Among the reasons that NBC has to be pissed at Silverman: he hasn't resurrected the network's ratings; the upcoming season of shows has no clear breakout hit; he's a party boy who stays out all night and doesn't come into the office till 11; and he tapped his old friends for important positions they weren't qualified for, which resulted in NBC doing things like paying his deputy's boyfriend $1.75 million to take his stupid show pitch and go away.

At a normal job, this would result in your boss hating you. But NBC chief Jeff Zucker couldn't be happier about how things are going!

"Ben has done a fantastic job. So far he's exceeded all of our expectations and the financial targets that we've set," said his boss, NBC Universal Chief Executive Jeff Zucker. "We're talking about him being with us for a long time to come."

Words like "fantastic" are as common in corporate statements as words like "the." If you read press releases, you'll notice that every company is "delighted" about everything that happens. Therefore it means nothing. The fact that NBC is "talking about" Silverman being there a long time is not as reassuring as, for example, this alternative: "He will be here a long time."

"The shows that we have for this season are more commercial than any programs that we've had in the past four years," Zucker said.

Silverman's shows may suck, but they get a lot of product placements. Point in his favor.

"From our perspective there are no questions about Ben Silverman's job security. From our perspective he has done everything we've asked and more. We're incredibly happy with the job he's done, and hope that he'll be with us for a long time to come."

Disregard "incredibly," obviously. The inclusion of "from our perspective" and "hope" are bad signs. Consider that Zucker could have said: "There are no questions about Ben Silverman's job security. He has done everything we asked and more. We're happy with the job he's done, and he'll be with us for a long time."

Maybe they'll just dump him when his contract is up. Incredibly fantastic and delightful!

[LAT, Jossip, Mixed Media]

• Lindsay Lohan called Sarah Palin a "narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe" on Lohan's MySpace page, citing a conference her church on "converting" gays. "She can suck it." [MySpace, Daily News]
• Anna Wintour really, really loved her 30 minutes with LeBron James. Even though it was at a screening. [R&M]
• Vogue's Andre Leon Talley does not appreciate being sprayed with champagne. [P6]
• NBC executive Ben Silverman wisely lets Jeff Zucker win at golf. He's still totally fired. [P6]
• More alleged underage sex victims sued billionaire and Bill Clinton buddy Jeffrey Epstein. [P6]
• Sidney Poitier will steal your wife and then not marry her. And then call her all kinds of un-Sidney-Poitier names! [P6]
• Swimmer Ryan Lochte doesn't have enough gold medals to get laid like Michael Phelps. [P6]
• Spike Lee declared himself done feuding with Clint Eastwood and moved on to Judd Apatow, "whatever that guy is." [Nikki Finke]
• Scarlett Johansson is a total prima donna now that she's Woody Allen's muse. Because that's what's made her a hot commodity. [P6]
• At George "Sulu" Takei's wedding, Chekhov was best man and Uhura was best lady. The husband was Brad Altman, 27 years younger. [ET]
• Amy Winehouse felt she was too ugly to go to her own 25th birthday party, supposedly. [Sun]
• Jennifer Lopez ran a triathlon in 2 hours 23 minutes, compared with 1 hour 30 minutes for Matthew McConaughey. [Us]

In the four years since I was last forced to watch beach volleyball, I somehow have not found the maturity and wisdom to take it seriously as an Olympic sport, and, frankly, I doubt that NBC takes it seriously, either, except as a ratings grabber. Every time I turned on the TV, there was May-Treanor (the short one) and Walsh (the tall one), in those silly little Victoria’s Ill-Kept Secret outfits. I now know more about these two women than I know about some of my relatives, including when Walsh met her husband; what’s inscribed on her wedding ring (it flew off her finger during a match, and a fair amount of time was spent keeping viewers posted on the successful Search in the Sand); what the tattoo on May-Treanor’s left shoulder signifies; and when the two of them plan to start families (soon after the Games are over). I’m not questioning Walsh’s and May-Treanor’s abilities—they won the gold medal in 2004 and have won more than a hundred consecutive matches—but I don’t think their every move had to be documented.

Victoria's ill-kept secret: snicker snicker!

It's also funny because Franklin hearts Gossip Girl and tolerates The Hills. ("I think people watch it mostly to figure out why they’re watching it," she said of the latter, which I thought about over the weekend between Olympic commercial breaks. And no actually as my gay Ryan pointed out people watch The Hills because it is an opiate.)

Franklin has some other quibbles with the coverage. The announcers, for one, are sometimes "punishingly shrill" — and a little given to melodrama and hyperbole! Everyone goes too easy on the Chinese military-gymnastic complex, and reporters make her wince when they try "'funny' food like fried scorpions." Good points, but odd coming from a Gossip Girl apologist! I almost wondered: is it the end of the Nobrow? (You know, the "pop culture writing made to sound just as erudite as actual culture writing but able to sell lots more magazines and make everyone a lot more popular at parties" style that took over the New Yorker when they put that former Tatler editor in charge of things?) Well, probably not, with a line like this:

As of this writing, it’s not known whether he will reach his personal goal of winning eight gold medals in the Games, only that he has won more gold medals than any Olympic athlete in history, has broken records with each win in these Games, and is completely awesome.

The Fab Fortnight [The New Yorker]

According to sources, Weinstein would independently strike product-placement deals without consulting Bravo, a move that angered network executives since an agreement to include L'Oreal on the show, for instance, would preclude the network from selling ad time to other cosmetic makers.

The situation came to a head after Season 3 when Macy's, which Bravo had lined up, dropped its show sponsorship after Weinstein insisted that a representative from Wal-Mart, where he had a DVD deal, appear on the finale, sources said.

Partnering with Wal-Mart on your fashion show so your movie division can get a slightly better deal on retail DVD sales? That's Murdoch-level evil media genius. Congratulations, I guess.

[Post]

Going to the movies sucks. I do not need to elaborate on what Dave Barry probably did a column about in 1992: tiny screens, mediocre sound, bad crowds. The theater is just another store in the mall where you consume a product while avoiding contact with other shoppers. But it could be a magical experience!

We're already heading toward this with 3d movies — there are three major 3d formats competing, and they're turning the feature into a real dimension of movie-watching, not just a novelty for when sticks poke out at you. For now it's mostly animation, but action flicks will inevitably go 3d when Michael Bay realizes the format's potential for hiding his lack of talent.

But to really get me to the theater, I want beer. And liquor. And dinner. And not just at those special little indie theaters, I want it in every town in America. I want to know that in this great nation I can walk into any theater and meet a raucous bunch of drunks — which I already can do, but I want to know those drunks are paying the theater tons of money. And then I want to watch a second show without leaving, just like the old-time drive-thrus, and I want to sneer at people who buy the DVD on opening day so they can bring it home with a Starbucks and Chinese takeout. And I want a steak! A steak at my seat while I watch Michael Bay explode robots.

Yes, Donaghy thinks about efficiency, like any six sigma GE trooper, but he also knows how to blow cash. Witness the troupe of dancers hired to promote fictional star Tracy Jordan:

Page Six honcho Richard Johnson, who resides in Hampton Bays, was among the first to arrive. He looked like he had just walked out of a screening of "The Sorrow and the Pity." "That was the longest beheading scene ever!" he said. Johnson was accompanied by his hobbledehoy son and a svelte blond nanny who wasn't much older but was suspiciously beautiful. Richard sat in the backyard garden, which is kind of like the kiddie table at the seder.

A table of beautiful Argentinean models sat at table 17. Among them was Delfina Blaquier, the wife of star polo player Ignacio "Nacho" Figuera, the polo player. They hadn't seen the movie either. But we all agreed to say that it was "action-packed."

D.Scho was chatting with Sandra Ripert, the saucy wife of Le Bernardin's Eric Ripert. "Oh my God, he was calling me during the whole movie!" Sandra said. "He's in Aspen being a judge for 'Top Chef!'" Talk turned to the breakup of "Top Chef" hostess Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie. "I knew the marriage was on the rocks," Sandra said. "We sat next to them during the Beard dinner. Padma was all like, 'What party are we going to hit up next?' and Salman said, 'We're not going to any parties. It's late!'"

Inside, Rick and Kathy Hilton had some salmon. And then we saw Julia Allison approach the table. But as the blur of cleavage and brown hair got closer, we realized it wasn't her at all, but instead her somewhat classier and more successful doppleganger, ABC News correspondent Gigi Stone. She was trying to work up the nerve to say something to Zucker. He was chatting with some old people a few tables away. "I know we have a special connection," she said. "But he is the boss of my rival station." They don't call them stations anymore though. Her breasts were large and overwhelming and pushed up. They would have been at Zucker's eye level.

The network was No. 1 in the spring of 2005, when Mr. Reilly took over, with its performance diving the following fall. But in many ways, Mr. Reilly inherited a sinking ship. Programs such as "Law & Order" were fading, and the network had failed to come up with a new comedy engine to replace "Friends." Mr. Reilly, well-respected in Hollywood's creative community, was charged with finding a new wave of hits.

Certainly, Silverman has great taste. But as one source tells me, 36-year-old Ben "can barely manage his way out of a paper bag" because of his extreme lifestyle, relentless ass kissing, and constant jetting around in his private plane.

NBC SHAKE-UP UPDATE: Kevin Reilly Officially Out. Ben Silverman Offered Bigger Job. Marc Graboff Upped. [DHD]
NBC Programming Chief Kevin Reilly to Leave as Ratings Slide [WSJ]

Life imitates TV
Alec Baldwin and Jeff Zucker talk TV [Fortune]

March 7, 2007 Next Deputy Media Editor in Bizday: Jennifer Kingson

Jennifer Kingson will join Business Day's media cluster as deputy media editor.

As Bizday's weekend editor for the past year, Jennifer earned a reputation across the newsroom as a quick study, a gentle but firm editor and an unflappable colleague. At the same time, she was pitching — and occasionally writing — ideas for the media desk. She'll bring all those skills to the task of elevating the daily media report, working with the marketing and retailing reporters and putting together the Monday section.

After college (where she knew Jeff Zucker, among other future media stars), Jennifer began her journalism career as a clerk in the Times' Boston bureau before moving on to other various reporting jobs, then a long stint covering finance at The American Banker, developing a sub-specialty in the credit card business. She returned to the mothership in 2004, working in a variety of roles in Bizday before taking on the weekend job in 2006.

Congratulations to Jennifer.

Larry Ingrassia & Bruce Headlam

On September 1,1986, I walked through the doors of 30 Rockefeller Center as the new President and CEO of NBC. Today, nearly 21 years later, I am writing to let you know that the time has come for me to hand over the reins. As of today, Jeff Zucker is the President and CEO of NBC Universal. I will remain a vice chairman of GE and, until May 1, the chairman of the NBC Universal board of directors. A press release will be distributed shortly, but I wanted to take a moment to speak directly to you. Most of all, I want to thank you for your support and your dedication. NBC was the nation's first broadcast network, and Universal is Hollywood's longest operating movie studio. USA Network was the first broad-based network on cable television and Bravo, which I was involved in at its birth, was close behind as a groundbreaking arts and entertainment network. We have an unparalleled legacy that extends back to the first days of our industries. I take great pride in the fact that today, nearly a century later, we continue to excel in our unchanging mission to develop, produce, and market the best entertainment, news, and information to a global audience. Twenty-one years ago, NBC was primarily a broadcast network. Today, we are a much larger broadcaster, station owner, and so much more: a leader in cable and satellite entertainment with USA, Sci-Fi and Bravo; in news with Today, Nightly News, Meet the Press, Dateline and MSNBC; in financial information with CNBC globally. We are a significant TV production operation, the home of the Olympic Games, a leader in Hispanic broadcasting and in station ownership, and an increasingly powerful presence internationally and, with MSNBC.com and iVillage, in digital media. With the addition of Universal Studios, we are now also a world-renowned film studio, film distribution operation, home entertainment business, and theme parks operator and developer. Through all this change, NBC and its Peacock logo have remained a symbol worldwide for excellence in television programming. So you can understand why I am so proud of this company and what we have accomplished over the years. And why it is with such mixed emotions that I now end my two decades at the helm. But the time is right. We have good momentum, a deep bench of experienced leaders, and, in Jeff, a skilled executive who knows this company inside and out, and has the right mix of business knowledge, programming savvy, and marketing creativity to lead NBC Universal into a bright new era. It has been a great privilege to lead this company. My wife, Suzanne — who has been an unfailing source of strength to me and a tireless supporter of this company — and I are blessed to have had such a long and rewarding relationship with all of you. I leave NBCU in strong, capable hands. And I leave it, and you, with pride in what we have accomplished together and confidence that the next chapter of the NBC Universal story will be the most exciting yet.

This apparently put the TV beat fellas of the NYT in a world of pain. Sort of like that spaceship in "Event Horizon" where everyone has nails all up in their faces and stuff!

NYT.com was happy to run the credit-is-due-to-the-LAT wire stories until their folks could crap a story out. Then NYT biz TV writer Bill Carter came to the rescue, ready to give credit to.... "speculation."

Yesterday: "The board of NBC Universal has scheduled a meeting in New York tomorrow morning, fueling speculation that the long-awaited appointment of Jeff Zucker as the company's new chairman and chief executive...."

Today: Bill Carter's follow story to his follow story, as it arrived—with edits!—on RSS. "When Jeff Zucker is named As the new head of NBC Universal, he Jeff Zucker will have completed a spectacular ascent from part-time sports researcher need to corporate C.E.O. deal with rapid technological and financial changes that are throwing traditional media businesses into upheaval."

That's just how NYT biz section editor Larry Ingrassia rolls, West Coast bitches! It's Biggie and Tupac all over again.

• Cash for Kaus! [ETP]
  
• Bill Keller is getting on top of his crippling blog addiction. [Marketwatch]
  
• Will Bauer's Cocktail Weekly work? Given how even the smartest women we know think nothing of buying dumbass lady magazines that make them feel like there's something wrong with them, we're guessing yes. [AdAge]
  
• Human embodiment of evil likes Internet. [Forbes]
  
• Someone at Time Inc. leaves the building without a security escort. [WWD]
  
• Sumner Redstone on Spielberg, Katzenberg, and Geffen: "We do not treat them as employees, we treat them as co-workers." Guess that means they better buy something like MySpace soon. [LAT]
  

Jeff Zucker promptly sent top brass a memo, heralding the entrance fee as a brilliant cost-cutting measure that saved the bottom line untold hundreds of dollars.

Dateline: To Catch a Dollar [Jossip]

We're looking for lurid first-hand accounts involving the New York media world. Blind items are fine, but obviously there had better be some juicy detail. Naming names is always preferred of course. And forget about generic hilarity that could occur in any office; the media hook is a required element, though it need only be the presence or involvement of someone who works in media. What editor has a legendary coke habit? Which authors sleep with their agent? Who got fired for sending anonymous tips to blogs? These need to be situations you experienced personally, not friend-of-a-friend or general office gossip-lore. Submissions will be completely anonymous, and we recommend you submit them anonymously. Stay safe, and send your New York media anecdotes to mole@gawker.com. We'll run the best here, and eventually we'll pick a pair of winners for the free drinks — one chosen by readers, another picked by Gawker editors. And just to get you started, here's a small and innocuous example that came over the transom, featuring NBC exec and alleged dick Jeff Zucker:

I am not even a full time employee at NBC, but I had a Zucker story after 2 weeks on the job. Most of the elevators at 30 Rock have a weird system whereby you press your destination floor before you enter the elevator, and then it comes and gets you, and takes you to the floor. I was using the studio elevators, and was going to the 4th floor, I was about to press the button when Zucker, who I did not immediately recognize, said to me from in the elevator "if you are going anywhere below floor 8, get another elevator, I'm in a hurry." Apparently Zucker didn't have time to waste 15 seconds on a another floor. I pressed the 4th floor button anyway, and walked away to another elevator. I was thankful my ID was in my pocket.

Thought you'd want to know that top brass at NBC Universal are so freaked out that beloved [chairman] Bob Wright might leave and be replaced with much-loathed [douchebag] Jeff Zucker, that some have even gone so far as called the French company Vivendi to tell them to sell their remaining share of the company before Bob leaves since Jeff has no idea what he's doing.["The Book of Daniel"]. Most have no respect for Jeff and would rather quit than work for him (i.e., [e.g.]. [new AOL Chair Randy] Falco, [new Discovery Chief Executive David] Zaslav, [top ad sales exec Keith] Turner). Many more to come.

For CBS's Fall Lineup, Check Inside Your Refrigerator [NYT]

Zucker does not seem like someone in danger of getting sacked anytime soon

Andersen may not be at the top of his game, prognostication-wise. A piece by John Cook in the upcoming Radar details just how dissatisfied GE is with their former boy wonder, responsible recently for screwing up the "Today Show" and "emasculating" the news division with his messy forcing out of Neal Shapiro. The fall schedule isn't impressing anyone and rumor has it even sweet li'l Katie Couric is souring on him. According to "an analyst," GE CEO Jeffrey Immelt has "got a silver bullet with Zucker s name on it."

On the bright side: according to Zucker, as quoted in the piece, we can all soon look forward to a couple more nights of "Dateline" every week.

The Rise and Rise of Jeff Zucker [NYM]