The travesty of this man's life is that it totally recasts his brother's tragic and needless death from a drug overdose. Ask yourself this: if River were still alive, would Joaquin even be an issue?

I didn't think so...

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Casey: "Yeah, my bro, even did that suck ass movie, Paycheck, just to make money, and then they crucified him for that whole J. Lo thing. It was like he was a slave. Yeah, a slave."

puff, puff.

Joaquin: "Yeah, totally tragic. And my bro, yeah, Johnny Depp's club...ack, I can't talk about it, but yeah, tragic. They all want a piece of you. I can't go anywhere or do anything. This celebrity, man. It's like a disease."

puff, puff

Casey: "Hey, wait, I know."

Joaquin: "Yeah?"

puff, puff

Casey: "Let's show them all what it's like to really be part of the celebrity circus."

puff

Joaquin: "Oh that sounds good!"

Casey: "Let's make pretend that we're a director and a wannabe rapper, and like attempt to ruin both our careers on a stupid stunt, we'll go on talk shows, give concert appearances, fight fans, balk at our publicists, shun the media, grow weird hair...and shit like that, then when everyone is soooo interested in what we're doing, just dying to know what's going on, hee-hee, like they just can't wait any longer, we'll tell them it was performance art! We'll like go to Sundance. Redford will love it. We'll get calls. It could even win an Oscar for Best Documentary! It'll be sweet. You down?"

Joaquin: "Am I down? Of course I'm down!"

Casey: "Great! Grow your hair real long and learn to rap like it was 1991."

Joaquin: "Um, wait, me? I'm doing this?"

Casey: "Yeah, I don't look like a rapper."

And so it began.

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It is pretty Kauffman-esque, but who isn't copying somebody these days?

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