We're not sure, but a tipster tells us that Saatchi & Saatchi, which has represented Penney since late-2006, recently commissioned the store to deck out its new 17th floor lounge. That lounge, however, has now been closed due to the aforementioned bed bug invasion. The scientifically-backed company memo:

Our testing shows that the insect condition is limited to the 17th Floor. We will continue to test other floors on an ongoing basis and react accordingly.

As is normal procedure, the second phase of the eradication process will commence at 8pm Friday night and will take approximately 6 hours. Normal environmental conditions will not exist until Saturday noon. Please do not plan to work on the 17th Floor until after 12pm (Saturday). Everyone on the 17th Floor must vacate the floor by 7pm Friday night. All accessible switchplates and outlet covers will be removed during the day (Friday).

In 14 days, we will re-treat the entire 17th Floor to be doubly sure that conditions are 100% satisfactory.

All chemicals used are DEA and EPA registered and approved. If you have any health concerns, feel free to work from home tomorrow.

Screw health concerns. We'd be more concerned that Saatchi & Saatchi's little parasites would cling to us and invade our personal space. Oh, and the bed bugs, too.

Fashion's Night Out is on Thursday, September 10 — Anna mentioned it on the Late Show — and it is an evening to fight one of the great ills of society: people not buying enough clothes! Yes, go out and buy things or else fashion will die and we will have to dress in sack cloth and Ed Hardy T's for the rest of our lives!

The FNO website describes:

In a global initiative to promote retail, restore consumer confidence, and celebrate fashion, U.S. and international editions of Vogue are coordinating evening extravaganzas in their respective world fashion capitals.

Even though they're trying to sell it like one (and even asking for volunteers) it is not a charity. That's right, it's bunch of store parties across the five boroughs. In Manhattan just about every fashion emporium is participating from Balenciaga to Banana Republic and Narcisco Rodriguez to Nine West. If you live in the Bronx, you're stuck with only Macy's and Lane Bryant. Sorry.

What exactly will be going on? Some highlights:

• The Misshapes will be spinning at Versace.
• Tom Ford is having a cocktail party (Tom Ford not included)
• Our Hero Grace Coddington will be "telling a visual story" in the SoHo Prada store.
• Cindy Crawford will appear at the much maligned JCPenney in Herald Square.
• Oscar de la Renta will be singing at the Carlyle Hotel. Vogue editor Hamish Bowles will be singing at Juicy Couture. How that is helping humankind, we have no idea.
• Carolina Herrera herself throws a party for photog Larry Fink at her boutique.
• Anna Wintour told Letterman that she'll be at Macy's in Queens, but she didn't say which one. We are determined to track her down and get a photo.
• Bergdorf Goodman seems to be the most fun of all, with windows by Zac Posen, a celebrity designer cook-off judged by Padma Lakshmi, the Olsen twins tending bar, and André Leon Talley hosting some sort of game show.

The plan seems to be to spend a lot of money getting people in the stores to spend a lot of money. The one thing we haven't heard anything about is discounts. Just because Catherine Malandrino is converting her Meatpacking showplace into a French cafe for the evening doesn't mean that suddenly more people will be able to afford one of her cocktail dresses. Also, none of the money made will go to charity, it will go right into the pockets of retailers, where it belongs. Most participating locations will have stations for visitor's to donate used clothes for charity, but it seems a bit like bringing a canned good to get access to an open bar.

So, just why is Anna doing this? Of course if all the brands go out of business, so will Vogue. But times of crisis are also the best times to consolidate power. Who knows if this one-night shopping event will save New York's fashion industry (it won't) but it already has people talking about Anna as if she's the one and only person who can save the fashion world from crumbling. Also, Condé Nast is sure to give her another 5-year contract (and, we hear that the deal is already done). Well played, Anna. Well played.

Ad Age finds the spot tedious, but commenters there generally love it: "A co-worker sent it to everyone in the office," wrote one. "Everyone thinks it's hilarious." Julia Allison is especially effusive ("GENIUS!!!!") about it .

Summary: A guy buys his wife a vaccum cleaner for their anniversary, and she's none too pleased. Ha ha. Then she makes him get down on all fours and enter a doghouse. A little silly, a little creepy, but still a funny ad. Then the guy ends up in the dungeon, with the other naughty husbands. You could actually cut it there and it would be a fun ad. But it turns out all the guys have been there forever, never get released, have to eat food out of dog bowls and beg before an appeals board of privileged white women.

Would there be an outcry if the genders were reversed? Of course. Did Saatchi know about the misandry angle in this ad? Totally. They count on it not only for the initial laughs — extremes are (often) funny! — but also for some internet outcry like this post right here, and the inevitable others scads of blogs everywhere. The ad isn't getting skipped on a TiVo, and, hell, JCPenney doesn't even have to pay to air it.

It turns out Snickers and Nike had the right idea, they just needed to pick their targets more carefully.

This is the sort of quality work one can only come up with after rejuvenating Thai spa vacation!

People still profess confusion about which ad man had his way with JC Penney's image, making an unauthorized teen sex ad and submitting it to the Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival. Neither the pissed-off retailer nor its apologetic ad agency would name names, and Ad Age yesterday concluded, "Just who is responsible for creation of the ad... is a bit cloudy." But it's not, really. Is it? It's got to be Mike Long, of Epoch Films. Read why, and watch one of Long's other "fake" Penney ads, this one a bit terrifying, after the jump.

In a statement distancing itself from the ad, JC Penney said the spot "was created by a former employee at JC Penney’s advertising agency, Saatchi & Saatchi, solely as an award submission."

Saatchi & Saatchi, meanwhile, said the commercial was "created by a third party vendor." That's probably Epoch Films, since Penney's chief marketing officer told the Wall Street Journal "the video may have been filmed after hours by a producer at Epoch who was working on the Penney ads for Saatchi," as the Journal put it.

So if both Penney and Saatchi are telling the truth, we're looking for a former Saatchi employee at a third-party vendor, probably Epoch Films, where he probably worked on Penney ads.

It just so happens that the man credited with directing the teen-sex spot, Mike Long, is (according to Ad Age) a former Saatchi staffer. He now works for Epoch Films. And his credits there list work for JC Penney.

The only other former Saatchi man credited on the ad, Tony Granger, does not appear to work for Epoch and told Ad Age he "would not have presented" the advertisement. Then he added, "neither would any of the team." Hmm. Granger might want to rethink that, because Long has presented this sort of work in the past. Find below another ad by the rebel director, apparently dating to last fall and also "fake," according to Silicon Alley Insider.

"Long... apparently did these as a giggle," the Insider wrote. Well, not entirely, since Long also has the fall ad listed in his online portfolio on the Epoch Films website (as also stated by the Insider). And some people, at least, appear to have been under the impression the ad actually aired.

Crazy idea, advertising people: Give out awards and list in your portfolios advertisements you were able to convince your clients to actually, you know, run. Or, even better: Let any teenager who can grope his way around iMovie enter your competitions, whether he has customers or not.

Long's fall JC Penney ad:

[Silicon Alley Insider, Ad Age]

From JC Penney:

Regarding your post: Teen Sex Gains Mainstream Approval With JC Penney Ad…

JCPenney was deeply disappointed to learn that our name and logo were used in the creation and distribution of a commercial that was submitted to the 2008 International Advertising Festival at Cannes . No one at JCPenney was aware of the ad or participated in the creation of it in any way. The commercial was never broadcast, but rather was created by a former employee at JCPenney’s advertising agency, Saatchi & Saatchi, solely as an award submission without JCPenney’s knowledge or prior approval.

JCPenney does not approve or condone its content, and we have asked Saatchi & Saatchi to remove the ad from online circulation and to apologize to our customers and our Associates for misrepresenting our Company in this manner.

From Saatchi & Saatchi, the ad agency:

“Saatchi & Saatchi has a long history of producing principled and respectful advertising for JCPenney and its entire client roster. The Speed Dressing TV commercial, which was submitted to the 2008 International Advertising Festival at Cannes, was created by a third party vendor without JCPenney's knowledge or consent. It was produced and released to the public without any knowledge or prior approval from JCPenney. Saatchi & Saatchi did not enter the spot and deeply regrets the message this ad presents. Saatchi & Saatchi apologizes to JCPenney, its associates and its customers. The commercial is being removed from public circulation.”

Tomorrow: "Horny Rogue Youth Couple Commandeered Video Camera, Acted Alone In Teen Sex Production."

[And don't worry, we have the ad whether it gets taken off YouTube or not!]

Because the spot is so well made, and because someone had to enter it it at Cannes, JC Penney is blaming its ad agency, Saatchi & Saatchi. The ad agency, in turn, is pointing the finger at production company, Epoch Films of New York, which is indeed the listed entrant. There is speculation "the video may have been filmed after hours by a producer at Epoch who was working on the Penney ads for Saatchi."

Since Penney is based in Plano, Texas and sells to middle-American families that were so outraged to see teen starlet Cyrus in nothing but a bedsheet, a lawsuit, against an individual if not a company, doesn't seem entirely out of the question. On the bright side, some swashbuckling video rebel (every company has one!) just launched a promising career in the awards-obsessed ad industry, albeit at the expense of someone else's brand.

The fake ad in question:

[WSJ]

[via Adrants]