Shit's getting serious in the world now. Fortunately, there's plenty of toilet paper.

In move that seems to cater the gossip set interested in international relations and possible nuclear war, North Korean officials told Russian officials to consider evacuating the Russian embassy in Pyongyang and also warned the UK, that the safety of their diplomats "cannot be guaranteed." German officials called a…

It must be that Rick Perry's too scared to go home and face the constant howling mockery of every person in Texas for the rest of his life, because there's no reason for him to be in this presidential race anymore. That is, unless he wants to ruin whatever political stature he has left with increasingly desperate…

Shohn Huckabee is a 24 year-old Texas man who was arrested during a trip to Mexico in 2009, charged with drug trafficking, and given a five year prison sentence. He says that he was innocent, tortured by police and set up. His case became a cause celebre for activists, and he's finally been released after serving more…

What is Pakistan doing with the $2 billion in military aid we gave it last year, and the additional $2 billion we'll be spending on it over the next five years? Oh, just arresting people who helped the CIA kill Osama bin Laden, like the soldier who secretly recorded the license plate numbers of cars entering his…

For the first time, investigators are speculating that the $6.6 billion in cash we lost in the wake of the invasion of Iraq may have actually been stolen.

While the president continues his European tour with a stop in Poland, Michelle Obama is heading home. But is she going home to be with her daughters? Or is it because she hates Poland, and more specifically, its president?

Guess who's gonna have a brand new country come June 2011? The South Sudanese, who, in an overwhelming vote—like, 99-percent-"yes" overwhelming—decided to secede from the north. If you're wondering where tonight's party is: It's in South Sudan.

Silvio Berlusconi, the world's Italian-est prime minister, is being investigated by prosecutors in Milan for having sex with a 17-year-old prostitute, according to Corriere della Sera.

It's clear that the federal government's absurd war on Wikileaks broke free of the bonds of reason weeks ago, but this State Department memo issued today serves as a nice reminder: Staffers can't read Wikileaks cables on their "personal time."

Hashim Thaçi, the prime minister of Kosovo, runs a criminal gang that "smuggl[es]weapons, drugs and human organs through eastern Europe," according to a forthcoming report from the Council of Europe.

Remember how Nicaraguan troops totally accidentally violated the territorial integrity of Costa Rica because Google Maps got the borders wrong? Turns out it was just a run of the mill military incursion, and Nicaragua is refusing to back down.

Barack Obama's trip to his ancient Muslim homeland of Indonesia is splashing all sorts of tender boyhood memories across the newspapers, like his gay male nanny who later became a transvestite volleyball player. Glenn Beck just came in his pants.

Meet Staci Child, the stepdaughter of Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard. She just starred in a sexy photo shoot for "lad mag" Zoo wearing an Australian flag bikini, and waving the Australian flag. Want to see some photos?

How do people in France and Britain see each other? According to a new poll, the French think Brits are "not good at" cooking, love, and dressing. Brits polled said the French are only good at "going on strike."

On the Late Show the other night, Robin Williams accused Australians of being "English rednecks." Belligerent drunk and Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd shot back that Alabamians are American rednecks. Good point! Australia is the Alabama of the South Pacific.

First Israel kneecaps Joe Biden by announcing a settlement expansion on the day Biden arrives to restart peace talks. Then Biden shows up 90 minutes late to dinner at Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's house. Did he bring wine? Probably not.

Last week, Barack Obama stood before the world with the prime ministers of Britain and France and accused Iran of secretly pursuing a nuclear weapon. Today, nameless spooks are telling the New York Times not so much. What's going on?