one thing Bibi and I agree about…well let's just say this false Jew 'Levi' is on both our do-not-fly lists!"

"Well, you know what I say: even the paranoid have real enemies. And if the enemy of your enemy is your friend…"

"Fuck you."

We thought it had been a while since Kissinger had left the country, because every time he tries to go to Europe someone threatens to put him in front of a tribunal, but there he is in China, happily napping. Of course Kissinger is a dear, dear friend of China, and has been ever since the Nixon administration. China is a fantastic example of Kissinger's particular brand of international relations at work—the markets are free, and in another couple decades maybe the invisible hand will stop all those human rights abuses. In the meantime, let's do some business!

NBC's resident China expert, analyst Joshua Cooper Ramo, has spent a lot of time crowing about how wonderful the Chinese government is. Cooper Ramo, as you won't learn on NBC, is a partner at the Beijing office of Kissinger Associates. Whee! [Harper's, Guest of a Guest]

Woolsey is clearly playing an active and public role as the face of the movement, tooling around Virgina last month in a biofuel-powered Ford, touting the algae-derived blend that's just perfect for the military's vast fleet of diesel vehicles. And he's the perfect bipartisan foil, a longtime Democrat who's worked with Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton:

He still thinks the United States should continue its global military role even as it untangles itself from the Middle East, standing by the decision to depose Saddam Hussein. "I'd support his ouster again if there weren't a drop of oil in Iraq," he explains.

The greenocon promise is a Fortress America of tanks and solar panels, plug-in hybrids and nuclear reactors. I can hear the strains of "America, Fuck Yeah!" now, and it brings a single, deeply profound tear to my eye. (Photo by AP/Charles Krupa)

Who will also attend? Noted peace-lovers Tony Blair, the former British Prime Minister last seen leading his country into Iraq under false pretenses, and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, last seen making lewd comments to younger women — but before that, secretly bombing Cambodia. Forward-thinkers, all.

Knowing Mr. Kissinger as well as I do, I suspected that he would behave as Richard Nixon told me he generally did when a colleague came under pressure: privately declare solidarity with both sides and separate himself, so that neither side would confuse him with the other side, until it became clear which side had won. He promised more, and I hoped for more, but Mr. Kissinger is an 84-year old fugitive from Nazi pogroms, and has made his way famously in the world by endlessly recalibrating the balance of power and correlation of forces in all situations.

Kissinger, Buckley, And Me [NY Sun]

Now, under a new national campagin to enforce "Islamic norms," men, too, are becoming victims of Islamically correct fashion. Hair gel is OK—in modest dollops—but hair-dyes of odd colors are out, as are shaped and trimmed eyebrows, Mohawk cuts and conspicuous spikes. Men are not supposed to wear cosmetics, and they are not to wear ties.

Indeed, the Journal's findings dissolve any hope for a non-military solution; it now appears that Ahmadinejad and his cronies will go to any length to quell the voices of democratic cosmetology:

Tehran's Union of Men's Hairdressers is working to keep its members out of trouble. "It's not easy being a barber," sighs its chief, Mr. Eftekharifard, a jolly 47-year-old who began his hairdressing before the 1979 Islamic revolution.

Most Iranian men wear their hair short and avoid any unconventional flourishes, but a few youths, particularly in affluent areas, indulge in elaborate exercises of hair topiary.... Some fashion conscious young men have started shaping their eyebrows and even wearing makeup. Mr. Eftekharifard blames the trend on satellite television and the proliferation of unregistered, underground hair salons.

At a shopping arcade near the British embassy in central Tehran, police last week raided shops selling ties. The owner of one store says they forced him to strip clothing dummies of neckties and ordered him to take down an ad featuring an Italian in a suit and tie. He now hides his contraband neckwear in a plastic bag behind the counter.

Unless you want want the smoking gun to be a pleated trouser. —Jon

A Word to the Wise in Iran: Don't Ever Wear a Tie to Work [WSJ]

We're feeling apologetic ourselves, so here's the Official Gawker Apology List:

1. We wish to apologize to David Gest and Liza Minelli for insinuating —directly or indirectly—that they were "psychotic," "annoying," and/or "soul-less." Oh, wait. No, we don't. (Oops! typo!)
2. We wish to apologize to Lachlan Murdoch for not seriously changing "Gawker" to "Lachlan Murdoch." Sorry, Lachlan. We know you were looking forward to your fifteen minutes of fame. Don't worry, kiddo, you'll have your day in the sun.
3. We wish to apologize to Botox. Botox is responsible for preventing people like Axl Rose from frightening small children. Fewer childhood traumas mean lower homicide rates. Thank you, Botox.
Want to say you're sorry? There's a line. [NYT]