125 Days and a Wake Up
What You Need: Bill Pullman's Speech from Independence Day On a Loop.
This is a good way (maybe the only good way) to celebrate today's holiday. Here is a YouTube playlist of this very important speech, given by America's best fighter pilot turned Commander-in-Chief, Thomas J. Whitmore (William Pullman), in the 1996 motion picture release, Independence Day, a 20th Century Fox picture.
How Other Countries Celebrate the Fourth of July
It may come as a surprise, as we pummel hot dogs to the dome on this hallowed day, that other countries also celebrate the Fourth of July—but on different days of the year. Quelle surprise.
Independence Day
After nearly a year spent inside, Bryan Lindsay has now come home, back to his mother's place in Delmont, Pa. It's the house he grew up in. As of today—Independence Day—Bryan has been free from incarceration for just shy of two weeks. He's still attending group counseling on a regular basis, but he's no longer in the…
Bullet-Time Fireworks are Dramatic and Astounding
Look at this spectacular video of fireworks, sparklers, and contained explosives in all their slow-motion, fiery, explosive glory. Although, I harbor a seasonal pet peeve about setting off fireworks and sparklers during the daytime, this is really fantastic looking.
Hatetriot's Day: July 4th Is America's Crappiest Holiday
Independence Day is the worst of America's joyless national celebrations, the day when everyone will predictably act like a buffoon and nobody has the decency to Opt Out. From Park Slope to Silver Lake, from Phoenix to Saint Paul, the whole nation of grudge-laden bores will wrap themselves in the old Red, White and…
'Outrage' After HGTV Suggests Viewers Use American Flag as Tablecloth
According to reports on multiple conservative websites, a recommendation by Home & Garden Television to use the Star-Spangled Banner as a tablecloth has sparked outrage among viewers, with many taking to the channel's Facebook page to denounce the suggestion as "un-American."
Annual Hot Dog Eating Competition Celebrates Proud American Tradition of Overeating
Today, competitive eaters and heartburn enthusiasts competed in Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog-Eating Contest, a tradition that has been going strong since 1916.
July Fourth Barbecuing for the Already Drunk
It's Independence Day, and it's time to start barbecuing. But you're a miserable failure, and you've already gotten wasted. How will you grill? Don't worry. Chill out. We've got you covered.
Obama Uncoils the World's Longest Hot Dog, Romney Eats an Entire Flag: Goofus and Gallant Do 'America'
Independence Day is upon us, which means it's time to watch politicians stumble through the USA PHOTO OP. Mitt Romney will sing unknown verses of "America the Beautiful" with an Ashcroftian solemnity, while Barack Obama—as befits the office—will force two turkeys to have sex so they can sire the ceremonial turkey he…
How to Get Around Massachusetts' Anti-American Sparkler Ban
Malia Obama turns 14 this Wednesday, and Barack Obama has declared a United States federal holiday to celebrate the occasion.
Want to Grill a Decent Hot Dog for Once? Spiral-Cut It
Independence Day is almost upon us, and what better way to show America you love her than by learning how to properly grill a hot dog.
Watch the Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks Grand Finale
Tonight, the 35th annual Macy's Fourth of July fireworks display lit up New York City as 40,000 shells were fired off from half a dozen barges in the Hudson River. NBC aired the show live for those not in Manhattan. But because nobody watches NBC, here's video of the grand finale for your visual pleasure.
Some Fireworks Safety Tips for Tonight
Happy Independence Day, America! And what better way to celebrate President Whitmore's famous speech than with fireworks? But please, be safe! We've collected some important fireworks safety tips here. Print out several copies and bring them to your barbecue! It's a great way to make friends.
NYPD Sets Off 5,000 Pounds of Confiscated Fireworks
The America-hating buzzkills at the NYPD confiscated some 5,000 pounds of fireworks this year (everything "from sparklers to professional pyrotechnics"), leaving many New Yorkers without even the chance to injure themselves or set their apartments on fire. But at least the department had the decency to film the…
Happy Independence Day, Brazil!
[Tuesday was Brazil's Independence Day! Happy Independence Day, Brazil! This guy—a supporter of Workers Party candidate Dilma Rousseff—brought a sign to the parade. It says: "Lula and the people vote for Dilma for the nation." Pic via AP.]
Joel Stein's Worst Nightmare
[India-hating Time "satirist" Joel Stein might not like this, but Sunday was India's Independence Day! Happy Independence Day, India! These are some schoolchildren performing for the celebration in Bangalore. Pic via AP.]
Scott Brown Wants To Read Your Independence Day Essays! (For $50)
Massachusetts tween sex god Sen. Scott Brown has started an essay contest about Independence Day! Brown will pick up the winner in his truck, head to a baseball game, and then, well... use your imagination, eh? Also: Brown wants $50.
The Holiday Weekend Is Upon Us
Because it's our patriotic duty, we won't be publishing on Saturday. However, Foster will be around tomorrow and Sunday. Also, we're making some changes to comments next week: stars are about to become much more powerful, rare. More on Monday.
The Day I Met Ryan Adams and Didn't Blog About It
Last Sunday, while walking down St. Mark's towards the Holiday Lounge (their awesome old bartender clearly hates all customers and sort of flings your drink from five feet away), I saw this website's favorite scruffy musician/experimental blogger, Ryan Adams-who we've been teasing ever since he sent us a poem intended…
