Let's just examine the layers of this thing:

• Curb Your Enthusiasm is a fictional show about Larry David. In it Larry David plays Larry David, the co-creator of Seinfeld.
• On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David the character divorces his fake wife Cheryl in a parallel to the real life Larry David divorcing his real wife Laurie.
• In order to win back his fake wife, the fake Larry decides to try to have a Seinfeld reunion show.
• Jerry Seinfeld, playing a version of Jerry Seinfeld on Curb, tells the fake Larry David that he said he would never do a reunion because they're always stupid. The real Larry David said the same thing.
• Both the real and the fake Larry David got over it.
• Now, the fake Larry David goes to all the Seinfeld stars, playing fake versions of themselves, trying to convince them to do a fake Seinfeld reunion when they've already agreed to do a real reunion by appearing on the show.
• Faux Jason Alexander wants to be on the fake reunion show to make up for the really disappointing real finale to the original series.
• Ersatz Michael Richards is distracted by pictures of real boobs and he can't concentrate on the fake reunion. It's just like real life!
• What we see is the making of the reunion and all the petty grudges that David stirs up when he brings the old gang back together again.
• The end result is a bunch of fake action surrounding the fake reunion show, but it is really the real reunion, because they're all back.
• But Larry David was never on Seinfeld (at least in a substantial role) and they're making the reunion for NBC even though the show is airing on HBO.
• The whole stunt will end as the characters disappear in a vacuum rift caused by the fission of real and fake in mass quantities that is the Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

So, Seinfeld on Curb Your Enthusiasm has replace the old meta king—Broadway's [title of show] a "musical about two guys making a musical about two guys making a musical"—to become the ultimate in fake/real self-referential comedy. The construct of one show about the maker of a show engulfing both the real and fake versions of his own show is the logical conclusion of this type of comedy, and the Seinfeld/Curb non-reunion reunion is the non plus ultra of the genre. Thanks for killing it, David.

After this, there is officially no more outrageous concoctions of show-with-a-show or actors-playing-themselves that can be made and think it's still original. Congrats, Curb, you've won the Post-Post-Modern Olympics. Now, like Michael Phelps, you must go smoke a lot of pot while counting your gold metals and leave us alone.

The monologue was horrific, and included a joke about how men like to control the remote while watching TV. Thanks for that original observation, Jay. A follow up segment with Dan Finnerty of The Dan Band singing to a girl in a car wash was tremendously unfunny. This show has been in the planning stages for months, and with the world watching for his first episode, this was the best that Leno could do?

His interview with Jerry Seinfeld was the highlight of the hour, with Seinfeld firing jokes off about the show, not knowing when it was on, and how when he quit his show he really quit the show. Jay should have taken his lead. Having Oprah do a taped segment and not even once acknowledge Jay is about as close to genius as the show got.

Speaking of Oprah, Leno then trotted out Kanye West, in the midst of the brou-ha-ha concerning his bad behavior at the Video Music Awards. Unfortunately, the scandal means that this clip will be show all across the internet for the next day to hear what Kanye had to say. It was something about how his mother's death and too much touring made him act like a dick. We're saving our reaction for a different blog post.

This one concerns the quality of Jay's broadcast, and other than Seinfeld, Oprah, Jay Z, and Rhianna, it wasn't very high. Even the familiar Headlines segment at the end of the show contained far too many penis, poop, and vagina jokes to make anyone other than a 14 year-old boy and your crazy uncle Mort chuckle.

This first episode was Leno's chance to shine, when he should have gotten out his best material and the funniest segments that he's been compiling for months. Instead, the best thing about it was another comedian and an apology that he lucked into. We don't know how this experiment is going to last through the month, nonetheless another year.

The assumption when any television show hit ends its run is that the stars will go on to fame and fortune and other projects. Sometimes that happens and we never hear from them again (see Friends and inexplicably Full House) but when it doesn't, they all rush back to familiar territory to jump start their careers. Here's are scale from the worst to best.

Dynasty
Final Episode: May 1989
Breakout Stars: Heather Locklear, Emma Samms (just kidding)
Reunion: Dynasty: The Reunion aired in August 1991. The came back for another go-round Dynasty Reunion: Catfights and Caviar in 2006.
Cause: There were some cliffhanger plotlines to tie up, and really, nobody was doing anything else. Also, shoulder pads were about to go out of style, so they had to do it to save on the wardrobe budget.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: So bad it's campy.

Firefly
Final Episode: August 2003
Breakout Stars: Does anyone beside us and hardcore Joss Whedon fans even remember this?
Reunion: Serenity hit movie theaters in September, 2005
Cause: To try to get someone, anyone, to finally watch this thing. It failed.
Held Out: 2 years
Respectability: Did it have any to start with?

Sex and the City
Final Episode: February 2004
Breakout Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, who was the biggest show when the series started. Everyone else found out there really aren't any roles for women over 30.
Reunion: Sex and the City: The Movie came out in May 2008 and broke box office records. A sequel is planned
Cause: These ladies needed a way to make some money. And, obviously, cosmo-swilling Midwestern "fashionistas" demanded it.
Held Out: 4 years.
Respectability: Shameless.

The X-Files
Final Episode: May 2002
Breakout Stars: David Duchovny, who was only a recurring character on the show's final two seasons, is doing quite well on Californication.
Reunion: X-Files: I Want to Believe, the second movie based on the show, failed at the box office in July of 2008.
Cause: We still haven't figured this one out.
Held Out: 6 years.
Respectability: Pretty lame.

Seinfeld
Final Episode: May 1998
Breakout Stars: All of them, but the biggest has been Larry David, now of Curb Your Enthusiasm who wasn't even an actor on the show. Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is still holding down The Adventures of Old Christine. Jerry Seinfeld sits in his house and counts his money, only leaving occasionally to do stand-up, American Express commercials, and The Bee Movie. Jason Alexander had a few failed sitcoms and KFC commercials. Michael Richards had a racist rant that ruined his career.
Reunion: On the cover of Entertainment Weekly August 2009.
Cause: They'll all guest on Curb Your Enthusiasm this year, where a Seinfeld reunion becomes a meta plot point. For a giggle. They're all still rolling in residuals.
Held Out: 11 years.
Respectability: High.

Facts of Life
Final Episode: May 1988
Breakout Stars: Nancy McKeon was a Lifetime fixture before going to rock the tween set on the Disney Channel's Sonny with a Chance. George Clooney did two seasons.
Reunion: The Facts of Life Reunion aired on ABC in November 2001
Cause: Because the gays thought it would be fun and Mrs. Garrett wasn't getting any younger.
Held Out: 13 years.
Respectability: Surprising good. This also seems to be the exception that proves the rule, either that or all the girls have given up on acting careers.

Saved by the Bell
Final Episode: May 1993 (we're not counting The College Years, which ended in 1994)
Breakout Stars: Mark-Paul Gosselaar did the later seasons of NYPD Blue and is now a hit on cable's Raising the Bar. Tiffani Amber Thiessen did 90210, Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place, Fastlane, and Good Morning, Miami. Elizabeth Berkley did Showgirls and became a Hollywood punchline, Mario Lopez danced with stars, and Dustin Diamond released a sex tape.
Reunion: The cover of People in August 2009.
Cause: Because it was either that or Jimmy Kimmel.
Held Out:16 years.
Respectability: Amazing!

• Oh, well, this is a shitshow: Jon Gosselin - on leave from his Tour of Duty in the War on Good Taste, Or At The Very Least, Conscious Sartorial Choices Not Involving Ed Hardy - had the kids the other night at Castle Wolfenstein Gosselin because it was his night for them to hate a parent to their face. Well, that didn't go well, because Kate, who's a little obsessive, came back to the house to make sure Jon wasn't having the kids get babysat by one of the many in his cadre of "hussy bitches" as Kate likes to call them. Jon could've had Benjamin Spock watching the kids, and she probably would've freaked her shit out. So they got into a fight, Jon locked her out of the house, and she had to check into a Days Inn off campus. All they need to do now is strike oil and move to La Jolla. Meanwhile, Jon's hosting a pool party in Vegas soon and do you need any more reasons to despise this person? [NYDN]
  
  
• And then they made up, or something, says this photo from TMZ. [TMZ]
  
  
• Bobert Pattinson comforted his co-star, Camilla Belle, after one of the Jonas Bro-ness broke up with her. Also, I finally just watched a trailer for the new Twilight movie yesterday, and did you know the entire thing is: vampire dumps regular chick to get eaten by another vampire and then a better looking guy who turns into a werewolf eats the vampire? I'm serious. That's it. The entire movie. This is the teenage Citizen Kane, supposedly. That's what the movie's gonna be. And people are freaking out over it? I could've written that book/movie/franchise with my ass. Seriously, how about this: weekend gossip writer gets out of bed late, does a line of blow off of his washboard abs before going for coffee and typing away at his laptop. All of the sudden, he goes to the bathroom and while looking for a flat surface ends up finding a magical land of princesses, unicorns, dark magic, and TIE Fighters. He decides to bring the coffee shop girl with him, and together they have lots of adventures and do a bunch of blow and debate whether or not to turn into unicorns. NYT Bestseller List, hear that ringing? It's me calling. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Remember Antonio Sabato Jr.? Was he on that one show with Lorenzo Lamas? Anyway: Rachel McAdams had a huge crush on him as a wee Rachel McAdams and she ran into him and told him! And Antonio Sabato Jr. sent her flowers. That was fun. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paying tribute to the common knowledge that Jews run showbiz, Jerry Seinfeld will be the first guest on Jay Leno's new show. This is the talk show equivalent of having a shaman come and smudge the set with sage. [NY Daily News]
  
  
• All it took was the headline "Arrest Warrant Issued For Bobby Brown" to make me laugh. Seriously. It's like someone rang a bell in my head that was like, "KISSMYASS!" Apparently, he's delinquent on paying some kind of child support bills. Naturally. [NYDN]
  
  
• Ha, love this: Eat, Pray, Love, or as it's well known around New York, Diet, Self-Pity, Desperation is getting flack from the religions the main character/memoir's writer embarks upon when looking for herself in food and spirituality around the world, only to find out that (SPOILER ALERT) everything sucks in the end: you get fat, some dude/lady dumps you for someone prettier or younger, and then, you die. Anyway, I digress: the religious people are pissed about the book already and concerned the movie version, starring Julia Roberts, is only going to make it worse. I mean, this quote! Via the head of the Universal Society of Hinduism: "The people of India will be anxious to see how perfectly Roberts does her job of cleaning ashram floors as a part of her devotional duty, trying to recite 182- verse Sanskrit chant, and going through grueling hours of meditation, while being feasted on by mosquitoes." I mean, we're anxious to see anybody get feasted on by mosquitoes, but America's Sweetheart? Holy shit, you've got a movie right there. Don't softpaw this, Sony. At least get Clooney to play one of the little bloodsucking gnats. [Page Six]
  
  
• Dan Rather's showing up to parties around New York and Richard Johnson was like, yeah, get an item out of this. Throw some outrage in for good measure. [Page Six]
  
  
• So, one of those Kardashian girls is extending the legacy of large asses by having a kid, and Kim spoiled the supposedly ratings-boosting suspense of who the Dad was. Isn't the better question who isn't the dad of that child? Anyway, hopefully that baby will come out of its mother with a gigantic badonk because otherwise, if you've ever seen the Kardashians in action, you'd realize it's at no great genetic advantage when it comes to smarts. [Page Six]
  
  
• TMZ has a theory/sources basically positing the idea that Michael Jackson is frozen somewhere, like my brain, right now, at this moment. [TMZ]
  
  
• E! does some shameless plugging for some Sierra Mist Beach House in Malibu that basically hires small foreign children for celebrities to snort drugs off of in private. [E!]

Forbes put out their list of the 10 richest comedians based on their concert ticket sales, movie deals, and DVD sales.

1. Jerry Seinfeld $85 million between June 2008 and June 2009. He also filmed this commercial. Laugh it up, America!

2. Chris Rock whose worldwide 'No Apologies Tour' contributed to his $42 million bounty. Chris is a funny man and we should continue to give him our money.

3. Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham banked an estimated $30 million over the course of the year. Wait, who?!

4. Dane Cook is the friend that nobody likes. The friend with $20 million dollars.

5. George Lopez. $20 million. Holler back Canoga Park!

6. Howie Mandel. Aw, I have a soft spot for Bobby's World.

7. Larry the Cable Guy made $13million dollars last year. This clip about sums it up.

8. You might be a redneck if you only make $11 million dollars, Jeff Foxworthy.

Ok! Did you guess who? Did you say Dane Cook? I hope you did cause he's the ambassador of TERRIBLE.

• Britney Spears is a woman who is dedicated to her man/agent. So dedicated that she's converting to Judaism to show Jason Trawick how much she loves him. She's been wearing a star of David around her neck and has enlisted a rabbi to tour with her to teach her the religion. As a Cajun/Louisianian, I'd like to offer a trade to the Jews. You guys take Britney off our hands, and we'll take Natalie Portman. Sound good? Sweet. Have fun with her. [UK SUN]
  
  
• Gwyneth Paltrow, faux-lifestyle expert, physician, chef, dietician and Jim Jones in training, sent out a message to her GOOP death cult raving about some detox clease she did where she didn't eat anything for three weeks. In other news, Chris Martin probably isn't an ass man like Barack Obama. [Daily News]
  
  
• Jerry Seinfeld, apparently not content with the billion or so dollars he's banked from Seinfeld, is doing wacky commercials for some bank in Australia. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jeremy Piven says he hasn't eaten a piece of fish in 9 months since his horrible mercury poison thing. Now he's all into yoga and is all about achieving "balance." Whatever. Still a tool. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Katie Lee Joel isn't wasting any time since dumping sad old man Billy Joel for some swarthy lothario—Now she's opened up a burger spot in West Village near her townhouse called "Burger County." [Page Six]
  
  
• Jamie Foxx just can't contain his unrelenting cheesedickery. The other night he was at a party at Tao in Vegas when he took over the mic from the DJ and starting taunting Rihanna, who was dining with Jay-Z, to the point where she got up and left. [Page Six]
  
  
• 19 year-old Harry Potter star Emma Watson bought a $3,000,000 London home for her and her boyfriend, some 26 year-old "financier" named Jay. [Mirror]
  
  
• Katy Perry is running around Turkey in a bikini with some mystery guy just putting his hands all over her and we have to admit, we're kind of jealous. She looks damn good! [Daily Mail]

• Oh boy. Chris Brown and Rihanna both attended Game 4 of the NBA Finals in Orlando last night seperately, but a source tells People that "they requested to sit together" once they arrived inside the arena. However, they sat in separate sections in the game's first half, then retreated to the private luxury box area for the second half. [People]
  
  
• Paris Hilton isn't wasting any time getting over Douglas Reinhardt—All the British tabs are buzzing about Paris' raunchy hookup in a London club with European soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. An eyewitness tells The Sun that "they were sucking each other's faces off like their plane was going down." [Sun]
  
  
• David Letterman bandleader Paul Shaffer said that Jerry Seinfeld had handpicked him to play the role of George Costanza on Seinfeld, the role that eventually went to Jason Alexander, but he was too busy to return Jerry's calls. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Page Six has an amazing gallery up of all the slimy dudes that Paris Hilton has been banging and infecting over the years. Put on a condom before you click the link. [Page Six]
  
  
• Brad Pitt became so enamored with a painting by German artist Neo Rauch at Art Basil, he plopped down $960k for the dang thing. [Daily News]
  
  
• Lil Wayne has knocked up yet another woman so that means he'll be having two children this year with two different women, which will match perfectly with the two other kids he already has. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new ODB! [Perez]
  
  
• Madonna has been given a green light to adopt yet another African child to add to her ever-growing collection. [Sun]
  
  
• Well, here you were thinking that Megan Fox was physically perfect in every possible way—turns out she has some sort of odd genetic condition called "clubbed thumbs." Aren't you so very turned off by her now? [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Kate Winslet has long said that she would never hire a nanny to care for her children while she worked, but she recently broke down and hire a nanny. Scandal! [Daily Mail]

One: Husbands who watch too much sports.

Two: "Shirt shows - she says he always wears the same shirt." —Seinfeld

Shirt repetition! What is the deal with that??

"We'll have a telestrator, instant replays, different camera angles. Then the ref will make the decision. And it could be for whatever reason he wants. He could say to the wife, ‘You had the better argument, but I didn't like the way you said something.' "

Then everyone goes out to dinner. Always go out on a high note.

(Image via)

You remember how software-maker Microsoft bizarrely enlisted the sitcom star to promote its deeply troubled Vista operating system? The response was, uh, overwhelming . So overwhelming that Microsoft cancelled the campaign.

Now Silverman hopes Seinfeld can reverse NBC's fortunes. Silverman's past glorious successes include two cancelled shows, handing five hours of primetime to Jay Leno and not getting fired, yet. So it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that Silverman is stoked Seinfeld is going to riff on how insane married life is. I mean seriously, what's the deal with men and not putting down the toilet seat?? And ladies, what's with the bathroom hogging? What are you doing in there?

"Some of the greatest comedies in the history of television have been around marriages," Silverman said. "The concept is so universal and accessible, and obviously it works so well when it comes from somebody with a point of view — and nobody has a stronger point of view on this subject than Seinfeld."

That's right: No one feels more strongly about marriage than Seinfeld. Not Chris Rock, not the late Sam Kinison — no one.

Now NBC just has to learn how strongly America feels about its divorce from the comedian 11 years ago.

For a taste of how Seinfeld's humor has aged, take a look at the clip above, culled from Conan O'Brien's second-to-last Late Night. The comedian riffs on furniture. (Silverman would have been impressed; he's quite the laugher.)

(UPDATE: Added Late Night video.)

"I don’t know that I can make a proprietary claim to that look,” Seinfeld told her when she called for comment. After a campaign chock full of gorgeous suits, you can't blame Horyn for having great expectations. Having viewed the post-election Obama wardrobe, we're forced us to agree — he looks more like a stand-up comedian than a president sometimes.

On the show and in his reallife, Jerry made a variety of style statements that now are preferably confined to the Jews of the New York City. Onstage, the actor and the comedian character usually found himself in a suit — in this way, he does resemble Obama, who is either in athletic clothes or dressed to the nines. Horyn describes Obama's new look as jeans belted at the waist with "white sneakers and a windbreaker." You don't have to try to grab the Jewish vote anymore, Barack, you're already president! If you stay this course, there will be talk of the tiny Jewish man inside you, and between between Rahm Emanuel and Robert Reich, you already have enough tiny Jewish men on staff.

If you're wondering the reason Obama can't just dress down and still be chic, it's a race issue, duh, according to NYU professor Andrew Ross:

"It remains a fact that white males can dress down much more easily than women and minorities," he said. That’s because, unlike white males, their formal rights have never been secure. Hence they lean toward more formal attire. Referring to casual dress, he added: "There are just too many traps involving black male stereotypes that Obama could fall into. He’s likely to be on guard." Just imagine how easy it would be for a president, who happens to have a model’s coat-hanger body, to suddenly look too cool just by his choice of sunglasses.

Loosening His Tie (Sort Of) [NYT]

Our spies say the clandestine East End meeting between soon-to-be-divorced Madge and freshly single A-Rod occurred on Oct. 21. A chopper carrying the Yankee slugger was seen landing in East Hampton, where he was picked up in a white Porsche 911 matching the description of Jessica's car.

Less than 40 minutes later, another helicopter that took off from Chelsea Piers with Madonna aboard landed at the same airstrip.

"A dark SUV and Jerry in another Porsche both pulled up and picked up Madonna and they headed back to Jerry's place," a witness told us. "When they arrived at the Seinfeld home, Madonna poked her head out the window and could be clearly seen."

Though we question the efficacy of a secret plan involving separate helicopters, cars, a safe house, and an incredibly famous celebrity, we're more concerned with what this choice reveals about A-Rod. Sure, this burgeoning affair might seem sexy and glamorous, but is it worth four hours of Seinfeld puttering around, demanding to show off outtakes from his aborted Microsoft campaign? Madge has got you wrapped around her finger now, and she knows it. If you see her stroke her mustache in a crafty fashion, know that this is where things went awry.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• MADGE, A-ROD COPTER QUICKIE [NY Post]

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie exclusive: She bombards him with weird texts and says 'You're going down' [Mirror]

"I have never felt so frightened and vulnerable as the day my daughter, 7 years old, came home from school and asked, 'Mom, what is an assassin?," Lapine told the court. She also said that she maybe "made a big mistake talking to any reporters because now this billionaire is angry and attacking me everywhere." Which is probably true! You do not want to get billionaires angry. Hell, you don't want to get millionaires angry. They'll just mess with your life as long as they want because they have more money than you and you'll always have to stop first. So, whether or not Lapine was plagiarized doesn't really even matter anymore. The Seinfelds already won, as they always will.

Oh, and the saddest part of the whole thing? She'll never be on Oprah. "Four times I attempted to be a guest on Oprah. I was rejected each time." Devastating indeed.

Image via New York Times

• Madonna and Alex Rodriguez helicoptered to the Hamptons, spent four hours in a house with Jerry Seinfeld and possibly Seinfeld's wife, then helicoptered back home. Must have been quite a dinner party. [Post, Sun]
• It is not clear if Madonna was at the Seinfeld's when she text-messaged ex Guy Ritchie "You're going down."
• Tracy Morgan, a true romantic, on the joys of quitting strip clubs: "I'll tell my [next] wife to get on the bed and put big [underwear] on and throw $400 at her — then take the money back and go food shopping." Awww. [R&M]
• Isiah Thomas was not breathing when found by police, before he was rushed to the hospital earlier this month. The former NBA star had downed 10 sleeping pills. [Post]
• The National Enquirer is either adding celerity-themed fiction or producing an off Halloween issue. "A hideous scream erupted, waking Angelina [Jolie] from slumber... she knew she must do - alone - in the dead of night." It goes on like that. [National Enquirer]
• Jennifer Aniston is all in a one-way feud with singer Pink just because Pink told John Mayer a woman would "have to be" stupid to date him. Aniston is not so concerned that this was prompted by Mayer's remark that "I only shag really stupid women." [Showbiz Spy]

In an October 3 court filing...Seinfeld claims that his remarks were consistent with a "recurring theme" of his comedy and not slanderous.

Seinfeld points to a pair of 1995 episodes from his eponymous TV series in which Kramer files a lawsuit after spilling coffee on himself in a movie theater (and then settles the case out of court with the aid of superlawyer Jackie Childs [sic]). Strangely, both episodes cited by Seinfeld were written by Larry David. In his U.S. District Court statement, Seinfeld also cites the 2007 film "Bee Movie" (which he co-wrote) as evidence of his propensity for tort-based humor."

Perhaps you're failing to follow the logic here. What does running through a list of one's own impressive credits have to do with slandering someone on national TV? Nothing. But it does remind the court that Seinfeld is a big star! We ask you, members of the jury, are big stars not allowed to say whatever about whomever they like? We have nothing further, your honor—and apparently neither does his defense team.

• The Smoking Gun

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld used to include a Mac on the set of his sitcom and even appeared in an Apple ad once. Deepak Chopra wrote on the Huffington Post about how he prefers the iPod to nuclear weapons. A geek at an airport made a deep connection with Eva Longoria when he spotted her MacBook. Pharrell Williams encases his iPhone in gold. And finally, I heard Trig Palin tried to sell his iPod Shuffle on eBay, but failed and had to sell it off-line for a loss.