The most popular story on WSJ.com today has been their semi-exclusive about Joe Lieberman saying he's never going to vote for a health care bill with the public option. If you heard about Lieberman making news on health care today and went to Google "lieberman public option," you'd get these results. The shaded red boxes are the News Corp. properties: WSJ.com and Foxnews.com. Those would disappear, but there would be no shortage of results showing you what Lieberman told the WSJ in the top results.

But let's say you were really motivated to find the specific Wall Street Journal story about Joe Lieberman derailing health care and you searched "lieberman public option" and "wall street journal." That would currently bring up the story in question, as well as the Fox News result and an old WSJ blog post. But it would also bring up plenty of other sites that can tell you what was in the WSJ story. Those all likely will also provide a link to the WSJ story, but if they put up the pay wall Murdoch has promised, why would you bother to click through?

Lastly, here's a search for "lieberman public option" and "wall street journal," but with results from WSJ.com and FoxNews.com filtered out—in other words, what Google would return if they weren't allowed to index News Corp. pages.

All but the top two results — irrelevant HuffPo stories — show you exactly what Lieberman said in the Wall Street Journal. And would conceivably show you a link to the WSJ. So, no big loss.

Reports the Wall Street Journal:

The congressional investigation appears to focus on whether internal communications, such as email, show bankers had private doubts about whether mortgage-related securities they were putting together were as financially sound as their public pronouncements suggested.

According to people familiar with the matter, the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations also has issued a subpoena to Washington Mutual Inc., a Seattle thrift that was seized by regulators in last year's financial crisis and is now largely owned by J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.

It looks like welfare-queening your way to $11.4 billion in bonuses has its disadvantages, doesn't it? Typically sympathetic politicians are eager to put on their sheriff's hats for such things, apparently.

Senate Probes Banks for Meltdown Fraud [WSJ]

We played this three times after getting it from our video department and can almost say with almost absolute certainty that yes, Sacha Baron Cohen has struck again! We're sure of it.

Assuming that Mark Sanford considers the "ultimate line" to mean boning, though it's certainly possible that Mark Sanford's "ultimate line" is less than conventional, he claims that, outside of his wife, he's only stuck his red, white and blue pee-pee into Maria Belen Chapur's Latin ladybox during the time he's been married. So based on what we know about Mark Sanford's personal history, let's make a few educated guesses—errr—baseless conclusions about how Sanford may have "crossed the lines."

Paying for professional handjobs—Mark and Jenny Sanford met while both were living in New York and working on Wall Street. This is where the early part of their marriage took place. Now, it's an open secret that Wall Street dudes love "rub-n-tugs," i.e. Asian massages that feature "happy endings." Could we see Mark Sanford frequenting such places? Absolutely! Though we've personally never been to one of these fine establishments, we have many friends working on Wall Street who do frequent them, and we have absolutely no trouble seeing Mark Sanford slinking in to one of these joints during his lunch break or at 2AM after a night of cocktails and cigars for a handjob. And if you're in the market for a "massage" yourself, our Wall Street friends sing the praises of "Bonnie" at the West Garden Spa. They tell us she's "a real workhorse."

Sexy online chat sessions— By now everyone has read Mark Sanford's seductive emails to Maria Belen Chapur. What woman can read Sanford's vivid descriptions of humming diesel engines and tan lines and not become moist in the nether regions? Mark Sanford is the Erica Jong of American politics! So it stands to reason that Sanford has spent time verbally sexing strangers on the internets, in freaky chat rooms and such, which is likely where he honed his considerable erotic literary skills. Mark Sanford is probably one of those people posting ads in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist seeking someone to "sexy chat" with. We always wondered who those people were!

Lusting in his heart and loins—We know that Mark Sanford is an Episcopalian and according to author Bill Bonner, the Episcopal Church has the hottest babes filling the pews.

"Throughout all of Christendom, no group has more attractive churches – nor more fetching women – than Episcopalians."

So it stands to reason that Mark Sanford has spent many Sundays in church feeling lust in his heart for other women, just like that sinning liberal communist Jimmy Carter, in church no less, which means that Jesus will personally lash him about the genitals with wet bamboo when he finally gets to heaven, if God is even willing to let him through the pearly gates that is.

Masturbating in other people's homes—After Mark Sanford left Wall Street, he and Jenny moved to South Carolina where Sanford worked as a real estate broker. Now, real estate brokers, as you probably know, are notorious for pleasuring themselves in the properties they're showing when no one else is around. This is some sort of cheap thrill that they all seem to enjoy, and if there's one thing we've learned about Mark Sanford, it's that he loves cheap thrills.

Pony play—People in South Carolina love horses. So it stands to reason that...Oh Nevermind.

Feel free to add your own reckless speculation in the comments.

Previously: Things To Do In Buenos Aires Without Your Wife

James Auchincloss (pictured, with munchkin), the 62 year-old half-brother of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, is currently under investigation for child porn in Oregon. Police found a huge stash of pictures in his home, allegedly. A little local paper broke the story, and you could just feel the Post's palpable silence—heavy, building, breathy. Turns out they've been hard at work! They got three scoops in this nasty story.

1. Jackie Kennedy didn't want Auchincloss around JFK Jr., because he "showed an unusual obsession" for him when he was seven years old.

2. Auchincloss apologized to members of his church for the child porn thing, which sounds like a confession.

3. Details about his porn stash that you could have done without:

The pictures included shots of a young Ron Howard, Ricky Schroeder, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Dylan and Cole Sprouse of "The Suite Life of Zack & Cody." There were also multimedia slideshows — set to rousing John Philip Sousa band marches — featuring the celeb pictures along with young boys at a local Fourth of July parade.

The New York Post is the early favorite for the 2009 Pulitzer Prize for PORN PERVS.
[NYP]

The transcript shows that in the last 21 seconds of the flight - with cockpit warning systems blaring "terrain, terrain" and "pull up, pull up" - Sullenberger turned to co-pilot Jeff Skiles.

"Got any ideas?" he asked.

"Actually not," Skiles replied.

And then Sully just cold landed the plane in the motherfuckin' river. You can't put badass in a safety manual.
[AP]

Carradine, 72, was found naked in a closet in an upscale Bangkok hotel on Thursday with cords around his neck and his genitals. The police are checking DNA found on the cords, but say they found no signs of a struggle, suggesting that Carradine might have either tied himself up or submitted voluntarily to his incapacitation.

Thai police seem to be insinuating that it was one of those choke-yourself-and-masturbate things where then the person slips or whatever and dies (although they're not sure if he was alone or not). Carradine's friends are universally of the opinion that he wouldn't kill himself. A full autopsy is scheduled to come out on Saturday.

Celebrities, please take this to heart: just masturbate in a normal fashion. You all love autoerotic asphyxiation until it kills you. And haven't we already learned the consequences of tying a cord around your genitals?

Update: And, as it turns out, Carradine's ex-wife once accused him of participating in "deviant sexual behavior which was potentially deadly" and of having an "incestuous relationship with a very close family member." Terrific. [TSG]

[Update: The marine who "waterboarded" Mancow told us this morning that he had "no idea what he was doing" and that everything he knows about waterboarding, he read on the internet. Mancow told us that "hoax isn't the right word," but that the whole thing was supposed to be "simulated."]

The information provided to Gawker by our tipster came in a series of emails and is somewhat layered, so we'll try to lay it all out as unconfusingly as possible. Where the story begins is last Thursday afternoon, the day before Mancow was scheduled to be waterboarded, when the person slated to do the waterboarding suddenly backed out, sending Mancow's publicity team into a mild frenzy to find someone to replace him. A chain of emails followed, emails that were subsequently forwarded to Gawker by our tipster.

There are three main players in the following sequence of events:

-The first is a Chicago-based publicist named Linda Shafran whose clients include the Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos shows, in addition to Erich "Mancow" Muller. In describing Shafran our tipster added:

"Linda Shafran is Springer's current publicist until the show starts shooting in CT. Since Springer is her primary source of income, she's now trying to help promote Mancow nationally as a shock jock alternative to Howard Stern."

-The second person involved in this is a man named David Kupcinet. He runs a Chicago-based foundation for veterans called Kup's Purple Heart Foundation. He is the grandson of Irv Kupcinet, a somewhat legendary Chicago gossip columnist who wrote a column for the Chicago Sun Times for over 60 years. At the behest of a friend, Linda Shafran contacted Kupcinet on Thursday hoping that his relationships with Chicago-area veterans and military personnel could help her find a replacement waterboarder.

-The third person involved here, to a much lesser degree, is another Chicago-based publicist named Kathy Posner. According to our tipster, Posner is Jerry Springer's former flack and a friend of both Linda Shafran and Erich "Mancow" Muller. According to one of the emails we were forwarded, it was Posner who suggested that Shafran contact David Kupcinet to find a replacement waterboarder.

Now, with all of that background established, here are some of the emails that followed between Shafran and Kupcinet, the first being the initial contact between the two on the matter:

From: [redacted]
Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 1:15 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: URGENT

Don't shoot the messenger

Mancow has been promoting all week that he is getting waterboarded tomorrow between 8-9am on-air. We have camera crew shooting it for WGN

The swat guy he had to do the waterboarding now can't do it. Do you know any military guy that might come down to WLS radio tomorrow (190 N. State Street) to waterboard Mancow????

Kathy said you know lots of military guys that might do it...or a policeman or fireman or EMT.

HELP

Linda Shafran
Jerry Springer Show
454 N. Columbus Dr.
Chicago, IL 60611
PH: [redacted]
cell: [redacted]
Email: [redacted]

Kupcinet, or "Kuppy," responded a few minutes later:

From: [redacted]
Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 1:28 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: Re: URGENT

What exactly do you mean? You mean really tortured? What exactly would it consist of and do they need to bring gear or does Cow have what he needs or what?

Get back to me quick an ill find u a guy.

Kuppy

(P.S. Love you)

Sent from my iPhone

Now, here's the key email in the exchange, with Shafran saying in no uncertain terms that the whole thing is being staged as a hoax:

From: [redacted]
Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 1:38 PM
To: [redacted]
Cc: [redacted]
Subject: Re: URGENT

You are a ROCK STAR!!!

It is going to have to look "real" but of course would be simulated with Mancow acting like he is drowning. It will be a hoax but have to look real. Would be great if they could dress in fatigues and bring whatever is needed. We will supply the water

xxxx

Linda Shafran
Jerry Springer Show
454 N. Columbus Dr.
Chicago, IL 60611
PH: [redacted]
cell: [redacted]
Email: [redacted]

After getting this email from Shafran, David Kupcinet suggested she contact Marine Sgt. Clay South, the person who eventually carried out Mancow's waterboarding. We include this next email only because we find the compensation offer extended to South from Mancow via Shafran to be somewhat amusing:

From: [redacted]
Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 2:02 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: MANCOW WAS ALL OVER IT

I tried to call you but got voicemail. I talked to Mancow and he said "Are you kidding - of course he can mention the charity and talk about his experiences over there"

I am going to call Klay now. Mancow will pay gas and parking.

Linda Shafran
Jerry Springer Show
454 N. Columbus Dr.
Chicago, IL 60611
PH: [redacted]
FX: [redacted]
Email: [redacted]

We contacted Linda Shafran last night for a statement about this and she emailed us back with an emphatic denial that anything was faked:

It was NOT a hoax. Early on when we were looking for someone to waterboard, an email was sent out looking for someone to do it and I mistakenly said it would be staged. That was my mistake and a misunderstanding.

But that was early and NOT TRUE AT ALL. It was not staged. NOT AT ALL. When it happened several days later, it was real, honest, actual, not staged.

Any info you have was my mistake. THE WATERBOARDING OF MANCOW WAS REAL!!!!!!

The glaring discrepancy in Shafran's statement to us is that her emails to Kupcinet are dated Thursday, May 21st, the day prior to Mancow's waterboarding, while she now claims that these emails were sent out "early on" and that the waterboarding took place "several days later." Additionally, she even mentions that Mancow "is getting waterboarded tomorrow" in her first note to Kupcinet.

Regarding the emails between Safran and Kupcinet, our tipster also informed us that they were shared with Keith Olbermann's producers prior to Mancow's appearance on his show. We were told that they were beyond livid when they found out about them and expressed their extreme displeasure for the whole situation with Linda Shafran over the phone, but went ahead with the planned segment anyway, making no mention of the fact that they'd received advance word that the whole thing may have been staged. However, we were unable to confirm this with anyone at MSNBC.

Now, we're obviously no experts on the art of waterboarding, but we've done a bit of research on it and also went back and watched the video of Christopher Hitchens' waterboarding in 2008 to compare and contrast his waterboarding against Mancow's, and we couldn't help but notice some rather striking differences.

In the Hitchens video, everything is carried out pretty much according to universal waterboarding protocol as we've come to understand it. His limbs and torso are tightly bound by restraints. The platform on which he lays appears to be tilted slightly downward so that his head is positioned below his heart. His head is also completely covered and the water used looks as though it's poured directly into his breathing passages.

In contrast, Mancow isn't bound by restraints at all, he doesn't appear to have his body positioned at a decline, only a portion of his face from the nose up is covered, and the water is being poured on him inappropriately.

In short, when we watched the Mancow video for the first time it struck us in a "well that doesn't look TOO awful" sort of way. For a brief moment it even made us want to call some friends over so we could all waterboard each other and see what all the fuss is about. On the other hand, the Hitchens video is somewhat nightmarish, making us want to never have anything to do with a waterboarding, ever.

We suggest you watch them both and decide for yourself.

Lawyerly types who work on trying to get innocent people freed from death row say that the fewer newspapers and reporters there are, the harder it is for them to find journalists who will work on stories about people wrongly jailed. Which is undoubtedly true! Just like there are fewer newspaper journalists to work on every other type of story that exists.

But strangely, the main complaint of the lawyers quoted in this story is how hard it is for them to find media outlets willing to join their cases as plaintiffs—something that has nothing to do with reporters, and everything to do with executives.

Anyhow, file this away with the other consequences of the decline of newspapers: fewer staffers to put some real thought into writing up your wedding announcement; fewer full-time Pet Beat reporters to cover kittens, and their cuteness; and the increasing chance that the reporter that lives next door to you may have to relocate to a cheaper house, meaning nobody will be there to alert you when your house catches afire as you sleep, and you burn up.
[NYT. Pic via]

It was always somewhat unclear what exactly went down in this case, and it seemed to boil down to a tabloid's word versus the word of the father, Rafiq Qureshi. So it's good to know the authorities WENT ALL OUT to get the testimony of every witness:

Police questioned Qureshi but were unable to track down the three journalists who carried out the alleged sting.

Officers looked for them at the Leela, a five-star hotel where the report said they met Qureshi but they had already left, Shaikh said.

Police traced two mobile phone numbers the trio gave the hotel to local Vodafone SIM cards, which were activated on April 16 and deactivated on April 19.

Indian police made no further efforts to contact the journalists or News of the World in England, Shaikh added.

Yep, they closed this case—which made headlines around the world—because they just couldn't get in touch with those News of the World reporters. Uh, did they try looking here?
[Pic via]

As the Times and Journal report today, the SEC is investigating Quandrangle Group founder and crazy social climber Rattner for paying $1 million to play with the state's massive pension fund.

The state pension fund was just a hilarious morass of corruption, mostly revolving around former comptroller Alan Hevesi, who was the sole trustee of the whole system. Charges have been filed against former deputy comptroller David Loglisci and Hevesi pal (in Post parlance) Hank Morris. Morris, a Democratic political consultant who ran Chuck Schumer's '98 and '04 campaigns, was the man to send your massively inflated "finders' fees" to in exchange for pension business. Morris and Lovlisci made tens of millions in kickbacks, because they directed the "alternative investments" wing of the $122 billion fund.

And just this week former Liberal Party chair Ray Harding was charged with accepting $800,000 in reward money (from the Morris kickback pool) for some favors he did for Hevesi. Is anyone else growing to like this Andrew Cuomo kid?

So! Quadrangle—meaning Rattner—paid $90k to acquire a shitty movie Loglisci produced, and three weeks later they were doing $100 million worth of business with the pension fund. Shortly after that, Quadrangle paid $1.1 million in fees to Hank Morris.

Here is the film, Chooch, that actual legitimate investment firms invested in, in order to get that sweet pension business. Let's just quote the entire plot summary:

The life of Queens resident Dino Condito is about to take a surprising turn. After letting down his softball team by striking out in the bottom of the ninth against Hoboken, his crew brands him the chooch. Trying to cheer up his cousin Dino, Jubilene Condito cashes in his savings from his first holy communion and springs for a vacation to Cancun. You mean leave Queens? asks Dino, as if the thought had never occurred to him. But there's a mix-up on the way to the airport involving a mysterious bag of money. As soon as Dino and Jube land in Mexico, they're abducted by a pair of thugs and left in the desert at the mercy of a trio of soldiers. It takes reuniting Dino's old Queens crew, including Dino's beloved pet dachsund, to save the two cousins. Only after a jail bust, donkey ride, chicken coop explosion, and a life-changing love affair at the local bordello does the crew finally arrive to save the day. Returning home in triumphant glory with his reunited crew and newfound love Ladonna, Dino discovers the meaning of family, friendship and neighborhood.

Oh man. Rattner paid almost six figures for the rights to distribute the DVD of this heartwarming action-comedy. The only user comment is a 2-star pan from someone who knows an actress with a bit part in the movie from back home in Denver. Hah. Chooch: the shitty low-budget mob mix-up comedy that brought down a large segment of the early-2000s New York political establishment.

And now Rattner will save the auto industry for Barack Obama, who hired him because Rattner millions in donations to get himself out of the investment business and into Democratic politics.

For months, Culligan has been digging into the mystery of why Maggie Williams, a longtime Clinton staffer who served as Hillary Clinton's campaign manager and now works for her as a Secretary of State recruiter, used Clinton's taxpayer-funded office to receive correspondence about stock options she received from Delta Financial, a subprime lender.

It's the most obscure imaginable charge. What, does Culligan think Clinton ripped off taxpayers by having a government-paid clerk drop the letter off at Williams's desk? It's hardly a scandal compared to the $1 million-a-year bill the government has paid since 2001 to fund Clinton's post-presidential operation.

It would have been a simple thing for the Clinton camp to brush off the charge as irrelevant. But the move to reclaim Clinton's domain names suggests that the charge has stung nonetheless. What is it about Williams's mailing address that has Clinton's lawyers so worried now — as opposed to any point in the past decade, during which time Culligan pointed presidentbillclinton.com, williamjclinton.com, and williamclinton.com as a gag to the Republican National Committee's website?

(Photo by AP)

Records dug up by private investigator Joseph Culligan and posted on Webofdeception.com showed Coulter entangled in a lawsuit over rent in 2003 while she was supposedly living with her parents in New Canaan, Conn. Property records also showed her owning an apartment in Manhattan while voting in the neighboring state.

Last month, officials said such behavior would be wrong, but they couldn't do anything unless someone filed a complaint. They only had to ask. Longtime Coulter obsessive Daniel Borchers promptly filed one.

There are only two possible conclusions here.

Either Coulter is innocently pathetic, a fortysomething woman living with her parents. Or she is a liberal — you know, the people who she claimed share "the absolute conviction that there is one set of rules for you, and another, completely different set of rules for everyone else."

This whole mess appears to be tangentially related to AA's never ending feud with lawyer Keith Fink, the go-to guy for disgruntled former AA employees who want to file lawsuits. The company has itself been trying to discredit Fink in return, hence its very urgent desire for some good press. The emails below (says AA's flack: "Our position is that those are unauthenticated e-mails") show a back and forth convo between an AA PR man (Ryan Holiday) and its finance chief (Adrian Kowalewski), trying to round up a good quote for a story. The bit about the company almost going bankrupt is what has the SEC investigating now:

>—-— Original Message —-—
>From: Ryan Holiday
>To: Adrian Kowalewski
>Cc: Candace Keene
>Sent: Wed Dec 24 13:08:23 2008
>Subject: Solution
>
>Adrian -
>
>I don't believe Maya used any other AA sources for her story and since this
>was a profile piece on the company, that's probably not good. For that, I
>had hoped you two would be able to connect briefly so she wouldn't be
>relying on past misinformation, a la the LA Times layoff piece or the WSJ.
>It didn't work out which is fine.
>
>Do you think you could please send her one positive, general statement about
>the financial direction and structure of the company before this two hour
>deadline? She will need it (although she likely won't admit it) and it would
>solve this problem.
>
>
>Ryan

>—-— Original Message —-—
>From: Adrian Kowalewski
>To: Ryan Holiday
>Cc: Candace Keene
>Sent: Wed Dec 24 13:23:08 2008
>Subject: Re: Solution
>
>Dude, it's Christmas Eve and I'm at the airport. Are you kidding me? I never
>gave any indication I would be able to get around to this in a timely
>manner.

>—-— Original Message —-—
>From: Ryan Holiday
>To: Adrian Kowalewski
>Cc: Candace Keene
>Sent: Wed Dec 24 13:28:41 2008
>Subject: Re: Solution
>
>Adrian,
>
>I'm sorry, I know but this woman's questions have been in going on three
>weeks. She had a deadline and confirmation and there is a story. This was a
>15 minute thing.
>
>Ryan

>—-— Original Message —-—
>From: Adrian Kowalewski
>To: Ryan Holiday
>Cc: Candace Keene
>Sent: Wed Dec 24 13:33:04 2008
>Subject: Re: Solution
>
>
>1. We almost went bankrupt last Friday. I'm sorry but I was busy with that
>for the last several weeks.
>2. I've been sick and occupied with other company matters since Friday
>because we're hardly out of the woods on #1.
>3. It's the holiday.
>
>If you want to handle these questions and it's only 15 minutes then please
>go ahead.

>—-— Original Message —-—
>From: Ryan HolidWeay
>To: Adrian Kowalewski
>Sent: Wed Dec 24 13:44:19 2008
>Subject: Re: Solution
>
>Adrian,
>
>Dude I understand. If you can't do it then you can't do it, I'm only trying
>to avoid more of these press problems and stay on good terms with the
>outlets that Fink uses to hurt the company over and over. I already spoke
>with her multiple times and gave her a tour but it wouldn't be right for me
>to pontificate on some of the more fragile financial issues that her piece
>was going to deal with. Appreciate you giving it a shot, it will be fine.
>
>Have a nice couple days here,
>Ryan

UPDATE: Ryan Holiday emails us:

I'd print the stolen emails if I had them too I guess, but would it be fair to give us a photo that isn't a parody done by someone else?

http://americanapparel.net/presscenter/ads/samples/bigs/american_apparel_ad_noise_290808.jpg

Just saying,
Ryan

Since the photo was the biggest problem he had with this post, we changed it for him.

Officials at the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, known as FINRA, told The Post that after examining more than 40 years' worth of financial records from Madoff's now-defunct broker dealer, there are no signs that Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities ever traded shares on behalf of the investment-advisory business at the center of the scandal.

The startling findings contradict statements that Madoff's advisory clients received showing hundreds, if not thousands of trades, completed by the broker dealer every year.

That means, according to these investigators, who went through the books back to 1960, all the trades he reported to his clients were totally fraudulent. This guy was a really good criminal. And it would seem logical that the longer they find that his scam went on, the more embarrassing it becomes that he wasn't caught—either by regulators or by the money managers who rushed to invest their clients' money with him.

Which is a really bad development for J. Ezra Merkin, the financier who funneled money from his clients—including Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman, Clinton pardonee Marc Rich, and a bunch of universities and charities—into Madoff's hands, and ended up losing $2 billion. Merkin's now under investigation for fraud by the NY attorney general.

If all this makes you mad, just ponder the case of this financial manager who conned clients out of $600K, then lost it all to Nigerian email scammers. Karma works, if you let it. [NYP, NYT]

Recording Phone Calls

Federal law allows recording of phone calls with the consent of one party on the call, meaning you can legally record any phone calls you're a part of. State laws vary, however: in some states you must have the consent of both parties (not New York, though). See here for a full guide.

You can record phone calls on normal handsets with a cheap recorder hookup, like this one from Radio Shack. You can also record calls onto your PC, either with an adapter, or, more simply, by using Skype. There are also services that will record your cell phone calls for you, and allow you to access them when you want.

Other Recording

A simple little digital recorder is a great device that can be slipped into a pocket or left in a corner and record ambient conversations for hours. For long-distance audio recording, you'll need something more powerful, like a parabolic microphone that can amplify sounds 300 yards away. Works great for hearing bird calls; if you're using it to listen in on people, you may be a creep.

For visuals, there are plenty of discreet, handheld digital camcorders that should meet most video recording needs. To secretly record what's happening in a room, you can buy camcorders that are hidden in everything from plants to smoke alarms. Again—if you are using these to be a creep, you will and should be locked up.

Researching People

Google! It's a wonderful tool. Nexis People search is a quick and efficient way to categorize your searching by what the person does, where they're from, their company name, etc. Paid search services like Intellius can take small bits of information about people and search for public records and contact info for a nominal fee. Names can be parlayed into phone numbers and email addresses, and vice versa.

Public records from these and other similar sources are broader than you think. Recent Nexis upgrades, for example, can give you everything from a person's cell phone number to info on their gun licenses. You never know what you might find.

The Freedom of Information Act is designed to give you access to government records that don't have a good reason to be private. This is largely political; under the current administration, lots of stupid things are private. Obama should be more open (one would think). Get your FBI file, why don't you? Better yet, get someone else's! A government guide to FOIA is here, and a citizen's guide to the process is here.

Also legal: searching through someone's trash, if it has been placed out for disposal in a public area. Although this may get your ass kicked.

Tracking Movement

A small GPS device like this placed in someone's car can help you track them for days. If you're not in law enforcement, this is probably illegal, so never do it.

Modern cell phones have built-in GPS devices, which would theoretically make them a great way to track the movement of individuals. But that's generally impossible without the assistance of the carrier, unless the person is using an opt-in tracker and posting their movements themselves on Dodgeball or something. So this one requires great hacking skills or a mole at the phone company, and is illegal besides. A useful overview to cell phone tracking is here.

For observation purposes, digital binoculars combine a camera, video recorder, and binoculars in one product.

Final Thoughts

Are you spying for a righteous cause? If not, give the world some privacy, why don't you? Either way, you might consider learning Krav Maga or carrying a Taser. Those being spied upon tend to object.

Stills from the 2000 UK documentary Boom or Bust, by filmmaker Si Mitchell:

From Squall magazine:

Two prints from British artist Mister Aitch, both of which are allegedly profile pictures of Banksy. We're told that the title, "F5," is a reference to the button people hit on their keyboard over and over to refresh a page when a new Banksy print goes up for sale:

[Read our previous Banksy coverage here. If you do not feel this investigation is as exciting as I do (it is very exciting), please keep that to yourself.]