• While in a British courtroom, during her divorce from Paul McCartney, Heather Mills poured a pitcher of water on one of the ex-Beatle's lawyers. The Times has a scandalous courtroom sketch of the whole thing because they shamelessly support sketch-artist-paparazzi. [Times]
• Courtney Love is supposedly moving to London. "I am fed up with Los Angeles. It's dirty and full of crazy people." [HollyScoop]
• Paris Hilton: "I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries." [Sun]
• Fresh off his relationship with ShopVogue's Jessica Joffe, scruffy singer and internet open book Ryan Adams is dating actress Mandy Moore, and they probably hooked up when he was still with Joffe. This totally calls for a poem, Ryan. [NYM]
• French president Nicolas Sarkozy's recent ex was married in New York's Rainbow Room to a PR executive. The night before, everyone went to Mamma Mia. [People]
• Musician Pete Wentz tried to kill himself after recording a major-label record a while back. [Splash]
• Here are pictures of the Hills' Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt wearing bunny ears at Easter. "Could they be any more fake??" [IsThisHappening]
• TV host Tyra Banks has a stalker who carries around a big bag of magazine clippings about her. The scary thing is that she carries around her own, even bigger bag of Tyra Banks clippings. The woman is fierce. [Splash]

there must be a way to write these things for others to see and still feel nobility and a sense of self unaffected by the eyes of the world.

In no way do I not realize this is insane but I have to try and share somehow. I mean, I am helpless sometimes against wanting to fix the things that were never broken between people. its my nature. its why i play music. so anyway JJ blocked my email. if you like, here is a poem to share. LIGHTHOUSE

when a woman leaves
she leaves
and leaves
with scents
and all the smells
of the house
when a house is calm
go
with
her
she takes with her the essence
of a place
painting the insides invisibly
while you were not looking
or shall I say, I

when a woman leaves
her smells
are small
hells
each much nastier than a sting
burned into your bed
in a fiery ring

and with her went the candles too
white ones, delightful ones
lit from time to time
shining
when she left she took the pictures
too
no diety confusion
or something
either way my retinals are masked with shadows of lines of the burn mark of her face inside
tonight i missed
that scent
that smell
which i why i sleep with her sweater
it is still there
fading in the rest of a wooden ship
with a white flag
and battered sail
from storms passed
where calm is now
a lighthouse is a lighthouse with or without
a light
lighthouse

Jessica Joffe

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Something wild, crazy and different: like consumption. Not the disease.

What does Natasha keep in her bag?
Her 20 other bags, of course.

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her
Entrepreneur 101 class at Harvard Business School?
Building the largest pair of quilted sunglasses to fit into the Stratus.

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
Since Natasha is still pairing diffusion line D & G with collection Vuitton, I would hope that she focuses and improves on her special skill rather than squandering her talents in other 'sectors'.

Faran Krentcil

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Natasha filmed herself walking in a plaid Burberry bikini to illustrate her knowledge of checks (and balances).

What does Natasha keep in her bag (hello, Faran!)?
Inside Natasha's massive bag is Natasha's midget cousin, Roy Mitra.

Roy is a Rhodes Scholar from Wisconsin. He is 3'4 and curls up easily in that huge Vuitton.

Roy's mother promised that if he hid inside Natasha's bag and whispered answers while she took her GMAT, Natasha would get him into Butter on a Monday night...

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her Entrepreneur
101 class at Harvard Business School?
Alas, Natasha will drop out of Harvard Business School to start her own nail polish company, Womanicure. They only make pink colors, which are named for characters on The Hills. She'll make millions.

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
At 1 pm every Sunday, Natasha performs a monologue at Essex House during brunch. It is called "why men are intimidated by my accessories." It lasts the length of a Slimfast and two Diet Cokes, and ends when Roy climbs out of Natasha's bag to ask Natasha's brunch partner — a blonde iBanker named Ginny who wears Gucci sunglasses as a headband — on a date.

Ginny says no, and then the monologue continues — until Dana Vachon walks into the restaurant, and suddenly, Natasha falls silent...

Matthew Schneier

There's something very Elle Woods about Natasha. What do you think was the subject of her (video?) admissions essay?
Judge for yourself: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA.

What does Natasha keep in her bag?
A Lexus.

What will Natasha's final business plan project be in her Entrepreneur 101 class at Harvard Business School?
It's a sad day here in Gawkerland as the last-ever Looking at the Look Book comes to a drowsy close. And sadder still for me, who created a mini-cottage industry of relentless LB commenting — 7 times at last count! Since Natasha is likely too busy consuming to think entrepreneurially, I want to offer her my newly-available services. Surely there's some business plan we can coauthor that will speak both to her needs (reserving couture pre-season; accessory maintenance; private equity management) and my talents (obeisance; wordplay; napping). I'm half-asleep with excitement about this new venture! Natasha, call me!

Natasha's self-professed specialty is consuming. What are some of her other specialties?
Christian charity, humility, and poverty. Just kidding, of course. Who needs other talents when you've got consuming?

Natasha Mitra [NYM]

• She may be pretty, but Jessica Joffe is too boring for even Socialite Rank. [Socialite Rank]
  
• Neal Pollack dives headfirst into the pooey debate over his hip-parenting tome Alternadad, and shakes a great big rattle at his detractors. [Babble]
  
• Yale students need to be reminded that showers are for showering, not for making sweet love while your dormmates wait outside in their towels and flip-flops. [IvyGate]
  
• Why Britney and Reese Witherspoon should become BFFs. [GoFugYourself]

  [Image via]

First Annual Beautiful Person Contest [Paper]

From: Jonathan Carter
Sent: 8/3/06
Subject: Hi Jessica, its Ryan Adams.

I am not sure if Jossip or Gawker started this b.s. tear down of JJ, but I think it is very unfair to attempt to humiliate someone so obviously "not-asking for this" kind of thing. It is just cruel and meaningless. It adds nothing to the world and only invites harm to people who do not want to be harmed. People do not deserve to be judged because of who they care for, and hard as it may seem to stomach, I have not seen much in the way of trying to lift people up on gawker or Jossip and think maybe the social agenda is on you, and gawker, so obviously obsessed with celebrity.
I have never met such a thoughtful, kind, patient, and decent person in my life as Jessica Joffe.

So what do we think? Real? Fake? The "Jonathan Carter" thing doesn't mean anything, really — it's not like Ryan Adams would have a ryanadams@aol.com email address. Truthfully, the email is so disjointed, perfectly toeing the line of coherence, that we kind of want to believe it.

Earlier: Ryan Adams Deserves a Gawker Comments Invite
Gawker's Coverage of Jessica Joffe

Related: Earn Your Double Rewards Points With Jessica Joffe

Good for Joffe. She should enjoy it before Banana Republic plasters her all over the subway. Nothing like a Sharpie moustache to ruin a girl's day.

Memo Pad [WWD]

Jaded [The Daily]