Gawker
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altarcations
Existential Despair, Heartbreak, and Fireworks: The Emotional Arson Of The New York Times
That's not Frank Oz's hand up Phyllis Nefler's ass; it's a stick called the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Sunday NYT. Today, she realizes the evil, dark magic contained within them. Presenting your July 4th Weekend edition of Altarcations: More »
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By Phyllis NeflerComment by the supergoddess: The "Fuckin' Dorrian's" tag is a thing of beauty. 4 Responses | Other threads
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The Inevitable Fate Of Amanda Congdon's Glorious Rack
It doesn't matter if you're black or white. Or gay or straight. What matters is that you're single, and the happy couples of the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Sunday NYT aren't. Professional P.Y.T. Phyllis Nefler's on the case: More »
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By Foster KamerComment by BookishLookish: I am the least snobby person on the planet--I met my husband at Coney Island High on St. Mark's Place... 5 Responses | Other threads
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Shot Through The Heart
It's 9:30 PM, do you know where your biological clock is? Phyllis Nefler does. It's somewhere in the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Sunday 'New York Times,' and TICKING LIKE THIS. Pledge Phy Nef and watch the score: More »
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By Foster KamerComment by Pad Krapao: shit, i wish my wedding were officiated by provost salovey's moustache [yalemedicine.yale.edu] 1 Responses | Other threads
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altarcations
The Chilean Ski Slopes Are Alive with the Sound of Music
Each week, the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Sunday 'New York Times' features twos becoming ones and halves becoming wholes and reminds you how poor/lonely/lost you are; to help, we score them! Your host is chronic bouquet-catcher and numerologist Phyllis Nefler. More »
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By Foster KamerComment by bowel_and_the_obstructors: You should match these up against the Post's wedding announcements. 5 Responses | Other threads
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altarcations
Scoring Sunday Nuptials: Her Daddy Made Me Do It
We're bringing back a Gawker tradition of yore: scoring the highfalutin', inferiority-complex inflating Weddings and Celebrations section of the Sunday 'New York Times.' Your host? High-society mole, street anthropologist, and all-around lady: Phyllis Nefler. More »
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By Foster KamerComment by BxgrlJeri: People who get married on Memorial Day weekend are sick and twisted individuals involved in secret and sinister anti-American plots. 7 Responses | Other threads
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altarcations
Alixandra Smith & Daniel Richenthal Are A Success!
The Weddings and Celebrations in the Sunday 'New York Times' are a textual analysis-rebuffing, context-free and statistically random series of events described objectively that have nothing to do with the fact that you're single and still using that one dirty towel after you shower. You HUMAN FILTH. Intern Alexis judges the vows.
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By aswerdloffComment by whatahoot: Yeah, the insert about Brookie was in extremely poor taste. Isn't that a violation of HIPPA? Even though she died? more » | Other threads
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Douglas O'Connor And Jeanne Conway Are Happier Than You
The Weddings and Celebrations pages of the Sunday 'New York Times' don't have to be read. You can totally pass it by! Then you won't feel bad that you had Wheat Thins for dinner all alone last night and let your ex-boyfriend sleep over last week, you unmarriageable piece of mess!
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By aswerdloffComment by GirlCat: OK, Alexis, I know you're kinda young, but your editors aren't. Can someone explain why a couple featuring a mother named... more » | Other threads
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Martha Sutphen And Richard Stock Have Something To Sort Out
The weekly Weddings and Celebrations section in the 'New York Times' is your guide to who is superior to you—and who is worse than whom. But don't you know: They're all winners, because they're newly-married, and you're single again, or thinking about a divorce, and just generally losing all the time. It's like the brilliant Ann Magnuson always said: Maybe you should have married Junior, the Vietnam vet parking attendant! Would it be so bad?
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By aswerdloffComment by NotAHipster: "Bronxvile"--is that supposed to be a mispelling? In any case, I like. more » | Other threads
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Whitney Rice And Edward Childs Are Cuckoo For Connecticut
The Weddings and Celebrations pages of the 'New York Times' are where the elite announce their TRIUMPH. They did it—they beat you, they beat poverty and, for now, usually, they even beat cancer. Our Intern Alexis picks a winner among the winners.
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By aswerdloffComment by scroll_lock: Franc and Al: their lives became a double feature- that alone should have guaranteed them the crown and scepter. Can we... more » | Other threads
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Greg Lindsay And Sophie Donelson Almost Have It All
The Weddings and Celebrations announcements in the 'New York Times' are a battlefield. Everyone there must stand alone. And no one, not even our Intern Alexis, can tell these people that they're wrong. They are trapped by their love and chained to each others' side.
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By aswerdloffComment by OnAHeartbeatGlide: @Gayatrispivak: LOL - "jock"?? You must be thinking of EMORY, not Emerson. We don't have any of those here. Cokeheads and... more » | Other threads
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Victoria Lim And Peter Sheren Got Married Three Times
Do you believe in love? Perhaps you do! But you totally definitely believe in money. Because it's very hard to love when you have no money and you're hungry! The Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' is where money and love meet, and where our Intern Alexis finds that in the mix, someone always comes out the winner.
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Comment by citykids: Is she marrying him so she can remain in the U.S.? more » | Other threads
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Samantha Gregory & Roberto Benabib Are High On Love
Great news! Did you know that the Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' exists to transform you on a lazy Sunday afternoon from Kathy Griffin to Cathy Guisewite? It's true! Studies show that reading what we used to call 'Vows' actually sets your internal feminism and self-esteem clocks back eight years. Anyhoo, put down that Ben & Jerry's, unloved fatty, and let's see who won the battle of the marriages this week!
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By aswerdloffComment by PRIsNotJournalism: there should be a category for extraneous, non-sensical job titles that are lengthy to sound haughty. +10 more » | Other threads
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Sarah Jewett & Brian Smith Are Totally Out Of Steps
Every week, the New York Times' Weddings and Celebrations section lets you know which powerful, rich, famous, and/or attractive people are joining like in holy matrimony and the conspiracy to grind your hopes and dreams to dust. And every week, our Intern Alexis subjects the happy couples to her tough-but-fair rating system.
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By aswerdloffComment by kbe: well i know it's not so super cool to like these folks, but i went to the wedding of sarah... more » | Other threads
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Virginia Boyd And J. B. Lockhart IV Will Share Her Steamship Inheritance
"The concept of marriage must have been thought up by an unimaginative pig," Albert Einstein once said. Every week, Intern Alexis reads the Times' Weddings And Celebrations section to see who's still buying the concept, and, by extension, each other. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by ellewoods: "So that's what I need to become to be Warner's wife.""What? Mildly deformed??" more » | Other threads
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WASP Fight: Daisy Wademan And Luc Dowling Are Whiter Than Thou
Each week, Intern Alexis demonstrates what we know to be true: That the Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' is for faux-starry-eyed future-divorcees who are setting themselves up for current social status and future windfall divorce settlements. Here's to them! More »
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By ChoireComment by scroll_lock: How many points for being a direct descendent of Manny and Ruth Rosenblum of Boca, proprietors of Manny's Deli? What do... more » | Other threads
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Amy Bloom & Brian Ameche Are Nobody's Chattel
Each week, Intern Alexis surveys the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Times and subjects them to her patented rating scale so that we might know who is best preparing to be well-set-up after their divorces. "Bourgeois marriage is, in reality, a system of wives in common," wrote Marx. Hence we pay attention to the weddings so that we may know who will later be exchanging wives and each others' money at the same time.
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By aswerdloffComment by realnicegirl: Yeah, shout out to Andy and Summit High School. Hey we were all retards in high school. more » | Other threads
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Josiah Hornblower And Jocelyn Hunter Were 'Born Rich'
Every week, Intern Alexis combs the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Times and clues us into which members of the elite class are pooling their resources. This week's column is a day late cause she was at a wedding over the weekend! Alanic. More »
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By aswerdloffComment by shockcorridor9: Okay first comment audition. I agree with the comment that nobody with a pile of inherited wealth is worth anything... more » | Other threads
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Elizabeth Goldhirsh & Eric Yellin Met On J-Date
Each week, the 'New York Times' publishes wedding announcements from the newsworthy set. While it's true that you'll never find love and eventually you'll wind up settling for whoever's left, your sad little dreams put to a terrible end in some dingy rented hall that was the only place you and the schmuck you wound up with could afford, it's still nice to know that good things can happen to other, better people. Intern Alexis tallies the score from Vowland. More »
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By aswerdloffComment by Charlotte Rae's Web: Only new money has to tell you they have it and start their own foundations. With old real money, you know... more » | Other threads
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Donnie Andrews & Fran Boyd Believe In Third Acts
Every darn week, the wedding announcements in the 'New York Times' asks you to celebrate all that is good and right in the world. Let our Intern Alexis remind you that love is like a grenade of happiness, tossing limbs of joy everywhere in a hot red spray of love-blood! More »
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By ChoireComment by lovely nigerienne: They let colored people on here now? For shame. And they're old. more » | Other threads
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Sarah Luskin & Kenan Stern Ski Together
Each week, the 'New York Times' publishes wedding announcements from the newsworthy set. Why do they make you so bitter, you horrible little nitpicker? Why can't you just be happy for them? What's wrong with you? Intern Alexis breaks down who won in the Land Of Vows. More »
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By aswerdloffComment by MimiJudith: How does the New York Times choose who gets placed in this section? Do they get lots of submissions that... more » | Other threads
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Do-Gooding Lawyers Alison Sclater and Wells Dixon Will Save Us All
Every week, when the Times devotes a section to informing you that some people who are richer and smarter and just all around better than you are have found their soulmate lifepartners, Intern Alexis surveys the damage and tallies up the totals. Also, in case you were wondering? No, you'll never find anyone. Anyone good enough, at least. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by arserahmer: You guys have hit this dead on. A friend forwarded me the link because I dated Allison for a few... more » | Other threads
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Journalist Couples Stung By WASPs
Every week, Intern Alexis studies the Times' Weddings and Celebrations section so she can tell us who's winning the game of life. Usually, it's the rich white people who come from money! Imagine. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by 24-7: Shouldn't they get minus points for looks? more » | Other threads
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Meghan O'Rourke And James Surowiecki Win Forever
Every week, Intern Alexis tallies up the points earned by couples vainglorious enough (or Times-employed enough! Awww!) to have little biographical blurbs about themselves in the Styles section. This week, Slate literary editor, Paris Review poetry editor and lauded poet Meghan O'Rourke and New Yorker staffer James Surowieki totally won. How could they not? You can all stop dating now! More »
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By Emily GouldComment by passthesalt: @VenusCloacina: Sharon Olds? SHARON OLDS? If there were any justice in the world, Sharon Olds would choke to... more » | Other threads
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Super WASPs Emily Johnston & Matthew Adler Are Half Jew
Every darn week, the New York Times Weddings and Celebrations section reminds you that you're either not nuptialed or not nuptialed well enough. So each week Intern Alexis helps us pay ironic or sincere tribute to the victors of the game of love! More » -
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Susan Amble and Michael Higgins Do Darien Gymnasts Proud
Each week, the New York Times' Weddings and Celebrations section records the funny ways in which rich people with advanced degrees meet and perpetuate their hegemonic control of our society. Intern Alexis is here to help sort the triscuits from the Carr's water crackers. More »
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By Emily GouldComment by jhudspacebolero: Oh, Lordy! I'm a wedding planner and I met this tard and her sour mom. The groom to... more » | Other threads
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Avery Gardiner And Edwin U Are The Pride Of New England
Every week, Intern Alexis analyzes the results of the Times' Weddings and Celebrations section to figure out who's winning the game of life. Hint: not you! More »
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By aswerdloffComment by DonPardoCalrissian: The homestead of the Gardiner's in Gardiner: http://www.dupontcas will admit I post this in raving jealousy as my cousin... more » | Other threads
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