Hiram Monserrate lost his state senate seat after slashing his girlfriend's face with broken glass. Yesterday, Monserrate's former chief of staff was arrested for being a childish jerk. Everything Monserrate touches turns to shit. Now, you can legally punch him.

Former State Senator Hiram Monserrate lost his bid to take back his seat yesterday. Monserrate says he may make a run for his old Assembly seat next. We have some other suggestions for him!

Today in Queens, there is a special election for the State Senate seat of face-slashing gay-hating Hiram Monserrate. Hiram's running, along with two people who aren't violent psychopaths.

Next week is the special election to fill the former State Senate seat of Hiram Monserrate, who was expelled after slashing his girlfriend's face. Hiram's running. His platform: he's just like Barack Obama, and his opponent is "The Gay Caballero."

Ruben Diaz Sr, the worst New York State Senator who has not personally slashed his girlfriend's face with a broken glass (well, maybe besides Pedro Espada), has released a statement blaming Governor David Paterson's woes on gay people.

Today, the New York State Senate may (or may not) expel violent lady-slasher Hiram Monserrate. There are extra sergeants-at-arms and state troopers posted inside and outside the chambers, just in case. (They should hide bottles and glassware!)

Lady-slasher Hiram Monserrate will be censured (which is meaningless) or expelled (which his lawyer, Joe Tacopina, says they can't do, though they can). Andrew Cuomo's investigation of Pedro Espada for tax and campaign finance fraud is heating up, too!

They weren't bad posts, just misunderstood. Nevertheless, we wrote them and you didn't want to read them. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the least popular Gawker posts of 2009.

Someone dares invoke the earth-shattering wrath of Demi Moore by calling the ageless aged? Indeed! PageSix got porn-y. Sheriff TMZ's busting Maria Shriver and Lil' Wayne. Courtney Love, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin: still suck. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Face-slashing asshole-of-the-year candidate and New York State Senator Hiram Monserrate will not go to jail for the face-slashing (or for the asshole-of-the-year thing).

Bad news for State Senator Hiram Monserrate. The convicted girlfriend-assaulter will not receive the support of the Democratic party in next year's primary election.

Face-slashing pol Hiram Monserrate was found not guilty of felony assault, but they got him on a misdemeanor. He'll be sentenced in December. But now his fate rests with Albany Democrats. So he's fine.

Shady New York State Senator Hiram Monserrate has been found not guilty of slashing his girlfriend's face (she denied he did), and guilty of dragging her through a lobby (which was caught on tape). He's still a scumbag. [NYT]

Hiram Monserrate, the state senator who sliced up his girlfriend's face with a broken glass during a fight (and is officially New York's most evil politician) was found guilty of misdemeanor assault this afternoon. But was cleared of the two more felony charges against him, which means he'll be able to keep his seat…

Time for an update on the case of Hiram Monserrate, alleged girlfriend face-slasher and one of New York's three very most objectionable political figures! Having his slash-vic on his side in court is really helping him out. Love—it's crazy.

Remember New York State Senator Hiram Monserrate, who stands accused of slashing his girlfriend's face? He decided this week to waive his right to trial by jury. The National Organization for Women wants him locked up for a long time.