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how to disappear
how to be famous
Vanity Fair's Young Hollywood Royalty: Rich and Thick
Who will be America's next top big thing? No, seriously, who? Everyone likes to guess. We recently speculated about future tabloid fixtures, and now Vanity Fair has put together a list of the new princes and princesses of Hollywood. Look! There, of course, are the Jonas Brothers, the sexy smooth kids of Gossip Girl and promising hottie boombalotties like Hunter Parrish from Weeds and Kristen Stewart. We synced up on a couple of people, Emma Stone and the GG kids, but VF took its typical turn toward the misguided in several of its Young Hollywood predictions. More »
not afraid to be servicey
How To Not Storm Off the Internet in a Huff
Yesterday, a grown man threw a tantrum and stormed off the internet. Because we bullied him. It wasn't pretty. Are we proud? Well, it's a living. We spent today mulling over some wise advice we received. And, of course, it's true. We should be constructive! In the spirit of friendship, we'll explain how to survive the Internet without letting the bastards get you down. Heed our words, and you'll never have to shut down another blog. Or quit a message board, or ban yourself from a comments section. Never again will you hear the sirens of the waaaahmbulance. More »
not afraid to be servicey
How Not To Charm A Restaurant Critic
Frank Bruni is pissed! The New York Times' omnipotent restaurant critic (pictured) today reviews a new Tribeca restaurant named Ago, which is owned in part by actor Robert De Niro. And Bruni's experience there is proof for the entire restaurant business that no matter how popular, expensive, or exclusive your place is, it is still quite possible to receive a terrible review if you act like an idiot. Please: Learn some lessons from Ago's fiasco. Here is what not to do when your restaurant is being reviewed: More »
idiot's guide
How To Handle Hecklers
When you're a professional entertainer—particularly if you're one of the Unfunniest Comedians in America—you have to know how to handle hecklers. Dane Cook, as you see here (click to enlarge), responds to a mere MySpace heckler by calling her "ugly like a trout." His reaction is ineffective, inefficient, and fails by every standard of the Heckler-Handling Handbook. Observe: More »
marketing
Become A Fake Expert In One Easy Step
Would you like to become an "expert" in a field that really defies easy expert prediction? Here's how: Take a group of things in that field that have already proven themselves to be successful. Then find common characteristics among the items in that group. Put forward those characteristics as your own personal advice about how to be successful in said field. Then, when your audience discovers that simply staring at a bunch of characteristics of things successful in the past does nothing to help them make the hard decisions about the future, you can just shrug and say, "Hey, these things are complex!" This works for "experts" in stock picking, politics, and, especially, marketing. More »
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How to Be Useful by Megan Hustad
Taking on everything from slapdash bitchery to strategic self-deprecation, HOW TO BE USEFUL is a delightfully original, unerringly hip handbook for a new generation. "Long story short: This is the book you'll want to travel back in time and press into the hands of your 22 year old self so that she doesn't, say, respond to a question from her boss about whether she knows so-and-so with, 'Oh, yeah, I smoked pot with him once!' You'll probably also want to give it to your intern. (You know, the one who rolls in at 10:00 and takes three-hour lunches.)" - Galleycat. Read an excerpt and enter to win a copy of the book after the jump. More »
the cinema
Graydon Carter's Devil Wears Prada?
The trailer is out for the movie version of Toby Young's Vanity Fair memoir, How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, apparently a longer version of the one that surfaced in December. In an item titled "Devil Graydon," Page Six claims Vanity Fair Editor Graydon Carter "comes off worse than Anna Wintour did in The Devil Wears Prada." Carter should pray for such a glamorous portrayal. Instead, with actor Jeff Bridges in his shoes at the fictional Sharps magazine, Carter comes off looking a lot more like Jeff Lebowski. Clip after the jump. More »
reply all
"I just invited everyone in my Outlook Contact sheet. And you were in there!!"
Boa-sporting Mediabistro.com proprietress Laurel Touby continues unabated in her menacing campaign to misuse email—an invention originally designed to simplify communications. Her latest infraction: in order to promote an upcoming "Mediabistro Circus," she decided to save a little time by sending a mass email to her entire contact list—all 2,000 people. The message starts off with an apology to those who "hate my guts," which is a good sign that perhaps it would be better to pursue a different outreach strategy. The entire ill-conceived email, after the jump. More »
branding
Express Yourself With A 'Seat Saver'
When you're in a bar, and you need to get up from your seat for a moment, have you ever felt a desire for a paper square—preferably printed with a cheeky message—that you could place on your chair as a "seat saver" until you return? Us neither. But someone in Philadelphia apparently thought that such a thing would be useful innovation. As well as a perfect medium for advertising messages! So they made the thingamajigs, which are double-sided with two contrasting messages that you can change based on (guessing here) how drunk you are. What branding initiative wouldn't be enhanced by its inclusion on a product meant to primarily sit underneath people's asses? Two more pictures of these unreasonable things [via Adrants] below. More »
journalismism
Post Demands The Government Make Terrorists Angrier
If the New York Post had to name three things that it can't stand, those things would be: cultural sensitivity, wisdom, and peace (fourth: stepping on gum). That's why the paper is outraged that "the Bush administration has gone all PC in the War on Terror." They've stopped using words like "jihad" and "Islamo-fascism" because they may be provocative or offensive. The Post's jaw literally dropped onto the floor at that news! Right onto the floor! So the neocon, Murdoch-owned scandal sheet had to evoke the memory of prominent socialist revolutionary George Orwell to help it call for harsher language about the Arabian menace: More »
book deals
Three Steps To Getting A Book Deal For Your Blog
If everyone's getting a book deal for their blog, why aren't you? Mostly because your writing hasn't gone anywhere better than a Gawker comment thread, but also because you haven't followed these three steps (note: not a joke article! Real advice inside) to getting a blog book deal. Short version: Start a blog that's short and sweet and high-concept, spread it on Tumblr and LiveJournal, send it to Gawker, and call Kate Lee. More »
crime
Butt Smuggling Is A Great Business
Any smoker who moved to New York from another state has probably reflected on the fact that they could make a lot of easy cash just by filling up a U-Haul truck with cheap cigarettes from back home and driving them into the city. And boy would they be right! Congressman Peter King has helpfully crunched the numbers for an editorial in the Post today, and now we are seriously considering getting into the Newport-smuggling business full time. Upside: you can make $50K in a single trip. Downside: according to Peter King, you will probably use that money to finance "another 9/11-style attack." Also: Peter King loves to use the phrase "butt-smuggler": More »
the literary life
Meet the 'Paris Review's' American Apparel Model
Legendary literature magazine The Paris Review is still publishing, you know, despite the death of founding editor George Plimpton and the requisite identity crisis that followed changes introduced by new editor Philip Gourevitch (color photos! shorter poems!). One thus far unmentioned change: while the magazine used to be put together entirely by a small crew of Plimpton friends, protégés, and well-groomed young acolytes (Yale-graduate interns and "editorial assistants" who'd use the magazine's famous parties to establish themselves in the literary scene, such as it was), now their staff is branching out a bit from that rarefied Ivy League lit-mag milieu. At least in the case of the notorious American Apparel Model Paris Review intern. More »
technology
Google Demands Better Bar Codes
Google is working with QVC on a REVOLUTIONARY advanced type of bar code that can be scanned with a mobile phone. Revolutionary in the sense of "Everything old is new again." These "QR codes" do face some obstacles, the most significant being the fact that less than 5% of people currently own phones compatible with the technology. A previous attempt at a similar product called CueCat was a big failure [Ad Age]. But Google, the company that's determined to scan all the world's books, is not giving up in its retro attachment to print-based technologies, even in the bar code sphere. Besides, these scannable QR codes have already proven their worth in trial campaigns by making the Case Western University campus "look like downtown Tokyo" and benefiting "the end user," say jargon-spouting engineers! More »
Top 10 Tips For Writing A Top 10 List
The "Best Week Ever" blog outlines the method that made it the most popular online source for top 10 lists since College Humor, Cracked.com, The Onion, McSweeney's, and Something Awful. I have the short version below. [Best Week Ever]
The "Best Week Ever" blog outlines the method that made it the most popular online source for top 10 lists since College Humor, Cracked.com, The Onion, McSweeney's, and Something Awful. I have the short version below. [Best Week Ever]
how to pitch
Asylum.com Looking to Hire Chuck Klosterman Type
Asylum.com, a "new men's lifestyle site," is hiring a staff editor. They need someone with a "strong writing voice, and an appreciation for Frankenberry cereal." (They need men who are afraid of adulthood? Because that's the only thing pink marshmallow cereal represents after 25.) The job also includes "ensuring that content captures the irreverent tone of the site" and "overseeing the promotion of material for maximum viral impact." See, now we can't even tell if they're still joking! We see the best candidate as being Chuck Klosterman, former Spin pop culture writer with a talent for self-absorption, and author of Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. Click to figure out if you should apply...More »
stupidity
