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What A Day Without Gays Would Look Like
Five Break-Through Roles for Celebrity Kids
New York, 11:06 AM
Sun Nov 29
12 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/02/08
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"Hhm haween een aaay hooohay."
"Excuse me?"
"Hhhm haaweeen eeen haaay hoooway."
"Bill? Bill, is that you?"
"Sorry, let me just get this out of my mouth here. There we go. So, yeah this is Bill. I'm calling in gay today."
12/01/08
I want to lollygag around an urban construction site, dressed in Wrangler and Carhartt, catcalling both hot and not-so-hot chicks. I want people to call me "Jimbo" and I want to make sure everyone around me knows how much I think I'm like that King of Queens guy on teevee, only funnier.
12/01/08
12/01/08
Heh. Richard makes it sound so easy.
12/01/08
I'm on the gay, antique salvaged-wood fence on this one. It could make a big splash, but it depends on how many people participate, and how vocally. I envision lots of gay people at home, sitting quietly in the dark, rereading their James Baldwin collection and getting misty-eyed while eating leftovers from last night's GoodBurger--and meanwhile, their boss will be like, "Oh, Tom's out today. Phil, can you finish that spreadsheet for me? Thanks."
12/01/08
12/01/08
So while "Phil" is finishing that spreadsheet, how exactly will he come to understand that "Tom" should have the right to marry?
This whole thing seems to miss the point.
Also, I have a huge meeting that day and can't call in gay.
12/01/08
12/01/08
What about "A Day When Gays Come Out And Then Talk Earnestly About Gay Marriage With At Least 10 Conservative People"? Not very t-shirt friendly, but still.
12/01/08
12/01/08
Back to the t-shirts: What about "No More Mr./Mrs. Nice Gay Day"? That would be a day when you say whatever you feel like saying about gay rights, any time, any place for 24 hours.
"Yes, to conclude this meeting, I think we need to price the tampons $2 less than the current price to reflect market trends. Also, you know who else was treated like a bloody rag in this past election? Gay couples in California. I personally think it's absolute horseshit, but I'd like to take the last few minutes here to see what other people think, pro or con. Betty, you start."
THAT'S progress. Not this stay at home, eating leftovers, crying in your stale beer crap.
12/01/08
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12/01/08
That is Imagine by John Lennon but gay! You wouldn't hear that song on No Homo Day.
(Also, sweet post, Richard.)
12/01/08
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It's the least I can do.
12/01/08
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