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Just watch—next week Joel Stein is going to write a column thanking Chelsea Art Museum, Crunch, Dotspotter, Eve Online, AMC's Mad Men, Mighty Leaf Tea, Nextbook, Peter Cooper Village, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, SOAPNet, Sobieski, Starwood Hotels, Stoli Blueberry, and TNT's Saving Grace. We got here first, Joel! Oh hey, would you like to advertise on Gawker while you're stealing our material? Click here! -
this thing looks like that thing
Joel Stein: American Original
Oh hey, beloved humorist Joel Stein wrote a fantastic column for the Los Angeles Times newspaper called "How to Make Fun of Barack Obama." Wait, sorry, that's the wrong link. That link goes to a post we wrote on Wednesday. We meant to link to Joel Stein's hilarious and original column, "How to make fun of Obama." Do you need reassurance that all is right with the world? Here it is: his advice directly contradicts ours, repeatedly. Did you know that Barack Obama is really gay? More »
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By PareeneComment by WasatchMan: Joel Stein is responsible for the upcoming death of TIME magazine: [www.foliomag.com] more » | Other threads
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pair of aces
Julia Allison Meets Joel Stein
Self-referential LA Times humor person Joel Stein finally says "fuck everything" today, and writes a column about Julia Allison [LAT]. Yes. He calls her "a genius," but perhaps this was just a bit of flattery to draw some good quotes out of her. Here she is explaining the thinking behind her fake role as "editor at large" for Star, in an interview she gives via cell phone while shopping for clothes: "The people who do corporate strategy are understanding the power of three or four minutes on a cable network or a morning show. It's the best publicity you can get. Oh, that is the cutest dress I've ever seen. Oh my! Oh my God! I can't handle it. Anyway, with the advent of 24-hour news networks, you have an incredible amount of air time to fill." Shopping and building her brand at the same time! In case you're still stuck in the old, outdated journalism world, Julia breaks down how she is really just as smart as—or smarter than—any other REPORTER or whatever: More »
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Comment by slinkimalinki: the use of the present continuous in this sentence -- The people who do corporate strategy are understanding the power of... more » | Other threads
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dnw
Joe Francis: American Hero
Girls Gone Wild pioneer Joe Francis profiled by enemy-of-Gawker and columnist Joel Stein? Sign us up! For coach ticket to a nation with no magazines or newspapers or late night cable advertisements! Francis, you may recall, was in jail for a couple months for tax evasion and being a scummy sonuvabitch. He and Stein apparently go way back! We learn so much about Francis, like how he is "a different class" than the other people in jail, and how his ADD often leads people to "mistake him for a coke addict" (heaven forfend!), and also he is just like Rosa Parks. This is page two of the five-page story, btw, and we refuse to go any further. [GQ via Radar] -
this thing looks like that thing
And Now All The Bloggers Hate Joel Stein
On Friday, the Los Angeles Times fussbudget columnist Joel Stein announced that he's "horribly jealous" of conservative pain-in-the-ass Ann Coulter—"After all these years of Coultering, people still get riled up over her obvious attempts to make us mad," writes Joel, obviously pissed off that his own attempts to piss people off haven't delivered to him an iconic reputation such as the one Coulter has, for better or worse. He tests his theory that anything she might say would tick people off like so: "I developed the Ann Coulter Mad Libs™." Now, because someone already did it a month ago, bloggers are calling for his head over the column. We don't know enough to judge—but anything that might prevent Joel from writing is fine in our book!
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By MaggieComment by PRIsNotJournalism: He speaks to my soul like Judy Blume in "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?" more » | Other threads
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nevermind the pollacks
Neal Pollack, Unblock Me From Facebook Right This Minute!
I don't know about you but when I search Facebook for "Neal Pollack," I get two Neal Pollacks, neither of whom are the Neal Pollack that I want to find. (I'm looking for the Alternadad writer and blogger Neal Pollack who writes about his son so much!) But when I search from my friend's account, I get three Neal Pollacks, the last of whom is the Neal Pollack I want to find. How could we tell? Though we couldn't view his profile, we could view his friends. They include Timedouche columnist Joel Stein and his lovely wife, Cassandra Barry; Biblically-living author AJ Jacobs; Defamer editor Mark Lisanti; Gawker's once-upon-a-time editor Elizabeth Spiers; and Sloane Crosley, the indefatigable publicist. Come on, Neal! We want to poke you so hard!
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By Joshua SteinComment by VenusCloacina: @shesaidwhat: Oh, I think we commenters are the robots who take the humans' snark from the merely hilarious into the... more » | Other threads
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burning bridges
My Correspondence With Joel Stein And His Wife
At the Time 100 gala a few months ago, I approached Joel Stein ("humorist," LA Times and Time columnist), whose relationship with this website has been, shall we say, tense, and introduced myself. Almost immediately, he asked why Gawker hates him. He said he "really wanted to know." He also said that his wife gets really upset when she reads Gawker and sees all the mean things people say about her DH. As we parted, I offered to send Joel and his wife a Gawker commenter invite. In the grand tradition of people leaving this place with a fuck-you to the people who, despite being total hacks, have managed to wrangle themselves a lucrative, high-profile job in journalism, I've decided to post our correspondence. Joel Stein, congratulations. You're my Joe Dolce. More »
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Comment by PandoraSpocks: @LolCait: Great idea for a script. I'm stealing it. Also, I'll stop making fun of people like Joel Stein when... more » | Other threads
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beat joel stein. please.
In a column called "Beating Joel Stein," (not, sadly, a how-to guide) the L.A. Times "humor" columnist introduces you to the finalist of his Comedy Special Olympics. Dude writes for Nerve and Babble and his piece is about circumcision. Sounds like a battle of equals to us. [LAT]
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By abalkComment by Sara Benincasa: YEAH SAM MUTHAFUCKIN' APPLE! He's my editor and my personal champion. He kicks fucking ass. more » | Other threads
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sites to avoid
Time magazine hates eHarmony, evite, MySpace, and SecondLife. For an institution that thinks Joel Stein is a god, this is a surprisingly accurate list. [Time] -
ain't gonna suck itself
Joel Stein Blueballs Babeland
Bad news for those seeking knowledge of the fellatory arts from alleged humorist Joel Klein (a god to those in their twenties and thirties who like to give and get oral sex): Joel has pulled out of his scheduled stint as blowjob instructor at L.A.'s Babeland, apparently under pressure from his Los Angeles Times paymasters, who presumably understand that they look ridiculous enough already without one of their columnists providing examples of how to suck in other forums. It's a blow—ha ha, get it?—to anyone who had hoped to further their understanding of the male wang from its living embodiment. The class will continue on without Joel, but really, the whole thing just feels like a tease. Were we more mouthy we'd register our deep-throated disapproval of this early withdrawal; it just seems kind of toothless. More » -
ain't gonna suck itself
Joel Stein Will Teach You How To Fellate
Out on the West Coast the week after next? We've got an event for you!The Art of Giving a Blowjob
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henry luce's worst nightmare
Joel Stein Starves Himself, But Not To Death
This week's Time magazine is full of all kinds of goodies! Apart from a front-of-the-book piece by Norman Pearlstine calling for a federal shield law to protect journalists (presumably so that Time doesn't have to bend over for prosecutors again) there are two essays by Joel Stein (who, you'll recall, is a god to people in their twenties and thirties). The first one—part of the issue's package on why we eat what we eat—describes Joel's 48-hour Master Cleanse fast. Joel gets hungry! And cold! And tosses off a couple of easy Jew jokes! It's Joel Stein like you've never seen him before, unless you've ever seen him even once. More »
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By abalkComment by demetria23: Who cares? He's Time-magazine-hot. Which admittedly isn't saying much. more » | Other threads
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remember when linda hamilton got all buff?
'Time' Handily Meeting Nation's Need For Historical Information About Schwarzenegger Sci-Fi Flick
This week's Time contains an except from Al Gore's new book about American democracy (apparently, it's in jeopardy), gays in Dallas (there are a bunch of them) and this fascinating charticle about the life and times of the fictional heroine from the Terminator movies. This is a smart, far-sighted strategy: The kids come for the fun pop culture stuff, but stay for the sobering analysis of the dangers facing the Republic. And let's not forget comedy god Joel Stein! It's working!
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By abalk2Comment by Rock_Hunter: I guess I can cross "Shirtless Michael Biehn" off my list of "Things I Hope to Never See in an... more » | Other threads
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gawker book club
"Don't Hassel The Hoff": Joel Stein Drove The Hoff To Drink!
It's time for another excerpt from Don't Hassel the Hoff (St. Martin's Press, May 15), the autobiography of one of the world's most loved entertainers. In this installment, a career setback (News To Me, a sitcom co-starring the Hoff about the life of Joel Fucking Stein, was cancelled before it got out of the gate) sends David spiraling back into the arms of sweet, sweet alcohol, with results that seem eerily resonant given recent developments in the author's life. More » -
important people party
The Time 100
Tourists and teenagers outside the Time Warner Center last night clutched digital cameras, all hoping to get their very own photograph of John Mayer or America Ferrara as they arrived to celebrate the Time 100—the Most Influential People in the World! (One assumed that crowd was less interested in arrivals such as Dr. Henry Kissinger.) Inside, the scene was more of the same: dozens of professional photographers jockeying for position, a crowd of onlookers. It seemed appropriate that the Time Warner Center is just a big mall. The scene could have been one that gets played out in Tallahassee and Des Moines and Houston every time Miss USA comes to town. We took tourist-photos too, with Nikola Tamindzic, who has even more. More »
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Comment by Trackback: Courtesy of Patrick McMullen The Time 100 rocked the house on Tuesday evening mdash; yes,... more » | Other threads
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comedy is when joel stein falls into an open sewer and dies
Compete In Joel Stein's Comedy Special Olympics!
Have you mastered the art of self-praise disguised as self-deprecation? Do old people think you're a god to young people? Can you churn out the kind irrelevant blather that makes Andy Borowitz look like S.J. Perelman? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might want to take a crack at the LA Times's Be Joel Stein! competition. That's right: If you can put together 700 words in the style of Stein, but with some humor added in, the paper may run your column alongside Stein's! Imagine the glory. Actually, even if you answered "no" to all those questions up there, give it a shot. How hard could it be? More » -
desperate times, desperate measures
Tranny Sportswriter Sets Traffic Benchmark For Local Paper
Yesterday's article by Mike Penner—the Los Angeles Times sportswriter who is undergoing gender reassignment—was a bonanza. By last night, it had got half a million page views, becoming one of the most requested pages on LATimes.com over the last year (can you hear the NYT snickering?), and 1000+ comments on the site's message boards. Today, LAT editor Jim O'Shea announced that his columnist Joel Stein would undergo a series of operations that would helpfully turn him funny. "For many years," said O'Shea, "Joel has secretly felt that his brain has been wired for humor. Hopefully, these surgical procedures will at last allow that part of his persona to emerge." O'Shea additionally called for twenty-five newsroom staffers to similarly change gender—and chronicle their passage in both the paper and on the web—or face "voluntary separation" from their jobs. More »
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By abalk2Comment by I'm Waitin' for Dolemite: "or face "voluntary separation" from their jobs" versus "voluntary separation" from their cock no one ever said journalism was easy more » | Other threads
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joel stein
Joel Stein Unclear About Why He Had A Hard Time Getting Laid As A Teen
The new issue of Time (the one that offsets the Imus Imus Imus coverage with a big "Black people: Why don't they play baseball anymore?" package) is probably worth your while—there's a really good James Poniewozik thinkpiece on, uh, Imus—but you will particularly enjoy the Joel Stein profile of Adam Brody, especially if you're one of those people in their twenties and thirties who think Joel Stein is "a god." (Richard Stengel, you so have your finger on the pulse!) More » -
bonnie fuller
Media Bubble: The Onion Will Kill Tucker Carlson
- The Onion, it turns out, has been nursing a master plan for domination for untold years. Either that or it's April 1 on Sunday. But we're pretty sure they're serious. Also, The Onion News Network is all about the communist-daycare style YouTube clip-sharing. Why? Because they are not idiots. [Variety] More »
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By abalk2Comment by Bill Brasky: why is it that up until about five days ago i had never even heard of an ombudsman and now... more » | Other threads
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joel stein
Joel Stein: He's So Jane
We're hearing that LA Times columnist, VH1 talking head, and general shanda-for-the-Jews Joel Stein will be doing a little bit of freelancing for Jane magazine. The story makes sense, in that Stein and Jane ed Brandon Holley once toiled together in the trenches of Time Out. Loathe though we are to see Stein's cut-rate Dave Barryisms in yet another publication, we can see one possible upside. Perhaps Brandon will mate him with the mag's professional virgin Sarah DiMuro, which would keep at least that corner of the gene pool quarantined. More » -
media
Media Bubble: What's Long, Pink, Fits In A Purse?
- Tabloidism is allegedly the most radical change in the New York Observer's history. [NYO] More »
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By abalk2Comment by t.a.m.s.y.: Given its billion-dollar annual revenue, Monster.com isn't such a bad company to team up with -- or at least, it... more » | Other threads
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joel stein
Dear 'LAT' Man, We Still Hate You. Love, Gawker
When we saw a link on Romenesko alerting us that "LAT's [Joel] Stein believes hate is Gawker's way of showing love," we admit, our interest was piqued—since the last time we checked, we still thought he was kind of a douchebag for that column about how he didn't want to hear from readers. Anyway, we followed Romenesko's link and came upon a transcript of a little chat Joel did last week on the LA Times website. Someone asked him, "why does gawker hate you?" We eagerly awaited his cutting analysis, or perhaps an epistolary on why, in fact, we find him to be douchey. Instead, we got this: More »
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Comment by geekchic: Yeah, plus who wasn't sexually abused as a child? Pfft...good try there Joel! more » | Other threads
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joel stein
Joel Stein: Still an Asshole
Or maybe he's just articulating what every other journalist wishes they could say, but don't because their editors think this "citizen journalism" thing is here to stay, and also insist that they respond to every inane reader email they get:Don't email me.
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Comment by SecureLocation: Tom Hanks? Phillip Roth? Don't flatter yourself into their company, Joel. You're in the Dave Barry/Ellen Goodman league, not theirs. more » | Other threads
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media bubble
Media Bubble: Seriously, Enough About 'Portfolio' Already
• Joel Stein calls Sesame Street's Elmo "an annoying tool." You see where we're going with this one. [LAT] More »
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By abalk2Comment by Susie Felber: Odd. On 8/2 I exposed the "fire hydrant fraud" with the same pic you exposed it with a day... more » | Other threads
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maggie gyllenhaal
Remainders: Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal Had Sex!!!
• Uber-indie couple and overly cutesy NYC fixtures Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are engaged and expecting a little bundle of diaper-shitting joy. We're praying they'll name the baby something like Jaane or Briaan. [AP] More » -
media bubble
Media Bubble: Area Man Actually Doesn't Give a Shit Anymore That the 'Onion'ers Moved Here From Wisconsin
• The Onion Diet: Move to New York, eat sushi, slim down. [NYT] More » -
michelle malkin
Our Prayers Have Been Answered
After a crippling childhood bout of Joel Stein Disease left her permanently retarded, we're happy to report that Michelle Malkin has finally made a little progress. Before long, she'll able to eat paste without assistance. More »
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By JessicaComment by canajun1956: Haha. She's great. She doesn't tolerate the bullies on the left. Sticks it right back and I... more » | Other threads
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media bubble
Media Bubble: Nobody Likes Barney Anymore
• Oh, bad job, Keller and Sulzberger. Finally public editor Barney Calame grows a pair and decides to write about something interesting and relevant — why you chose to hold the domestic-spying store for a year — and you guys promptly snip them off. Now he'll never work up the nerve again, alas. [NYT] More »
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By JesseComment by People Paula: My dad's 83 and shrieks anytime the tv wanders above channel 13. His generation fears cable, and I believe the... more » | Other threads
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black table
Joel Stein's Graphic Love for Nikki Finke
It's time for the latest edition of The Black Table's Rock and a Hard Place, A.J. Daulerio's notoriously disgusting column devoted to offending journalists as best he can (which is probably what prompted his recent adoption into our perverse family as editor of Oddjack). Today Daulerio takes on Time graduate, talking head, and LA Times scribe Joel Stein. Things, as they often do, turned to the topic of LA Weekly's resident fury, Nikki Finke, who would likely roast Stein on a spit if she had the chance. More »
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