Identity Thieves Too Stupid To Live

Maggie — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:10:54 EST

Skanky (but well-educated!) identity thieves Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, arrested last week for stealing the identities of their Philadelphia neighbors, do not lack for balls. After being booked, the two went home to the condo—and the neighbors they robbed—to hang out until it was time to get re-arrested on additional charges. Kirsch's parents are both plastic surgeons—and guess what Daddy bought his college kid for Christmas a few years back? Implants, naturally! This year, the two would prefer a deal from the D.A., pretty please.

Couple Accused Of Fraud Wants Deal [AP]

Ivy League Identity Thieves Have Dreadful Taste

Maggie — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 10:55:50 EST

A young Philadelphia couple, recent graduates of UPenn and Drexel, have been arrested for a serious identity theft spree. Working copies of many of their neighbors' keys were found in their apartment, along with passports, cash, credit cards and forgery paraphernalia. Police are characterizing the two as "the Bonnie and Clyde of identity theft," which seems a bit classier than they deserve. What kind of plunder did they piddle away their expensive educations for? Ikea furniture and $1,700 hair extensions. If you're going to go to jail for forty years, aim a little higher: Wal-Mart's got some seriously choice futons.

The Lower East Side Loses Another Institution

Joshua Stein — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:50:14 EDT

The LES has lost another vital neighborhood institution with the shuttering of Tattoo Heaven Smoke Shop, a fake ID front and tattoo parlor that was shut down by the cops. What! This will surely rock the worlds of the Virtual Lower East Side!

The Observer's Chris Shott reports:

The 500-square-foot alleged bogus-license boutique remains locked up behind steel shutters, pending a hearing on June 28. But don't be surprised if a "for rent" sign appears outside the spray-painted storefront in coming weeks.

Now we believe the NYPD believe they're doing the right thing but in reality, they're depriving 16-year-olds on field trips from suburban high schools the right to get a unicorn holding a clover riding on the back of a dolphin through an ocean of Kanji tattooed on the small of their back.

Outraged, we sent Wayne, our Virtual Lower East Side correspondent, to canvass the virtual populace of Vice's bad Second Life rip-off.

Hey skeezers! Long time no see. So I'm a little lonely in here. I've been wandering around in this perpetual dusk for a couple of days now and haven't seen that many bros or dudettes. Today I caught sight of mad peeps dancing but upon further inspection they were all robots. Gnarly! I even saw a dude passed out on the street in front of Arlene's but he was just [bum192], a drone. I was personally bummed to hear Tattoo Heaven Smoke Shop (TatHev, we call it). I remember when I first moved to New York and I got a fake ID from there. It said I was from "New Hamshire" and it worked for two years until some fucking bouncer at the Cooler confiscated it at a Pixeltan show. He was from that state and knew there was a P somewhere in there.
Finally I ran into Thalia who seemed to run away from me a couple of times before I cornered her between a payphone booth and a shuttered deli.

Wayne: hello
Wayne: hey!
Wayne: thalia!
Wayne: comeback!
Wayne: hey!
t h a l i a: hey
t h a l i a: what's going on
Wayne: not much. i have a question for you
t h a l i a: ok
Wayne: do you know where a guy can get a fake ID around here? i'm only 19 and I want to get wasted!
t h a l i a: um, i'm far from being 19 these days
Wayne: how old are you? i mean if you care to answer
Wayne: you kind of look like your early 20s!
t h a l i a: ya thanks?
Wayne: Anyway, I just read that they shut down this fake ID place over on 2nd Street
t h a l i a: my profile says 106
t h a l i a: i beleieve
Wayne: what do you think about that? Is the LES losing its character?
t h a l i a: (i'm a typing genius by the way)
t h a l i a: this sounds like an interview
t h a l i a: losing its character? have you seen the condos going up?
Wayne: this kind of IS an interview
t h a l i a: cool, gotta run. talk again soon.
Wayne: bye?

Whatevs. I'm heading to Piano's. They don't even check Virtual ID!

Rackets Doom Lower East Side/East Village Retail [NYO]

Gawker: identity crises

Identity Thieves Too Stupid To Live

Ivy League Identity Thieves Have Dreadful Taste

The Lower East Side Loses Another Institution