Perez Hilton Is Scared And On The Lam

Infamous gossip monger/dirtbag Perez Hilton has maybe had the worst week of his life. And it's beginning to show: Perez is blogging scared. Is this the end for him? More »

John Mayer Doesn't Go Out Unless He's Covered in Kisses

John Mayer went out on Saturday night and raised the bar on celebrity cheesedickery, David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are making out in public all over East Village, and Fergie admits to being bi-sexual. More »

Nobody Wants to See Tom Hanks Naked

Tom Hanks' sex scenes were cut from Angels & Demons, Olivia Palermo joins Elle, and John Mayer tries to get girls to sleep with him by text messaging "I want to tuck you in." More »

No One Going to Met Costume Gala, It's Too Crowded

No one is attending this party tonight except everyone. Plus: John Mayer is single and Maggie Gyllenhaal isn't. And lots of people from the '90s are still totally relevant! More »

LiLo Ex Shamefaced, At Least One Woman NOT a Whore says P6, Demi and Madge on Cougar Night

Stars and models and waitresses seek to salvage or repair their slutty reputations. Starring: John Mayer! Tina Brown! Lindsay Lohan! AND one lucky Waitress. More »

Rihanna's Tattoo Mistake Not Remotely Her Saddest Error

Rihanna and Chris Brown are each swearing off tattoo parlors; Neal Boulton is swearing off booze and Jessica Simpson is swearing off everything John Mayer ever told her. More »

The Barron Hilton Train Wreck Continues

New beginnings can be heartbreaking: John Mayer's new breakup song sounds ridiculous and transparent, but Paris Hilton's brother's new life plan is even worse. Way worse. More »

How Twitter Saved the Celebrity P.R.

Blogs, Facebook, and Twitter were supposed to liberate famous people from old-media gatekeepers. But John Mayer, Courtney Love, and others are teaching us that public figures are terrible at shaping their own image. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Brangelina's On The Rocks, Reese Might Get One

Welcome back to midweek madness, in which we gorge ourselves on fresh gossip from the weekly tabloids. Join us as we choke down what In Touch, Life & Style, Us, Ok! and Star are serving. [Jezebel]

Jennifer Aniston Dumps John Mayer Over Twitter Addiction

It turns out using Twitter will not get you laid. Actress Jennifer Aniston reportedly dumped musician John Mayer over his habit of broadcasting his every idle thought on the microblogging service. Hurray! More »

This Week In Tabloids: Pregnancies, Nose Jobs, Cheating & Sex Tapes

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we "read" the celebrity weeklies so you don't "have" to. Contributing editor Margaret assists as we dissect In Touch, Life & Style, Us, Ok! and Star. [Jezebel]

Jennifer Aniston Rumored Single Again

Bad couple day: Robert Pattinson's Tina Fey lust would be inappropriate, except she started it; there's a conspiracy against the Rihanna-Chris Brown reunion; and John Mayer maybe dumped Jennifer Aniston. More »

Jennifer Aniston & John Mayer Tell Gayle King It's Serious

Oprah filmed yesterday's show at the Kodak Theater the morning after the Oscars, with plenty of her signature, deep, loud screams. Gayle caught Jen and John backstage and asked them about their relationship. [Jezebel]

Today In Oscar Hell: Zac Efron To Singlehandedly Save The Academy Awards

· E! reports that Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens will be among the performers to help nurture this year's Oscar renaissance, hopefully teaming for a Best Picture reenactment of Slumdog Millionaire's romantic latrine-escape sequence. More »

Jennifer Aniston Turning 40 and Still Getting Songs For Her Birthday

John Mayer gifts at a 15-year-old level; Prince Harry still offends every non-white person he encounters and Sarah Jessica Parker will always be saddled with cheap jokes. It's arrested development. More »

Lonely and Miserable Jen Aniston Gets Little Birthday Serenade

She's old now too. It was her 40th birthday over the weekend, and her heartbreaker/lovemaker boyfriend Johny Mayer sang "Happy Birthday" to the actress at her bday bash. Tom Hanks was there! More »

Phelps Tried To Cover Up Pot Pics

Sometimes you just want to be left alone. Michael Phelps reportedly tried to pay to make pictures of his bong hits go away; John Mayer wants a lower profile than Jennifer Aniston offers. More »

Tom & Katie Are Here Forever...

I know you were worried she'd leave, but it looks as though Katie Holmes might be staying here in New York for good. And she's keeping Tom with her. More »

For the Holidays, John Mayer Introduces Jennifer Aniston to His TMZ Family

Poor Jennifer Aniston! In New York right now it is far too cold to go nude outside, which left the actress few options to promote her film Marley & Me last night.

"You... Deplete Me."

[Actress Jennifer Aniston, who is lonely and miserable all the time, with her boyfriend, crooner and certified lovemaker John Mayer, in Soho last night; image via INF] More »

Tina Fey's Command Performance For Greasy Politicos

• Tina Fey agreed to be Lorne Michaels' awkward circus monkey at gathering of Albany lawmakers discussing TV production tax credits. "She seemed incredibly uncomfortable... Someone said, ‘Do a Sarah Palin!’ and she did a Sarah Palin." Cringe. [NYM]

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John Mayer Wishes We Were More Like Don Rickles

Popular Defamer subject John Mayer spoke up on his own blog yesterday with a bit of advice for all the epidemically abusive gossips out there: If you must insult him, learn from the best. More »

Jennifer Aniston Will Not Be Congratulating Angelina On Her Golden Globe Nom

As all of America has no doubt been made aware of during her press tour for Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston hates talking about Brad Pitt.

All Are Bored

Would you pay $25,000 and up to be stuck on a boat with John Mayer? He sure hopes so! [ebay, via Enq]

Take that! In the game of tabloid one-upmanship that is Brad Pitt vs. Jennifer Aniston, Pitt has now issued his own volley meant to counteract Aniston's recent, attention-getting John Mayer praise (he thinks thoughts!). While talking to E!'s Giuliana Rancic at the Benjamin Button premiere, Pitt extolled on Angelina Jolie's beauty. "I get up some mornings and gasp," he said. Sadly, the simple remark ratcheted Aniston's Uncool-ometer from "Just Chillin'" to "Bogus." [E!]

Jennifer Aniston Impressed By John Mayer's Dazzling Ability to 'Think Thoughts'

Though John Mayer will open up about Jennifer Aniston to any paparazzi within shouting distance, Aniston has remained relatively tight-lipped about the troubadour in the press. But again, something about those wily Brits seems to elicit confession, and so it is that Aniston did so much high-voltage gushing about Mayer to the Daily Mirror that she could power an entire In Touch office for a whole year:

Jennifer Aniston Is The Only One Allowed To Stare At Her

Jennifer Aniston's face adorns the cover of this week's New York Times Magazine. Despite her current remarks in the interview therein about how annoying it is when people take camera phone pictures of her and sell them to feed their family, Ms. Aniston would like to reassure you that she loves images of herself as much as you do. After all, she's done photo shoots with about 8,000 magazines this month, most of which have already folded. Is she a hypocrite? We'll give her a break, and let the author of The Rules give her some helpful advice about dealing with her anger: More »

Jennifer Aniston's Friends Just Not That Into Her

When she's not dancing through her Malibu mansion belting "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On it)" into her hairbrush, Jennifer Aniston likes to curl up with a good book and a bad singer and watch a little TV (Stars! They're just like us — well, not us us, because we've got a cobwebbed DVR list that still includes episodes of this exciting new show called "Presidential Debates" that we have yet to finish. Don't spoil us!). During her sojourn on the sofa, Aniston has rediscovered all twenty-eight seasons of her hit tee-vee show Friends, an exciting development that her actual friends are quick to poop all over: More »

Anne Hathaway Has A New Unsavory Boyfriend

• Anne Hathaway's new actor boyfriend "went after all the young heiresses" when he was at Brown University, which makes him as terrible for her as jailed fraudster Raffaello Follieri, according to Page Six's tipster. [P6]

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"Excuse Us, We Have A Vampire Tribunal To Get To"

[Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer heading back to their Manhattan hotel, from here. Click for the full version.]

Aniston, Off-Again

[Actress Jennifer Aniston (who was funny on "30 Rock" last night!) with her on again, off again boyfriend singer John Mayer, in Soho last night; image via INF] More »

Pitt Says 'Uncool' Was Itself Not Cool

• Brad Pitt said it was uncool for ex Jennifer Aniston to say his wife Angelina Jolie is uncool. Or, as he puts it, he was "totally thrown." [Sun-Times ]
• Who wouldn't want to be on John Mayer's 1960s-style variety show?? Other than Brad Pitt? [Daily Star]
• Justin Timberlake is buying a condo in TriBeCa. Jessica Biel is moving in and Robert De Niro's son brokered the sale. [Post]
• Ari Emanuel screamed at poor, helpless kids playing soccer in Los Angeles, and Barack Obama still hasn't apologized. What terrible things will his chief-of-staff's family do next? [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson marrying? That was so yesterday. Now they're fighting because Lindsay wants to have an open relationship and sleep with guys, and their flack is denying the whole marriage thing.
• Thank you, Barack Obama, for convincing Alan Cumming to grace us with his citizenship. [P6]
• Former HBO president Chris Albrecht is trying to work things out with the girlfriend he choked at a boxing match. Page Six headline? "Rocky Love." [P6]
• Manolo Blahnik, the man, is not familiar with this "Sex And The City." [P6]

John Mayer, Luddite

"I am not darker, angrier or moodier these days... All that's happened is that I've given up on trying to find a way to use unwanted media as a form of entertainment." That's what the large-headed singer of sensitive fuckjams tells us via his blog. [US Weekly]

Peaches Geldof Not Sure She Loves You Anymore

• Fameball and celebrity spawn Peaches Geldof, 19, was shocked to learn her secret wedding to musician Chester French, 24, may not, in fact, "last forever." In fact it may not last 100 days, pending the results of yet another secret getaway. [Sun]

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Anderson Cooper Invited To Enjoy Some 'Brown Sugar'

• So Anderson Cooper told Ellen DeGeneres "Honey, I don't even know where to begin" with NeNe from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That was Tuesday. Now NeNe is inviting the CNN anchor to ogle her chest and "get down and dirty" and have some "brown sugar." Her husband, an obvious CNN viewer, is totally fine with this.
• Lonny Ross, who plays the writer Josh Girard on 30 Rock, is kept segregared from all the important guest stars. "Steve Martin — that's the best there is... Another guy I didn't get to meet." [OK!]
• Wallace Shawn, son of late New Yorker editor William Shawn, was unable to write properly during the Bush Administration. Funny, Chris Hitchens had the same problem. (We kid! Sort of!) [P6]
• Your heart belongs to the one you choose to be with as you watch Barack Obama win the election. As Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer can attest. [Sun]
• After Aniston denied Star's report she was pregnant by Mayer, the magazine upped the ante, reporting her to be preggers WITH TWINS. The story thus comes pre-denied, a level of celeb-gossip convenience the likes of Us and People simply can't match. [HollyScoop]
• Robin Williams, 57, visited the apartment of Ally Hilfiger, 23, at midnight Wednesday. But it's not a scandal because his 27-year-old painter girlfriend is staying there. [P6]
• Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake in concert threesome ZOMG! [E!]

Madonna And A-Rod's Four-Hour Party With Seinfeld

• Madonna and Alex Rodriguez helicoptered to the Hamptons, spent four hours in a house with Jerry Seinfeld and possibly Seinfeld's wife, then helicoptered back home. Must have been quite a dinner party. [Post, Sun]
• It is not clear if Madonna was at the Seinfeld's when she text-messaged ex Guy Ritchie "You're going down."
• Tracy Morgan, a true romantic, on the joys of quitting strip clubs: "I'll tell my [next] wife to get on the bed and put big [underwear] on and throw $400 at her — then take the money back and go food shopping." Awww. [R&M]
• Isiah Thomas was not breathing when found by police, before he was rushed to the hospital earlier this month. The former NBA star had downed 10 sleeping pills. [Post]
• The National Enquirer is either adding celerity-themed fiction or producing an off Halloween issue. "A hideous scream erupted, waking Angelina [Jolie] from slumber... she knew she must do - alone - in the dead of night." It goes on like that. [National Enquirer]
• Jennifer Aniston is all in a one-way feud with singer Pink just because Pink told John Mayer a woman would "have to be" stupid to date him. Aniston is not so concerned that this was prompted by Mayer's remark that "I only shag really stupid women." [Showbiz Spy]

Philosophy With The Stars

Twee crooner John Mayer on the trauma of 9/11: "[How] can you process the idea of everything changing and things never being the same when you have no point of reference for what 'everything' and 'the same' is?" Good point. [HuffPo]

Bono's Teen Facebook Scandal

• Fashion student Andrea Feick, 19, met U2 singer Bono in a club on the French Rivieria, met up with him later in St. Tropez, walked on the beach with him, posed for a picture in a bikini from his lap and rode on his yacht. She can't believe anyone would insinuate they might be more than friends. He's "much older than I am!" Think that will work on Bono's wife? [Mail]

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Tom Cruise Assembling Gotham Apartment Madhouse

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes can't stop buying their East Village neighbors' apartments. There are two flats for staff alone. One's a gym. Everything's on a different floor. Insane. Sounds like them! [P6]
• In an attempt to make soon-to-be-ex husband Guy Ritchie cry, Madonna put her eight-year-old son Rocco in a Yankees jersey, just like rumored flame Alex Rodriguez. It worked! [Us]
• On the set of Saturday Night Live, it emerged Sarah Palin did not know who Oliver Stone was. You know, given the Republican vice presidential nominee's past dabbling in Alaskan separatism, JFK might just change her life. [R&M]
• On the set of Ugly Betty, Lindsay Lohan would "obsessively cut pictures of herself out of the tabloids like she was creating some sort of scrapbook." That's just terribly sad. In large part because we are all Lindsay Lohan, obsessively clipping our own selves out of our own tabloids. What's your tabloid? [P6]
• If I understand the Post correctly, volatile supermodel Naomi Campbell's unborn baby had retained lawyers to implicitly threaten anyone who claims it exists. Probably because it is not yet old enough to hurl a cell phone? [P6]
• The Palm Steakhouse downtown will feature a rendering of Leonardo da Vinci's "Last Supper," but with Bill O'Reilly as Jesus and various other Fox News personalities as disciples. That should certainly impact appetites. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston gave John Mayer an ultimatum: it's her or the blogging. Go with the sugar mama, John. It's not even a tough choice. [OK!]
• Raffaello Follieri tried to collect-call Anne Hathaway, but got the machine. [Daily Star]
• Paris Hilton supposedly bought a building in London because someone convinced her "pirates and thieves were shackled to the wall." [Hollyscoop]