Police say a group of Ohio inmates managed to overtake one of their guards and are currently holding him hostage inside the jail facility.

There are several points of contention surrounding an April incident in which an Ohio sheriff's deputy forced inmates locked down in his jail's special disciplinary area to dance for his amusement.
Let's analyze them now.

Dwayne Kennedy has been in prison in California since 1990. Last year, he was finally granted parole. He was so very happy! He borrowed another inmate's contraband cell phone to call his family. "We were crying and praying" with joy, his sister says. And then?

The folks who run Camden County, Georgia are weighing a hot new proposal in the reemerging market of slave labor: Inmates as firefighters! Get it? You get the inmates to put out the fires, and then you don't have to pay firefighters. What's not to like about this depressing tale from the age of austerity?

Arizona has, like, no money. Should it raise taxes? Cut services? Or—wait—what about this: Charge people $25 a head to visit friends and family members in its overcrowded jails?

For allegedly stealing a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve, Victoria Hill of Boise, Idaho now faces up to ten years behind bars. Officers charged her with felony burglary, because she stuck the beer in her purse and walked by some cash registers—thereby indicating "intent."

South Carolina's Hill-Finklea Detention Center for barring its inmates from enjoying the kinds of pornographic materials you and I take for granted every. Single. Day. [Note: The ACLU has responded, saying ABC's report is false. Updates below.]

When arriving to jail in Florida to serve 30 days for drug possession, corrections officers asked Sara King if she had anything she's not supposed to have. She replied, "Just my pills in my vagina."

You know how in movies and TV shows about prison, inmates use cigarettes as currency? That's apparently not the case in Florida. The preferred jailhouse currency across the Florida penal system is Mrs. Freshley's Grand Honey Buns.

If you're getting a Secret Service beatdown, at least do it with gusto: Career criminal Gregory Brockman wrote a jailhouse letter threatening to kill the President and eat his flesh. This has been your creative assassination plot of the day.

A letter from the Hipster Grifter's cellmate in her Utah jail. Would that be too much, in terms of "Wringing every last ounce from this mystifyingly popular story?" What about a Kari Ferrell pornography job offer? EH? You want it!