Career mother Kate Gosselin has just filed what is believed to be a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her former co-star, business partner, and roommate (and husband) Jon Gosselin, accusing him of hacking, computer fraud, wiretapping, identity theft, and invasion of privacy.

Lindsay "thinks Paris is the coolest person on the planet," and wants to seduce her. Salma Hayek promises to spoil her daughter. Jay-Z tips $50,000. Tara Reid's mysterious marriage explained. Tuesday gossip yearns.

Our long national nightmare is over. TLC has canceled Kate Gosselin reality show Kate Plus 8, though the network "hopes to check in with Kate and the family periodically with specials in the future." (Hopefully no sooner than when the kids start getting married.) Since ex-husband Jon Gosselin now toils in blue collar…

Scarlett Johansson isn't pregnant, but maybe she wants to be? Matthew Perry returns to rehab. Lindsay Lohan hires a new publicist. (As if that will help.) Friday gossip is optimistic.

Lindsay Lohan was turned away from a party. A Matt Damon impostor. Lady Gaga's "drunk diet." Welcome to Saturday Gossip Roundup.

On tonight's 30 Rock, Jack had a brilliant idea: pre-record a celebrity-studded benefit for the victims of a natural disaster so that NBC would have a timely exclusive once the disaster actually happened. How'd it go down? Find out inside.

Britney Spears (or her imposter) might be a big stoner. Halle Berry's boyfriend gets in trouble with the law. Charlie Sheen tracks down his hooker-snatched watch. Saturday Gossip Roundup is backing over paparazzis like it's Grand Theft Auto IV.

An unidentifiable, maybe-Miley naked picture circulates the internet. Eva and Tony reunite for lunch. Jessica Simpson proves she's not pregnant by doing shots. Jon Gosselin gets a job. Thursday gossip is old for its age.

Ellen Ross—the paparazzi-friendly Jon Gosselin girlfriend who demanded Taco Bell fire employees for looking at Jon the wrong way—has a blog where she gives advice, mostly about boyfriends and chihuahuas.

Kanye West confirms that a picture of his giant penis is real. Courtney Love is obsessed with her Wikipedia page. Lil' Wayne gets out of prison. Thursday gossip proudly lets it all hang out.

Mystic tanned to the point of unrecognizability, Bristol Palin promises to stay true to herself on primetime TV. Rachel Uchitel gets barred from Park Avenue. Paris Hilton gets barred from Vegas nightclubs. Wednesday gossip can only go so far.

Remember Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy-esque dragon tattoo? He reportedly misspelled his girlfriend's name in it. And check out Brody Jenner's "Avril" tattoo, in honor of his favorite month to visit Paris. Just kidding! It's in honor of girlfriend Avril Lavigne.

A match made in hell New Jersey: Chaunce Hayden, editor of famously terrible Jersey nightlife rag Steppin' Out, and Jon Gosselin ex turned Steppin' Out star Hailey Glassman are launching a "wild, open, honest" livestreaming web TV show this week.

Jon Gosselin went to a tattoo parlor called Never Say Die. He got a tattoo of an "all encompassing" dragon. "It has all parts of the zodiac," he says, signifying "rebirth." Thus ends the 40 douchiest words of our lives.

Miley Cyrus' Lesbian Kiss may destroy her career. Heidi and Spencer may have been destroyed by not having money. Kristen Stewart will prevent her "Fame = Rape" comments from destroying her. Saturday's Gossip Round up is apocalyptic.

Spencer and Heidi are splitting up. Lohan wants to make her SCRAM bracelet fancy. Ke$ha and Beyonce are being sued. Roman Polanski's life: Better than yours. Nick Cannon's puppy: pregnant. Saturday Gossip Roundup is a holiday weekend of gossip.

Now she's in an arm brace—but Tito Ortiz says she's a drug-addicted liar. Jesse James' ring finger is naked. Michael Lohan fears Lindsay is "the next Corey Haim." Whitney Houston sings off-key. Tuesday's gossip roundup cometh.

Charlie Sheen was just like, "Screw it, I'm moving in with my hooker." Lindsay Lohan is no longer marketable. Britney Spears' nipples cause consternation. Jon Gosselin would like to sell you a car. Saturday's Gossip roundup is learning the ropes.