The last time the economy collapsed, CNBC money-clown Jim Cramer basically said, "Don't panic! Buy Bear Stearns! What could go wrong?" That advice didn't work out so well for him. So this time, he's modulating.

Who's the last person you should take financial advice from during an economic crisis? CNBC's schlocky in-house huckster Jim Cramer, of course. So, naturally, people are tuning into the network in huge numbers these days. God help us.

Manic stock-picking rodeo clown Jim Cramer is a study in lost popularity. When the stock market was roaring, he was funny and loveable; when the economy collapsed, he became a villain, a cartoonish symbol of America's idiocy and excess.

Lenny Dykstra—the former baseball player famous for sliding headfirst, chewin' terbacky, and picking stocks for Jim Cramer's website—allegedly touted a stock in exchange for money. Might bankrupt former athletes not be the world's foremost financial experts?

A tipster tells us this photo was taken about 1:30 this afternoon on Madison Avenue. There is financial guesser Jim Cramer, just standing out on Madison Ave., typing financial data things on his computer. Really? Crazy, if true!

Remember that sweaty guy who helped lots of people make terrible decisions with their life savings before, and during, the financial crisis? Yeah. Well, he still does that. And now the SEC is investigating his website, TheStreet.com, over poor accounting.

Two of the most overly dramatic—and annoying—people on TV are celebrating birthdays today: CNBC's Jim Cramer is turning 55; Glenn Beck of Fox News turns 45. Good Morning America's new anchor, George Stephanopoulos, is 49. Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney, is 59. Former Mets outfielder and failed financial guru Lenny Dykstra

Teenagers! They're out there, genuflecting at the altar of the Jonas Brothers and finger-banging in the backs of buses on the way to field trips and doing whatever else teenagers do these days. But did you know that text messaging is completely destroying all hope for their future?

The Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice & Human Rights is holding a celebrity auction to raise money for the non-profit organization. And they've lined up an impressive collection of items. Any interest in paying a visit to the set of Larry King's show in LA? Not only will you get a chance to make small talk with…

• Olivia Palermo's imaginary career is on fire. The City star is reportedly leaving her "job" at DVF to "work" in the publicity department at Elle. So if you see anything in Elle that seems to have been ripped from another magazine, now you know who to blame. [P6]
• Jay-Z demanded a Maybach, champagne, "good…

CNBC tough-guy Charlie Gasparino was supposed to appear on a panel discussion at the New School last night. But he didn't show, probably because he's scared to talk about Jim Cramer's dust-up with Jon Stewart.

Top GE and NBC Universal executives called a dinner meeting with CNBC bigwigs inside 30 Rock recently. This much is agreed upon. Still unclear: Whether CNBC was pressured to bash the president less.

Jim Cramer can't stop talking about Jon Stewart, and this week he told a college newspaper that Stewart "ambushed" him and that the show lured him into the mauling with lies.