That's more like it!

[Daily Mail]

Obama should point out shocking facts like "We aren't always aware of our biases" (people love to be told that!) and "A conservative may end up the first woman president" (why would Obama say this??) and "Politics can make a difference for women" (can it get them a MAN? lol j/k).

Then he suggests that Obama use this speech on gender issues, the speech it would probably condescending for him to make, as it usually is when smart boys play "feminist," to save all the ladies and babies in Iraq and Africa, which, while a very noble and important cause, really has fuck-all to do with the gender issues that colored coverage of Hillary Clinton's campaign and exposed deep reservoirs of sexism in the American body politic.

Then Kristof invites you to comment on this column on his Facebook page! You can be a Knight or a Vampire.

The Sex Speech [NYT]

The company had a big PR plan in place for the announcement: talking points, economic facts, carefully crafted statements. Which was all a big waste of time, because people are going to be pissed about losing their sacred bag-checking rights, high oil prices be damned:

"We understood that consumers would be frustrated with another fee," said Mike Flanagan, senior VP at Weber Shandwick, American's public-relations shop of record. "Precisely for that reason; we did our best to communicate the full impact that oil is having on our business." Predictably, the public had little sympathy...

Regardless of American's honesty, consumers were still angered by the fee. "It's only a matter of time before airlines begin charging for our carry-on bag," wrote one commenter on Chris Elliott's travel blog. Blogs such as Sky Talk gauged traveler reaction, including a flier who said that "they're trying to nickel and dime us for too many things."

Hey, Joe Public, you're right: It is only a matter of time before they start charging you for carry on bags. Along with food and everything else on planes these days. The alternative is to raise ticket prices. But of course, the airlines can't do that because of... populist outrage!

As hard as it is to sympathize with the airline industry, they deserve a little sympathy. They were the victim of an easy cheap shot by the national media, which cried "Not another price increase!" while knowing full well that revenue needs to go up one way or another. American's only mistake here was being the first one to put in this fee. Now that they've broken the cherry, watch as all their fellow airlines fall in line.

The littlest victims in all this: the poor flacks.

[Ad Age]

"Sex worldwide could be better," according to the survey. We'd say so! Only 60% of people worldwide say sex is "fun, enjoyable, and a vital part of life."

Let that sink in for a moment. Only three out of five people on earth believe sex is fun. Further, less than half—only 44%—say they are fully satisfied with their own sex lives. Well, hard to be satisfied if you don't even think it's fun.

So who is winning the global sex race? Greece, where almost 90% of people say they get laid weekly. They are either very sexy, or very big liars. Following closely are Brazil, Russia, and China. Clearly, Americans need to get to screwing—possibly with the help of some pleasure-enhancing Durex products!—or our empire will surely fall to the onslaught of the Greeks.

At least the cause of our poor showing is clear: Fancy men's underwear.

Obviously, there was the duly noted Spanx explosion/debacle.
But there are other, more pressing problems for urban women: possibly your "flaccid, exposed [ear]lobes." Yeah, you might want to get that taken care of. Or is the real issue your ill-fitting bra? New York magazine temporarily morphed into Cosmo with its "Everything Guide to Bras." Except, we've read this article about eight times already. When we were fourteen. Like: Did you know you're supposed not supposed to wear the same bra two days in a row? Yawn.

And is it even possible that a city of grown women well-versed in the intricacies of different types of bikini waxing still can't buy the right size bra? How hard is it, right? After all, what else were Seventeen and YM training us for all those years?

By mealtime, many cooks will be tired of hovering over the turkey and ready to unload it, but just try to find a taker.

"One year my 13-year-old nephew, Josh, was the only one willing to take it on," said Nissa Goldstein, a retired teacher in West Hartford, Conn. "Of course, everyone was shouting instructions at him, and he ended up locking himself in his room and refusing to come out."

But Josh isn't alone; the turkey terror lurks everywhere! "One year the turkey took a long time to cook and I went to carve it after about 13 beers," said Maurice Landry, who lives near Lake Charles, LA. "The way I remember it, I bore down to take off the leg and the whole thing went shooting off the platter and knocked over the centerpiece." Indeed, why wield a knife at all if you aren't a little bit buzzed?

With the proof of a problem's existence established rather indisputably by just two "One year..." recollections, Moskin moves on to the meat of her story. The Goldsteins and Landrys aren't heard from again—which makes one wonder: how exactly were these folks from "West Hartford" and "Lake Charles" identified as prime sources on holidays hysteria? And who's making sure they stay in treatment for good this time?

Butcher's Method Takes Carving Off the Table [NYT]

Ms. Davis can just blame it on the stagehand strike! Still, she has to come to terms with the step backwards into the reality dregs—I mean, she couldn't even get on a Lifetime serial? But wait some more! There's a writer's strike on; no scripted TV! Little by little, the week's bicoastal labor unrest has acheived its goal: excusing one lady's career failure. [AP]

The largest advertising company of Japan was involved into huge sexual scandal. The former creative director of its U.S. arm accused it of pressing him to visit a brothel and engaging in engage in other sexually explicit activities on company outings and said he was fired because of complaint.

From the Lipman camp:

Even supporters of Mr. Impoco will use words like "pugnacious," in describing him, and one staffer said that he had been "sparring publicly" with Ms. Lipman for some time.
In a recent editorial meeting, Mr. Impoco harshly challenged her, belittling one of her story ideas as "breathless." As one staffer said: "I think the people who are not the greatest fans of the boss were taken aback by that."

And few fail to mention Mr. Impoco's support of Kurt Eichenwald, the embattled investigative reporter who spent two decades at The New York Times before joining Portfolio a year ago.

Lipman's management problems are said to be deeper than just a personality clash with Impoco.

One source said that she has never put out a magazine before and doesn't seem to have clear ideas of what she wants. And while she has many veterans across the editorial, design and photo departments, she doesn't defer to anyone.

"She thinks she is 100 percent right, 100 percent of the time," said one insider, who said the disaffection runs deep. "She just isn't very collegial. The dissatisfaction is spread across all departments."

That said, she is not prone to shouting matches or temper tantrums.

"It's definitely a Captain Bligh thing going on, but she has that permanent Joker smile," said the insider, referring to both the taciturn captain from the book "Mutiny on the Bounty," who was tossed over board by his crew, and to one of Batman's foes.

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Naturally, I ordered a case of W ketchup, and later a W cap, bumper stickers, and decals. It was just a gesture of support for President Bush's reelection, but the ketchup was a real surprise that was enjoyed by everybody in my family.

The concept of freedom before wealth is hard for Democrats to understand, but it is this principle that defines conservatism. Smaller government, less regulation, strong defense, and civil rights for all — these are radical concepts today, but one forgets that the original Republican Party members were radicals. Abraham Lincoln was hated just as much as Mr. Bush, only his vice president was a Democrat, Andrew Johnson. Maybe having Vice President Cheney around is keeping the president out of harm's way. After Lincoln was assassinated, the Democrats did all they could to unravel his Emancipation Proclamation. Not many blacks know that it was the Democrats who formed the KKK, and Jesse Jackson sure isn't going to clue them in.

Rebels With A Cause - Conservatism [NYS]

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Alicia Colon

But anyhow: Last night we made our last trip to the newsstand for magazine-weighing purposes; naturally, it was our most grueling burden. But, for the sake of research, we lugged 13.5 pounds of aspirational luxury back to HQ and added them to the monstrous pile. Our back could be feeling better, thanks.

After the jump, the final weigh-in, featuring heavyweight champ Vogue and the other fatties.

Notes:
• Good to see Bazaar hanging in there with the African queen.
• Fuck you, Vogue.
• You know exactly why we included Details.

Earlier: September Issues: The First Fall Fashion Weigh-In
September Issues: Fall Fashion Weigh-In #2

In this featherweight installment, we put Jane, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire and Elle on the Tanita scale. After the jump, round two of our fat-circling project.

Notes
• Jane definitely weighs less than a pound but, when combined with all the other magazines, the scale kept reading 6.5 lbs., as opposed to the more accurate 6 lbs. But who needs the rules of arithmetic? Not our scale! Tanita is so Jane.
• Who the hell is on the cover of Cosmo? Fake Denise Richards? Poor man's Jessica Simpson?
• Elle weighs more than Lohan herself.

Earlier: September Issues: The First Fall Fashion Weigh-In

For our first weigh-in, we went with Glamour, Lucky, W and Vanity Fair (seeing as it's VF's inaugural "Style Issue," we'll group them with the fashion rags. Just this once). After the jump, we'll take a Sharpie and circle their fat.

Notes:
• Jessica Joffe accounts for approximately .75 lbs of Glamour's total weight.
• We actually think Vanity Fair was a little heavier than the other 2-pounders, but the poor Tanita scale lacks that level of precision.
• It's unfair to include beastly W amongst the mere mortals — like putting a rottweiler in a room with a bunch of chihuahuas, really. But 3.5 lbs cannot be ignored.

TAN's tribute is after the jump.

The Kings, Martin Luther and Coretta Scott, were the ultimate power couple, both in life and in death. While he was dreaming, leading marches on Washington, and changing history as we know it, she supported him and raised their four children. And when he was killed, she stepped up to fill the moral void left by his absence and hoisted his whole legacy on her back, continuing to nurture the civil-rights movement and helping to carry a whole generation toward the finish line.

So when a woman like Coretta Scott King passes, in addition to feeling appropriate awe at her legacy, I mostly find myself thinking, "Goddamn! I need a woman like that in my life."

Yes, I now realize that I need to find my Coretta Scott King. Beause while I'm not yet worthy of being assassinated, there is a possibility of my suicide, for fame — not money — and a byline. Were that to happen, I'd need someone to keep my legacy alive. And so I'm changing all my online personal ads so they better help me locate that woman who can inspire me to motivate the masses, CSK style.

Here are the bullets on what I'm looking for. A potential Mrs. TAN must be willing to

• Be cool and raise the kids after I die (or "disappear");
• Lobby for a holiday in my honor;
• Found and run a center in my memory; and
• Generally dedicate her life to fulfilling my dreams.

Awwwwww, yeah. Now that's the kind of woman I need. Thank you, Coretta Scott King, for teaching me this.

(All applications — to be judged solely on content of character — may be submitted via The Assimilated Negro.)

Coretta Scott King, 78, Widow of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Dies [NYT]