• Lady Gaga and Beyonce made a music video! It's for Beyonce song Video Phone. It alludes to Reservoir Dogs, Beyonce wears a Zorro mask and carries an assault rifle, and Gaga wanders around looking totally normal. All in all: Headtrip. Also, between this and her own video, Gaga's been showing a lot of her very, um, vampy face lately. Is it part of her campaign to convince us that she is a tranny? [fig.1, below] [MTV]
  
• 
  
• Nicole Kidman had an awesome time with her baby weight because it gave her boobs: "They're not very big, my boobs, so they just became normal size. I loved it! I felt very Woman," she told Ladies' Home Journal. But here's the thing: ShowBizSpy quotes Nicole's quote in LHJ, but when I went to LJH's website, I couldn't find the passage! It is possible that boring Nicole's boring yammering about Keith Urban caused my eyes to glaze over, rendering me temporarily illiterate during my attempt to read the profile? Does the pregnant-boob quote really exist? Inquiring minds want to know. [ShowBizSpy] [LHJ]
• 
  
• Levi Johnston dressed up as the Unabomber after his tragically not-penis-showing Playgirl shoot yesterday, but he messed up the disguise by choosing a hooded sweatshirt that said ALASKA on it. [fig.2] There are only two Alaskans in all of New York this week, and one of them is Sarah Palin, and to be her you'd have to have tits, so we know it's you, Levi, you cannot hide. UPDATE: I am informed that Levi's shirt in fact reads ALASKAN BREWING COMPANY, the beer of choice for rugged Alaskan frontiersmen. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Brangelina are designing snake-inspired jewelry for charity. The line—entitled The Protector—features silver baby spoons, an eggcup, a tooth box (eery?), and diamond-encrusted pendants and rings, all themed with coiled snakes. The proceeds will go to child education in wartorn regions, where snakes sometimes reside, but sterling silver eggcups rarely do. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• Adam Lambert wants more tattoos, but he doesn't have any ideas what to ink on his body next. It's the perennial conundrum of ostentatiously "unique" vapid people: an insatiable desire to express oneself, but no dust bunnies worth expressing in one's empty little head. [ShowBizSpy]
• 
  
• This is horrifying: Tila Tequila (93 lbs, 4'11") has submitted photographs of her black-and-blue bruised arms as evidence in her lawsuit against ex-boyfriend and NFL star Shawne Merriman (280 lbs, 6'4"). Naturally, TMZ has compiled them into a gallery, along with pictures depicting the enormous size difference between these two humans. The San Diego County D.A. never filed criminal charges against Merriman, which makes the whole case even weirder. [TMZ]
• 
  
• Spencer Pratt went on a Twitter rampage yesterday after his and wife Heidi Montag's interview with Al Roker was cut from The Today Show "due to a change in the show's schedule," according to a spokesman. Roker and Speidi sparred months ago when Al called Spencer a "jerk" on the air and Heidi almost cried. Among Spencer's myriad raging tweets: "WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomache stapled again?" and "is it true you have been married 6 times? I'm sure all your wives left you when they realized you were abusive to women! Sicko!" I really hope whoever cut Speidi did it for the express purpose of pissing Spencer off, because the effect was pretty glorious. [NYDN] l
• 
  
• Aaron Carter owes more than one million dollars in back taxes, which is apparently why he cried so hard when he got kicked off Dancing with the Stars. How can he possibly owe this much money? There is no way he's even earned that much money in his life, is there? [TMZ]
• 
  
• Janet Jackson blames Dr. Conrad Murray for her brother's death, because he "was the one administering" the fatal propofol. She also says she found out about Michael's death after her assistant saw it on CNN and called her, which is testament either to the brutal speed of 24-hour media or the callousness of Jacko's inner circle for not calling his family members sooner. [NYDN]
• 
  
• Signs of the apocalypse: Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) says Carrie Prejean should run for political office, because she "has the ability to draw crowds and if she has a strong message to go with that, who knows what she can do? She has star power which can open doors." [TMZ]
• 
  

  Figure 1
  

  Figure 2
  

• Radar has a WORLD WIDE EXCLUSIVE that Lindsay Lohan was dating the Heath Ledger when he died. The evidence comes from the umpteenth phone conversation that Michael Lohan secretly recorded with family members, then sold to the tabloid site, because he's just that nice of a guy. In it, Dina says, "She was dating Heath when he died.... I would drop her off and they were friends, very, very close, ok?" Leaving aside the very peculiar decision to drop one's chemically- and emotionally-troubled daughter off at a strange older man's home, does that even necessarily sound like dating? But then the conversation gets sad when Dina says she fears Lindsay will "do something like Heath Ledger did" some day. [Radar]
• 
  
• Dina fires back: Michael's betrayal of his family with the phone conversation sales is "unforgivable." Dina, who also regularly sells candid recordings of her children (albeit through lawyer-vetted contracts to reality TV producers) concluded: "My heart is breaking for my children." [E!]
• 
  
• Finally! Definitive evidence that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are wildly in love: A photograph of them holding hands on their way to the airport in Paris! But wait—what if they're just messing with us? There was an entire Gossip Girl plotline about a situation just like this, I think the lesson was something along the liens of "believe everything you see on TV," in which case: Confirmed! Edward and Bella are making babies. [PopSugar]
• 
  
• Even in death, Jacko knew how to spend. Court documents show Michael Jackson blew a milli on his burial, the L.A. Times reports, including $35,000 for the burial outfit (burned during his cremation) and $16,000 on flowers. Janet, the only Jackson with two pennies to rub together, fronted $49,000, a sum that is paltry only in comparison. [LAT]
  [TMZ]
• 
  
• Kate Gosselin respectfully objects to Jon's characterization, on their reality television show, that she must "pull the stick out" of her butt. Looking back, Kate now sees their relationship's doomed fate foretold in that single, sodomitic exhortation: "Perhaps [that] was a sign of things to come." I like to imagine she said it with a sigh. [Us]
• 
  
• Surprise of the year: America's Next Top Model judge and Tyra Banks' gay best friend Miss J. has a seven-year-old son. The mother is a "French lesbian" who had Miss J. and ex-boyfriend Alex jiz in a test tube. [Us]
• 
  
• Halloween star Danielle Harris' stalker is following her again, on Twitter, leading to an interesting quandary: Does that count? Creepster Christopher Small has a restraining order against him until 2012, but now were sort of curious, does following count as making contact? What about retweets? Christopher tweets things he likes about Danielle as "Stalkr-approved :)" which proves that 140 characters is enough to make an innocent female puke on the spot, and also that emoticon smileys can be really sinister in certain contexts. [TMZ]
• 
  
• This might explains why Josh Duhamel thought he could get away with cheating on Fergie: Apparently she didn't know the meaning of "cheating" until a licensed professional explained it her. "I learned through talking with my therapist that it is still cheating even if it's with girls," she explains in the same breath that she admits that she "also love[s] a well-endowed man." [P6]
• 
  
• Shanna Moakler called Khloe Kardashian a "donkey" on Wendy Williams' show, prompting one of Khloe's friends to call Shanna a "dirty whore." Khloe delivered the ultimate insult: "I have no idea who this girl is." If only we could say the same about both of them. [TMZ]

Us Weekly reports that Rebbie Jackson, Michael's oldest sister and the one who is suhttp://publish.gawker.com/ged/5381533#pposedly caring for the children, is not participating in the show and believes it would make Michael "spin in his grave." The children are in the custody of their grandmother, Katherine, who will participate in the show along with her husband Joe, who was always the mastermind behind the family's grabs at fame. A source tells Us that Katherine "is just going along with things."

Didn't the family learn their lesson the first time around. A life that started in the spotlight didn't turn out that great for Michael, why would he want to inflict that on these children as well. And look at poor Blanket in the picture above. Does that look like a kid who wants to have cameras in his bedroom?

The rest of the family—including Janet, the most famous living Jackson—is on board for either five hour-long episodes or 10 half hours. There will be 23 Jacksons in total, so it sounds like the whole brood will be counting their reality television money together.

Update: A rep for A&E told CNN that Michael Jackson's children "are not part of the series." Us Weekly says it stands by its story.

[Image via Getty]

Last night, when a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance celebrated making it to the next round, she got so excited she fell to the floor, writhing in excitement, and let the camera film up her skirt. Too bad she wasn't wearing any panties. Oopsie!

After the Janet Jackson debacle, where she showed her breast on live television during the Super Bowl halftime show, the reaction was immediate and fierce. After all, bare nipples are the greatest threat to our national order. Well, nipples and gay marriage are close, but nipples always win by a hair. Now there may have been a real live vagina on television, we have no idea what the precedents are. Viacom, the owner of CBS, paid $550,000 for showing first base, how much will Fox have to pony up for the whole infield?

Well, that depends on a few factors:

• Since this was taped television instead of live, did Fox know there was a cooch in the broadcast when it aired? If so, big fine.
• If not, why doesn't Fox have an official person in charge of making sure that no genitalia make it on to television? If they don't, big fine. If they hire one, thus stimulating the economy and our Puritanical sense of decency, then the fine will go down.
• Was this a stunt to get everyone talking about a show whose ratings are off from the summer season. If so, Fox better get out it's wallet. (Also, kudos).
• How many form letters will the Parents Television Council fool people into sending to the FCC? The number is a direct correlation to size of the fine.
• Will Glenn Beck or another cable new yahoo take up the cause? If so, the decibel level of his loudest, sternest scream on the subject multiplied by the square root of pi will be used to determine just how much a vagina on TV will cost.
• How many tween girls were blinded by seeing a woman's nether region on TV? Each one will be awarded $300, or a free pair of tickets to a Miley Cyrus concert (but, you know, the back rows, cause it's not like they can actually see anymore).
• Was the girl in the clip 18? If not, every person who watched it on YouTube will be tracked down by their IP address and thrown into jail for watching child pornography. If not, then it's cool. We're all just pervs.
• Is there an actual vagina on television? Cause if not, well, is that even indecent?

• Oh, this is convenient: Kanye West blames booze for his infamous VMA outburst, and now people are saying he's going to go to rehab, but his friends say that's not so. Too bad, because we really wanted to help fuel his martyr complex. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Remember Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic rant following his DUI? Well, he wants you and the justice system to forget: his lawyer will argue next week that since Gibson's completed his probation, the arrest should be expunged from his record. [TMZ]
  
  
• Janet Jackson, who has by far been more dignified than most of her family in mourning Michael, will wear black to show the world just how sad she really is, which is funny, since some people argue Michael hated that color. [The Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Osbourne, once the picture of teenage rebellion, doesn't like that kids these days wear short skirts. [Page Six]
  
  
• Briefly ubiquitous actress Emmy Rossum's husband has filed for divorce. Meh. [People]
  
  
• A "faith healer" claims he has cured Amy Winehouse's insane alcoholism. Even if we thought such a thing possibly, we'd advertise with caution. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Ellen Barkin ran into Matt Damon on her street, where he was filming, and told him to come over when he was done. He laughed. [Page Six]
  
  
• 90210 star AnnaLynne McCord really wants Cosmo to put her on the cover so that she can be on the same celebrity plane as Blake Lively. It's good to have goals, we suppose. [Page Six]
  
  
• Roman Polanski will fight his extradition. Shocking. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Rest easy, America, for police have the second suspect in Lindsay Lohan's burglary in custody. Phew! [NYDN]
  
  
• OK! has spent a total of $300,000 on pictures of Khloe Kardashian's wedding to Laker player Lamar Odom. Who says the days of publishing's excessive spending are over? [Page Six]
  
  
• For reasons that escape us, fashion designer Marc Jacobs will reportedly join the cast of gay network Logo's Kept, which is basically Real Housewives with gay men. Watch A-List become C-list! [NYDN]
  
  
• Dita Von Teese's new Wonderbra ad campaign has been released. It's vampy. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jude Law won't be winning father of the year: he's demanding a DNA test to prove that Samantha Burke's tot really came from his loins. [MSNBC]

Broadcasting & Cable brings the joyous news: Our long national nightmare may be drawing to a close. If only we can re-open this investigation.

"The evidence in this case strongly suggests that CBS had access to video delay technology at the time of the 2004 Super Bowl," the commission said Tuesday in a brief to the Third Circuit Appeals Court in the Janet Jackson Super Bowl Reveal case. The FCC asked the court to remand the decision back to the FCC so it could investigate further its assertion that the violation was "willful."

If a TV network can fudge answers to a governmental body about the availability of time delay technology in a Super Bowl halftime show and get away with it after just a five year investigation, are we really a nation, at all?

• Gwyneth Paltrow's cup runneth over during a security check in Barcelona. Translation: he tits were popping out like something awful. [The Sun]
  
  
• Sorry, world, but Megan Fox insists she'll never have a sex tape. Not one that you'll see, at least, which we find kind of surprising. [Us]
  
  
• An Italian reporter stripped down and begged George Clooney for a kiss. He was rebuffed. [E!]
  
  
• It will please you all to know that Jennifer Aniston still believes in love. Whether the elusive emotion still believes in her remains to be seen. [NYDN]
  
  
• Janet Jackson will offer a tribute to her late brother at MTV's VMA awards. Sources say she's not only looking to honor Michael's memory, but also to make the world forget her Superbowl nip slip. [MSNBC]
  
  
• You know how conservatives are always crying, "Think of the children?" Well that's exactly what CNN Airport network did when they banned a PeTA advert in which Pamela Anderson strips passengers of their cruel, animal haberdashery. Said the network to PeTA, "[we're] particularly sensitive because children make up part of the demographic in airports." [Page Six]
  
  
• Shawne Merriman's ex-girlfriend joined his side in the Tila Tequila domestic violence battle. The woman, Gloria Velez, insists Merriman never laid a hand on her. [TMZ]
  
  
• Chris Robinson, the Black Crowes singer best known for once marrying Kate Hudson, has impregnated another, far less famous woman. [Star]
  place? [Page Six]
  
  
• Kate Hudson's wearing a diamond ring, which has some people wondering if she'll marry A-Rod, but we think it will never happen, because, you know, it just won't. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ali Wise, the Dolce and Gabbana flack accused of hacking into interior designer Nina Freudenberger's voicemail, has the strong support of her former boyfriend, hotelist Jason Pomeranc. He calls her a "great girl" and insists the alleged crime was nothing but "playful." Aren't ex-boyfriends the best?! [Page Six]
  
  
• Bet.com's former executive editor, Andreas Hale has loads to say about his former employers, and is currently taking on "the unprofessionalism, the tomfoolery, the favors, the misappropriation of resources, the bad ideas that reinforce negative stereotypes" that run rampant across the site's team. [Page Six]
  
  
• Kourtney Kardashian and her baby-daddy are getting along swimmingly and even finding time to dine with Kevin Federline. Can you believe we just wrote that without puking all over the place? [Page Six]
  
  
• Aww! Sexually ambigious singer Mika invited all of his Twitter friends to a bar to get trashed and then he paid the £25,000 tab. [The Sun]

• Sarah Jessica Parker and her Sex and The City cast mates need extra security to protect them from hordes of fans. Said one witness, "At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way." Don't worry, though, SJP told her security detail to treat the deranged masses kindly. But not too kindly.[Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ashley Dupre, Eliot Spitzer's once-favorite prostitute, bit back at ladies who criticize her. According to Dupre, many women, not just hookers, use their feminine wiles to get bags, clothes and other lavish things. Some men do, too. [NY Post]
  
  
• Freddie Fackelmayer is allegedly Whitney Port's new love interest on The Hills, but they reality couple said nothing to one another during a recent outing to the Jane Hotel. One source couldn't be more pleased, because Fackelmayer's a "total mess." [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, damn! Page Six has a follow-up to the NYDN's item about Alec Baldwin wanting to meet Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel. Says Baldwin, "I don't know her and wasn't looking to meet her, but somehow this ends up in the Daily News — manufacturing a nice gesture into a total BS item suggesting I want to date this woman. Nothing against her, but I'm not dating anyone." [Page Six]
  
  
• Ew. Jon Gosselin has been hanging out in Vegas, buying drinks for ladies and the ladies are returning the favor by giving him massages. And, we fear, more. [Page Six]
  
  
• In other Jon Gosselin news, the father of eight recorded his first interview and says hell demon wife Kate was mean and verbally abused him: "She'll call me like, almost like a lame fish. Like I wasn't going anywhere." [NYDN]
  
  
• Former British PM Tony Blair will visit David Letterman's Late Show next week. Expect an explosion of self-deprecating humor. [Reuters]
  
  
• A former assistant for Tyra Banks is suing the mini-mogul for $5,820 in back wages. [TMZ]
  
  
• Janet Jackson will break her silence on Michael's death in an upcoming issue of Harper's Bazaar. [Page Six]
  
  
• Friends and family gathered in Los Angeles yesterday to lay the late DJ AM to rest. [Bauer-Griffin]
  
  
• Lisa Loeb (remember her?) has been impregnated by her husband, Roey Hershkovitz. [ET]
  
  
• Daniel Radcliffe refuses to go to parties populated by lowly B-list celebrities. It's only A-list for him. And rightfully so. [PTI]
  
  
• Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts is not leaving the band, so stop saying he is. [NME]

• Tom Cruise busted a move to Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" when he saw her at her Staples Center concert in L.A. Poor Katie Holmes. This is the exact, precise, scientifically measured middle-ground between a touchdown dance and waving the rights to someone's soul in their face. Still, it's not nearly as bad as when he dresses the kids up and does "Defy Gravity" with them as the flying monkeys and him as Elpheba and makes her play the role of Steven Schwartz and scream at him from the audience, but still: pretty mean, you know? It's the wizard who should be afraid. Of me. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• Speaking of gay tragedies, two stagehands died in a stage collapse at a Madonna concert, and French police are launching an investigation into it. She paid tribute to them in concert: ""You may have heard of it... When they were building my show in Marseille, where we're going next - we don't know why, but one of the cranes fell... Two men lost their lives, it was a great tragedy to me." [Daily Express]
  
  
• And speaking of just straight-up tragedy, Hollywood producers are still total assmunches-yes, assmunches. There's no better word to describe the one behind Mischa Barton's newest film, as he's pissed that she went insane and had to be placed in the crazy house and is taking his frustration to the press. Honestly, dude, talk about loose marbles, you were the one who thought she was still bankable, first of all. Second of all, you're a dick. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• Jennifer Anniston's new movie that she's filming with Gerard Butler is pissing off New Yorkers left and right. First, she annoyed Daily News staffers by getting in the way of them pissing. Now, she's getting in the way of West Village residents by getting in the way of their dogs pissing. The production manager on the movie is apparently a total meanie, and she won't return the calls of the sad West Village residents who don't like noise and things on their nice block because they paid a few milli to live there, you know? On that note, I hope someone pours Birdbath coffee in their ears or something silly because if I lived in the West Village I would basically be deaf to everything but the schadenfreude of broke muh's like me, which I would record and consequently play back at half-speed and remix it with, I don't know, Thievery Corporation or something and play it at my parties where I serve fried chicken canapes in my garden and bitch about how Design Within Reach is out of reach of poor people but too in-reach of me, which makes it basically the silliest design store ever, and who buys chairs in America anyway, really? Also, Jennifer Aniston is still painfully single and I still think "Daughters" is the best song ev-ar. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend was just a Drunkie McPlastered in high school: ""I remember on a school trip once, she got completely wasted," a source notes to E!. Okay, first: a source? Glad to know someone from E! is meeting in the basement of an Omaha parking lot or whatever and looking over their shoulder before being like, okay, tell me exactly how much of a floozie this chick was in high school, I promise: you will be protected. Also, you know she was that girl on the school trip who busted out the booze to the Mormon kids and taught them what Seven Minutes In Heaven was. SWOON. [E!]
  
  
• JoJo Simmons-son of Rev. Run of Run D.M.C.-got a very small punishment for his pot bust and resisting arrest charges. When you're the son of a celebrity, it's like that. Don't ask me, because I don't know why. But that's the way it is. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• The Hills' Lauren Conrad is deflating the fun behind Heidi Pratt's inflated assets to Playboy in an upcoming issue, noting that they're "not going to pay for themselves." No, Lauren, they certainly won't, especially if people are reading Playboy for the articles. Which, uh, everyone does, right? Also, plenty more smacktalk where that came from. "I don't call magazines and let them know about things so they can write stories." OHHH SNAP. STORIES, YO! Also, Conrad wore a burnette wig as a "social experiment," which is kind of like the Stanford Prison Experiment, but different, because it's a prison of the mind, man. [NY Daily News and E!]
  
  
• The "Octomom" LadyThing had to take one of her 19 spawn to the hospital yesterday because he drank some kind of "salt based solution." [TMZ]
  
  
• Cameron Diaz is convinced she has protective angels following her every move. What she doesn't understand is that agents' assistants actually get overtime and can expense jetpacks for this kind of thing. [Daily Express]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's death is again a breaking point, this time for his sister, Janet, and her mans, Jermaine Dupri, who have now separated following Michael's death. I would write something funny here but I'm already sad for Jermaine Dupri because I feel like people forget just how awesome the "Money Ain't A Thing" video-Dupri's magnum opus-was. Also, now that he's no longer with Jackson, Money Will Most Definitely Be A Thing. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• Really sad: Alan Ball watched his sister get killed in a car crash when he was younger, which basically explains all five seasons of Six Feet Under, and gives the first episode-where the family's patriarch is killed in a car crash on Christmas-entirely new dimensions. [Daily Express]
  
  
• Andy Dick's son, Lucas, is far funnier than his Dad. Especially when he's slagging on him, like he did to his face at Caroline's the other night: "I'll come home to find a big party at our house and my father will be rolling around naked in ketchup on the floor, and I'll think, 'Oh yeah, it's Tuesday.'" There's an entire David Sedaris-esque career to be had, here, because this is both sad, hysterical, doesn't sound the least be true, and yet, more than likely is. We'll be watching you, Little Dick. [Page Six]

The Supreme Court is already dealing with the FCC's fight with Fox. Fox's crime? Allowing Bono to swear on television. We want Bono off our televisions as much as the next guy, but the new FCC policy of allowing incidental, fleeting profanities in some instances, like news programs or in Supreme Court oral arguments regarding profanity, while handing fines out for random cursing during live award shows is maybe a bit arbitrary and capricious, right?

Still, the FCC is liking its chances in the Fox case, and so they are going to fight the nipple thing to the bitter end. Because the founding fathers always intended us to be a nation of prudish vulgarians. (It's in the Constitution's special Unrated edition.)

• Barack Obama gave Leonard Nimoy the Vulcan hand sign at a campaign event. In case we needed confirmation of his complete dorkhood. [P6]
• NBC News' David Gregory is married to the former general counsel for Fannie Mae, which is now under FBI investigation. News Corp'.'s Page Six wonders if he maybe shouldn't give up journalism forever, in shame. In the meantime, watch out for his dangerous advocacy journalism. [P6]
• Britney Spears would very much like to acquire that sex tape of her that doesn't exist, so she can make it not exist to an even greater extent. [Sun]
• Janet Jackson postponed some more concerts due to illness. Meanwhile, her fiancé partied until 2 am, albeit for a charitable fundraiser.

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]
• Janet Jackson was hospitalized after getting sick right before a concert. [AP]
• Cindy Adams had Republican operative Ed Rollins walk through how Sarah Palin would be prepped for the debates, if the purely hypothetical case she were anything like a normal vice presidential candidate. [Post]
• When she was a beauty pageant contestant,Palin used to stick plaster over her nipples to keep her nipples from showing,one of her fellow contestants said. [R&M]
• Some whiny West Village busybody actually thought Page Six would care that Blake Lively lets her poodle run around the sidewalk off-leash, because that's against the rules. And that busybody was correct! [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering adopting a seventh child, this time for the benefit of the continent of South America. [Daily Mail]
• A rich guy is giving $25,000 for Howard Stern's fiancee to run a marathon. [P6]
• Britney Spears re-denied the recurring rumor that she made a sex tape with Adnan Ghalib. The singer did say she plans a world tour next year. And yet Spears' lawyers said she's too crazy to stand trial for driving without a license.
• Katie Holmes has switched from her baggy, trendsetting "boyfriend jeans" to bell bottoms. She's just cycling through the fashion trends (and nostalgic outbreaks) of the last 20 years at her own pace. [Sun]
• Paul Newman has already been cremated and his funeral convened. [P6]
• George Michael is going on an African safari to deal with his drug and public-bathroom sex issues. [Fametastic]

Yes indeed, Ms. Simpson was on the Early Morning, America... Today! show singing one of her new, laboriously be-twanged country tunes on an outdoor stage. Twas a windy day that chilly September morn, and a great breeze did sweep up under the young lass's skirt, exposing her bare bottom. Though you could really only see it if you could freeze frame it with your TiVo box or whatever. So thank God Nerve captured the offending screenshot.

It begs the question though why Jessica would decide to eschew undergarments when performing live, outdoors, on a windswept day. Perhaps it was on purpose. She has long cultivated a dimbulb persona, so maybe this was all calculated. So first Janet Jackson's accidental titsplosion and now this. What could be next? Spencer Pratt rubs his junk on Larry King's face? Heidi Montag accidentally has sex with Brody Jenner at a live Hills reunion finale? The world waits anxiously.

Laugh all you want (we're right there with you), but hey — it worked. Follow the jump to read why.

"The airing of scripted indecency or indecent material in prerecorded programming would likely show recklessness, or may even constitute evidence of actual knowledge or intent," the judges wrote. "But when unscripted indecent material occurs during a live or spontaneous broadcast, as it did here, the FCC should show that the broadcaster was, at minimum, reckless in causing the indecent material to be transmitted over public airwaves."

The FCC argued that CBS was reckless in allowing the incident to occur. But the judges sided with CBS, which had argued the incident was unscripted and that the network had tried to prevent it by having "numerous script reviews and revisions" and "several wardrobe checks" and by implementing a five-second audio delay of the broadcast. CBS said video delay technology was not available at the time.

The best part of the judgment, though? As neither Jackson nor Timberlake are CBS employees, the network isn't responsible for their actions, premeditated or otherwise. And suddenly, we can't wait to see what a salivating Rupert Murdoch pulls out of his sleeve for Super Bowl XLIII next February; if this decision wasn't an engraved invitation to stage The Moment of Truth — Halftime Stripper Edition, then we don't know what would be.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Court tosses FCC 'wardrobe malfunction' fine [LAT]

Click on thumbnails to view clips:

Jezebel Crashes The Tyra Show's Vaginas Episode
Three Jezebel editors (Moe, Jennifer and I) tried to go see Tyra's interview with Barack Obama, but instead we ended up as part of the studio audience for her "Vagina Dialogues" episode, in which we watched a woman use a vagina puppet to explain that we have two holes down there! Who knew?

103-Year-Old Woman Tugs At Tyra's Weave
Hands down, my absolute favorite episode of Tyra, if only because one of the old ladies, a Holocaust survivor, tells Tyra that she's never seen anything like, well, Tyra. But it's also great because Tyra fiercely models an afghan one of the women gave her.

Mary J. Blige Dishes On PMS, Brazilian Waxes, & Her Mile High Club Membership On Tyra
This was a great interview, not so much because of TB, but because of how awesome Mary is.

Tyra's "Bodyville" Is More Like "Camel Toe City"
Tyra's "social experiment" about body image was a big, fat mess.

Who's More Sane: Tyra Banks Or Janet Jackson?
Tyra talked about Janet's big ass, danced like a maniac, and manhandled the pop star.

Tyra: "Chinese Face, No S-E-X Talk"
Best mother-daughter sex talk evs.

On Spears:

This is one of those shots where you just put it on the blog and let the commenters take care of it...You can see that she is literally busting out of her shirt, which might be a sign she is pregnant. You can see her double chins.

We are pretty sure she’s not pregnant. We think it’s a psychological visit. She is being pumped full of drugs and that can affect her weight. I’m sure Regis kept at least 50 of these shots. You can easily keep 50 shots because she is always doing something in frame.

...I’ve never seen her drugged as much as now . She reminds me of my grandmother in France who had Alzheimer’s. She can barely walk. She walked straight into a pole the other day.

On Spears' on-again off-again boyfriend, scheming paparazzo Adnan Ghalib:

Adnan Ghalib came by accident to the business. He met a girl in the post-office three years ago and did what he did with Britney. He flirted with her, and met the dad of the girl, and became friends with the dad, and helped him to fix the house. And the dad considered him as his son. And it happened that guy was part of the paparazzi. He told Adnan, ‘I see you, you are struggling, why don't you get a camera, and I will introduce you to some of my friends at the Fame agency.’ And the first one he was covering was Britney Spears. And he started to go after Britney right away. Trying to talk to her and so on and so on.

On diva Barbara Streisand:

At her wedding she hired some big speakers on a trailer to blare heavy metal music in the direction of the paparazzi and the entertainment reporters in front of her house to screw up their stand-ups and their shots. This was while her wedding was going on in the backyard...

She doesn't care at all what she looks like when she goes out. She goes out on rainy days. She wears sweatpants. Her hair is a mess.

On Lindsay Lohan: "Lindsey Lohan didn’t do anything this week except dress extremely ugly. I guess that’s the story: Lindsey looks bad now that she is sober and chastened.”

On Tom Cruise, his wife Katie Holmes, and Cruise maybe having a thing with this woman in a picture:

She’s being too physical with him. At the same time, Tom is talking on the phone, so he wasn’t really too focused on her. The first story the viewer gets is that he might be cheating on Katie Holmes, and then people think about it for a second, and think, also, maybe he isn’t gay...

Is his relationship with Katie as perfect as what they try to portray in the press? What is really going on? Right now, we know that they are living inside the Scientology Center. They sleep and eat there, and educate their child there. They have no more house. Which is strange, yes?

On the secret cameras they have trained on Victoria Beckham:

. We have hidden cameras, so we know that she is a real mother who takes care of her kids, and that she behaves exactly the same way inside her house! You see real mothers, and you see the ones who just fake it for the camera. Anna Nicole Smith, I photographed her a couple of times with that poor kid. That was a little bit sad. Demi Moore was quite a good mother at one time in her life, until that got a bit boring for her. [Ha, I guess it's more than 18 celebs —ed.]

Atlantic: The Celebrity Hunters

Related, Atlantic main article: Shooting Britney

Related, from Radar: Snap Judgments / X17 co-owner Brandy Navarre on paparazzi principles, and why she just might be Britney's best friend

via Choire Sicha

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• Owen Wilson maybe hooking up with Jennifer Aniston shows how two people can somehow look crazy, desperate and hot at the same time. [Star]
• Wilson jumped across a pool in front of 150 people in Miami, and went crazy when a hired photographer took a picture. He made the photographer delete the picture, because he's too insane to realize that 10 other guests probably already have the video on their cell phones. [P6]
• Britney Spears' dad has been sifting through the singer's financial wreckage, along with his lawyer, and it looks like former Britney hanger-on Sam Lutfi is going to take the fall for some of her problems. A source told the Post: "Her business affairs were in disarray because Sam [Lutfi] had isolated Britney, and it's going to be a very tedious task of going through everything." [P6]
• Reporters, photographers so busy stalking disgraced Gov. Eliot Spitzer they miss movie superstar Tom Hanks walking right by. [P6]
• Actress Keira Knightley sings three tracks on her new soundtrack and is all, "a sound emerged that wasn't too disagreeable." You're supposed to be all, "you were GREAT!" [Perez]
• Janet Jackson is too sick to show up for Saturday Night Live, even though it could save her weak album sales.
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• How sensitive is singer John Mayer? He keeps Xanax on his person at all times. [P6]