This weekend’s New York Times Magazine features a story written by veteran political reporter Robert Draper titled “How Donald Trump Picked His Running Mate.” It opens with a curious anecdote:

With the Republican presidential frontrunner looking essentially like a sentient, bigoted apricot right now, the party is starting to flail wildly for anyone else.

According to reports, John Kasich is officially dropping out of the presidential race today.

John Kasich is soldiering on in his campaign for president, even as Senator Ted Cruz dropped out and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus not-so-subtly hinted that the Ohio governor should follow suit. And as the Columbus Dispatch notes, Kasich has fewer delegates than Senator Marco Rubio, who dropped out in March.

With Ted Cruz out and Donald Trump its all but guaranteed nominee, the Republican National Committee is—however begrudgingly—preparing to refocus its sights on presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. Which means it’s past time for John Kasich to officially bow out, RNC chairman Reince Preibus said in so many…

John Kasich—the Republican dick who seems like a non-dick by virtue being the least actively dickish—celebrated a rare victory this weekend, winning one out of one dates to prom.

In addition to “reptilian personality” and “questionable hygiene,” Ted Cruz can now count “math” among the reasons why he won’t win the Republican nomination before July’s convention.

Ted Cruz and John Kasich share more than just antipathy for Donald Trump. According to the Associated Press, a report issued by the software company Symantec found that phone apps released by both campaigns are not only incredibly invasive but also vulnerable to hackers.

Little more than a day after it was announced, Politico reports, the union between Ted Cruz and John Kasich is already showing signs of wear.

He’s not wrong.

Just like when the cartoon villain joins forces with the other cartoon villain to try to stop a third, arguably bigger cartoon villain, Ted Cruz and John Kasich are now coordinating their campaigns in an effort to defeat GOP frontrunner Donald Trump.

As if John Kasich’s presidential race couldn’t get sadder, now he’s got the Republican frontrunner bullying him into getting out.

According to the Associated Press, we have reached a point in the election cycle (and history) when it is mathematically impossible for anyone other than Donald Trump to win the Republican nomination before the convention in July—there simply aren’t enough delegates left.

Upon the closing of polls in New York tonight, Donald Trump was declared the victor in the state’s primary by several news outlets including the AP and NBC.

When he’s flanked by a man who kisses his pocket constitution after bedtime soup every night and a racist talking steak, John Kasich enjoys the appearance of being the normal guy of this year’s Republican primary race. As Kasich tells reporters in the video above, he is the candidate “who can actually win in the fall.”

John Kasich, a man whose passion for deli food is matched only by the desperation of his wild clawing at an office that is by no means within his reach, has a lot of thoughts on what women should and shouldn’t do at a party.

John Kasich continues to masquerade his Guy Fieri-sponsored food tour of America for a presidential campaign. This weekend, he stopped in at a deli in New York City’s Upper West Side. The Republican presidential candidate, never one to turn down an inappropriate amount of food, quickly went to town.

Even John Kasich—the extremely conservative, arguably evil presidential candidate made moderate only in comparison to how batshit crazy his opponents are—thinks the North Carolina transgender bathroom bill is taking things a little too far.

Whether because of his recent pizza fuckup or campaign trail stress, John Kasich is currently stuffing himself with tens of thousands of calories of Italian food while on a campaign stop at the Bronx. Where are his friends? Will someone help?

Before John Kasich was a presidential candidate, before he was the governor of Ohio, he was a managing director at Lehman Brothers. A lot of things have changed for Kasich since his days in the private sector, but one thing hasn’t. He was a jerk back then, and he’s still a jerk now.