We kind of felt for the Fox News anchorlady who got hoaxed by someone pretending to call from the scene in Binghamton. We didn't get the "Baba Booey" thing, either. But notice how she doesn't even pause at the mention of the formerly important shock jock's name. Has Howard Stern become a complete nonentity after leaving regular radio for satellite?

• Kanye West is astounded by the lack of sober judgement and integrity in the MTV Video Music Awards. He thinks they're fixed! The cable network is shocked he would question the ethics of the "MTV Academy." [Sun]
• Jennifer Aniston told Oprah Winfrey that her relationship with Brad Pitt feels like it was "100 years ago" and she's totally happy for him and his wife, even though she's uncool. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson may get engaged in Paris. They've supposedly planned it and everything. Which would mean they're already engaged, effectively, so even if this rumor is true, it's false. [Mirror]
• You won't believe it: An older rich guy left his longtime wife for a much younger woman! He's 68, the Other Woman is 28 and they ran into each other in line at Starbucks in New York. She's from the Midwest. [P6]
• HBO isn't unduly concerned it just signed a deal with a rocker who slept with 14- and 15-year-old groupies and wrote about it in his book. That's now what Red Hot Chili Pepper Anthony Kiedis's show is going to be about, so who cares. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie is still not pregnant. [UPI]
• Howard Stern's sidekick is signed up for another book, one day after publication of his other book. [R&M]

Also? 34 years after The Brady Bunch went off the air and she is still so amazingly hot! And that's not just nostalgia talking.

• Howard TV

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]
• Janet Jackson was hospitalized after getting sick right before a concert. [AP]
• Cindy Adams had Republican operative Ed Rollins walk through how Sarah Palin would be prepped for the debates, if the purely hypothetical case she were anything like a normal vice presidential candidate. [Post]
• When she was a beauty pageant contestant,Palin used to stick plaster over her nipples to keep her nipples from showing,one of her fellow contestants said. [R&M]
• Some whiny West Village busybody actually thought Page Six would care that Blake Lively lets her poodle run around the sidewalk off-leash, because that's against the rules. And that busybody was correct! [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering adopting a seventh child, this time for the benefit of the continent of South America. [Daily Mail]
• A rich guy is giving $25,000 for Howard Stern's fiancee to run a marathon. [P6]
• Britney Spears re-denied the recurring rumor that she made a sex tape with Adnan Ghalib. The singer did say she plans a world tour next year. And yet Spears' lawyers said she's too crazy to stand trial for driving without a license.
• Katie Holmes has switched from her baggy, trendsetting "boyfriend jeans" to bell bottoms. She's just cycling through the fashion trends (and nostalgic outbreaks) of the last 20 years at her own pace. [Sun]
• Paul Newman has already been cremated and his funeral convened. [P6]
• George Michael is going on an African safari to deal with his drug and public-bathroom sex issues. [Fametastic]

Still, her tenuous grasp on the memory is understandable, as proven when Stern and Co. continue to quiz her about presidential candidates (asked Obama's first name, she carefully answers, "'Barack' or something?"), forcing an overwhelmed Hogan to cry out, "There's too many friggin' people in office!" Perhaps that would explain the blank she draws when asked the name of the current Vice President? The answer, dear Brooke, is "Dick Cheney," and it's as plain as the nose on your face (which, if you're not careful, Mr. Cheney will shoot off). [Howard Stern]

• Katie Holmes got a visit from concerned ex-boyfriend and former Dawson's Creek co-star Joshua Jackson at rehearsals for her Broadway play, a British magazine reported. Jackson had this crazy idea that Holmes has been sucked into an isolating Scientology vortex, but Holmes was still thrilled to see and de-Thetanize him. [Showbiz Spy]
• For her landmark meeting with an ex, Jennifer Aniston needed two friends along for moral support. Her drink with Brad Pitt marked their first reunion since divorcing in 2005. [Sun]
• Mary-Kate Olsen at Fashion Week: Wearing black nail polish, drinking a Peroni. [Sun]
• A Vogue photographer flew over from London to snap pictures of Britney Spears. Hmm. [Post]
• Heather Mills wants nearly $2 million for her roman a clef. [Mail]
• It's legal to auction a virgin in certain parts of Nevada, and Howard Stern will not let this situation go unexploited. [R&M]
• Jennifer Lopez will be a judge on the season finale of Project Runway. Then she'll run a triathlon. Everything seems easy after giving birth to twins. [Us]
• Lil' Wayne stomped away from his Fashion Show performance because security refused to accept that guns and drugs are just other types of accessories. [P6]
• Ashton Kutcher, high school football coach. [P6]
• Michael Jackson's unwashed underwear, collected as evidence in the usuccessful molestation case against him, somehow ended up for auction on EBay with a reserve price of $1 million. [P6]
• Sad Madonna can't sell out a New York venue like Miley Cyrus can. [Post]
• Minnie Driver and her boyfriend had a son named Henry. [People]

Artie Lange, who's long overindulged with drugs and drink, was scheduled to attend close pal Bob Saget's Comedy Central roast on Sunday night, but never made it to LA. Instead, he checked himself into an intensive outpatient rehab program. A source said Lange "felt awful for not being there for Bob, but needed to make his health a priority."

...Meanwhile, teen star Shia LaBeouf may also be headed to rehab. LaBeouf broke his hand in a car accident last week and while it was not his fault, he was charged with DUI, his second arrest since November. Rehab can lead to reduced charges. "Judges like to see it," said a source. His rep would only say, "Right now, we're focusing on Shia's hand."

Fortunately for Shia's rep, there's a little less to focus on now. Still, allow us to express our best wishes to Lange in rehab — in fact, he probably dodged a bullet by entering when he did. It can't have been an easy decision to miss the Bob Saget roast, but after watching this clip of Cloris Leachman coming onto John Stamos, we're about to seek mental help ourselves.

• REHAB FOR STERN SIDEKICK [Page Six]

• Jennifer Aniston is turning 40 in February, childless and unwed. No one cares except the actress herself, who according to OK!'s source is "at an age where she is thinking with her head not just her heart" and according to Star's source is telling friends "it's my turn now" to have babies in the manner of a certain bitch who stole away a certain man from a certain starlet who is so not bitter and so totally over him. So Aniston is already planning the "Wedding Of The Year" even though, apparently, the groom hasn't even proposed yet?? Getting two tabloids involved is a bit much pressure on poor John Mayer, no?
• The entire British internet is convinced Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's magical new Scientology lord. There is a possible bump! Again! [Mirror]
• This blogger knows a girl who has been banging Matthew Broderick, but he won't get into that, because he doesn't believe in salacious gossip. [Cultural Capitol]
• John Stamos told a fairly awful joke about Mary-Kate Olsen at the roast for her Full House Dad Bob Saget, because apparently roasts used to be places where one could tell fairly awful jokes without having to worry about God damned TV cameras and so forth. [Perez]
• Actor James Franco hasn't even moved to New York yet and he's already met Graydon Carter. (Shameless. Flirt.) [P6]
• Tommy Hilfiger is no longer marrying Dee Ocleppo October 17. Supposedly it's amicable. [Post]
• Artie Lange, Howard Stern's sidekick, is headed to rehab. Real rehab, none of this stupid "rehab for depression" or "rehab for my stubbed toe" smokescreen BS. That means he's basically already completed the first step, right? [P6]
• Two professors of Oprahology have determined that a certain daytime talk show host controls the minds of approximately 1 million American voters. [P6]

[via OhNoTheyDidn't]

"I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life,"

"I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this."

"If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this."

We think there's another way: A brokered Stern/Parton peace accord, negotiated by us, an utterly unbiased third party, who just happens to possess a stack of vinyl, DVDs, 8x10 glossies, saved ticket stubs to Dollywood, and menus from the tragically short-lived Planet Fartman restaurant chain in dire need of autographing. We beg of you—let the healing commence, before the proprietor of Kenny Rogers Roasters has his reputation sullied any further by intimations that he's the World's Greatest Chickenhawk.

• Parton "shocked" at Howard Stern radio segment [Reuters]

It goes without saying that we are all very concerned for Artie's well-being at the moment. His recent appearances on Conan O'Brien and the Donny Deutsch Show were clear indications that all is not well in Artie's world, particularly on the substance abuse front. And with the show going on a scheduled weeklong hiatus, it's safe to say that the guys over at Artie Lange Deathwatch will be constantly monitoring Lange's behavior for the next 10 or so days. Here's hoping that Artie is able to hold it together and refrain from going on the kind of bender that felled the likes of Belushi and Farley. We're pulling for you Artie.

Here's the audio of this morning's meltdown Sorry, the original audio we posted here was removed. But thanks to commenter cockfightbarmitzvah, you can now listen to the audio below in the comment section.

• Listen: Artie Lange Quits Howard Stern Audio [Popcrunch]

"The only thing I injected her with was my fist," he joked. He also claimed Brigitte Nielsen was one of the "least crazy" women he's dated and that saucy redhead Angie Everhart was demented. Stern, who also dated Everhart, said she is "very nice."

Among the other topics of conversation: The Richard Gere gerbil rumor (apparently untrue, with Gere "desperate" to find its source); and a rundown of roles Stallone turned down over the years (Superman, Beverly Hills Cop, Die Hard, and Witness—phew). But it was the parade of unzipped ladies who stole his heart that took up the majority of the interview, with Dickinson in particularly leaving a bas taste in his mouth. Could these same bitter adversaries have ever been tender lovers, spending their nights shaving each other's bodies, slathering one another in cocoa butter, and flexing side-by-side in a floor-length mirror to the blaring music of C+C Music Factory? To listen to them now, it's almost impossible to believe.

• SLY SPOUTS OFF [NY Post]
• Stallone's fury at ex-love Janice Dickinson's steroid claims [Daily Mail]

From the daily Howard Stern recap of yesterday's show:

Howard said that Robin is looking even thinner these days. Robin said she was out detoxing with Judith Regan over the weekend. They did the detox themselves. They got some juices from a place that delivered. They drank the stuff every 2 hours and went out to see some concerts and stuff.

Robin said that she and Judith gave themselves coffee enemas while they were doing this detox. Howard had to find out more about that so he asked her about how exactly they do that stuff. Robin said they dark brew some coffee, cool it down and then shoot it into their asses with an enema bag. Robin said she lays on her side and sticks the tube into her ass about 7 or 8 inches and then shoots the coffee in there. Howard was surprised to hear the 7 or 8 inches thing. She said it goes in there pretty easy. She said that it's very simple to do that and it all comes with the enema bag. Robin said the bag hangs above you and the coffee runs in their by gravity. She said it just takes a couple of minutes.