The $30 Hot Dog Man Is a New York City Hero
Metropolitan hot dog vendor Ahmed Mohammed is in hot water—he’s been fired after he was found to be charging tourists $30 for a hot dog. So... when are they giving him the key to the city? DeBlasio?
Rapper Layzie Bone Feeds Diabetic Man Fruit, Helps Save His Life
A Wyoming man who had a diabetic emergency while driving this weekend found an unlikely savior in famed harmonizer Layzie Bone, who came to the man’s aid and successfully revived him using chocolate and fruit, The NY Daily News reports.
Hero Pizza Guy Gets Stabbed and Carjacked During Delivery
UPDATE 2:45 p.m.: According to the San Antonio Express-News, Josh Lewis denies his boss’s version of events, saying the attacker stole his car with the pizzas in it and he did not complete his delivery. Our assessment of Lewis (who was stuck with “a huge dagger” in the line of duty) as a pizza hero stands.
Self-Reliant Subway Hero Doesn't Need Any of You Bastards
A New York commuter is alive today after climbing off of the subway tracks just before an incoming 6 train would have struck and smashed him. No thanks to anyone but himself.
Here's to the N.J. Councilwoman Who Flipped Double Birds at the Mayor
New Jersey, a state known for its equal number of local heroes, sheroes, and zeroes, has gained itself another member of the boss-applesauce community when a councilwoman from Mahwah flipped two middle fingers to the mayor of her town, calling him a "piece of shit" at a council meeting. Now that's how to get things…
Teen Disguised as Doctor Fools Hospital Staff for a Month: Police
A teen dressed in a white lab coat allegedly convinced employees at a Florida hospital that he was a doctor for a full month before a suspicious patient alerted authorities.
Thomas Piketty Is Such a Baller
Except for a few hedge fund guys, no one had a better 2014 than French economist Thomas Piketty, who managed the once-in-a-century trick of writing an economics book that became a best seller and made Thomas Piketty, French economist, "cool." How hard is Thomas Piketty balling right now?
A Brooklyn deli worker fought off a masked gunman who attempted to rob his store last weekend, then promptly quit his job. He is the best employee in America.
Hero Couple Forges Documents to Live in Sick Million Dollar Mansion
A Keystone Heights, Fla. couple turned themselves in to Clay County police earlier this week after allegedly forging documents to live in their $1.4 million, 7,000-square foot "home." The couple's ruse was exposed when the home's new, actual owners discovered people were already living in their house.
Richard Cohen Is a Real Man, Unlike All You Rapists
Richard Cohen is a dotty old racist newspaper columnist with the Washington Post and one of the worst professional opinion writers in America. More importantly: he's a man. A real man.
Hero Cat Saves World From Another Goddamn Fucking Ukulele Cover
This video has become popular today as a short vignette about how cats are selfish and malicious and constantly interrupting your Important Human Business. Slice of life, right? We can all relate to those wacky cats! They’re annoying as hell, but we love ‘em anyway.
Lawyer Accused of Photoshopping Herself Into Photos With Celebrities
Svitlana Sangary is in danger of having her California State Bar license suspended following accusations that she posted a series of fake photos of herself posing with celebrities and public officials—including Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian, the Clintons, George Clooney, and Donald Trump—to her professional website.…
Pregnant Woman Fends Off Purse Snatcher Hours Before Giving Birth
A pregnant woman was putting her groceries into her car in the parking lot of a Kroger's in Flint, Mich. when Mark Newton, 30, ran up and snatched her purse. According to police, the woman, nine months pregnant, chased after the thief, who pushed her to the ground. That's when two good Samaritans stepped in, who were…
Disgruntled Teen Worker Rubs Balls on Stuffed-Crust Hawaiian Pizza
Austin Michael Symonds, an 18-year-old employee of a Papa Murphy's pizzeria in Georgetown, Texas, was arrested by police last week after he was allegedly caught by a customer rubbing his scrotum on a pizza order. According to the arrest warrant obtained by the Austin American-Statesman, the customer confronted the…
Hero Cow Dies in Hail of Bullets After Fleeing Slaughter, Goring Jogger
Months after an escaped steer was shot and killed in the streets of Baltimore, another freedom-seeking bovine died a hero's death in Germany. The cow, later nicknamed Bavaria, fled a Munich slaughterhouse Tuesday and went on a wild rampage through the city, leading police on a high-speed chase towards Oktoberfest and…
Teen Lives Inside a Texas Walmart Unnoticed for Days
A teenager with an apparent affinity for Great Value products and fluorescent lighting built "secret compounds" inside a Walmart store in Coriscana, Texas, living there for two-and-a-half days. The 14-year-old was so determined to not be discovered and stay in the store, he reportedly wore diapers. A trail of trash…
Passed Out Hero of West Michigan's Biggest Party Gives First Interview
Last weekend, 20-year-old James Taylor became a minor internet celebrity after his local news interview about hosting "West Michigan's biggest rave" went viral. But the true star of the Fox 17 segment was the passed out kid the cameraman panned to as Taylor described the party. That kid, later identified as…
Woman Keeps Getting Arrested For Trying to Sneak Onto Flights
Marilyn Hartman, described by authorities as a "serial stowaway," was arrested by police at Los Angeles International Airport for the second time this week after allegedly trying to sneak onto a flight. Hartman has been arrested by police seven times this year for making similar attempts at SFO.
