We know you can't afford to buy a house in New York City. So how about, uh, Buffalo? You'll never be short on snow. And you won't believe how affordable the houses are.

If the putrescent gut rot that is social media website Twitter.com hasn't already taken over your brain, now it can also take over your house. With a help of a few apps and a misunderstanding of burglary, changes in lighting, temperature, and guest arrivals can be announced and monitored through social media.

Looking for a home in the DC area? It's likely you will be unable to locate a Master Bedroom. Not because it's the newest architectural trend to hide these rooms behind a discreet bookshelf door or to shrink these suites to the size of a pantry. No—the phrase Master Bedroom is being wiped from the blueprints.

As the affluent flock into cities and the formerly tony suburbs turn to slums, you know what I'm not going to miss? GARAGES. Big old ugly garages that are the main feature of the whole ugly suburban house for some reason. Good news: garages have completely gone out of fashion, architecturally speaking.

The news of the day: America is poor, but wealthy people are still building themselves huge mansions. Is it wrong for someone to build an obscenely luxurious home for themselves with their own legally obtained money and means? Yes. It is wrong.

Last week our nation's crack political investigators broke some big news: Mitt Romney was quadrupling the size of his La Jolla, California beach house. Quadrupling means "times four," did you know? Oh, campaign news is so cute. Without this story, we never would have known, or been able to determine from his…

Homeowners' associations were supposedly created by Real Estate God to fundraise for and oversee neighborhood maintenance, and to help developers to efficiently manage and market their properties. But it often seems that their true purpose in life is to drive homeowners insane.

Old lady Aniston has somehow managed to sink her gnarled old hooks into actor/writer Justin Theroux, and though she just recently bought a bachelorette pad for herself, rumor has it she's shopping for a Manhattan townhouse she can share with her man.

In 2009 Rexburg, Idaho couple Ben and Amber Sessions purchased a house in the country thinking it would be the perfect spot to raise a family. That is until they noticed the snakes. The hundreds and hundreds of garter snakes that lived under the house.

An empty house in Marblehead, Mass. seems to have called 911 on its own after months of enduring a leaky pipe that covered the walls with toxic mold. And you thought that dog that called the police was smart.

You may have thought you had the best Christmas lights in town, but unless you coordinated it to music, you're wrong. From High School Musical to Gustav Holst to death metal, these houses have you beat. Better luck next year!

White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is the actual most terrifying human in America, but the people renting his Chicago home don't give a shit: They're refusing to move out early for his return. When will Emanuel stab them?

Newishlywed power couple Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds, she of the American curves and he of the Canadian crispness, are said to have purchased this modestly sized (2 beds, 3 baths, 2,835 sq.ft.) Los Feliz property for $2.9 million.

The official residence of the mayor of Denver has a fire pole in the master bedroom, a pink grand piano, and "mini-condominiums for squirrels." Sweetest mayor's house ever, right? So why is Denver selling it?

Teresa Giudice, the Real Housewife of New Jersey who is $11 million in debt, is selling the enormous novelty house that's been featured like a funny sidekick on her show these past two seasons. For $3.99m, it can be yours.

The Madoff's Montauk beach house has sold. For $8.75 million. That's above the asking price! What is it people love so much about Bernie Madoff memorabilia?