hollywood horrors

posts about #hollywoodhorrors more →
Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Tremonius
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Maybe nobody remembers the Bible no more, but significant tribes were founded in the same manner we're discussing here. Lot escaped Sodom with his lucious daughters who each in turn fed him much vino and jumped him while he was smashed. That's two nights running in the cave, and two tribes for Israel.

Genesis 19. Lore bless us all.
Reply

Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

Paul_Is_Drunk
09/24/09

@Tremonius: +2

+1 for great recall on that passage (I always forget which one it is, and +1 for calling it lore. That's geek cred.
Reply

Paul_Is_Drunk was starred Paul_Is_Drunk was unstarred

Tremonius
09/24/09

@Paul_Is_Drunk: I am amazed often at how susceptable be the lord to his environment. Lie with dogs and fleas, you know. Like, when he was hanging around with a lawless breed of violent savages, he was one like to them. The New Testament was His rehab, but it only lasted to the Inquisition.

Hearted.
Reply

Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

daveyjonesisdead
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
I don't know why that girl just hasn't been removed from his custody, given the extreme alchoholic events she's had to witness. Oh, dad's curled up on the floor eating a hamburger completely out of his mind?Oh, dad binged on vodka for a day and I had to take him to the hospital with alcohol poisoning?

In approprirate shopping outings are the least of their problems.
Reply

Paul_Is_Drunk promoted this comment daveyjonesisdead was starred daveyjonesisdead was unstarred

Paul_Is_Drunk
09/24/09

@daveyjonesisdead: I remember watching my mother drink so much that she couldn't walk for a few days. Oddly, I chose to remain out of concern and trying to help out.

I know this feels like one of those "if I were them, I would do this" situations, but it's not. The reality is far different than what you imagine.
Reply

Paul_Is_Drunk was starred Paul_Is_Drunk was unstarred

ManchuCandidate
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Angelina Jolie and James Haven's kiss seem so quaint now.
Reply

ManchuCandidate was starred ManchuCandidate was unstarred

pooks
09/24/09

@ManchuCandidate: So does Ryan O'Neal's hitting-on-Tatum-at-Farrah's funeral bit.
Reply

pufflehuff promoted this comment pooks was starred pooks was unstarred

Spirit Fingers
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Good grief. Whatever happened to fathers not being able to deal with their daughters as people with sex parts, so they just didn't really speak to them, unless it was to give them a few dollars when they came home to wash laundry after college or tell them that their current boyfriend is a loser/punk/stupid idiot who knows nothing about cleaning a bar-b-que grill, obviously.

Bring back awkward silences, disapproving glares, and "I don't know. Ask you mother." until you're 35 and you have children of your own and he becomes "Poppy," whom your children adore because he lets them feed the ducks on Sundays, and who you adore now, because he wasn't your "Friend" growing up.

Does this exist anymore?
Reply

Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred

PierceRadashack
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Woody Allen was ahead of his time.
Reply

The Lone Scout promoted this comment Maxichamp approved this comment PierceRadashack was starred PierceRadashack was unstarred

bytememehard
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
You gotta go where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do
With whoever you wanna do it with

Reply

bytememehard was starred bytememehard was unstarred

The Lone Scout
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Celebrities! They're just like us! Um, wait a minute...
Reply

The Lone Scout was starred The Lone Scout was unstarred

FormerEnglishMajor
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Hulk Hogan and his daughter creep me out: remember when he was spreading suntan lotion - on her upper thighs?? *shudder*

[www.zimbio.com]
Reply

FormerEnglishMajor was starred

Atilla the Bun
09/24/09

@FormerEnglishMajor: And the fact that his daughter looked almost exactly like his wife and he was weirdly jealous and overprotective of both.
Reply

Tremonius promoted this comment Atilla the Bun was starred Atilla the Bun was unstarred

bluebears
09/24/09

@FormerEnglishMajor: unwholesome.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

Tremonius
09/24/09

@Atilla the Bun: A long, long time ago, there was a movie, and it was called Sweet Smell of Success, and in it a very powerful gossip columnist ended his sister's engagement by means of a slimy press agent. The columnist was extremely protective of his sister. Extremely. Like a rival. In the story, that was more prominently displayed than in the movie. But it got me thinking as a small kid. What is this magical switch that turns us off to immediate family? And why is it switched back on again in places like the Appalachians and Hollywood?
Reply

Edited by Tremonius at 09/24/09 6:02 PM Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

Paul_Is_Drunk
09/24/09

@Tremonius: From my psych undergrad I remember there being studies done that most people imprint on those they get to know under 6 years of age as 'non-potential partners.'

Then, of course, there's smell and bad biological reproductive for inbreeding. Kind of like how your body knows to breathe, it knows to not find that attractive.

No idea on the Appalachians or Hollywood.
Reply

Paul_Is_Drunk was starred Paul_Is_Drunk was unstarred

Tremonius
09/24/09

@Paul_Is_Drunk: A movie I saw with a title I don't remember had maybe a Joanne Dru character who was informed the guy she was in love with was actually her long-lost brother. She swooned, thinking she must be crazy. I couldn't figure that one out neither. She was somehow supposed to recognize kinship with a guy she hadn't seen since she was a toddler? By smell, maybe.

Then in Lone Star, there was a couple who found out they had the same mama and decided not to stop the party on that account.

Then in The Fabulous Furry Freak Bros, Feewheelin' Franklin goes home to middle amnesia after long years in the Haight and comes upon a fine little lady in beads and fringe, and pretty soon they're in her bathtub, her assuring, "The parents aren't home." But they come home! Horrors. And Franklin, peering over the bannister down into the foyer at them, mutters, "Hey, these are my parents too ..."
Reply

Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

BowlingForDollars
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Let me channel long lost Susan Powter and say, "STOP THE INSANITY!"
Reply

BowlingForDollars was starred

nathanst
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Does the Cyrus family have any comments on the situation?? The Lohans? WHERE ARE THE HOGANS?? MAKE THEM TALK!
Reply

nathanst was starred nathanst was unstarred

Atilla the Bun
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
WTF? I realize the Hof's brain is probably pickled by now, but what's his daughter's excuse? Why would any teenage daughter agree to go to this place with her dad? And they both had to know the paps would be following them around after his ear- infection-mimicking-alcohol- poisoning incident of a few days ago. Weirdness.
Reply

Wrapitup promoted this comment Edited by Atilla the Bun at 09/24/09 2:54 PM Atilla the Bun was starred Atilla the Bun was unstarred

Wrapitup
09/24/09

@Atilla the Bun: So, according to you, the father aka the adult caregiver is the victim here. And his own young daughter is some sort of vile temptress who wants to bone her dad and as stage 1 of her dastardly plan, she makes him take her to a lingerie store. Young Miss Hasselhoff is an evil genius indeed. That poor man. Who among us hasn't gotten drunk just to have a great excuse for coming on to your kids?
Reply

Wrapitup was starred Wrapitup was unstarred

Atilla the Bun
09/24/09

@Wrapitup: Ha!(?) You are kidding right? I hardly think Daughter Hof wants to "bone" her dad (or visa versa), much less is she trying to play temptress to her dad by going to this store with him. I think it's just another example of weird celebrity behavior, in this case a father who is probably too out of it to exercise any judgment in the situation, and a daughter who spends so much time playing caregiver to her alcoholic dad that going to sex shop with him doesn't even phase her. Sad but not incestuous.
Reply

Edited by Atilla the Bun at 09/24/09 3:28 PM Atilla the Bun was starred Atilla the Bun was unstarred

bluebears
09/24/09

@Wrapitup: I'm sure that's gonna be Mel Gibsons excuse.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

SidAndFinancy
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
Reminds me of the time I woke up from a blackout to find Cass Elliot eating crackers in my bed.
Reply

SidAndFinancy was starred SidAndFinancy was unstarred

Chore Boy
09/24/09

@SidAndFinancy: Rumor was, she really knew how to choke down a hog.
Reply

TheUptightMidwesterner promoted this comment Chore Boy was starred Chore Boy was unstarred

TheUptightMidwesterner
09/24/09

@saythatsfuckingcool: Do not mock the fine woman who had the good sense to die before all of this business...
Reply

Tremonius
09/24/09

@SidAndFinancy: Boy, this takes me back. A standard laudatory comment on a hottie in days long gone by was, "I wouldn't kick her out for eatin' crackers in bed."

Hardly anybody quotes Tennyson anymore, I mean.
Reply

Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

SidAndFinancy
09/24/09

@Tremonius: National Lampoon had one of their fake letters to the editors about this years ago. The letter writer was complaining about the phrase "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers," because that activity could present unsanitary conditions and attract vermin. The writer's suggested alternative was "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for admiring Lorne Greene."
Reply

SidAndFinancy was starred SidAndFinancy was unstarred

Tremonius
09/24/09

@SidAndFinancy: The definition of Hollywood is too many perfect bodies on Saturday night wake you up on Sundays watching boxed sets of Bonanza.. Time is simply the means where one slides lower and the other higher on the scale of values.

And didn't the publisher of National Lampoon cop to illegally manipulating stock recently? He thought if he could goose it up to two bux he'd be in the chips!
Reply

Tremonius was starred Tremonius was unstarred

The Curse of Millhaven
09/24/09

In reply to Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon
So, I checked out the site thinking "maybe he is being really responsible and helping her grab some birth control or something." Now I am pretty sure that the choices are "gag gift" and "pervert."
Reply

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#hollywoodhorrors

Gawker

SUBSCRIBE TO Gawker

Hasselhoffs Race to Jump on Inapropriate Relationship Bandwagon

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment