In Moore's story—which, we remind you again, was an amusing anecdote delivered on a late-night comedy talk show program—he went to Chavez's hotel room to ask him to please quiet down and ended up partying with him all night. They consumed a bottle and a half of tequila. And the punchline was that Chavez's speech to the UN was made up mostly of things Moore said to him, while drunk.

Now. According to the public record, Chavez and Moore met in Venice for three hours during the day. And also Chavez is a teetotaler.

Obviously, Marxists are not happy with Moore.

Franz JT Lee, a Marxist academic and blogger, claimed that the film-maker's comments were "part of the United States' 'war of ideas'" against Venezuela, and said similar "propaganda" led to the rise of the Nazis in 1930s Germany.

Right. Well. Michael Moore himself is not happy with people repeating this made-up anecdote he told, though! He claims that the bit where the meeting happened late at night, and not during the day, is true! He does not make any claims about the rest of it, with the tequila and the speech. But the time of day, though, that is rock solid.

Obviously Moore is a liar who hates America and we must always remember that even when he has a legitimate point to make about anything. (He is fat, too.)

Commence arguing!

Now, there are two schools of thought on violence and video games. Some hee and haw about how virtual killing fields do nothing but give the young a taste for blood, a taste that will then lead them down a murderous path. And, thanks to all those hours glued to the tube, their shot's going to be pretty good, so the public should be scared.

Others, meanwhile, argue these games provide a relatively healthy way to expel pubescent angst and, perhaps, prevent unsavory outbursts. Let's assume for a second that the former's the truth. The lawmakers — who will again vote on the matter — see a link between rising murder rates and video games. Why? Because 100,000 people have been murdered since 1999, when current President Hugo Chavez took office. Video games have become more realistic and, therefore, bloody in that same time period. Thus, there must be a connection.

Fine, okay, but these same lawmakers are forgetting the fact that their army needs the United States' help to contain terrorism and drug traffickers. Rather than trying to stop violence via some bullshit bill, they should harness that destructive intemperance and direct it against the nation's common foes. (Which, according to Fidel Castro, includes the United States.)

But maybe that's just us being glib. Perhaps a better reaction would be to tell the National Assembly to urge parents to be more aware of their offspring's proclivities and address it themselves.

Many a young suburban revolutionary who's had the misfortune of growing up in a golf course-infested community has dreamt of banishing the rich from golf courses and building homes for the homeless on the fairways, or, alternately, just covering the whole course in pee, for fun. Hugo Chavez is making up for lots of monomaniacal, dictatorial tendencies by saying: Fuck Golf.

"Let's leave this clear," Mr. Chávez said during a live broadcast of his Sunday television program. "Golf is a bourgeois sport," he said, repeating the word "bourgeois" as if he were swallowing castor oil. Then he went on, mocking the use of golf carts as a practice illustrating the sport's laziness.

Haha, but then they are actually closing down golf courses in Venezuela because Hugo doesn't like them. In one town they are literally "considering building low-income homes on the golf course." It's your freshman year blunts-n-bullshit session (New Che Wall Poster Edition) come to life!

Fuck golf.

No, seriously, that's Glenn Beck logic in action for you. It really is as simple as this—A) FIdel Castro condemned the coup in Honduras. B) Hugo Chavez condemned the coup in Honduras. C) Barack Obama condemned the coup in Honduras. Therefore, Barack Obama is a communist dictator just like Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro.

And now you know.

And judging by the headline on Drudge right now, this appears to be a new conservative line of attack.

Reports Reuters:

Health Minister Jesus Mantilla said the zero-calorie Coke Zero should no longer be sold and stocks of the drink removed from store shelves.

"The product should be withdrawn from circulation to preserve the health of Venezuelans," the minister said in comments reported by the government's news agency.

Mantilla did not say what health risks Coke Zero, which contains artificial sweeteners, posed to the population.

Ok, we think we know what this is all about—Anyone who has tried Coke Zero, and we have, knows that it causes horrendous gas, much more so than Pepsi Max, but Pepsi Max unfortunately tastes like Kevin James' jockstrap after a softball doubleheader in Texas during the month of August, so that's not really an option. When it comes to diet soft drinks, it's hard to go wrong with Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mountain Dew (Which is fabulous with vodka during late night blogging sessions by the way!), but ultimately there is no better diet soft drink than Fresca. Case closed.

So have yourself a nice Fresca Hugo. You'll feel like your on a tropical beach being fanned with palmetto leaves by topless mermaids. Trust us on this one.

Venezuela Bans Coke Zero [Reuters]

Nixon had a big orgy with Mao Zedong. And it turns out every Republican president since the dawn of the Soviet Union has cozied up intimately to some red tyrant, for kinks, as seen in this lovely photo gallery.

But Barack Obama is not allowed to sit down with anyone remotely hostile to the U.S., even if they pointedly lack nuclear weapons, because who knows if our president is even really a legal Christian citizen?

Boomp3.com

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took a meeting with Academy Award winner Sean Penn on Monday. President Chavez wondered why Penn hasn’t done a part like the immortal Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Penn did not have an answer, nor was he willing to do the voice for the leader.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In her Chavez profile, Hall did eventually, if briefly and obliquely, reference the missile charges against Chavez. She also included two sentences, near the end of her article, about Chavez's suppression of opposition media. But the article's few skeptical notes were overshadowed by the warm overall tone and Hall's smile in the accompanying picture.

The Sentinel editor has near-complete autonomy at her newspaper, per orders from CEO Sam Zell and his insane radio henchmen, who have allowed leaders at other Tribune papers similar freedom. But some buttoned-down types in Orlando are not happy with what she's done with her power.

There were the near-topless photos she ran of Ashley Dupre, call girl to former Gov. Eliot Spitzer. All well and good on, say, Gawker, but, to one disgruntled email tipster, the photos were "newsless ... but hey, digital pasties covered her nipples, so its okay, right?"

Hall also stirred local controversy by running Annie Leibovitz's semi-nude photos of Miley Cyrus alongside a front-page story about the teen star's scandalous spread in Vanity Fair.

There is, at least, a certain logic to running the Dupre and Cyrus photos. American newspapers could use more sizzle, and Hall seems intent on providing it. All well and good.

But if she's going to be the hard-charing tabloid editor, Hall should have made sure she lived up to that persona in the interveiwed she scored with Chavez, a controversial world leader especially visible to readers in South Florida. At the very least, she should not have done a complete 180 and soft-pedalled the guy.

Next time, Charlotte, consider sending your pushy photographer and cussing boss for the big sit-down. They'd undoubtedly make a feisty interview team — just the thing for a would-be controversial newspaper.