immature - Gawker

posts about #immature more →
Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
Things That Make You Facepalm
Beautiful Glow In The Night Sky Is Actually Astronaut Piss
The New York Times Discovers Penis Pumps
The White House Photog Pool Has A Leg Fetishist Amongst Their Ranks
Kate Moss, Lily Allen, and The Rock Chick Diet
Modern Love Investigation: Do Old People, Like, Do It?
Breaking Economic News
In Which We Fill in the 'Times' Mad-Lib

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

MelitaPolyhymnia
11/08/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
I'm lookin' at this as a turnaround. 2000 was great, then we had the events of 9/11 (R.I.P.), and the Yankees went down the tube. Been that way for a while. I'm going to use this well-deserved win to try and get back some of the feeling I had as a lifelong New Yorker and Yankeess fan. To look forward, enjoy the moment, and build on this success.

I couldn't give a crap about Kate's va-jay-jay (thks Oprah), or Minka's. These are great players, whether they are gettin' it on the regular or not. Kate's crotch didn't do nuthin' to win them games. When it's all said and done, when you've seen one, you've seen em all!

Go Yankees!!!
Reply

BxgrlJeri promoted this comment MelitaPolyhymnia was starred MelitaPolyhymnia was unstarred

mommy_dearest
11/07/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
My ladyparts don't get credit the way they should. I'm not sure for what, but they're magical, too. #derekjeter
Reply

mommy_dearest was starred mommy_dearest was unstarred

sarrible
11/07/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
I'm pretty sure they make a new trophy every year. It's not like the Stanley Cup. Still, Steinbrenner might want to Febreze that shit. #derekjeter
Reply

sarrible was starred sarrible was unstarred

Glib and Bitchy
11/07/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
So what you're telling me is, that isn't just silver polish on the trophy? #derekjeter
Reply

Glib and Bitchy was starred Glib and Bitchy was unstarred

mattchew03
11/07/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
Today's posts seem to be running the gamut when it comes to anatomy. #derekjeter
Reply

mattchew03 was starred mattchew03 was unstarred

Foster Kamer
11/07/09

@mattchew03: I set a high-low bar. #derekjeter
Reply

Foster Kamer was starred Foster Kamer was unstarred

mattchew03
11/07/09

@Foster Kamer: And I enjoy visiting this bar. #derekjeter
Reply

mattchew03 was starred mattchew03 was unstarred

resipsaloquacious
11/07/09

In reply to Minka Kelly Will Only Satisfy Derek Jeter to a Certain Point
Tested, indeed. It is now the trophy that keeps on giving. #derekjeter
Reply

resipsaloquacious was starred

Mount_Prion
11/02/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
Said it before, and I'll say it again. Let the Right One In.

Again:

Let the Right One In. #vampires
Reply

Mount_Prion was starred Mount_Prion was unstarred

snugbug
11/02/09

@Mount_Prion: I love you. So much so that now I will have to bite you.

PS: Maybe it sinks it better if we say it in the original Swedish? Låt den Rätte Komma in! Pronounced, "Lott den RE-tte KO-mma in." Funny how Swedish is so similar to English.
Reply

Edited by snugbug at 11/02/09 1:23 PM snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred

Mount_Prion
11/02/09

@snugbug: Yeah, isn't "help me" basically phonetically "haelp meh"? That's what it sounds like when homegirl's under the bridge. #vampires
Reply

Mount_Prion was starred Mount_Prion was unstarred

snugbug
11/02/09

@Mount_Prion: "Hjälp mig" in writ and yes, it phonetically sounds quite similar to "help me." Except the Swedes "sugar-coat" most of the consonants in speech. They come across all soft and not explosive, as in German or English. German is the harshest and sharpest of all Germanic languages in prononciation--by comparison, English and all the rest sound stoned-mellow. #languagedork #vampires
Reply

snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred

OMG! Ponies!
11/02/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
Twilight isn't a cause but it is a symptom. By and large, I agree with this article. Basically, it's been a slow decline since The Lost Boys. Look at what we're left with:

The Underworld franchise: Vampires wear vinyl and werewolves wear Carhartt jackets. Also, you can put ultraviolet rays in a bullet.

The Blade franchise: Vampires can go out during the day if they put on sunblock.

The Lestat franchise: Vampires like velvet and ruffles and are terribly overwrought.

The Twilight franchise: Vampires sparkle and want to hold hands.

Step 1 is getting rid of the "blood bag" cliche.

What the genre needs is an abandonment of science and a return to religious/supernatural sources. Instead of vampirism being caused by viruses or bacteria or vampires being vulnerable to UV rays and immune to the Cross, go back to the old superstitious ways. Instead of overplaying the sex metaphor, play up the thinly-veiled cannibalistic aspect.

Basically, play up the monstrousness, the rape, the evil, and the fact that, ultimately, vampires are the living dead.
Reply

Edited by OMG! Ponies! at 11/02/09 11:13 AM OMG! Ponies! was starred OMG! Ponies! was unstarred

johnny_carsick
11/02/09

@OMG! Ponies!: it wasn't great, but chan-wook park's "thirst" was a bit of a welcome kick to the vampire ass in the monster/rape/evil/cannibal side of things. also just bizarre as all fuck. #vampires
Reply

OMG! Ponies! promoted this comment johnny_carsick was starred johnny_carsick was unstarred

saralapua
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
I agree that vampire mania needs to go away and it will because that what happens with fads that have a ridiculous crescendo like this one. But your post is seriously wound up, Foster. It's just pop culture. Relax.
Reply

Foster Kamer promoted this comment Edited by saralapua at 11/01/09 4:34 PM saralapua was starred saralapua was unstarred

Foster Kamer
11/01/09

@saralapua: If you're going to get irrationally angry over something, shouldn't it be something fun? #vampires
Reply

Foster Kamer was starred Foster Kamer was unstarred

saralapua
11/02/09

@Foster Kamer: Fair enough. This vampire craze has brought it out in all of us. But this too shall pass. Hopefully very soon. #vampires
Reply

saralapua was starred saralapua was unstarred

snugbug
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
I think this post angered the Transylvanian-born Hungarian IT team because suddenly not only are the early comments dissolving into the ether but the video links don't work no more either. Stop being so sensitive, Magyars! #vampires
Reply

snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred

Spirit Fingers
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
Er, Foster I can't agree with you entirely. While the current put vampire on everything (Sweet Jesus have you been to a mall lately? Photos of that damnable Pattinson covers the floor tiles at FYE .) craze of late is just willful, panicked consumerism and trend-sucking awfulness at its best...the lore and legacy of vampires is not. When done right, vampires can be wonderfully horrorful, enigmatic, seductive, and just plain creeptastic. (Everyone see Let the Right One In). Done badly and it's a Great Adventure ride that features a free keyring and a 65 ounce slushee with fangs on the side. But take the poetry of Ann Rice's Interview with a Vampire (Some of Tom Cruise's best work) or the brilliant camp of The Lost Boys... fun, forever original, and timeless.

For me this Twilight nonsense is really the bastardization. The cheating mistress of the genre. And not just for vampires, but it seems for werewolves too. I cringed and shouted "Fuck you!" at the CGI doggie-goes-growly transformation in the trailer. Le sigh Sucks that it seems Norway made a better vampire movie last year about young vampires than that chaste movie all the teeny-boppers seem to adore.

I say let's get back to some original movies about the bloodsuckers and stop all this mass marketed, virginal crock. Vampires are meant for an R rating. And they are not, not at all, meant to be cuddly, shiny, and moist. Nothing forever damned should be. #vampires
Reply

Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred

liberalelite
11/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: Let the Right One In was boring... and Swedish #vampires
Reply

Spirit Fingers promoted this comment liberalelite was starred liberalelite was unstarred

Spirit Fingers
11/01/09

@liberalelite: No, it was subtle and macabre. Which in this instance worked rather well. #vampires
Reply

Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred

Orgasmic-Chemist
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
True Blood is amazing. Plus, having sex right after watching it is always a bit kinkier, which is enough of a reason for me to love a show. #vampires
Reply

snugbug promoted this comment Orgasmic-Chemist was starred Orgasmic-Chemist was unstarred

snugbug
11/01/09

@Orgasmic-Chemist: Did you just type that out loud? Rawrrrrr.. #vampires
Reply

snugbug was starred snugbug was unstarred

DeadliestSin
11/01/09

@Orgasmic-Chemist: This is true. #vampires
Reply

DeadliestSin was starred DeadliestSin was unstarred

dkissam
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
Vampires are inserts in romance for areas that used to be covered by dukes in historical romance, doctors in 1950s hospital romance, Greek tycoons in 1970s Harlequins, etc. The world most of the readers of these books live in is a pretty equal one, and romance is about a power struggle, so there has to be *some* way that the hero is more powerful than the heroine, and supernatural heroes are currently the popular way to create that power differential. The woman doesn't have to be economically powerless, doesn't have to come from a tragic abused background, doesn't have to not have a job, etc., to help the differential along. She can be a successful executive and it still works. He's a *vampire*. #vampires
Reply

DahlELama promoted this comment dkissam was starred dkissam was unstarred

marciax3
11/01/09

@dkissam: You're all smarticle. The last decade has been all about the supes or billionaires. Not millionaires, mind you. A man isn't worth lusting over unless he has a private jet, a phalanx of goons to guard you, the high priced lawyer to take your baby (!), and the private mediterranean island to keep you in seclusion. I was a voracious cheap romance reader until it was all vamps and George Clooney.
Reply

snugbug promoted this comment Edited by marciax3 at 11/01/09 8:24 AM marciax3 was starred marciax3 was unstarred

Super_fly
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
in the past decade or so there's only three instances when i find vampires ok. From Dusk til Dawn, Blade and now True Blood, because even though some of the vampires are emotional they still have no problem ripping a man in half and feasting upon his blood. On a side note vampires should NEVER sparkle in the sun, they.should.fuckin.die. #vampires
Reply

snugbug promoted this comment Super_fly was starred Super_fly was unstarred

sarrible
11/01/09

In reply to Will The Nu-Vampire Trend Please Die? Tonight?
From Dusk Till Dawn is a completely awesome movie. #vampires
Reply

sarrible was starred sarrible was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion