Tim Remington spent Saturday praying for the direct influence of God and Jesus Christ to aid the Ted Cruz campaign. The next day, he was shot six times, including once in the skull.

Another week, another hoard of lost, encyclopedic souls deleted by Wikipedia’s editors in cold blood. But don’t worry; though these bizarre, terribly sourced articles may be gone, they will never be forgotten. We’ve made sure of it.

“Where have all the baby Jesuses gone?” ask New Jersey citizens, befuddled by the sudden disappearance of our lord and savior, the newborn lamb.

Liberty University’s president this week raised some secular eyebrows when he urged his Christian students to start carrying guns. Now there’s a reasonable explanation: haters “lacking knowledge about the true character of God.”

Ben Carson loves two people in this (and other) worlds: Jesus and Ben Carson. His house, naturally, reflects that.

“Dear Sir, I am sorry to have to inform you that I do not believe in the Bible as a divine revelation & therefore not in Jesus Christ as the son of God. Yours faithfully. Ch. Darwin”

According to documents released today by the U.S. Attorney’s office, Subway Jared is going to jail for a while: he’s pleaded guilty to charges that he had sex with two minors and collected homemade child pornography from the president of his charitable foundation.

On July 25, the day after she was arrested and jailed on charges of alleged assault, 37-year-old Ralkina Jones asked officers for medical treatment, saying, “I don’t want to die in your cell.” Less than 15 hours later, she was found dead in her cell. http://gawker.com/another-black-…

Kirk Cameron, God’s chosen actor, knows that the heavenly father is real because no one’s ever seen a half-crocodile, half-duck called a Crocoduck, though that is most likely because Kirk Cameron made it up. But what if the Crocoduck were real, and what if it put its foot-long Crockoduck penis in Kirk Cameron’s…

According to reports, singer-smolderer Enrique Iglesias just paid the state of Florida a hefty bail-amos (to get out of jail) (after he allegedly drove around on a suspended license) (then lied to the cops about who was driving.)

A blind Los Angeles man was killed and decapitated last week—and his killer (or killers) took his head with them when their job was finished, cops say.

When you see a fish like this swimming by, you might dismiss it by saying, “Don’t let that weirdo toothy monster fish touch me!” while flinging a spear. But what if you knew that that fish was actually Jesus, the Christ?

Perhaps you’re concerned about the rise of Islam in American life. Or the rising influence of evangelical Christians who express concern about the rise of Islam. It may surprise you to learn that America’s fastest-growing religious demographic is people who just don’t give a shit.

A 10-year-old girl allegedly impregnated by her stepfather will not be allowed to have an abortion under Paraguay’s laws, drawing ire from United Nations experts who say forcing her to have the child constitutes a human rights violation.

“I do not come to you tonight with the ability to speak Spanish,” Mike Huckabee, once and future presidential pork product, told a Hispanic group in a speech Wednesday night. “But I do speak a common language. I speak Jesus.”

Something—the sneaky finger of Jesus, perhaps—seems to have taken down the web page where His Holiness Pastor Creflo A. Dollar was asking followers to give him $65 million to buy a new private jet.

In a world filled with many too many objects, nothing makes people want to use one of appropriate shape and size to gouge out their own eyes more than holiday shopping.