Most of what we know comes from this brief Fox News report:

A man was arrested for allegedly throwing two tomatoes at Sarah Palin from the second floor balcony during a book signing event at the Mall of America in Minnesota, MyFoxTwinCities.com. reported.

Neither tomato came close hitting the former 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, but did hit a police officer in the face, the station reported.

The unidentified man may face charges for assaulting a police officer, according to the station.

We called the Bloomington, MN jail and a bored-sounding officer answered the phone, apparently indifferent to the feat of produce-based heroics that had occurred just down the road. He told us the perp's name was Jeremy Paul Olson, that he didn't give a permanent residence, and that he was working alone. He also said Olson will be in court tomorrow to face charges of disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer, "since that's who he hit."

"It would have been the same if [Palin] wasn't there," said the officer. Oh no it wouldn't. If anyone has information on the tomato-wielding Real American Hero Jeremy Paul Olson, please email us. Who is this man? What motivated him to throw tomatoes at Sarah Palin? And most importantly: How could he miss!?

Jeremy Paul Olson, we salute you.

UPDATE: a photo of the man himself:

Savino was roundly cheered for her speech on the House floor yesterday urging her colleagues to support gay marriage. It concluded, "We have nothing to fear from love and commitment."

Her colleagues did not agree! But Savino's speech is well worth watching, particularly for her skewering of the whole idea of "sanctity of marriage," which she contrasts with, you know, reality shows about women competing to marry a dwarf. So who is this ray of light from Albany's dark, homophobic sould?

• She represents District 23, which includes southern Brooklyn and the Northeastern portion of Staten Island. She is the Wu-Tang Clan's official representative!
• She is strongly pro-union!
• "Senator Savino has passed important legislation, including a law that ended the 5-year statute of limitation on sexual assualt, a bill establishing a task force for the prevention and treatment of cervical cancer, the Olive Oil Labeling Bill, which prohibits additives in virgin olive oil, the Prompt Pay Bill, which ensures prompt payment to construction contractors and their employees, a cost-of-living increase in the death benefit for widows and widowers of police officers and fire fighters killed in the line of duty." She is protecting your olive oil!
• She is prone to self-disclosure while speaking on causes personally important to her. In a speech about a recent DUI bill, she revealed that her parents were alcoholics. Brave!
• Also she wants people to be quiet on the Staten Island ferry!
• After Gov. Paterson blamed some of his problems on his race, Savino instead blamed his problems on the fact that he was blind, and does not read braille, and has aides reading him the papers and whatnot, and wasting time. That was a little insensitive!

Sure, everyone's an expert after the fact. It's reallllllll easy to look back now and say, "Captain Richard Phillips was warned at least seven times in the week prior to his trip to stay at least 600 miles off the dangerous Somali coast, but he ignored these warnings, and got his ship and crew hijacked." Real easy. So a lot of the crew is saying that, now.

Four of the 20 crew members told the AP that they blame Phillips for the hijacking.

"He caused this, and we all know it," said chief engineer Mike Perry of Riverview, Fla. "All the Alabama crew knows about it."

Look at the bright side, guys. You have a great adventure story to tell your kids one day. You didn't have to hack anyone to pieces. And, most importantly, you'll go down in history as an anonymous crew member who served with Hero Captain Richard Phillips. He got to meet The Rock!
[Pics: AP]

There are so many times (One occurred today) that I hear Papa Kade's words to me, "You have chosen a hard and lonely path to walk", where I realize that despite all the fame, the celeb status, the vagina that's thrown in my face like Water Ice, and the awards and money that I will soon have, that this is a road that Arthur Kade walks alone, but today is one of those days where I know that god tests me to be the biggest and most famous actor and writer in the world, and communicates and says, "Brand, make the hard choices now, so that you can make easy ones later on when you have touched Little Oscar".

Btw he's gonna be at "Art Basil," so, ladies?
[Pic via]

To be fair to Sully it's hardly like he was telling Lauer about his sex swing and collection of dildos. In the interview with the pilot and his wife Laurie for NBC's People of the Year Special Lauer asked if his new-found celebrity had helped or hurt their relationship. Laurie, out of nowhere, replied:

He doesn't know I'm gonna say this, but I had joked the other day that ... the hero sex really helps a 20-year-old marriage

To which Sully, that sly old dog, added:

Rock star sex

Let's hope he was exaggerating somewhat. Some rock star sex is more dangerous than his river exploits.

[Here, Roger Clark prepares to bowl by drinking beer, while Alex Pareene types Communist messages.]

In an interview on Sunday, the pilot, Capt. Chesley B. Sullenberger III, said that the book, "Fly by Wire," by William Langewiesche, "greatly overstates how much it mattered" that the plane he landed in the river, an Airbus A320, featured an automated cockpit.

Put that in your rudder stick and jerk it, nerd! Just because William Langewiesche is a former professional airline pilot and a notably painstaking research-driven award-winning writer, he may think he "knows" things, such as the extent to which automated airline technology in the Airbus contributed to its safe crash landing in the icy Hudson.

Know this, Langewiesche: Character. It resides in the breast of a man by the name of Sully. And in his balls, which didn't fall off as his crippled plane plunged inexorably downward towards watery doom. Can you say the same? We didn't think so. You want to talk about books? Sully knows about books.

What a guy! (Sully).
[Pic: Getty]

A girl who I had almost fucked in a bathroom one night at another club (I gave her massive finger penetration) a couple months ago came up to me in the Mogul Room and said, "Someone told me you're getting a TV show.", and I responded, "I am also authoring an award winning book", but I remember she didn't smell so fresh downstairs when we hooked up and looked like she put on a solid 15, so I turned right back around. A girl must always be fresh downstairs because that is one of my biggest pet peeves and if I do an "oil check" and it's not super fresh, I'll ask her to leave.

Today's New York Times article on Munley details the 5"4, 34 year-old SWAT-team member's hobbies thusly:

...A woman with a fierce love of hunting, surfing and other outdoor sports..

So, we have a hunter, a surfer, and an outdoorswoman. Who's also got more balls than anybody you will probably encounter over the course of your life:

Sergeant Munley...bolted from her car, yanked her pistol out and shot at Major Hasan. He turned on her and began to fire. She ran toward him, continuing to fire, and both she and Major Hasan went down with several bullet wounds, Mr. Medley said.

Whether Sergeant Munley was solely responsible for taking down Major Hasan or whether he was also hit by gunfire from her partner is unclear, but she was the first to fire at him, the authorities said.

Bang bang. The name of the training which Munley received is called "active shooter protocol," from which you could probably surmise is what they teach you to do when somebody is firing bullets at other people and/or you. Most people's "active shooter protocol" is to get the fuck out of the way as quickly as you can and start every foxhole prayer you've ever learned. Munley went after Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, and opened fire. She's already got a reputation for this kind of bravado:

Her partner in Wrightsville, Investigator Shaun Appler, recalled how Sergeant Munley saved him one night when she wrestled a large man off him after the man had pinned him down and was trying to take his gun. She earned the nickname Mighty Mouse for that, he said.

Damn. She's been hunting since she was 11, her husband is in a Special Forces unit, she's got a 3 year-old daughter, and she chases would-be burglars around her neighborhood when she's not working.

One neighbor, Sgt. First Class William Barbrow, said that about a year ago Sergeant Munley chased down a burglar who had been prowling around the neighborhood.

Not only that, but she's got about 3,540 more Twitter followers than you. Is there anything this woman's afraid of?

Naturally. I always feel creepy and weird when placing the designation of "hero" on anybody, because, you know, that's just strange. It's a word that gets thrown around, especially here in New York, where our "hero" cops are often just a bunch of thick-necked, jacked-up crooks using intimidation tactics and barely subtle racism to enforce their own brand of "justice" upon our fair city. But I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that we've found ourselves The Real McCoy in this one, wouldn't you?

They want you dead so they can have your money.

When beloved former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich appointed Roland Burris to Obama's Senate seat, because Burris is black and because Blago could, we all thought, at first, that Blago had selected a competent public official, just to ensure an easy political victory on his way out of office. This Burris fellow is a former Illinois Attorney General! He is well-respected! How boring!

But no, Blago would not do that to us. Blago so loved the United States Senate that he appointed it a crazy egomaniac with a giant stone shrine to himself.

And so, at a Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs hearing last week on the subject of "czars," Burris asked a lot of very important questions about the Constitution. Dave Weigel has the full transcript, and all of it is worth your time. But, wow, any portion of it is worth quoting.

[Burris:] Every president's going to go through it. I don't even know how we in the Congress can legally - I mean, I heard the distinguished ranking member say that we passed a law. We can pass a law and say there's going to be a position in there, but I don't think the Congress can tell the president who to put in that position.

I mean, if we do that, then I think that we're violating the separation of powers. I mean, this is what we get into. And you can create a position. What happens if - what happens if the president says, "I don't want to appoint anybody as secretary of state. I'm going to use the undersecretary as an acting secretary"?

Is there a law that would require us or require the president to appoint a secretary of state? Is there? Is there?

CASEY: A law that requires the president to appoint a secretary of state?

BURRIS: Yes.

CASEY: Specifically, there would not be a law requiring him to do that. Now, of course, if he wants the functions that you vested in a secretary of state performed, he - he probably has to do…

(CROSSTALK)

BURRIS: But there is no law that says he has to even appoint a secretary of state, is that - am I correct?

(CROSSTALK)

BURRIS: There's a statute that says there's a position - a secretary of state position…

CASEY: Right, right - shall be appointed in the following - yes - I'm unaware of any…

(CROSSTALK)

BURRIS: But is there a law that says the president has to make that appointment?

CASEY: Not that I'm aware of.

After admitted cocaine-user and celebrity comedian Al Franken disappointed everyone by turning out to be a smart and serious US Senator, we must rely on Burris even more to entertain us with examples of how broken and useless the United States Senate is.

(Speaking of Czars! The Senate continues to refuse to confirm anyone Obama appoints to anything and then complain when he hires people they didn't confirm.)

[Photo: AP]

Yes, like her husband — and other political luminaries — the First Lady will be immortalized as an action figure, thanks to Jailbreak Toys. And, since she's so fashion forward, Michelle will be available in three different outfits: all inspired by some of her signatures looks, like the black and white ensemble worn on The View. So she's really more of a Barbie than anything else.

But back to our original question, or a variation. All of last year's big political players — Hillary, John, Sarah — have been shrunk down to action figure form. Even crazy GOP congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a plastic replication (although, the poor thing, only 50 have sold).

And then there are comic books: Barack Obama and John McCain were both featured in Spider Man adventures, and the Female Force series features Hillary, Sarah, Michelle and even Caroline Kennedy.

Are these baubles and funny pages proof of how consumerist cultures fabricate unnecessary "needs"? Or are they a more playful form of political idolization, an idolization that's born in the cult of personality? These people are, to millions, literal heroes, so why not put them in superhero form so that the public can have and hold those who inspire them more than some silly Transformer? And then, much like politics itself, toss them aside or sell them to the highest-bidder?

Perhaps this phenomenon's a little bit of both, but one thing's for certain: these products prove that great American camp continues to evolve. Just the way God intended...

Two books are coming out about Sully and the dramatic(ally short) Flight 1549 that crashed in the Hudson. One of them is Sully's own book, Highest Duty. Let's be honest: Dude's a great pilot, but maybe not a born writer of dramatic tales. The book is called "Highest Duty." Not "How to Crash Land a Plane in a Motherfucking River and 99 Other Life Skills Every Badass Should Know." Which would have been our title recommendation, but it's not a big thing.

But the other book, Miracle on the Hudson, excerpted in USA Today, is full of passengers talking about how they were all scared out of their gourd, which is really what the public wants to hear after things like this. Scary things! The jet shook after hitting the geese; the engines stopped and caught fire; a lady screamed. The smell of "a mix of jet fuel, burning hair and burning flesh" permeated the cabin. The passengers...acted about how you would probably act, in such a situation. Ridiculously.

Lori Lightner burst out: "Oh, crap, we're crashing." Then she quickly prayed, "Forgive me for everything I've done wrong. I don't have time to go through it all because I'm going to die."

Haha! It's funny because she didn't die. At least one pithy, movie-ready remark came out of this ghastly affair:

In first-class Denise Lockie, an office-supply executive, remained braced in her seat until her seatmate, Mark Hood, an ex-Marine, nudged her.
"Am I in heaven?" she asked him.
"No, and I'm no angel," Hood, a deeply religious man, replied as he urged her to get moving.

Hollywood's calling, Sully. Get ready to play yourself in a movie. Mortal humans don't have that edge.
[Pic: AP]

If you don't know Grayson, don't be embarrassed: he's a Freshman Representative from Florida, the land that time forgot. But that won't impede his national appeal among the left set: Grayson's been gaining ground as the Democratic party's newest sharp-tongued trash talker.

Grayson charmed last month when, on the floor, he said Republican health care plan rewards timely death, "Don't get sick, and if you do get sick, die quickly." Then, after the GOP got their panties in a twist and called for an apology, Grayson stuck it to them good: "I apologize to the dead and their families that we haven't voted sooner to end this holocaust in America."

The very next day, seizing the moment, Grayson told CNN's Wolf Blitzer that Republicans who oppose health care reform are "foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals." And that sensational hard line was out in full force yesterday when Grayson took to the floor to blast the GOP's obstructionist posturing:

[The American people] understand that if Barack Obama was somehow able to cure hunger in the world, the Republicans would blame him for overpopulation... In fact, they understand that if Barack Obama has a BLT sandwich tomorrow for lunch they would try and ban bacon. But that's not what America wants.

It's all very cute, yes, but as entertaining and, perhaps, true as Grayson's remarks, they may also backfire. In an article on how liberals call Grayson a "hero," CNN notes that neither Nancy Pelosi nor the White House would comment on Grayson's comments, nor the GOP's repeated calls for apology.

If he continues in this vein, Grayson may become too outrageous and too high on his inflammatory rhetoric and end up burning bridges in his own party. Regardless, if the Republican's equally vocal Joe Wilson's any indication, all this wonderful sensationalism will be a boon for fundraising. And that's what's most important here, isn't it?

We're not sure what went down, but Gothamist captured the whole misspelled diatribe (just like mom!) in all of its glory. It sounds like Frances thinks that Ali is gross because she wants to be famous and is using her last name to get ahead in life and has a bad attitude while doing it.

Your not entitled to anything simply because your sister has a recognizable name. Your idea of fame isn't fame. It's infamy. You want to be famous? Work your ass off and make decisions that could potentially catapult your career into a lasting one. Notariety for who you are and notaritey for the work you produce are two completely differnt things.

The 17-year-old Cobain has only used her name to get an internship at Rolling Stone, which is pretty much par for the celebrity child course. So far, she thinks that Ali is making horrible "careere" choices.

Your careere choices, thus far, will transcend a future career as someone who attempted to be famous, but never quite achieved it. And if you do, it will be the formality of fame that puts you on the covers of tabloids, while the public idly watches you plumit into the murky abyss shared with the likes of Spencer Pratt & Jon Gosslin who, i'm sure, will steal your money whilst there."

That is some seriously astute cultural observation, Frances! There's still a whole lot more where that came from, and she even gets some swings in at Lindsay and her "dwindling" career and "few shitty films." Unfortunately, we won't be getting any more dispatches in the future because Frances (or someone else) has deleted her Twitter account. Maybe she wants to be just like mom and is taking it to MySpace.

Either way, we are proud of our little Frances. She's grown up under some rough circumstances, but she seems to be a well-spoken, anti-establishment bad ass, and we wouldn't want it any other way.

He always thought he was doing good. And sometimes he was. He oversaw one of the greatest expansions of industrial production and civil improvement Germany had ever experienced. His government sponsored architectural wonders, invested heavily in infrastructure and hosted the Olympic Games. Yet he emerged as probably the most evil man the world has ever seen.

See, a true leader doesn't just 'blindly follow down someone else's path" and massacre six million Jews; a true leader asks, "Does this massacre match my own objective sense of my principles?"

Leadership.
[Pic via]