Dumb Hicks Are America's Greatest Threat
Many of America’s political leaders are warning of the dangers posed by Syrian refugees. They are underestimating, though, the much greater danger: dumbass hicks, in charge of things.
There's Nothing Funny About a Confederate Flag Parade (Maybe One Thing)
On Friday, President Obama called the Confederate flag “a reminder of systemic oppression and racial subjugation” while speaking at the funeral for the Rev. Clementa Pinckney, who was killed along with eight others by racist gunman Dylann Roof. On Saturday, Dalton, Ga. threw a Confederate Flag Parade.
Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller has lifted a state ban on deep fryers and soda machines in schools, saying “We want families, teachers and school districts to know the Texas Department of Agriculture supports their decisions and efforts to teach Texas students about making healthy choices.” Hick.
Texas College Rejects African Applicants Because It Fears Ebola
Navarro College, a community college in The Great State of Texas, sent rejection letters to multiple applicants from African countries because "Navarro College is not accepting international students from countries with confirmed Ebola cases."
Prosecutor Who Sent Innocent Man to Death Row Proud He's No "Pussy"
Last week, two men were released after spending 30 years in prison in North Carolina. They were falsely convicted of rape and murder in 1983. They were both exonerated by DNA evidence. The man who prosecuted them is, proudly, no pussy.
Jacksonville High School Named After KKK Founder Will Get a New Name
Forrest High School in Jacksonville, Florida, has a student body that is mostly black. The school is named for Nathan Bedford Forrest, the founder of the Ku Klux Klan. On December 16, 2013, the school board finally decided to change the name.
Missouri Lawmakers: Gun Nuts, Craven Idiots, or Both
The great state of Missouri (state animal: the mule) is poised to pass a bill that would make it illegal for federal agents to enforce federal gun laws, in Missouri. Really? What, are all of Missouri's Democratic representatives just craven idiots?
Now Sheriffs Will Choose What Laws to Enforce Because That's What Sheriffs Think the Constitution Says
As all schoolchildren know, the Firsteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution reads, "No law passed by the federal government may be enforced UNLESS it is cool with a bunch of sheriffs of rural counties." Leave it to the NObama administration to flagrantly ignore this Divine Right of Random Sheriffs to Decide About…
Appalachian State University Students Are Precious Flowers Who Must Be Protected from Porn and Unkind Words
Earlier this year, Appalachian State University sociology professor Jammie Price was suspended for showing her (college, adult) class a documentary about porn, containing porn. She also had the temerity to suggest, in class, that college athletes get special privileges. I know; I know. You will be happy to learn that…
Racist Church Changes Mind, Allows Interracial Couples
Good news: The hopeless racists of Pike County, Kentucky's Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church have been overruled. After church leaders voted to ban interracial couples—starting with the above-photographed lifelong attendee and her Zimbabwean fiance—a larger group of church members declared the racist rule null and void,…
Ted Nugent Offers a Natural Science Lesson
Draft dodger Ted Nugent made a YouTube video/commercial praising the heroic hunting featured in Sarah Palin's Alaska: "It's really so simple, it's stupid." Watch The Nuge wax poetic about science, natural selection, America's real Patriots, and some other nonsensical bullshit.
Vice Finds Hipster Utopia in Hicksville
VBS and three-piece-suited wonder boy Ian Svenonius ventures to America's deep, deep south to Muscle Shoals, Alabama, an unexpected Mecca of early rock apostles who founded and run FAME Recording Studios.
Research Shows Where Exactly the Real America Is
Clever people have surveyed the nation and come up with a ranking of the most religious states in America. You will be incredibly unsurprised, and probably feel smug when you see it.
