Puff Daddy accidentally threw his $20,000 diamond ring into the crowd at a 106 & Park taping, while he was on stage hurling "bundles of cash" to hype things up. Which is only fair, since the cash was fake, with "$25 to $100 in singles mixed in with the funny money." Had he not flung his diamond ring accidentally, the impoverished crowd would have been within its rights to sell his organs, for Taco Bell money, simply for being forced to endure a Puff Daddy performance.

We should think about this issue more: Rich people have problems too. Where is the sympathy for them? Diddy's finger is now exposed to the elements. Goldman bankers are in a "Public Relations Bind" because if the general public finds out how much money they made, they will be robbed and robbed and despised and later robbed again, and still despised, and then robbed. Everybody always wants to "feel sorry" for the 97 year-old woman who lives in a 1973 Chevy Suburban with her two sons and begs on the side of the road. But nobody wants to feel sorry for a 27 year-old Goldman banker who might have his Dom Perignon purchases embarrassingly cataloged on bottom-feeder blogs.

Redistribute your sympathy accordingly. Hey, poors, wish you weren't poor? Here's an idea: Cancel Christmas. You can thank the economists later.
[Pic via]

Pretty much every "fact," including surveillance video, points to a scenario where Hiram—an asshole by nature—came home, found another guy's card in his girlfriend's purse, got angry, and proceeded to slash up her face with a broken glass. It happens, when you go out with Hiram Monserrate. But who are we to say that his girlfriend's version is not the true one?

"He was not dragging me," Ms. Giraldo said of a security video that showed Mr. Monserrate yanking her away from a neighbor's door and through the lobby on the way to a hospital. "He never hurt me or did anything to me. He was pulling me for my own good, and thanks to him I'm all right and my face is all right."

He tripped and smashed the glass in her face accidentally and then he was just trying to help, sez the happy couple. Well. She was the one there who got her face slashed by this guy and if she wants to say he was innocent then there's really no law against that, except, theoretically, the laws against perjury and witness intimidation and maybe some sort of mental fitness standards for testifying witnesses.
[Pic: AP]

Look at Mr. Fancypants! Let's all laugh at him for wearing fancy pants! Did your good friend blind governor David Paterson pick out those pants? Joe Scarborough is a jerk.

Between Chris Matthews never ever letting Capehart finish a sentence to Dylan Ratigan playing footage of him eating a bagel in order to mock him (leading to an embarrassing call from Capehart's mom), everyone at MSNBC is always making fun of Jonathan Capehart.

Poor Capehart has said he still thinks of himself as "that geeky little kid from New Jersey who had a giant head and enormous glasses to match" so we can only assume that he is just used to all this bullying by the asshole-ish alpha males who make up almost the entirety of MSNBC's lineup.

But you don't have to take it, Jon! Stand up for yourself! Or just get off cable news, where "smart and quietly well-spoken" is not really welcome.

See, the state inspector general, a chap named Joseph Fisch, went up to Eliot's office to ask him some questions about some boring investigation into something unethical Spitzer did, back when he was governor. This interview took place "late last year," and it took place in Spitzer's office instead of the IG's office because Spitzer was convinced the media were stalking him. Mr. Fisch pointed out that he didn't see any reporters, and that office security hadn't seen any in weeks. This was apparently the wrong way to start the interview!

"In fact," Mr. Spitzer replied, "last Friday, there were photographers outside my residence; they followed me and my wife and my children; they are constantly inquiring of where I am and my whereabouts; and it is a presumption of people who are interested in my security that there is surveillance," he said, "as there has been by individuals, paid for by individuals, corporations, law enforcement and others who have acted properly and improperly in an effort to intercept conversations of mine and other communications."

Spitzer then spent the rest of the interview ranting about Paterson every time Fisch tried to ask a question and then berating Fisch for wasting his time and not asking any questions.

Also the whole thing was the fault of comical GOP dirty tricks specialist Roger Stone.

"This whole thing has been nothing more than the creation of clever P.R. by, we now know, Roger Stone and others, to gin this up and get the press to create hysteria, which the Ethics Commission then felt compelled to respond to," he added.

So there you have it: Eliot Spitzer: still an asshole.

The problems began—as so many problems do—with Bernie Madoff. Walter Noel, the patriarch, is co-founder of Fairfield Greenwich Group (FGG), which funneled billions of its clients' dollars into Madoff's own funds. That was the point at which the Noels started their now-crushing downward social slide.

Monica, the matriarch, was a Brazilian-born socialite who started her own children's clothing line. She was known for pushing her daughters to be even bigger and, uh, better (?) socialites in New York. The five daughters—Marisa, Alix, Ariane, Lisina, and Corina—all graduated from top schools, and all ended up marrying businessmen. Four of their husbands went to work for Walter Noel.

You can see, then, that when the domino fell, everybody was in line to get knocked down. Since the Madoff scandal broke, FGG has been flooded with investor lawsuits. The family lost a huge portion of its own wealth as well. This was a convenient excuse for the other Greenwich richies to despise them.

But actually, they were despised long before that, because the flaunted their wealth and were all apparently huge obnoxious spoiled brats, to one degree or another. At least by the standards of the other huge obnoxious brats there. Among the outrages:

"The Noel women showed up in 'thongs and sarongs' [to a beach club]."

"The first summer they were here, I won't forget seeing two of the daughters blocking traffic on Jobs Lane, leaning out of their convertibles, talking to each other and making what sounded like idle plans and blowing kisses, as if they owned the street-literally for five full minutes while a line of too-polite-to-honk Southampton matrons sat in silence."

"They lit up their house like a Vegas casino, which shocked some of their neighbors on the pond [Lake Agawam]."

Okay, so maybe the neighbors were actually bigger pricks than they were. At any rate, their ostracism is now complete. Guest of a Guest says that the fawncy Round Hill Club has now "revoked their membership" for being too undesirable. Oh, the shame. When all the lawsuits are done they will probably be left with only the Palm Beach House. It's an object lesson to all rich families: Don't be a rich family.

[P6 Mag, Vanity Fair, Guest of a Guest. Pics: NY Mag, VF]

Spotted: Capt Sully on Virgin America Flight 11 from JFK to SFO this morning. Was sitting in seat 13F until he got bumped to first class. Everybody clapped!

US AIR FLIES TO SAN FRANCISCO, SULLY. And, last time we checked, is not owned by a foreigner. What a jerk. He thinks just because he managed to miraculously plop a large piece of flying metal down into a near-frozen, boat-crowded river abutted on both sides by the most populous part of the United States and have everyone come out of it alive that he can just do whatever he wants, AND be moved up to first class for it. Well the buck stops here, bub. We're on to you.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

[Art of the Scoop: "The rookie cop who body-checked a bike-riding protester in Times Square last July has been quietly tossed off the force, The [NY] Post learned." In this case "learned" means, "read the AP story five hours earlier."

Seems that a fella—a law firm partner!—riding a crowded train from DC was talking on his cell phone so loud that a nearby law student overheard him, took down the details, and leaked it all to legal blog Above the Law. And he was talking about layoffs. That were secret. Shucks:

His conversation, though he stressed how necessary it was to be kept secret (ah, the irony), detailed the current plans of Pillsbury to lay off somewhere in the range of 15-20 attorneys from four offices by the end of March, including a few senior associates with low billable hours and two or three first-year associates...What's more, he was NAMING NAMES over the phone!

Ha, and then ATL blogger David Lat deviously confirmed it by emailing the lawyer, Robert Robbins, and saying his name was "Jennifer Everett," and hey, were you on the train yesterday? He was! Now the law firm has apologized. A few simple reminders:

• Shut up on the train, on your phone, and especially on your phone on the train.
• Everybody is sending everything to bloggers at all times.
• That mystery girl who emailed you out of the blue saying she saw you somewhere is definitely scamming you somehow.
• Lawyers, Law students, law bloggers: not a trustworthy one in the bunch.
• Again, just shut up.

[Psychology researchers at Berkeley] videotaped 100 undergraduate students who didn't know each other, and studied their body language during one-minute gaps in conversation.

The results were clear: Students from a higher socio- economic background were more likely to be rude during the silence. They would doodle, fidget or start grooming themselves. Less-privileged students made far more effort to engage with the other person, making "I'm interested" signals such as laughing or raising eyebrows.

In short, the richer people were a lot ruder, while the poor were a lot more polite.

The researchers think this is an evolutionary trait, because the poor are weak and need to "ingratiate" themselves to the rich, who are the strong. Also, it's much easier to pick someone's pocket when they're distracted by your smile. [Bloomberg via Cityfile]

Ha! Like anything's ever deleted on the Internet.

If you didn't catch the Wife Swap episode in question, which aired two weeks ago, it helps to understand that Stephens and her husband, British-born venture capitalist Stephen Fowler, went beyond the normal fish-out-of-water misunderstandings highlighted in the show. Instead, they inflicted every imaginable form of San Francisco snobbery, parading their education, environmentalism, and wealth before the dumbfounded Missouri couple, Gayla and Alan Long, with whom they traded families.

A week ago, Stephens published and deleted her first apology online. Two days later, she posted a fuller, more contrite apology, where she unabashedly condemned the relentless insults her husband laid on Gayla Long and the rest of the known universe.

Unabashedly condemning her husband? Why, that's something that Stephens said she would only do in private in her first apology She also posted on a Yahoo Groups message board, whence a tipster obtained it. (Both are posted below.)

In the first apology, Stephens relates how "sorry" her husband is-but never actually apologizes herself, for her statements or her husband's. She promises "behind the scenes information" and blames the episode's reception on how it was "edited" and Fowler's misbehavior on "stress." And, intriguingly, she says that her husband only agreed to do the show to support her. Reading between the lines, that suggests Stephens was hoping to promote her weight-loss business on ABC, and was unhappy with how things turned out.

Could ABC have complained that such disclosures violated the agreement she signed when she agreed to do the show? Impossible to say, but in her second apology, she made no complaints about the show's editing and says she was "utterly appalled" by her husband's "aggressively cruel and insulting" behavior, and doesn't mention his reluctance to participate.

The first apology:

I just wanted to express my deepest heartfelt gratitude to all of you for your support after the show last night. I can hardly express how much it means to me.

I would like to offer some behind the scenes information that might help as well. We had not seen the episode before Friday and had no idea how it would be edited.

First and foremost, my husband very much regrets how he behaved during the swap. He is sorry for how he treated Gayla, he is sorry for insulting middle America, and sorry about the whole thing.

He did not want to do the show but did it only to support me, but the stress of it all got to be too much for him, and he had some extremely bad moments, and all on film. So, it's like having your worst faults, and your worst behavior at your weakest moments put together into a show and all of the redeeming bits excluded from that show. For the record, he is a dedicated, loving, caring father and husband, has a great self-depricating sense of humor. He never laughs so hard as when he is laughing at himself. None of this made it to the the show.

Also, I could say nothing on TV. The last thing on earth I would do was go on film criticizing my husband, life partner, and father of my children in front of millions of people, especially when the ONLY reason he was there was to support me. That's not who I am. If I had something to say, I would say it in private.

Regarding the proud to be an American conversation. That was highly edited. For the record, I am proud of things that I have done, not things over which I had no control. I was extremely fortunate to be born American, but I didn't chose it, it's just how it happened. I do, however, greatly respect and identify with many American values, and love the way of life. I have lived in many countries and I chose to live in the US because I think it's the best place in the world for me to live. I LOVE living here. The opportunities here are amazing. The culture respects finding and pursuing your dreams, which to me is one of the most rewarding things in life. And free speech has it's upside too, most of the time!

My husband feels the same way about wanting to live in the US. That's why he chose to become an American citizen.

Know, as I think you do, that I have deep compassion for those stuggling with their weight. I struggled, and have dedicated my life to ending that struggle. With your support I can continue to do that. I hope that it's possible.

I am not checking email at the moment, but please know how much your support means to me. It is a great treasure that I am surrounding myself with right now.

With Love and Light,

Renee

The second apology:

Dear Clients, Colleagues, Friends and the interested public.

I deeply appreciate the compassionate outpouring of support many of you have shown as I struggle through this most difficult time.

Now that I have had a few days to gather the courage, I would like to share with you where I truly stand. I too am utterly appalled by my husband's behavior during the swap. I had not seen the footage until Friday night, so didn't fully know how incredibly badly he had behaved until I saw it on national TV. I knew he was not proud of his behavior and that he had many misgivings. I did not know he had been aggressively cruel and insulting on so many levels. This has been impossible for me to comprehend.

While I completely condemn his behavior I feel confused because he has been a loving and dedicated husband and father for many years. This in no way can rationalize his inexcusable behavior. It is simply an explanation of why it has taken me this long to make a statement. I have asked Stephen to get professional help.

Finally, I know that I created offense as well. When I made the statement about the parents not having advanced degrees, I was responding to direct and probing questions from the director about what level of education I thought the Long's had. I certainly don't think people need college degrees to live intelligent and valuable lives, and was not passing any kind of judgment with my comment. My edited comment regarding being an American was actually an acknowledgement that being born here isn't enough of a reason to be proud. We each need to make meaningful contributions that we are proud of and acknowledge other's contributions as well. We create community and we try to live honorably and that is what makes us proud but it's not our birthright. I am grateful to be a part of this country.

Again, thank you for your heartfelt comments.

Blessings,

Renee

A week ago, Fowler and Stephens appeared on the ABC reality program, where two families trade wives for two weeks. Stephens went to live with Alan Long, the mayor of a rural Missouri town, who sent his wife, Gayla, to the Victorian manse of the Fowler-Stephens family in Noe Valley, a wealthy San Francisco enclave of earth-loving millionaires.

Normally, this would just be just another fish-out-of-water cultural clash of the sort Wife Swap peddles all the time, with an everyone-learns-and-everyone-hugs happy ending. The rural Midwestern family loves paintball and ATVs! The rich San Francisco clan favors piano lessons, organic breakfast cereal, and energy exchange! Hahaha look at them try to get along!

Except that Fowler, a British expatriate, didn't even try to get along. He was phenomenally cruel to Gayla, giving her the silent treatment for much of her stay. When he did talk to her, he managed to insult, among dozens of groups, fat people-the fat people who pay his wife money to make them not fat. (His wife suggested that she looked down on people who didn't have advanced degrees and was not proud — shades of Michelle Obama! — to be an American. But her behavior was so much better than her husband's that it hardly drew notice.) "Agenda, that's a big word for you," Fowler said as Gayla stumbled through a set of rules she sought to impose on his family. "The most boorish and abusive of husbands ever," concluded a blogger on Reality Roll Call.

The fallout: Internet message-board commenters went even crazier than usual, posting Fowler's home address, which in turn prompted him to threaten to sue the website where it had appeared. Someone launched stephenfowlersucks.com. On Friday, Fowler finally apologized publicly (on his wife's weight-loss blog) and resigned from the boards of two environmental nonprofits on which he served. And his wife apologized, too, stating that he needed "professional help." We want to know who's apologizing to the kids.

A sample of the abuse Fowler dished out on Gayla Long:

The former New York City mayor spoke at a press conference at the Ohio Victory campaign’s grassroots leadership conference Saturday. Giuliani was asked what he would say to columnists who’ve criticized John McCain’s selection of Palin, such as Kathleen Parker, George Will and David Frum.

“I think they look like a bunch of jerks after the debate the other night,” Giuliani said. “I think they should all say they made a mistake.”

[Politico]

Lorillard doesn't have to market disproportionately to African-Americans, because the market share of menthols in the black community is already massive. Look at Orlowsky's own math:

The truth is that there are twice as many Caucasian menthol cigarette smokers as there are African-American menthol cigarette smokers.

African-Americans are about 13% of the US population. Whites are about 74%. There are roughly six times more whites than blacks in the US, but only two times more white menthol smokers. Disparity? Duh.

Targeting the youth?

Heavily-advertised Marlboro, Camel and Newport cigarettes dominated the teen smoking market between 1989 and 1996, according to a new study, which found that the percentage of teen Newport smokers doubled during those years.

Newport made its most significant inroads with the white and Hispanic teen market, say Karen Gerlach, Ph.D., M.P.H., of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and colleagues. Their study appears in the American Journal of Health Behavior.

Newport cigarettes contain menthol, which may make them less harsh-tasting and easier for experimenting teens to smoke, Gerlach and colleagues say. They also suggest that expanded advertising campaigns may have helped increase the brand’s popularity.

Nobody has to target underage smokers. Target 18-year-old smokers! Their kid brothers will totally pick it up.

[CAOH; letter via Multicult Classics]

The young man was a Tucker fan, and quit a real job to go be a paid assistant on the set of Tucker's film, where we pick up his experiences:

I quit my stable job at a publishing house and moved out there. He said I could stay at his house, but when I arrived he made me sleep in the backyard the first night. Tucker had other assistants but I detected animosity right from the start. One guy continually tried to commit assault on me. I figured because of my lesser stature it was all part of the "breaking in" process. Well, 5 days into production, I'm being threatened with crossbows and berated at every turn. Tucker has me doing ridiculous tasks like getting him water at a perfect temperature. The first few times he'd say it was 10 degrees too hot. I knew he was joking, but I'd take it back and add some of the cold water (which I realize is poposterous, but if you'd seen this guy he'd sic on me with choke holds or really hard arm punches, you'd understand). Finally on day 8, I bring him a paper cup filled with water; he takes a sip and throws it right in my face. I practically fell over a chair. This was in front of Jesse Bradford who even cautioned Tucker that it was a little too far. Tucker told Jesse to shut up, and then Nils (the "other" Tucker) intervened.

After two weeks of constant abuse, including Tucker letting me use the bathroom in his house, which had his shit in the toilet that he didn't flush. I quit on the spot. Nils first tried to comfort me by saying that Tucker is a jerk, and that it wasn't worth quitting over. I said I understood until HE confides that it was him that left the gigantic log in the toilet for me.

I understand that guys like to laugh and joke and get along. I do the same thing with my friends. On the IHTSBIH set, however, it was a very different story. These people weren't funny. They were "fratastic" in that douchebag sense. On my last day on set I talked to Matt Czuchry, who I got to know rather well. He told me that the Hollywood business was cut throat, and that he'd had his share of lumps. He said everyday he was losing respect for Tucker and that he worried this role my be career ending because the character doesn't have any redeeming qualities. Actually, he said the character Tucker as it was written might appear to, but after studying Tucker himself, he realized the guy was a fucking prick.

You'll notice there are no party picks of Tucker and the actors after the first week or so. This is not a coincidence. I've never been so incensed with an individual. Perhaps I was asking for it, chasing a pipe dream with no regard, but nobody should have to deal with what I did. I haven't even scratched the surface...

I'm done with the fucking asshole for good. I've found a new job, similar to what I'm doing before, but I don't' think I'll ever forget the sheer humiliation I faced.

After quitting, the assistant sent Tucker a pretty polite email asking for his check, and wondering if Tucker would be putting up any photos of him in the film's Flickr page. The response:

From: Tucker Max
Date: Mon, Aug 11, 2008 at 10:19 PM
To: [Former assistant]

It's not MY fault you couldn't hack it. Don't come crawling back AND don't waste my time with bullshit promises if you wont back them up. You know something about photos? The person who takes them — or the person who employs the person who takes them — owns the copyright. I OWN THEM. You want them? Pay me.

You want your money? Jeff has it. Get it from him. I warn you, he's been in an extra bad mood lately.—

"...highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible..."
-NY Times describing TuckerMax.com

He asked for his check to be mailed to him, and said that he just wanted the photos to show his friends. Tucker wasn't fooled:

From: Tucker Max
Date: Thurs, Aug 14, 2008 at 5:20 PM
To: [Former assistant]

You want the photos so you can cry to Gawker. I didn't get where I am today by being a moron. You'll get your photos like everybody else – when the movie is done shooting.

Jeff will be passing through your area after we wrap. He'll hand deliver the money. We'll bring a camera along for the DVD extras. Now stop fucking bothering me.—

"...highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible..."
-NY Times describing TuckerMax.com

[DISCLAIMER: My personal belief is this story is authentic, though as some commenters have pointed out, it could be some ruse by Tucker fans to plant a fake story. Though, counterpoint: the story makes Tucker sound bad, not good, so if it were a plant (and we've seen some bad attempts), it would be a stupid one. Verdict: Real in my considered judgment, but if not, I hope Tucker writes a triumphant note soon so that we can mock it.]

Excuse me? Did you write the email below, or am I seeing things? Is this a joke?

Have you let the very small amount of fame—that I am almost entirely
responsible for—really go that much to your fucking head that you
think you can talk to me that way?

If you don't like our arrangement, if you don't like that fact that I
found you as a complete nobody doing nothing and have given you the
opportunity to reach the world, then you can go back to where you were
when I found you.

In fact, thats a good idea. You go ahead and go your own way. Let's
see how you do when you don't have anyone to blame but yourself.

Tucker's advice to Woods on how to make more money? An "offer to 'let' me drop out of college and become a prison guard so I could make another $100 writing for a different Rudius site."