Young Ragamuffin Asks Obama to Legalize Drugs and Prostitution
In a town hall meeting today, a student asked Obama if legalizing drugs, prostitution, and other awesome things would stimulate the economy. Obama, ever the square, totally shot him down. Dammit.

Fist-Pumping Jersey Video Re-Affirms New Jersey is Full of Jackasses
Jersey doesn't have self-service gas stations. So people from New Jersey don't pump their gas, they pump their fists. This video makes that fact abundantly clear.

Quentin Tarantino Right at Home in Nonsensical Japanese Commercial
It's really hard to tell what product Quentin Tarantino is even advertising here. And the language barrier doesn't make it any easier. It just involves the director, a talking dog, and a samurai suit.

Judd Apatow Parody Rips Hole in Space-Time-Comedy Continuum
This movie is an insult to the mouth-breathers who enjoyed Epic Movie. The trailer for The 40 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It, is worse than you can possibly imagine. (NSFW)

Out of Control Carwash Hose Seeks Revenge
The carwash hose-underappreciated, taken for granted. Well not anymore. Today is the day the hose stands up and fights for respect, equal rights-freedom. And hilariously drenches two guys in the process.

Early box office counts show Funny People pulling $23.4M since opening on Friday here and in Canada. Which, let's see, had Nikki Finke — who's been having fun with the picture of Apatow scratching his head, above - noting as "lousy," and Reuters pointing out in their lede that it was Adam Sandler's worst opening in almost five years. It was also the lowest opening for a #1 movie since Jim Carrey's Yes Man, it has a Metacritic score of 60/100, and on Rotten Tomatoes, has only 65% positive reviews.

So, no. Guess America doesn't like dramedy with their dick jokes.

Box office battle of the peens this weekend! Who will win? Judd Apatow's self-effacing, sarcastic but ultimately tender peen? Or the magical, wonderful, man-craving peens of the wizarding world?! The wiz-kids up the ante by projecting their weens in IMAX this weekend! [HWT ]

Nope, Universal's not nervous at all about Judd Apatow's Funny People opening. Not one bit. They just signed a three picture deal with Hollywood's most prolific comedy producer. Unreported is whether the new deal calls for all three titles contain the words "Dick Jokes." [THR]

Have you been itching to watch a group of beloved Hebrew sitcom stars who's discussions center around the baffling ordinary exchanges of life but you believe that reunion show would be too 'low end'? Good news! It has been announced that Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis Dreyfus and Jason Alexander will all appear on the new season of Larry David's Curb your Enthusiasm.[THR]

Leave it to Vanity Fair to dole out karmic justice in this world! The magazine is set to have an expose of the ugly in-fighting surrounding embattled production Moneyball. The Brad Pitt project has gained a notorious reputation after squeezing out its writer/director Steve Soderbergh. The rumor is that the piece will be as so many things in this world should be: Pro-Soderbergh. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Mom populated book clubs rejoice! Billy Crudup, the guy attached to the giant, floating, bluberry toned wang in Watchmen, will join Julia Roberts in the movie adaption of 'Eat, Pray. Love' [Variety]

We don't know about you but it has been exhausting to sit through movies that don't have the basic element of 'franchise' or some kind of 'origin' story. So we're pleased that Ridley Scott has the courage to come along and do a prequel for Aliens! Wait there's more! Disney just bought the domain name Monsters Inc. 2! Haha, in your face, Originality! [ Variety ]

After years of research t box office scientists have concluded that the ingredients to a blow out success are : robots, mammoths, and Meryl Streep [THR]

• Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow were on Howard Stern's show and they took the opportunity to give Katherine Heigl a good trashing. You may recall that Heigl had some critical things to say about Knocked Up after the film made her a star, saying that it "paints women as shrews." Speaking about Heigl's new film, The Ugly Truth, Rogen said, "That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way," while Apatow added, "I hear there's a scene where she's wearing underwear with a vibrator in it, so I'd have to see if that was uplifting for women." Everybody hates Katherine Heigl. [Us Weekly]
  
  
• Crazy old Joe Jackson has confirmed that the Norwegian man rumored to be Michael Jackson's biological son, Omer Bhatti, is indeed Michael Jackson's biological son. [Daily News]
  
  
• K-Fed is still packing on the pounds. Like, dude is large. And Britney, that trollop, is mocking him behind his back, going around calling him "K-Fatter-line" to all her friends. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jessica Simpson employs the most expensive grooming handlers in the world and she will probably send Viacom into bankruptcy with her new VH1 reality show's outrageous hair and makeup budget. [Page Six]
  
  
• A new book on Robert Redford claims that he basically wanted to kill Scarlet Johansson when he directed her in The Horse Whisperer in the late 90s. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Poor Sienna Miller. Her newest shag-buddy, Balthazar Getty, has run back into the arms of his wife, while she's drowning her sorrows at The Box on the Lower East Side. For shame. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• The mother of Jude Law's latest child has been revealed to me Samantha Burke, an aspiring model and actress. [Mirror]
  
  
• Here is George Clooney's new "lapdance model" lady-friend dressed as a nun with her boob hanging out. [Sun]
  
  
• You have to admit, for a woman of any age, much less a woman of 40, Jennifer Aniston looks pretty damn good. Why can't poor Jenn find love?! [Daily Mail]

We must admire the inexhaustible hustle of Apatow's publicist: Judd has been everywhere. And Apatow has aced the exposure due in large part to his own obsessions and personality quirks: that typical brand of Choosen People wang/ anxiety humor, the refractory wisdom about the emotional depth of his characters, constant self-deprecation, steady fear of failure, a sincere need to please, a graceful acknowledgment of misfires, and flirty sweet things about his comdienne wife Leslie Mann.

Today Apatow did one of his final PR stints as a guestblogger over at MTV. He has been filing weekly musings all of the same Apatowian themes have emerged . Here are some highlights from his month long blogging journey.

Oh Judd! We forgive you for Walk Hard:

There is nothing worse than making a bad movie and knowing it is going to be broadcast on cable TV for the rest of time. I am actually a fan of mediocre comedies. They are like warm soup. They can be pleasant and help time go by more easily when you just want to shut off your brain. When I make a bad movie I often try to make myself feel better by saying, "well, that is a good movie to watch if you are home with the flu." Believe me, when you have the flu it is still hard to find enough movies to fill a day, even if you have seven hundred channels.

Judd has feeeeelingsss!:

"Funny People" is very personal to me. It is really funny, but is also about a lot of life and death issues. People seem to project their view of life onto it. Dark people find it really dark. Happy hopeful people think it is sweet and positive. I have never had an experience like this before. Usually people just laugh and that is it. They ponder it for too long. I read one hilarious super-nasty article about me that said I was a misanthrope (you can look it up too) and then another that said I was conservative and syrupy sweet.

So I guess this will be a movie that will start many long conversations. That was the point when I wrote it but watching those conversations about to begin is scary."

Whose side are you on?:

How many times should I see "Funny People"?

Three. Once for the laughs. The second time to notice the details you missed when you laughed. And the third time just to make sure we beat "Transformers" at the box office. We must not let robots rule the world.

Judd wrote his final entry today in some sort of jazzy, improvisational, warrior poet way:

"Funny People" opens this Friday.
Looks good.
Reviews are solid.
Some raves. New Yorker. Rolling Stone.
A few didn't quite get it.
Their hearts are cold and dark.
I pray for them.
Leslie is funnier than me on talk shows.
Why? Why?
Doing The View tomorrow with Seth.
Not sure if you can discuss penises.
Isn't that the subtext of the entire show?
Doing Howard Stern.
Not sure I have enough penis material.
...

Might slip and tell dirty stories about Leslie.
Don't take sleeping pill.
Think about other things.
Movie is not that important.
New season of Mad Man is starting soon.
Happiness.
Zzzzzzzz"

Um, probably because Judd Apatow is like the god of all comedy of all time. He's basically had a hand in every other major comedy hit in the past five years, people lurve his short-lived (don't they have to be short-lived to have even more mythic status?) TV series Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared, and his two writer-director efforts at the cinema, The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up, have been critical and box office darlings. So you will have a hard time saying no to that.

But might you have an even harder time saying no to him when the back six of his latest auteur effort, a mopey Adam Sandler flick about the comedy of the heart, features, front and center, his acidic cherub of a wife, Leslie Mann? The early reviews, while mostly positive, do seem to find nagging flaw in the long last third of his movie, which deals with Mann's character and her marital strife.

We have nothing to base this on except pure speculation, but could it be that Apatow's dive into the serious side of his actress wife prickled a bit with Universal execs? Not that they wouldn't love Mann! Everyone loves Mann! But they love her as the spritely, mean supporting lady, not as the star of her very own late-summer dramatic arc. Plus can't poor Universal please just have a regular bros-'n'-dick-jokes August comedy to rely on, not some itchy junior Importance film ("The third film from...") by comedy's reigning rabbi?

No, they can't. Because Judd said so. It's his wife's big moment! Now that he's a big deal, it's gonna be one for you, one for him, etc forever. Next one's yours, Universal. No worries.

We think? Er, it's always possible that Universal just wanted some of the funny stand-up parts cut, right?

Wordy but fun, overreaching yet accurate, Variety's Todd but McCarthy - who gives great analysis with sometimes decent box office projections - has mixed, yet succinct, feelings, to put it lightly. His lede, emphasis mine:

Candid but long-winded, well observed but undisciplined, "Funny People" feels like Judd Apatow's diploma picture marking his move from high school to college as a filmmaker. Amusing and engaging yet lacking in snap and cohesion, this insider's look at the world of standup comics in contempo Los Angeles rings true in its view of the variously warped, stunted and narrow lives of its mostly male denizens. Adam Sandler's central performance as some version of himself is notable for its revelation of callowness and ambivalent self-regard, which will fascinate some fans and turn off others. Curiosity should spur a healthy opening, with likely widely divergent reactions suggesting questionable staying power.

Could've guessed that one, though: Apatow's making a movie with a big heart where the endgame is more than just some great dick jokes and a moral, and that's evident by the premise. How about that third act, when the movie inevitably gets all serious on us to show what an aueteur Apatow is?

While it has its moments, this long latter stretch drains the picture of what little momentum it had and switches the focus to [Leslie Mann's] Laura and her own marital problems, which are annoying and not entirely convincing.

Eegh. McCarthy goes on to slam Leslie Mann, and take us away from the Apatow and Sandler we want to see (like, incidentally, the last third of Funny People, apparently). But what'd the other trade in town think? Silly wittle Hollywood Reporter, show us what you've got:

Bottom Line: A more mature but still funny Judd Apatow comedy whose move into serious human relation issues nearly scuttles the third act...there is a serious side to this film that makes the second half go awry....George's [Adam Sandler's] disease goes into remission — and the air comes out of the movie.

Finally, what do the bloggahs have to say? Jeffrey Wells of Hollywood Elsewhere, Keyboard Cat us out of here:

It's not a "great" film but for me it's a stunningly brave (by which I mean exceptionally candid and self-revealing) one. And funny as shit.

And we have a consensus! While it's funny and great and well, Apatow's noble attempts at painting deep, murky moral colors at the end of his film aren't as good as Apatow's skill at directing a good dick joke. And this is the problem I always had with people who would shove a boxed set of Freaks and Geeks DVDs in my face like it was the second coming of good television that I'd never seen: sure, it has its moments, but I can't see beyond the non-revelatory revelatory moments to understand why it's the best thing in dramedy since Edward Albee.

That being said, I'm willing to give Sandler and Apatow the chance, probably sometime in the next week. The 40 Year-Old Virgin was one of the best sad-clown comedies ever made, and Sandler's done this well, before (Punchdrunk Love). Will you? No? Uh...

Update: Peter Travers of Rolling Stone reviewed it as well, though the review isn't online yet. A point for the Ha-Ha camp, but Travers is known for his studio-happy reviews. He gave it a 3.5/4. Typical Travers, watch the kicker. Emphasis mine, again:

But no worries about this perceptive, deeply entertaining boundary-pusher. It's the work of a major talent. Apatow scores by crafting the film equivalent of a stand-up routine that encompasses the joy, pain, anger, loneliness and aching doubt that go into making an audience laugh. For his people, that really is a matter of life and death.

3:2 on at least one of those being clipped for an ad later this week. Takers? Talk about some awkward turtle.

Funny People Review [Variety]
Funny People Review [The Hollywood Reporter]
Apatow's Big Surge [Ed. WTF?] [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Awkward Turtle Wikipedia Entry [Wikipedia]

• Jada Pinkett Smith says that she and husband Will keep their sex life spicy by going to parties at people's houses and sneaking off for a quick bang in the host's bedroom or closet or bathroom. Is this a Scientology thing? [Sun]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up again because they got into a huge fight over Nicole Ritchie, of all people, because Ritchie invited Ronson to a party but insisted that Lohan could not come with her. [DListed]
  
  
• Victoria Beckham recently had her third boob job, this time to reduce the ridiculous lady-mounds she enlarged so she'd fit in with the locals when she and the family moved to LA. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• No, Owen Wilson isn't hung up at all on Kate Hudson. He just dates a woman who look exactly like her, which of course will cause all of us to gossip and speculate endless that he is actually hung up on her. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Judd Apatow confirmed what many people have probably been thinking for quite some time—He is utterly horrible in bed. [Page Six]
  
  
• Larry David loves New York for its distinct smell of urine and because it's virtually impossible to get someone to give you change for a ride on the bus. [Starpulse]
  
  
• Former New York Giant defensive end Michael Strahan is engaged to Eddie Murphy's ex-wife Nicole. [Daily News]
  
  
• Amy Winehouse's amazingly astute parents think that all of Amy's drinking might have the potential to, you know, kill her! [Sun]
  
  
• Why does Megan Fox hate children who attempt to give her flowers? [DListed]
  
  
• Guy Ritchie is enjoying the single life in London now that he's rid himself of that addicted to African adoptions wife of his. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Britney Spears took a break from terrorizing London's nightlife to take her kids to the zoo over there. [Sun]
  
  
• In honor of his dead friend, Johnny Depp has named a beach on his private island after Heath Ledger. [Mirror]

Is it a big fat spoiler to point out that a trailer is a big fat spoiler? Because that's what this one is. I read the script a while back and except for the very end, everything's in here. The movie stars Adam Sandler as comedy superstar "George Simmons" who befriends up-and-comer Seth Rogen. They play pretty much the same Apatow man-boys that populate all of his movies, except here they're dealing with issues weightier than whether it's worth it to give up their bongs to get a hot girl.

You see, Sandler gets cancer and thinks he's dying. In fact, most of the movie is actually about him coming to terms with his imminent death (a laugh riot). The revelation that he's beaten the deadly disease doesn't come until close to the end. In most movies, you would call this the "twist." Here it's a title card — GEORGE SIMMONS WAS PREPARED TO DIE BUT THEN A FUNNY THING HAPPENED — in a trailer out nearly six months before the movie's due in theaters.

It's tough to blame Universal and Sony, the studios behind Funny People, for selling out the plot in the trailer. Marketing a movie, especially one that's ostensibly supposed to be a comedy, must be tough when the main character thinks he's dying for most of the film. Cluing people into the fact that Sandler lives was probably the best way they could say this isn't Terms of Endearment. But you have to ask, what's left? Ah, yes the familiar get-the-girl plot line in which Sandler tries to woo his old flame (played by the obligatory Leslie Mann, Apatow's wife) away from Aussie Eric Bana.

There wasn't a lot of comedy in the version of Apatow's Funny People script that I saw. Lots of sections, such as the stand-up routines, were marked simply with notes like "COMEDY GOES HERE." Apatow likes to film hours and hours of quasi-improvisation to get gags into his films. And no doubt, he was relying on Sandler and Rogen to come up with their own stand-up material. But all in all, it left you with the sense that, after Apatow's prolific two-year producing streak (which includes hits like Superbad and Pineapple Express and bombs like Drillbit Taylor and Walk Hard) he may have succumbed to an all-too-common comedy writer disesase: the need to be taken seriously.

Sandler plays a successful comedian who moves the less-successful Seth Rogen into his house to write additional jokes for him. In real life, Apatow once lived wth Sandler and wrote jokes for him and other comedians after realizing he had no future as a stand-up.

One of the Sandler character's posters bears a strong resemblance to this real-life poster for Going Overboard, which starred a pre-fame Sandler and is always inexplicably facing outward on the DVD rack whenever we go to Best Buy.

In Knocked Up, Rogen's character worshipped at the altar or Eric Bana's ass-kicking Jew in Munich and announced, "If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana and Munich." Who, then, would Apatow pick to play Sandler's impossibly perfect romantic rival in Funny People? Bana—ironically, a former comedian Down Under.

Yup, Apatow's real-life daughters with Leslie Mann are once again featured as Mann's on-screen children (after stealing the show in Knocked Up).

Rogen and friends are spotted numerous times in the trailer hiking up and down Runyon Canyon for exercise. Poor guy—even on a big-budget, well-catered film like this one, Rogen has to keep slimming down until he's the size of a toothpick-waisted hipster standing in line for MGMT at the Echoplex.

• Judd Apatow's Funny People Movie Trailer [/film]

Yes, the Knocked Up maestro has filmed some content, and will do some live stuff as well, for the February 22nd telecast. The occasion for the bits? It will be the lead up to "a tribute to comedy." Nothing more. Just a tribute to things that are funny. Man Getting Hit By Football had better be included.

Also spicing up the whole production, but scaring those young men the hell away, will be swishy director Baz Luhrman. He's creating some sort of set piece for the evening's host, Hugh Jackman. So wait, dudes and dudettes. Wolverine is hosting? But he's singing and dancing? I'm confused!

It's kind of funny and sad that the producers, Bill Condon (hey girl!) and Laurence Mark, feel the need to mete out these shadowy little plot points like breadcrumbs leading to the glorious Kodak Theater. Ain't nobody ever gonna watch the Oscars who wasn't going to watch the Oscars in the first place. Which is why every time they try to retool, it's such an annoying disaster (remember poor Peter Coyote moored backstage, yelling at people, a few years ago?) Just give us the opening musical number, the Debbie Allen shadow dancers, and maybe Whoopi Goldberg dressed as an old white lady. That's all we want.

Image via Getty

Seth Rogen is unsure if he's willing to be in a Judd Apatow-produced Ghostbusters 3:

"It’s hard to imagine that would be good, isn’t it? I mean just as a movie fan I am the first guy to be skeptical of that. It sounds like a terrible idea when you first hear it. At first hearing it sounds like the worst idea ever. I mean, that would have to be one motherfucking good script....There is a point where it's so bad it’s really easy to say no."

The Ghostbusters III script will come from The Office scribes Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, so it will have a nice pedigree, if nothing else.

How dare you, Rogen. How dare you. What's he going to do next, diss the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

Just 24, the erstwhile chubster is eventually going to be cast in every anachronistic, ill-fitting role that pays so he can fulfill his alimony obligations for his fictitious and real baby-mommas. We can reasonably plot out middle portion of young Rogen's career from here:

2009: Seth teams up with Diablo Cody for a sequel to Juno where he plays the grown baby that Juno abandoned

2010: Seth and David Wain make a stoner Junior, it falls apart when both want to have the kid.

2011: After the guy playing Hagrid is killing by global warming he nabs the role of Harry Potter's half-giant father figure in the last installment.

2013: Seth gains fifty pounds for a Marlon Brando biopic in which James Franco plays the early Brando and he plays the Blob version.

2015: Seth writes a satirical passion play and is protested on the level of Dangerous Cousins

2017: Seth appears in a mediocre Woody Allen film about a struggling comedy team called Haurel and Lardy. Critics marvel that Allen is still directing movies at his advanced age, and unprofitable ones at that.

2018: Seth is the Albert Brooks role in a Coen brothers rework of Defending Your Life — hint hint Joel and Ethan.

2025: At the age of 43 Rogen finally sees his performance in Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, replacing Samm Levine in the film after Quentin realized he had the wrong guy. The movie is twenty-four years behind schedule.

Throughout the show Apatow took movie pitches from the audience members. One member of the audience pitched a road trip movie based on Satre. [sic] The guy then said he traveled all the way from Salt Lake City to see the cast perform. Apatow quipped, ‘They’re going to find me dead after the show.’ Hill seemed the least experienced doing stand up, but still kept the crowd entertained. One of the highlights was a joke Rogen made about farting on airplanes. Apatow also suggested Sandler do a bit that he’d already done, leaving Adam to jab, ‘Some director you’re going to be.’ I would have liked to see Eric Bana do stand up. Otherwise, great night.”

/Film has a few more accounts from attendees, many of which seem potentially more successful than the performers themselves ("Can I get another cock joke, wash it down with a fart. Hey Yall we smoke weed? Thats just classic can’t go wrong with those time honored classics. Damn, my hand won’t stop making this wanking motion for some reason." ... "Energy was way down. Sandler didn’t seem too into it, he kept repeating 'Almost there').

So what next? The film is shooting somewhere over at Universal as we speak; get to stalking already, Defamer Ops! Apatow, Sandler, Rogen, Eric Bana and the rest will appreciate it in the long run — trust us.

• Judd Apatow & Posse Finish 'Funny People' Rehearsals [/Film]

Boomp3.com

There comes a time in every big screen comedy movement to grow a bit and embrace its oncoming adulthood. To wit, frat pack pledge master Seth Rogen was spotted buying light beer at a Malibu grocery store on Sunday. When asked about his decision to go with the light beer, Rogen shrugged his shoulders and said that he’s at a point where he has to watch his weight and switching over to the lighter brews seemed like a good way to get started. Rogen said, “The beer pong tournaments are beginning to take a toll as well. It’s like two or four rounds and then I’m done. Maybe a lighter drink will help me out.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Yes, according to the Hollywood Reporter, Mr. Burnham is currently in “negotiations with Universal to write and create the music for a comedy that Judd Apatow will produce. Burnham also could star in the project. The film is being described as a sort of anti-High School Musical, though it is not a parody.”

Ugh. Burnham may be a talented guy, but we need to nip this trend in the bud pronto, people. If we don’t, soon we’re gonna hear that the Chocolate Rain guy will star in a Spike Lee “joint,” or that Chris Crocker will be the subject of a new Gus Van Sant bio pic. And if you find out that the Dramatic Prairie Dog scored a first look deal with Paramount, then you officially have my permission to kill yourself.

[Photo Credit: boburnham.com]

• Singing Comic Joins Apatow Clan [Hollywood Reporter]

Boomp3.com

The New York University chapter of the Alpha Phi Zeta held their annual fall kick off scavenger hunt over the weekend in the Big Apple. This particular team consisted of a few pledges and their future sorority sister who, according to them, will be victorious in the "Best Photo With A Celebrity" after stumbling upon Pineapple Express star James Franco in the street. Meghan Jefferson, who’s been with the sorority for three years now, believes that this strongest and biggest celebrity photograph so far. Jefferson said, “Last year, Jamie and Sarah got their picture taken with Bill Clinton, which in theory is awesome, but he’s nowhere as hot as James Franco. I mean, look at those eyes and that perky smirk of his. We’re totally going to get control of the DVR for the next two months.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

It must’ve been a case of déjà vu for actor Jonah Hill as a photographer sneaked up on him again while jogging in Hollywood. However, this time around, the photographer did not tempt Hill with cupcakes or other delicious treats. Instead, the photographer was more interested in Hill’s beard and simply asked, “What’s the deal with the beard, dude?” Hill explained that he was growing the beard because he’s going to do a guest spot on Deadliest Catch as well as to make a stab at credibility. Hill said, “Philip Seymour Hoffman has a really nice beard growing there. He’s pretty well respected. Maybe, if I had one of those things, I’d be able to do more dramatic work. Something intense or maybe a part as Nick Nolte’s crazy long lost son.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.