Posts Tagged “
John McCain
”McCain Smash Sandinista
To file under rumors John McCain shouldn't rush to squelch: Man-handling Communists. Republican Sen. Thad Cochran is telling a newspaper in his home state of Mississippi that in 1987 McCain, acting in his capacity as co-chair of Central American working group in the Senate, traveled to Nicaragua to meet with the Sandinistas. He especially didn't like one of them. According to Cochran, "John... reached over and grabbed this guy by the shirt collar and had snatched him up like he was throwing him up out of the chair to tell him what he thought about him or whatever..." That sound you just heard was Oliver North denying he creamed his jeans. More »2004 is Back!
How, we ask you, could someone named "T. Boone Pickens" possibly be bad? T. Boone is, as you have probably guessed, a Texas billionaire. An oil billionaire! But he does not spend his billions on running moonshine or buying the world's largest cement pond. No, instead Pickens—who will be played by Charles Durning for the remainder of this post—funds slanderous attack campaigns against Democratic political candidates. The campaigns feature lies so ridiculous that the only people who regularly take them seriously work at every cable news station and many newspapers. More »
Janky Is A Good Word
Young Jeezy, the coke-slinging Atlanta rap star who is close friends with John McCain, will be making his acting debut in the upcoming Ice Cube film Janky Promoters. (Old Republican McCain-hip hop slang joke)! [Reuters]
John McCain And Coke-Slinging Gangster Are Best Friends!
Republican presidential candidate John McCain has the affectionate support of a man accused of buying several kilos of cocaine in Atlanta from the vicious Black Mafia Family gang! McCain "was seen embracing" his close friend and confidante Young Jeezy, a rapper also known as "Snowman." Because he loves dealing cocaine! The passionate meeting of like minds occurred on the set of Saturday Night Live last month, when McCain was hosting and Jeezy was the musical guest. Here's what the thug rapper has to say about his soul-stirring connection with the Arizona Republican, who greeted Jeezy "like a god": More »Will McCain's Joking Sink His Candidacy?
One of John McCain’s oft-cited attributes is his humor. He says it fortified him as a POW in Vietnam, and who are we to argue with that? It’s endeared him to a press corps that can’t seem to get enough of his straight talk, especially when it’s deep-fried in corniness. The ability to laugh has also blunted the edges of some of McCain’s more provocative moments on the stump: The “Bomb Iran” ditty he sang to the tune of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann” was disturbing, sure. But on the continuum of crazy right-wing uncle behavior, it was more like not knowing when to stop complimenting little Sally on what a finely turned out and healthy young lady she’s become, not like shooting the family dog, which Cheney would do before turning the rifle onto the bipeds. McCain’s demonstrated a winning way with self-mockery (“Time was I could knock up Cleopatra just by winking at her”) and the kind of venom-less satire that’s made him the most frequent guest and foil on the Daily Show, as well as the most at-ease pol performer on SNL (remember Steve Forbes as a construction worker?). As against Hillary’s robotic attempts at mirth, which only Diane Ladd in a David Lynch film could adequately capture, and Obama’s intellectual suavity, which belies his inner law geek, McCain is the knuckle sandwich-giver of this election. And while it’s true that voters esteem personality above policy, his humor could well be more of a liability than an asset. More »Congressional Jews Promise Obama Will Hate Muslims
"Several of Congress' most prominent Jewish members are set to go after John McCain on an issue of perceived strength," reports Sam Stein at the HuffPo. That strength? McCain's willingness to nuke anyone who looks at America (or Israel) the wrong way. They're going to pass a resolution criticizing McCain for not being tough enough on Iran. For real! The candidate who sang a happy song about starting a useless, unwinnable war with Iran is now in trouble with the Congressional Jews for being too Iran-friendly. Well, their precise argument is that McCain didn't vote to close a loophole that allows US corporations to do business with sanctioned regimes via shell companies. But the point of highlighting this is to once again stake out a foreign policy position to the right of a proud hawk. Isn't it fun when Democrats do this? Now Barack Obama will surely win Florida, Tel Aviv, and Brighton Beach. [HuffPo]How Obama Will Destroy McCain's Sad Videogame
Creaky old presidential candidate John McCain can't work The Google, so it's kind of amazing he beat his young, internet-savvy rival Barack Obama to the punch in making a videogame for his campaign website. Unfortunately, McCain's game is a sad imitation of Space Invaders, a pixelated smash hit c. 1983, but with pigs in place of the aliens, since it's about how McCain shoots lasers at pork barrel politics, or something. You just know Obama's game will be better, and the Daily Show tonight imagined exactly how. "McCain, you know I love you, but you're f—-ing old," host Jon Stewart said. If the Obama camp picks up this game idea and runs with it, it could do for political videogames what "Yes We Can" did for political YouTube music videos: make them not excruciatingly boring, briefly. More »Candidates Reassure The Riches
This month's Fortune presents two dueling covers—John McCain and Barack Obama both promising to fix the economy. It's cute! John McCain says the greatest threat to our economy is terrorism, obviously. ("Terrorism" means "secret Muslim president.") But McCain, while he doesn't understand anything about economics, has a cunning plan to fix the current crises: allow Barack Obama to win and inherit a situation so dismal that there's next-to-nothing he can do, then allow McCain's party to reap the benefits of total collapse a few generation later. Cunning! [Animal]
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