First up, the mighty Glenn Beck offers a new way to look at Obama's health care proposal:

"We're the young girl saying, 'No no! Help me!' and the government is Roman Polanski. In the end I think we're all going to be cowering in France."

The Obama administration is a child rapist. He just might be on to something. Next up, Washington Times editor emeritus Wesley Pruden gets truly provocative about Obama bowing down to foreign leaders:

But Mr. Obama, unlike his predecessors, likely knows no better, and many of those around him, true children of the grungy '60s, are contemptuous of custom. Cutting America down to size is what attracts them to "hope" for "change." It's no fault of the president that he has no natural instinct or blood impulse for what the America of "the 57 states" is about. He was sired by a Kenyan father, born to a mother attracted to men of the Third World and reared by grandparents in Hawaii, a paradise far from the American mainstream.

How much more pride would our nation have today if only Obama's mother had been attracted not to the lowly dirt-people of the third world, but rather to fine American men, like, say, Wesley Pruden, pictured? Vote for the most outrageous American hero, below!

Fairfield University has charged its own student paper with "harassment" and is threatening to pull its funding, all because of a remarkably stupid column about the "walk of shame" that the paper published from some still-drunk tool (pictured). Allow us to quote from it extensively!

There is nothing worse than the awkward wake up next to a girl, who is not as hot as you thought she was when you were 12 deep the night before.

Chris Surette, you cad! Tell us more.

Second, even though you might feel like the man for doing it, make sure you don't raw dog it...
Trust me, you don't want that hood rat giving you a venereal disease. Not because half are not curable, but the next time you try to bang and that little cutie sees that rash around your genitals, she's going to be running for the fences.

We're fairly confident that the fact that Chris Surette will not get laid for the remainder of his time at Fairfield University and, probably, well into his post-college life is punishment enough for his journalistic transgressions.


The Hartford Courant is now making its employees pay for home delivery of the paper. This will have the twin benefits of raising close to $63 in revenue for the beleaguered publication, and ensuring that reporters don't read their own work.


Declarative, worthless sports columnist STEPHEN A. SMITH twits that he's returning to the Philadelphia Inquirer as a sports columnist. An uninsightful, self-absorbed, phone-it-in, overpaid sports columnist at a financially crippled newspaper. Congratulations, Philly.


The world waits and wonders: Who would Katie Couric pick as the "Seven most powerful people in media?" Find out by clicking on this link right here! None of them are supercool, though. Fair warning.

He clearly thought he'd play to his strengths in retirement: he's always been good with the words. So yesterday evening he addressed 15,000 people in Fort Worth, Texas (at a seminar shoutily titled GETMOTIVATED!) in his new guise as motivational-speaker-in-chief.

"I don't see how you can be president without relying on the Almighty," he said, referring perhaps to Dick Cheney. "I can tell you that one of the most amazing surprises of the presidency was the fact that people's prayers affected me. I can't prove it to you. But I can tell you some days were great, some days not so great. But every day was joyous." (Even this one?)

It marks a return to the spotlight for Bush, and he likes it, says the Washington Post. He's giving another speech in San Antonio next month, and has "quite a few speeches planned" in fall, according to former Presidential adviser Karen Hughes.

"He is just a normal guy!" a salesman called Patrick Kruger who was in the crowd told the Post, referring to the multimillionaire scion of a privileged and powerful family. "He wasn't the best speaker. But I was happy to see him!"

Number 43 has joined the Washington Speakers' Bureau, so we have many more of these to look forward to. I, for one, am glad to see the comic relief back on stage after nearly a year of almost completely unamusing serious politicians.

The Sunlight Foundation's Real Time Investigations blog looked up the Republican National Committee's most recent FEC filing and found that they spent $1.4 million web sites and services over the past six months, the period during which Steele was blueskying names for his new "What Up" blog on the snazzy new site, which went live earlier this month.

How much does it cost to host a site for six months that is visited almost exclusively by stoned Wonkette readers who just want to see Steele walk onto their computer again? It costs $1,039,155. The Democratic National Committee, on the other hand, which gets roughly the same amount of traffic as GOP.com on its site, spent $203,000 on hosting during the same period.

That $1,039,155 went to Smartech Corp., a web company that services a lot of conservative clients. We're off to go find out which one of Michael Steele's brothers-in-law works there.

[Via Politico.]

Everyone wanted to strip Prejean of her crown because of her inarticulate embrace of bigotry, but that didn't happen. Donald Tump didn't allow it. But when she became a right-wing martyr and started making her own media appearances while ignoring Miss California-related contractual obligations, they decided she was not working out so well, as Miss California. On the whole, that was a boon for Prejean, because it was harder to sell the "martyr" thing when the only bad thing that had actually happened to her was getting talked to by Perez Hilton.

So now that she is a famous professional conservative family values advocate who posed for racy photos before having a beauty pageant pay for her breast implants it is time to sue the terrible people who thrust her into the public eye in order for her to make her fortune. Specifically, Miss California USA officials Keith Lewis and Shanna Moakler, and publicist Roger Neal.

The complaint cites damages to Miss Prejean including libel, public disclosure of private facts, religious discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Oh no, not negligent infliction of emotional distress! That's the worst kind of infliction of emotional distress!

This seems like a nice time to remind everyone that getting made fun of for stupid shit you say is not actually an example of religious discrimination. Oh, also we should probably remind everyone of these hilarious emails full of all the bias and stuff.

Per the Post, the guy who was supposed to be on watch from Teterboro was on his cell with a contractor, talking about a dead cat who was removed from the airport when the crash happened.

The phone call, to an airport contractor, was a "silly conversation" concerning a dead cat that had been removed from the airport, a retired union official said, in an account supported by transportation officials also familiar with the contents of the call. The controller and his supervisor at Teterboro have been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation by the Federal Aviation Administration. "He was on the phone, and we have made no determination about what role this may have played in the accident," said NTSB spokesman Peter Knudson. "It was a lot of things happening in just a few minutes."

To say both of them have probably had the worst week of their lives would be an understatement. If this is, in fact true, one guy's small mistake, not made, could've possibly prevented a collision where everyone in it ended up dead.

And now, footage taken by a tourist on a boat below the crash is circulating around the internet; it's been around for the last week, but a New York news station did a frame-by-frame of the crash; one wing goes spinning off of the body of the plane the moment it comes in contact with the helicopter. The FAA's using the footage for their investigation.

Surely, there's something trite to be said for representing yet another step in the progress of eyewitness accounts becoming even more readily available following tragic accidents, so we can learn from them and use them to prevent future instances as technology progresses forward. Sadly, this is the last thing that'd occur to some people, as it mostly just presents another opportunity for a dumbass to make another dumb joke on YouTube:

And he thinks it's a plane crash that'd make us look ridiculous to aliens. Go figure.

Geez, where to even begin with this? Glenn Beck is so goddamned exhausting — Okay, so here's Beck being Beck, just being a big, goofy ass, pretending that he's hanging out at Nancy Pelosi's liberal, elitist wine vineyard, and near the end of the clip he "jokes" that he's poisoned Pelosi's wine. Now, Nancy Pelosi is one of the more unsympathetic characters in the history of American politics, a Bogey Woman for the right and an endlessly frustrating congressional leader for the left. You rarely meet anyone who loves Nancy Pelosi. In fact, she's almost universally disliked by everyone who follows politics, which is beyond weird when you actually stop to think about it.

Now with all of that said, Beck's joking on-air to his audience of angry simpletons about poisoning the less-than-endearing Pelosi is mildly infuriating. Sometimes you watch Beck and you just can't believe what you're seeing and hearing, like you're living in the middle of a bad dream directed by Mike Judge, causing you to just drop your head, take a deep breath in order to summon some semblance of serenity, and think hard about moving to an island or joining the Peace Corps, anything to distance yourself far, far away from all of the idiot noise.

"What do you mean by an individual requirement?" Michael Steele asked.

The argument for an individual mandate is that when young and healthy people pay into the system, it pools risk and helps reduce the cost of caring for the elderly and infirm, which is what the young and healthy will eventually become, and then they'll certainly want the kids to subsidize them. That is a pretty simple concept, right? Not to the head of the Republican National Committee, apparently! Once it was explained to him, he would not actually say anything about it.

"Again, that is one of those areas where there is different opinions...I don't do policy," he said. "My point in coming here today was to begin to set a tone, and a theme if you will."

Well, no, it is not Michael Steele's job to "do policy," but it should probably be his job to understand his party's position on policy, because he is in charge of selling it?

Why would any good, patriotic American say such a thing in a discussion about border protection? Because all of our politicians crave is the approval of Europeans and to hold on to their cushy jobs and it's going to take an attack from Bin Laden to wake America up to the fact that our leaders need to use "as much violence as necessary" to firmly establish our place in the world. Meanwhile Beck just sat there nodding his approval.

Yeah.

The neoconservatives aren't even trying to hide their pulling for such things anymore. And these are the same people who revel in cloaking their deranged beliefs in patriotism, mind you.

Happy 4th of July weekend everybody!

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K-Lo's excuse is that she is simple-minded. Former assistant US Attorney Andy McCarthy can say no such thing, as idiotic as the things he writes are.

At least K-Lo's apologia for Ensign succinctly exposes an important difference in how dumb conservatives and dumb liberals interpret the world: dumb liberals justify their mean-spirited glee at seeing a member of the other team brought down in shame by claiming it exposes hypocrisy; dumb conservatives don't understand that it's not a tragic tale of a moral man felled by temptation, it's just a holier-than-thou asshole getting his*.

All McCarthy's doing, though, is absentmindedly flinging shit at the wall in the hopes that something sticks.

So Andy McCarthy's piece is a helpful attempt to explain just why Barack Obama has not yet personally flown into Iran to assassinate Ayatollah Khamenei and grant free-market democracy to the grateful protesters. Some apologists have suggested that it would, in fact, strengthen the ruling regime for the American President to more actively take sides. Others have suggested that Obama might be better able to bargain with whomever eventually runs Iran if he hasn't pissed them off. You can fairly criticize the rationale behind both of those interpretations! Unless you are Andy McCarthy. In that case, this is your explanation.

The fact is that, as a man of the hard Left, Obama is more comfortable with a totalitarian Islamic regime than he would be with a free Iranian society.

Andy McCarthy is well-educated enough to know that a theocratic dictatorship is not compatible in any way with Leftism. He knows, when he writes that the "hard-Left... was more comfortable with the Soviets than the anti-Communists," that many of these anti-Communists were, in fact, fascists, theocratic totalitarians, and dictators. (Like the heroic Afghani freedom fighters who beat back the Russians! Now we call them "the Taliban.") He knows that a ridiculously inequitable oil state that throws occasional sops to its massive underclass is more or less the opposite of the Socialist ideal. And yes, of course he fucking knows that Barack Obama is not even close to being "a man of the hard Left." (Why did President Barack Castro over here appoint Geithner?) Any idiot knows that the President of the United States would obviously rather see a non-insane moderate in charge of Iran, because seriously, how does Obama benefit by having Ahmadinejad still in power, again? He just likes the dude because they both hate America so much? In fact not a single one of the sinister insinuations made in that one simple sentence should even require any sort of rebuttal, because it is all just half-assed trolling.

But it is all especially shameless because neo-conservatives—not the "hard Left"—were the only Americans publicly begging for an Ahmadinjead victory, so that they could—as they are now!—demand that Obama take a harder line against the Iranian regime. One guy said it right there on National Review Online! And look, they won, and they are doing exactly what they said they would!

Anyway. Andy McCarthy: what a prick.

*Seriously, her attempts to frame Ensign's Clinton-era harangues about the sanctity of marriage as a bold truth heroically stated, one that Ensign, tragically, could not live up himself, are mind-boggling, unless you are as dumb and conservative as she is. Like, if she believes that his moralistic pandering was actually an attempt to preach the gospel, then she will forgive him for not living up to those high standards (the high standards he demanded Bill Clinton live up to, but whatever!) himself, because we are sadly all too human, except for abortionists. "I confess that my first instinct was certainly not to praise Senator Ensign upon learning of his infidelity," K-Lo writes, but then she performed the mental jujitsu necessary to align the facts—a man on "her side" does not live up to her standards of morality—with her worldview—she and her friends, the Republicans, are Holy and Right. And so, John Ensign's affair with a married woman is the fault of "the left-wing blogosphere," and all is right with her world. If K-Lo's boyfriend Mitt Romney was caught on video nailing an underaged Thai sex slave she'd probably find a way to make it Keith Olbermann's fault. Ok we promised we wouldn't actually talk about this column so much but come on.

1.) What's baby oil made from?

2.) What's propitious?

3.) Brain Babies
They're scary!

4.) People in the New York metro area love misery, as indicated by the most popular stories on the local news.

5.) Brooke Hogan thinks she looks hot as a lesbian. Others disagree.

6.) Bravo aired deleted scenes from the infamous "prostitution whore" finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. We learned a lot of new things, like GL Juicy J (gays love Juicy Joe).



And we learned that linoleum floors are not desirable in the Garden State.

7.) We also got some insight into what Danielle's sex tape might involve.

8.) 16 and Pregnant is a breeding ground for future Judge Judy litigants: Parents who raise idiots who become parents who raise idiots. It may sound harsh, but that's only if you haven't seen the show.

I do have to agree with the girl on point:

9.) "This man is an idiot."

10.) Janice Dickinson was voted off I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!
I'm gonna miss her crazy like crazy.

Um, most of them. But there's no Obama conspiracy too small in Drudge's world so, yeah, that's right, it's a "miracle" garden ginned up by Robert Gibbs himself. The real seeds are off somewhere with Barack's birth certificate:

GREEN SHOOTS: MICHELLE'S MIRACLE GROW...
PLANT: MARCH 20...
HARVEST: JUNE 16...

According to the transcript of the harvesting event yesterday, Michelle and a bunch of adorable kids were picking lettuce and peas.

Lettuce takes anywhere between 40 and 85 days to mature, based on the variety. Peas take anywhere from 54 to 72 days. The garden was planted on March 20—89 days ago.

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First off, Beck went on his show tonight and performed perhaps the most stunning feat of pulling one out of the old anus in the history of stunning pulling one out of the ole anus feats. Beck, with a straight face mind you, looked into the camera and said that America as it stands today is a "boiling pot" fueled by extremists groups like Al Qaeda and 9/11 truthers who are sowing the seeds of extremism and hatred in this country. Then, still with a straight face, Beck also warned his viewers that more violence is likely to come in the future, that "more nutjobs are going to coming out of the woodwork now," that all of this is part of the "perfect storm" he's been trying to warn everyone about, a "perfect storm" which will result in a "witchhunt" that will focus on two groups of people. Can you guess who they might be?

Jews and—Conservatives!

Beck, like the true reptilian coward he is, doesn't make mention, much less offer an apology for, the lunacy he's been promoting over the radio and television airwaves over the years, lunacy that directly feeds the derangement of people like James von Brunn, inflammatory rhetoric he's been spewing about America turning into a totalitarian communist regime under Obama, the New World Order, Mexicans pouring over our borders to take our jobs and rape our children, FEMA concentration camps, ACORN rigging an American Presidential election for Obama, that dark, powerful, unseen forces are controlling the American economy, how liberals might to assassinate him—We could go on and on and on. There's truly no end with this clown.

We wonder how the executives at Fox are sleeping tonight in the aftermath of the Holocaust Museum shooting. Certainly there's got to be at least one person in power working there in possession of a active conscience and a brain with enough of a capacity for abstract thought as to be able to connect the dots between the types of things Glenn Beck says on the air and the violent domestic extremism we've seen on the rise lately. There just has to be. And we would hope that such a person would have the intestinal fortitude to stand up and say that this sort of madness needs to stop, that it destroys what little credibility the Fox News brand holds as a news organization to have this sort of maniacal charlatan identified as one of the network's stars. Then again, maybe we're a bit too hopelessly idealistic to believe such a person exists over there.

Anyway, here's Beck's utterly nauseating act from today. It opens with part of his "The One Thing" address about the Holocaust Museum shooting and ends with his asking a former CIA agent to confirm that the 9/11 truthers are the ones who inspired James von Brunn.


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Finally, there's Ann Coulter wannabe Debbie Schlussel, last heard from making Sonia Sotomayor/JLo jokes. Here's what she said about what happened at the Holocaust Museum:

It is because of Muslims—who are the biggest contributor to the worldwide rise in anti-Semitism to Holocaust-eve levels—that neo-Nazis feel comfortable—far more comfortable!—manifesting their views about Jews. Until 9/11 and our resulting new tolerance for Islam, the neo-Nazi types were marginalized and howling at the wind. We know who has been targeting Jewish museums and centers affiliated with Jews in recent years. And it hasn't been, in general, 89-year-old White guys.

Mr. Von Brunn has been on this planet for 89 years, and he didn't feel comfortable shooting up a Holocaust museum until now—this new era of "tolerance," in which we must tolerate the most extremist Muslim behaviors and sentiments. It's, in general, not 89-year-old White guys telling people at churches worldwide and in religious schools that the Jews are the devil incarnate, a filthy tribe, the sons of pigs and monkeys, subhuman, etc.

No, it's guys with names like Mohammed and Ahmed on our own American streets who make Mr. Von Brunn far more at ease in 2009 than he was even in 1999 to attack places associated with the Jews. They created the comfort zone for James W. Brunn to engage in today's shooting.

Moreover, not only do White supremacists and neo-Nazis work with Muslims in many, many documented cases and investigations. But they are basically one and the same. The only difference is that one guy is named James and the other guy is named Ahmed. And the former only has a few thousand discredited, marginalized compatriots.

Whereas the latter has over a billion followers and a U.S. President kissing their collective ass.

So there you go. It's the new era of tolerance that inspired a neo-nazi to murder a black guy in the course of trying to shoot up a Jewish museum. You try to figure this one out, because we sure as hell can't.

Stephen Dent willingly spent $200,000 on women he met on SeekingArrangement.com, but they went ahead and extorted him anyhow. How could they?

In March 2008, Queens resident Roy Sipel, 22, pleaded guilty to larceny and was sentenced to 16 months in prison for extorting $40,000 from Dent after learning he had had sex with Sipel's girlfriend, the newspaper reported.

Dent nevertheless visited SeekingArrangement.com again, and again was blackmailed, this time by an Ohio couple, Dawn and Christopher Jessop, records state.

And then he got extorted again, for $9,000. You just can't trust gold diggers three times these days.
[NYP]