The last time I pointed out to a teabagging wackadoodle that Czars come from Imperial Russia not Communist Russia he looked at me like I was speaking Chinese.
When the relatives get you down, just close your eyes and imagine "Turkey Lurkey Time" in your head. Before you know it, a smile will slowly spread across your face, and then your head will start to bob rhythmically ...
When it comes to healthcare, I just tell my GOP relatives that my most-recent doctor has opted out of all HMOs. He sent a letter telling everyone he can't make a living off of denied coverage, and is now going on a "consierge" system. Ha! If he gets me theater tickets and a hooker, I'll agree to the $1000 a year price.
Had I gone home to the heartland, I would have been surrounded by 25 family members, including some from the family my nephew married into, the matriarch of which availed herself of the sanctuary movement after Reagan-sponsored death squads assassinated her boss, RC Archbishop Oscar Romero. She brought 2 kids, had another once she arrived -- illegally -- in Ann Arbor. The daughter she had after she arrived here is married to my brother's middle son; the daughter she left El Salvador with is engaged to his older brother.
Now...those nephews older step-brother is Michael, who came under another person's identity from the killing fields of Cambodia, also during the 80s, also illegally. He and his wife have 4 kids and a growing -- due to immigration -- extended family. He is a small business owner, the class of people Republicans have now nominated as The Most Important People In America. He makes a Pad Thai that will burn your eyebrows off.
Without illegal immigration, that party would be half empty.
At my Thanksgiving dinner we had, among others: my quasi-aunt who loves Jesus so much she writes Bible verses on everything, like wrapping paper and grocery lists, my cadre of Jewish relatives, some so observant they show up after dinner because we don't keep kosher, my aunt from Mali, who just loves Obama, as well as my Lebanese aunt who is happy to tell anyone who will listen that Hezbollah gets a bad rap.
And nobody fought about politics! Probably because despite all our differences, we are all pinko fags at heart.
On Thanksgiving days of yore, the officers would wear their dress blues and bring their families to the mess hall to eat with the troops. Politics were not discussed, but the various attributes of the officers' daughters were debated at length and with vigor among we young enlisted men.
Then, I became an officer, wore my dress blues and ate at the mess hall where the various attributes of the senior officers' daughters were debated at length and with vigor among the young lieutenants. And then we would ship out and kill people.
Have your relatives over to your house and cook them a vegan Thanksgiving dinner. They'll be bitching about the food so much they won't have the time or the energy to talk about politics.
I always look forward to my brother's spittle spewing, red faced, ultra neocon rants, freshly regurgitated from his lunch hour listening to Rush Limbaugh. I would try some of these methods, but dead legs and telling him he is losing his hair seems to shut him up more than adequately.
Whenever my conservative relatives bring up "socialist" medicine during family get-togethers I simply tell them that I have recently been diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness but have no health insurance to pay for the treatments.
It used to shut them right up but for some reason it is getting less and less effective as the years go by.
I see pretty much eye to eye with most of my relatives, at least in so far as I'm aware (one creationist, but he's a paradox and damn nice fellow). For me it's my long term girlfriend's family that's the problem, and one time it got ugly.
Perfectly hospitable people on the surface, but they happen to believe (like many of my fellow citizens, and the federal government, unfortunately) that asylum seekers should be put in prison camps for indefinite detention. You guys think immigration is an issue in the States? Spend some time with an Australian conservative. I'm talking actually putting men, women and children in desert concentration camps as the accepted norm.
According to them asylum seekers are illegal immigrants, might be terrorists and are out to steal our jobs, money and water. I once tried explaining to them, as we enjoyed smoked salmon on the patio by their pool near their five cars, that these people are desperate, face persecution at home, and far from being illegal, in fact have every legal right to enter the country seeking asylum, in accordance with the UN Charter on Refugees and the Geneva Convention.
Nothing works. No matter how sensibly you try to present your arguments, you can't make a sheltered, ignorant, xenophobic, moral illiterate see reason. Things became very unpleasant very quickly.
@Morne: ev·o·lu·tion (v-lshn, v-)
n.
1. A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form. See Synonyms at development.
2.
a. The process of developing.
b. Gradual development.
3. Biology
a. Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals, and resulting in the development of new species.
b. The historical development of a related group of organisms; phylogeny.
4. A movement that is part of a set of ordered movements.
5. Mathematics The extraction of a root of a quantity.
[Latin volti, voltin-, from voltus, past participle of volvere, to unroll; see evolve.]
evo·lution·al, evo·lution·ary (-sh-nr) adj.
evo·lution·ari·ly adv.
@Lysergic Asset: That would be evolution, all right. And yeah, either evolution isn't working fast enough or it's working only too well. I suspect being an ignorant, isolationist cretin who is incapable of empathy for those outside their own tribe may confer certain survival advantages, given that there are so many of them.
I'm confused by Morne's comment though. Why the attitude? Did he/she misunderstood your evolution remark and think you were speaking up in favour of creationism?
@Benny: Sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude. It's just, Lysergic Asset seemed to be implying that evolution (which I interpreted as the biological definition) should cause people to become more loving and caring towards others over time, which is totally false. Or at least I can't think of any reason why that would be so.
And their dictionary definition reply didn't really help clear up what they meant.
@Morne: I get the gist of your comments, but I wasn't using the term 'evolution' in a biological sense. Please try to remember that this is a comment box for a gossip blog, not a Rhodes Scholarship application.
@Benny: (Paragraph 1) So well-stated. That's exactly what I meant by my initial comment.
(Paragraph 2) It confused me, too, but I replied as well as I could (see below, above or wherever the comment winds up). Discourse fascinates me. Even if people think I'm an idiot, I can appreciate their perspective.
I recall one family gathering with my ex-wife's observant Jewish relatives in which both the New York Times and I were deemed insufficiently pro-Israel because we thought that the Palestinians just might deserve a right or two. Jews hating the New York Times. I nearly choked on my brisket.
@momof3wildkids: Ah, an Irish Catholic girl! If you weren't married, I'd be in love! It's the Hebrew-Hibernian alliance! Enjoy your trafe and that tasty wine.
You know, it's not necessary to be racist to favor a rational immigration policy distinct from open borders. I'm not even saying that's my position, I'm just saying I can see valid concerns folks might have with the idea of total deregulation of our immigration system. Between this and all the Lou Dobbs harping a clear pattern has emerged. Polarizing and oversimplifying the discourse that way doesn't do anybody any favors.
@Solomon Grundy: I'm not seeing where anyone said anything you could really read as disagreeing with this stance. The thing is, the people who one generally hears going on about illegal immigrants as if they were emissaries of Satan don't tend to have anything like a well-thought out proposal regarding immigration, they just think brown people are stealing our jobs and our health care. If someone has a critique based on having really educated themselves on the issue, as opposed to just watching Lou Dobbs and Glenn Beck, it would be an interesting thing to discuss, but that's not the kind of person we're talking about here.
@Solomon Grundy: The wisdom of Solomon Grundy! Now watch your back... there are those among us who do *not* tolerate tolerance or anything that threatens the tiny little bubble within which they live and write and seethe.
Heh thanks, it's nice to come home to so much Gawker love.
Maybe it's because some of my most beloved relatives are conservatives, but I tend to think we can agree on many things (especially descriptive things -- who among us, red state or blue state, is happy with their HMO? With workforce trends of the past 20 years? With public schools?). They're just usually a lot more cynical about human nature and the potential of the state to do anything other than evil.
@Solomon Grundy: The problem is conservatives rail against the migrants and demonize them. (Dobbs saying they spread disease, Buchanan saying it's a conspiracy to reclaim the American Southwest, etc.) They never talk about the real "illegals" -- the businesses and individuals that use illegal labor. Why? Because social conservatives sniff the thrones of big business and beat up on the weakest classes of society.
05:03 AM
12:55 AM
11/26/09
11/26/09
Now...those nephews older step-brother is Michael, who came under another person's identity from the killing fields of Cambodia, also during the 80s, also illegally. He and his wife have 4 kids and a growing -- due to immigration -- extended family. He is a small business owner, the class of people Republicans have now nominated as The Most Important People In America. He makes a Pad Thai that will burn your eyebrows off.
Without illegal immigration, that party would be half empty.
11/26/09
11/26/09
And nobody fought about politics! Probably because despite all our differences, we are all pinko fags at heart.
11/26/09
11/26/09
Then, I became an officer, wore my dress blues and ate at the mess hall where the various attributes of the senior officers' daughters were debated at length and with vigor among the young lieutenants. And then we would ship out and kill people.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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It used to shut them right up but for some reason it is getting less and less effective as the years go by.
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Thanksgiving with Susie Green:
[jezebel.com]
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11/26/09
Perfectly hospitable people on the surface, but they happen to believe (like many of my fellow citizens, and the federal government, unfortunately) that asylum seekers should be put in prison camps for indefinite detention. You guys think immigration is an issue in the States? Spend some time with an Australian conservative. I'm talking actually putting men, women and children in desert concentration camps as the accepted norm.
According to them asylum seekers are illegal immigrants, might be terrorists and are out to steal our jobs, money and water. I once tried explaining to them, as we enjoyed smoked salmon on the patio by their pool near their five cars, that these people are desperate, face persecution at home, and far from being illegal, in fact have every legal right to enter the country seeking asylum, in accordance with the UN Charter on Refugees and the Geneva Convention.
Nothing works. No matter how sensibly you try to present your arguments, you can't make a sheltered, ignorant, xenophobic, moral illiterate see reason. Things became very unpleasant very quickly.
11/26/09
11/26/09
11/26/09
n.
1. A gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form. See Synonyms at development.
2.
a. The process of developing.
b. Gradual development.
3. Biology
a. Change in the genetic composition of a population during successive generations, as a result of natural selection acting on the genetic variation among individuals, and resulting in the development of new species.
b. The historical development of a related group of organisms; phylogeny.
4. A movement that is part of a set of ordered movements.
5. Mathematics The extraction of a root of a quantity.
[Latin volti, voltin-, from voltus, past participle of volvere, to unroll; see evolve.]
evo·lution·al, evo·lution·ary (-sh-nr) adj.
evo·lution·ari·ly adv.
03:52 AM
I'm confused by Morne's comment though. Why the attitude? Did he/she misunderstood your evolution remark and think you were speaking up in favour of creationism?
04:57 AM
And their dictionary definition reply didn't really help clear up what they meant.
12:29 PM
12:34 PM
(Paragraph 2) It confused me, too, but I replied as well as I could (see below, above or wherever the comment winds up). Discourse fascinates me. Even if people think I'm an idiot, I can appreciate their perspective.
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I am actually quaffing a very nice Pahlmeyer cab 1995. Hubby and I bought it on our honeymoon in Napa many moons ago.
YUM!
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12:21 AM
Heh thanks, it's nice to come home to so much Gawker love.
Maybe it's because some of my most beloved relatives are conservatives, but I tend to think we can agree on many things (especially descriptive things -- who among us, red state or blue state, is happy with their HMO? With workforce trends of the past 20 years? With public schools?). They're just usually a lot more cynical about human nature and the potential of the state to do anything other than evil.
05:00 AM