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Jenna Bush

nonstalgia

4 Reasons Sarah Palin Is Making The Media Miss Laura Bush Already

Know what's kinda funny? Just as the whole Republican convention has transpired with basically negative five mentions of George W. Bush because he is so grotesquely unpopular even among all weird hat people, the bleeding-hearts of the Media Elite are having a moment of premature nostalgia for his wife thanks mostly to Curtis Sittenfeld's epic new work of Laura Bush fan fiction American Wife. Because, as the novelized Laura says: "All I did is marry him. You are the ones who gave him power.” And, “the single most astonishing fact of political life to me has been the gullibility of the American people…[What] caught me by surprise was the way the American people and the American media egged him on, how complicit they were in Charlie’s cultivation of a war-president persona…Even in our cynical age, the percentage of the population who is told something and therefore believes it to be true — it’s staggering." I know, right? I really want to believe the real Laura Bush would say the same thing. But would she? More »

predictions

Drinking With Republicans: The Next New Lifestyle Trend?

What excellent timing! The latest W investigates the predominance of Republicans on the DC social circuit and pronounces nightlife to be "more politically polarized than ever"! "Despite the social dominance of Republicans for nearly a decade, a liberal network also exists," the magazine assures. "Oddly, it’s referred to as the 'hipster scene'—in D.C. the term is synonymous with non-Republicans, not artsy types in tight pants and Converse sneakers." But wait! That is because in DC the term "hipster" is actually somewhat illustrative of an individual's cultural tastes/intellectual leanings and propensity to drink in bars they can afford on a think tank analyst salary as opposed to a merely outfit thing! (Also people in DC don't know how to dress, duh.) But the larger point is: it is time to end this whole "Republicans and Democrats never drink together anymore like they used to!" meme. More »

gossip roundup

BREAKING: Jennifer Aniston Submerges Self In Water, Possesses Nipples

  • Jennifer Aniston and boyfriend John Mayer got into a hotel pool in Miami, and there were pictures, and everyone found this very exciting for some reason. The Sun went above and beyond, as usual, with shots of the two parts of the actress' body any experienced reader of the British tabloid would expect it to focus on. (Photo from X17)
  • Richard Simmons signed DVDs in aisle six of a Chicago Walgreens, and TMZ managed to find something unfunny to write about it: "One woman even passed out because she was so excited to see him! Well, she actually passed out because of complications from her being a diabetic. Close enough!" [TMZ]
  • Here are pictures of Jenna Bush in her Oscar de la Renta wedding dress. Also, sober. [GaySocialites]
  • Weird club scene: A newly single Al Reynolds was hitting on women and "drinking all night with his pinky in the air." Sean Combs, in the same establishment, was sitting in the corner reading a book. [P6]
  • Meanwhile, in a West Hollywood club, Lindsay Lohan was crying, probably about having to return that fur coat. [P6]
  • One-legged Heather Mills promised to buy two artificial legs for a Russian mother and then never paid up, said British friends of the Russian. There are so many puns I could make right now, if I worked at TMZ. [News Of The World]
  • People saw Kate Hudson wearing an engagement ring and got very excited, thinking the actress was about to marry fellow crazy Owen Wilson. But it turns out she's just shooting a movie about brides. It's not like you can slip in and out of wardrobe at will. [Us]
  • Madonna said the f-word twice at a concert in England and almost exposed her boobs, and people complained, as though that's not what you pay Madonna to do. [Sun]

feuds

Bushes Don't Want Jew Fashion Scion At Jenna Wedding

President Bush's parents George and Barbara just want what's best for their WASPy descendants, particularly on the occasion of the wedding of their beloved, dignified granddaughter Jenna. That's why they don't want David Lauren, son of Ralph Lauren, to attend. See, David has been dating Jenna's cousin Lauren Bush for three whole years, and still hasn't proposed marriage. "Where's the ring, David?" one source near the family told the Daily News. Also, he's an ancient 36 and she's an innocent 22. And, no doubt worst of all for the patrician Bushes, David Lauren is a Jew, and his Jewy-ness might infect precious Lauren: More »

gossip roundup

Jenna Bush Will Have 14 Bridesmaids Saturday

  • Jenna Bush will get married this weekend at a ranch in Texas. Oscar de la Renta supplied the gown the presidential daughter will eventually be puking on. (UPDATE: AP may be wrong on bridesmaid count, see first comment.) [AP]
  • Singer and Perez Hilton macker John Mayer is — surprise! — acting kind of scuzzy toward actress/hookup Jennifer Aniston. Mayer "was all over some [other] blond girl" at a club in New York recently. [P6]
  • Mary-Kate Olsen was left off the Maxim "Hot 100" list, and twin sister Ashley was left on, at number 47. Wait, which one is supposed to feel dissed by this? Ashley, right? [P6]
  • Prince is releasing a coffee table book called 21 Nights with photos of his concerts in London last year. And then there will be a "compilation album" in there too, since publishing in just one dying medium is not enough. [E!]
  • So now singer Mariah Carey is not just engaged but married to actor Nick Cannon. "Her friends were, to put it mildly, stunned, but happy for her." [P6]

wtf

Jenna Bush's Book For Children Who Don't Read

It's hard to know where to start with the new book plugged on Larry King Live tonight by authors Jenna Bush and her mom Laura, the first lady. First of all, it's for kids who hate reading. Very meta, but maybe not the best business model for publisher HarperCollins. Also, it's got a character named Tyrone, who is eight or nine. Tyrone is also white, possibly the first white kid to be named Tyrone, ever. Jenna said Tyrone is a "composite," which she explains to mean he is based on one particular student taught by her mom. One would have hoped Jenna learned the meaning of the word "composite" while serving as a co-teacher in a DC charter school, but after drinking her way around the world maybe the first daughter has found her brain doesn't work as well as it used to. Somewhere in America tonight, there's an embarrassed little boy named Tyrone, watching Larry King with his mother, and Googling around for a good intellectual property attorney. Clip of Laura and Jenna after the jump. More »

music

Jenna Bush Ruins Indie Favorites

Before you watch the video, you should know that Jenna Bush says some nice things about bands that you might like. If you have any doubts about the legitimacy of your own taste, you should not watch this video. More »

In an article about Jenna Bush in Texas Monthly, the presidential daughter guesses what her parents are doing that particular "mild July evening." "[Dad is] riding his bike around the White House lawn. He's a maniac on that bike." Her mom is "probably in the sitting room on the second floor, reading. We got the new TEXAS MONTHLY, by the way." Reporter Skip Hollandsworth then spies on Jenna at a playground. "I sit in my car across the street, unseen, and watch her for a few minutes. She smiles at her kids as they run back and forth, then starts laughing at something one of them says to her. Finally I hear her shout, 'Come on, guys! Recess is over!'"

gossip roundup

Beyonce's Boobs Are So Boobylicious

  • Concert mishap-prone diva Beyonce Knowles accidentally flashed her tits to an audience. And this had her lookin' so crazy, etc. [Hollywoodtuna which, actually, just typing that makes us feel gross]
  • The LA County D.A.'s office might not file felony charges against Lindsay Lohan, which would mean that she'd serve a max of four days in jail for her double DUIs. That'll learn her! [TMZ]
  • The most telling part of this item about Britney Spears' refusal to record a duet with her ex Justin Timberlake is probably this last sentence: "Spears, who's embroiled in a nasty custody battle for her children, Sean Preston and Jaden James, with her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, doesn't have representation and couldn't be reached." [Page Six]
  • Harvey Weinstein is offering $100,000 to anyone who can identify the Upper East Side socialite who 'The Nanny Diaries' "Mrs. X" is based on. Um, maybe it's "Lisa Birnbach, co-author of "The Preppy Handbook," who once employed one of the writers"? We'd like the prize in cash, Harvey. [Page Six]
  • The White House says those Jenna Bush shotgun wedding rumors are "absurd." [R&M, last item]


  • gossip roundup

    Jack Nicholson Can't Spit On Anyone Anymore

  • Jack Nicholson has to continually drink water in order to swallow anything, because his salivary glands have stopped working. [Page Six]
  • Laura Bush on daughter Jenna's now-fiance in 2005: "This is not a serious boyfriend — I hate to have to be the one to say it on television. But he's a very nice young man." [Wonkette]
  • ""I've heard pregnancy was hard, but Nicole's making it so easy," [Joel] Madden told Village Pourhouse owner Michael Sinensky after deejaying the club's first-anniversary party. [R&M, second item]