From the Guardian, who snaffled it in turn from a book called Straight From the Fridge, A Dictionary of Hipster Slang by Max Decharne.

(On a related note: we, and by we I mean I, need a new term to refer to scene-y people in lower Manhattan between the ages of 18 and 40. You know, the ones who used to go to Beatrice and the Jane and are referred to as hipsters even though they never use any of the below phraseology. Place suggestions in the box. Thanks.)

BARBECUE:

A hot-looking lady.

BOIL MY CABBAGE:

Blues slang for sex.

BUCKET OF BLOOD:

A spit and sawdust bar.

BUNK HABIT:

Lounging around while others smoke opium, and inhaling the fumes.

BUTTER-AND-EGG:

Out-of-town sucker, free with his money.

CHICAGO OVERCOAT:

Coffin.

CHICAGO LIGHTNING:

Gunfire.

COLD MEAT PARTY

A funeral.

COMMUNITY JOY RIDE

A druggie party.

DEAD SOLDIERS

Empty beer bottles.

DIME DROPPER

An informer (someone who drops a dime in payphone to call the cops).

FACE LIKE A RUSSIAN FLAG

Embarrassed, ie red.

FLORIDA HONEYMOON

A dirty weekend.

FREE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT

Out of work, unemployed.

HAEMOPHILIA OF THE LARYNX

A blabbermouth.

HARLEM SUNSET

Knife wounds.

HAVE ONE ON THE CITY

Drink some water.

HOT SQUAT/JUICE JOLT

The electric chair.

JACK RABBIT BLOOD

Habitual prison escaper.

KNOW YOUR GROCERIES

Be hip, aware, alert to the situation.

LONGHAIRS

Non-hipsters, squares, lovers of straight music.

MATTRESS ROUTE

Sleeping your way to the top.

MOOSE-EYES

A leering dude.

OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE

Vintage liquor or wine.

PREPARING BAIT

Putting on makeup.

PULLING THE DUTCH ACT

Committing suicide.

RIDING ACADEMY

Brothel.

ROUNDHEELS

Party girl (deriving from a supposed natural ability to regularly fall over backwards).

THE SCRAMBLE EGG TREATMENT

A sex show.

SCREWED, BLUED AND TATTOOED

A wild night out.

SINHOUND

A priest.

SNIFFING ARIZONA PERFUME

Going to the gas chamber.

STRAIGHT FROM THE FRIDGE

Cool. Obviously.

TAKEN OFF THE PAYROLL

Killed/assassinated.

THAT VIBRATES ME

I'm impressed, I really like it.

THROW THAT DIRT IN YOUR FACE

Being buried.

TORSO-TOSSER

Hootchie-coochie dancer, stripper.

VOMIT ON THE TABLE

Speak up.

WEEK AT THE KNEES

Unsuccessful courtship.

YOUR ROOF IS LEAKING

You're a bit crazy.

Big Pork demands that Neighborhoodies cease and desist selling this hot, tasty shirt at once, lest the public become confused about which animal does, in fact, constitute an appropriately pale substitute for chicken.

This has been a harrowing week for Hoodie Nation, with setbacks that make the Democratic Party's election losses look like a day at the beach. First off there was the stunning news that hipster warhorse HBO's Flight of the Conchords show might have reached the end of its run.

And now on the heels of that debacle comes word that Fox Searchlight, distributor of Gentleman Broncos, the new film by Napoleon Dynamite director Jared Hess, featuring(!) for the love of God(!), Conchord Jermaine Clement, is pulling the plug on the film's national release, after its one week run in LA and New York.

The film seemingly had everything; a plotline built around a young fantasy fiction writer, exotic 70's costumes, characters with funny pets — all created by the auteur of the Quirky Filmmakers Bible Napoleon Dynamite. But after a week in New York and LA where it did so-so box office and received miserable reviews from critics who are clearly just jealous, Searchlight decided to stop the bleeding and forgo the expense of a national release.

And to add insult to injury, the news first leaked out on Roger Ebert's Twitter feed of all the non-hipster places (although Ebert tweeting has just about come full circle now and is scheduled to be cool again sometime mid-to-late next week).

So for Hoodie pundits, there are several ways to spin this news. Putting on our Hoodie Pundit pom-pomed ski cap, first of all, just getting real, who cares if people outside of New York and Los Angeles see it? I mean, why were we going to show Broncos to them in the first place? Do those people even understand what quirk is? Do they even know that back in the early 80's people wore Members Only jackets and what that meant? So seriously, hell with them.

Second, looking at the big picture, let's not forget that quirk remains an extremely viable artform; (500) Days of Summer has grossed almost $50 million to date. Owl City is at the top of the record charts. The Fantastic Mr. Fox is being well received. And Jason Schwartzman's show was just renewed by HBO. So there is no cause for panic. While we can all admit, these events did not go as we would have liked, the state of Hoodie Nation is strong and still on its way to being the majority party of pop culture for decades to come.

Third, you can't beat something with nothing. You want to knock off the Quirkers but with what? Hip Hop? Maybe if you can open a time portal back to 2003. Country? I don't think Taylor Swift would last five seconds on the mean streets of Williamsburg. Emo has been co-opted...So what else've you got?
No movement around has the stature to take on Hoodie Nation, to challenge it block to block, apartment to apartment for the rulership of America's cool people.

They may say Quirk is over; but in the eyes of its people, it's just getting started.

Morgan hangs out for a bit with the "Last Crack Hipster," a 30 year-old L.E.S. graffiti writer (this piece originally said he's in the Disco Vandals crew, but that line seems to have been deleted now) who somehow got convinced crack was the last transgressive drug, after yuppies claimed coke and heroin got passé. He's convince crack's not as bad as it's made out to be; then again, he's a crackhead. Let's hope this is the last crack hipster. Jesus.

When you're smoking crack, ideally you want to keep the flame on the crack and away from the Chore Boy: You want the rock to heat up and cook down into it. It starts to melt and then it slides down and that's when you go boom and level it out so it stays right at the screen. It's right there bubbling and you're not sucking like a cigarette or a joint; you're basically like inhaling as little as you can. You just want to direct the flow into your mouth; you don't want to suck the liquid down. Once the burning crack passes through the Chore Boy, it smokes as it cools. That's the smoke that you want. Most people don't seem to get that. It looks like the crack is gone, but you can kind of see it in there, in the Chore Boy, ideally it sits there and bubbles. The brown juice that drips down and looks like a film of motor oil on the side of the glass is the crack rock's sweet nectar.

The crack hipsters obviously missed the lesson of hip hop, which is that Crack is Wack. Thank you. This is a great, stomach-churning piece of crack journalism. CRACK, UGH, god, go straight to hell, collect $200 and spend it on crack. Read it.
[Pic: caruba]

ITEM ONE: Bucky Turco, the Hipster Grifter's official prison pen pal, is now also pen pals with Jerzy Mitchell, who is Kari Ferrell's cell mate. He posted a letter from her today. Go read it or you will be slightly less prepared when the Hipster Grifter Jeopardy category shows up.

ITEM TWO: Burning Angel's Joanna Angel says that she would be very enthusiastic about engaging in conjugal relations with Kari, on video. So. Just something to consider.

If you are really familiar with what the fuck is up then you know that Aaron "A-Ron" Bondaroff is a downtown LES cool guy for hire, founder of the aNYthing brand, and generally, you know, the man with the brand that is downtown, and all that, once upon a time.

Anyhow: His store's having zine night tomorrow! Bring your zines and the store will sell them on commission! And there's a sort of, uh, hip hop promo video, that you can watch. An endearingly DIY anti-corporate grassroots arts and media movement? Or just more pretentious crapola? We have no idea what to think.

Do bring your zines though!

Stop the Custom American Wine and Tapas Bar from getting a liquor license, or there goes the neighborhood! "Opponents say the wine and tapas bar will attract binge drinking frat boys and gang violence." Really, they said that?

"We are trying to prevent gang activity in the neighborhood," said Luis Santiago, who said he was representing tenants from 232 Metropolitan Ave. "Opening this restaurant with beer and liquor, with teenagers already going crazy here, it's going to be an even bigger issue. I don't think it's a good idea for there to be tables and a cafe out on the sidewalk."

Ahaha. Yes. Wine, tapas, and outdoor cafe tables? Why not just put up a big sign that says "Free Machine Guns With Proof of Latin Kings Membership?" The landlord, though, made some good points of his own:

The hearing was frequently heated, with the owner of the building, Dobrivoye Filipovich, getting tossed after calling a staffer for Councilwoman Diana Reyna "a drug dealer" and branding [wine bar opponent] Wechter a "criminal."

There is no possible outcome of this dispute that would not make Williamsburg become slightly more annoying.
[Brooklyn Paper via Grub Street. Pic via]

Ever since Kari Ferrell asked all of Williamsburg's bearded young men to throw a hot dog down her hallway, America's been waiting to see how NBC's most unceasing police investigative drama would incorporate that phrase, and its utterer, into its canon. Wait no more. Just watch the clip, all the way.

Also: The only similarities the girl in this episode bore with Kari Ferrell were, 1. She was Asian, 2. She was always lying about how she had some medical condition, in order to win sympathy and/or money, and 3. She was using her sexiness to get things from men. But the lady in the show was way crazier than even Kari Ferrell (has had a chance to be so far).

This means the various poorly dressed and oddly coiffed young terrorist hep cats who burned the Olympic banner on the streets of the Windy City have won. Presumably they are right now pausing the Crass albums on their "Disc Mans" just long enough to cheer the failure of America. And they will be joined in that cheer by Matt Drudge!

"WORLD REJECTS OBAMA," Drudge says! That is a hilarious and easily predicted distortion! Also wasn't it weird how suddenly the right-wing hated the idea of a President trying to get America the Olympics? Like, seriously, what the fuck was that about?

Some of us were against having the Olympics in America because the IOC is run by vile old bastards, the bidding process is staggeringly corrupt, and Chicagoans, like New Yorkers, did not particularly want the Olympics, all that much. We did not want the IOC to reject our bid because Chicago has too many black criminals and because the idea of Obama trying to boost an American city enrages us, though. Why does Matt Drudge hate America? (Note: Chicago is part of America!)

Here we have the forces of American Exceptionalism and unrepentant jingoism teaming up with dreadlocked anti-American anarchists. Maybe the Spanish fascist who used to run the IOC will win the Olympics for Madrid, or (most likely) they will go to Rio de Janeiro.

Though I once swore I would never do such a thing, I'm about to move to Williamsburg. It's tragic, yes, but I have no choice: relationships do that to you.

Anyway, it was once cool to hate on all of the upper-class lowlifes who populate the area and appropriated white trash style, but that set has been neutralized by babies and real jobs. But, sadly, there's a new crop. And they're even worse!

Now that that generation has grown up and many of us thought — or hoped — that the hipster nightmare had ended, but that was simply naive. There's now a new generation of post-grad masses and, if you can believe it, they're sporting something even more disgusting than von Dutch fashions: a rattail. (And, yes, even its spelling's annoying.)

Once the hairstyle of choice for rednecks and unwashed losers, the rattail has found new life in New York City's cheaper boroughs. And it must stop! Rattails are a threat to America — and not just for the negative aesthetic value.

This nation, however maligned, remains an international beacon, and it's up to the country's youth to maintain the world's US-loving order. Rattails do no such thing. They make the country look weak and hickish. And weak, hickish countries get invaded. Just look at Iraq.

So, if America falls, it's your fault, bedraggled, so-called ironic hipster. If you ever cared about this once great nation, get a real haircut and stop embarrassing your parents – and the rest of us. If you hate this country, carry on and trust that we will file well-deserved treason charges. You've been warned.

Image via woodsm's flickr.

They've already been subjected to a wild animal baby, hipsters in a mud pit, and some dark black and white shit they probably smoke opium to in France, or whatever. Now this. "Stop thinking"? I think your ad sucks. At least they got some football pictures in there.
[Copyranter]

McInnes and his two VICE co-founders, Suroosh Alvi and Shane Smith, split due to "creative differences" last year in January; much of the speculation centered around McInnes' dislike of VBS.tv-Vice's video site-and their marketing/sales arm. Shortly after his departure, McInnes started Street Carnage, which features awesome things like their contributors getting punched in the face by ex-girlfriends and also, sincerely excellent insiders' takes on culture issues, like the death of "downtown" artist Dash Snow.

But now, the badasses at VICE have gone corporate, banning a photographer featured on Street Carnage from contributing to them as well. Writes Amy Kellner, VICE's managing editor, to "Vincent," the Street Carnage contributor:

"hiya, yes i got the cd, thank you.
unfortunately, if you do stuff for street carnage, then you can't contribute to vice at the same time.
those are my orders.
best,
amy kellner"

Ouch. VICE is still perfectly likable, often. They—plug—published Alex Pareene's great take on a trip to the museum, and there's plenty of great stuff on VBS.tv. But there's also a specific kind of cultural brand that's clearly—if at war with the only slightly less corporate Street Carnage, who're carrying a Nike ad on their site right now—at ridiculous odds with itself. And you'd think VICE would realize that this is the kind of thing that dilutes it.

Can't all the hipster media outlets just get along? Or at least: not be so much like the mainstream ones?

Hello [Hipster Photo Submitter],

My name is Joe Mande and I'm the author of the tumblr blog Look at This Fucking Hipster. I am writing you because I think the amazing picture(s) you recently submitted for the blog might actually be perfect for the Look at This Fucking Hipster Book, which I am currently writing for St. Martin's Press.

If you did not take the submitted picture, but instead found the photograph somewhere online, please disregard this email. But if you did indeed take the picture yourself, and want that picture to be considered for the LATFH book, would you please be so kind as to fill out this photo release form and send it back to me? You'll be playing your part in a very important movement.

I appreciate it. Thanks so much!

- Joe Mande

And then a release form. Two separate people who had their photos rejected because they weren't the original photographers have sent the photos to us, the bottom of the barrel-shaped internet. Here they are (top photo, taken from a Facebook page; bottom photo, a live specimen in San Diego). Hipsters! We too would like a book deal if at all possible.

They are posers, literally, if you can believe such a thing! Instead of humorous shots of hipsters in the wild, LATFH is up on Craigslist soliciting any old prick who thinks they're a hipster to come pose for a photo shoot. The entire element of the hunt will be lost!

We remember back when that Tumblr wasn't all, tourists and shit.

The hipster harmonizing, Pet Sounds-aping band probably made a video for "Two Weeks" the single off of their latest album, and it was probably decent, but it hasn't had the viral power of this, which picked up something like 47,000 views on Vimeo since it's debut. Bonus: even the band noticed it. It was animated by a guy named Gabe Askew, and it's truly wonderful. Imagine a world where not only did MTV still play videos, but played the best ones out there. Oh well. Certain arts come and go, but there will always be people to preserve quality in them for their ever-obscured audiences. Enjoy:

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew on Vimeo.

What do you get when you combine this dying meme with the other "Look At This Fucking Hipster" hating-hipsters-from-the-inside meme? You get Stuff Hipsters Hate, which is the type of Tumblr that you people will just keep sending us the link to until we write about it.

Here you are. Enjoy it while it lasts, because, god, [meta].