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Posts Tagged “

Kabbalah

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madonna

Remainders: Madonna Almost as Tired of Kabbalah as We Are

• Could it be that Madonna is considering parting ways with Kabbalah? The Independent, which is slightly more respectable than the 3 AM Girls, reports that Madge is said to be "wearying" of the red string and its effect on her family and her wallet. But can she bear to abandon the countless retard celebs who have followed her example? [AFP]
• AdAge's Media Guy, His Crankiness Simon Dumenco, celebrates the one-year anniversary of his column with one of the more sincere pieces we've seen out of him (it looks great on him!). He's learned a few things in the past year, mostly that no one likes Bonnie Fuller or James Truman and that blogs make mainstream media lazy. Consider it etched in stone. [AdAge]
• If you're footing the bill for Fido to get to doggy day care via the Pet Taxi, then why the hell do you even have a dog? Will you pay someone to pet the poor thing for you, too? [BW]
• Lindsay Lohan (or so we assume) returns to the loving, blind vice arms of Ted Casablanca's column, in which we learn that true security guards cut your lines for you. [E!]
• The most unintentionally hilarious picture of Hillary Duff. [Goldenfiddle]
• Time Out New York celebrates summer with the next level in drinking games: an eight week boozy scavenger hunt across 24 different venues. Our drinking game piggybacks on this: take a shot every time a participant in the TONY game gets their stomach pumped. [Fishbowl NY]

7:10 PM on Mon Jul 10 2006
By Jessica
450 views, 8 comments

Latest by Sue Duhnim: Madonna? Does anyone really care? more »

kate moss

Gossip Roundup: Cocaine Kate Free to Hoover Again

• Kate Moss will not be charged with possession stemming from her September '05 cover shoot with the UK's Daily Mirror. Apparently something about a lack of evidence or being able to definitively prove she was bumping rails of blow and not, say, powdered sugar. You know how those skinny models love their powdered sugar! [Guardian]
• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams didn't mean to snub Howard Stern at Nobu last week; they were just having "a very deep conversation about something in our personal life," says Ledger. Go ahead and read into that all you want, but they were likely just whining about Brooklyn. [Page Six]
• MSNBC host Keith Olbermann apologizes for telling a viewer to go fuck his mother. That was meant for Rita Cosby. [Lowdown]
• In a remarkable display of maturity, Lindsay Lohan turns down a round of shots, noting that she's underage. She still stayed out until 7 AM — thankfully, there's no age restrictions on marching powder. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• And after all that partying, Lohan still has the energy to be Madonna's new BFF. Though admittedly the starlet's not thrilled about getting Britney Spears' sloppy seconds. [Scoop]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood has headed off to rehab. How are these guys even alive enough to be addicts? Were they all given new livers at some point in the mid-90s? [Fox411 (2nd item)]
• First daughter Barbara Bush uses Craigslist for job-hunting. Suddenly, we soften. Just a little. [Page Six]

12:14 PM on Thu Jun 15 2006
By Jessica
510 views, Comment

chardenade heatherich

Gossip Roundup: Next, Charlie Sheen Tackles JDate

• Pill-popping kiddie porn freaks need love too: Charlie Sheen has been using MillionaireMatch.com to meet women online. His profile says he's a talent agent, ensuring that he meets only the most desperate young things. [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears announces that she's done with Kabbalah; on her website, she writes, "My baby is my religion." As if Sean Preston didn't have enough problems. [Us Weekly]
• New York mag says Tina Brown's name has been dropped as a possible successor to Time managing editor Jim Kelly, but Lloyd Grove hears that New York editor Adam Moss is a more likely choice. Fuck it: we hear Lloyd Grove is in the running. [Lowdown]
• For $56K, you can enjoy a downward dog with Gwyneth Paltrow, which is probably more exciting than just going doggy. [Page Six]
• With young American soldiers dying in Iraq, what better time for Hollywood to start working on movies about the war? The reality of it all makes the drama feel more "real," you know? [R&M]
• Good Morning America producer John Green is back after a month's suspension; he's tan, 15 pounds lighter, and promises never to use the phrase "Jew guilt" ever again. [Page Six]

12:32 PM on Mon May 15 2006
By Jessica
186 views, 1 comment

Latest by Ju-osh: If we join Britney's cult, are we allowed to see The Da Vinci Code? more »

lindsay lohan

Gossip Roundup: Lindsay Lohan's Got Back

lohanaward.jpg• Oh, Lindsay Lohan. Not content with a mere nipslip, the actress goes for a full-on cheekslip at the Kids' Choice Awards. Chances are, kids didn't choose to see celebrity buttflap. [IDon'tLikeYou]
• Tom Cruise conveniently pushes back his forthcoming marriage to Katie Holmes, delaying the nuptials until after the baby is born and Mission Impossible 3 premieres and hell freezes over. [AP]
• Madonna is reportedly looking for a home in Safed, Israel, where Kabbalah was born and the bathtubs run with blessed water. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Rosie O'Donnell knows that Star Jones poops soup. Yeah, you heard her right. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• After realizing nobody really cares to see her naked or listen to her speak about Israel, verbally incontinent actress Sharon Stone decides to hit the recording studio. [Page Six]
• Spiderman star Tobey Maguire looks to buy in the West Village — now that he's supposedly lost the weight, Manhattan will greet him with open arms. [Lowdown (3rd to last)]
• Thanks to your parents and other out-of-town guests, Tavern on the Green is the highest-grossing restaurant in the country. [Page Six]
• A crazed "fan" confronts Howard Stern and girlfriend Beth Ostrovsky — even more frighteningly, we're pretty sure the fan did not use Gawker Stalker to find the couple. [NYDN]

12:55 PM on Mon Apr 3 2006
By Jessica
1,083 views, 2 comments

Latest by unflappable: And now at least L-lo has the Kleenex and Jergens sponsorships to fall back on.... more »

jann wenner

Gossip Roundup: Jann Wenner Continues to Ride the Crazy Train

• Publisher Jann Wenner ties pregnant Us Weekly editor Janice Min to her chair; she'll be staying there through the duration of her labor. No demerol when there are deadlines to be met! [Page Six]
• O.C. starlet deems Paris Hilton a "silly bitch." Finally one of these young Hollywood types gets something right. [Scoop]
• Hugh Grant fights off the paparazzi, one blurry cameraphone pic at a time. [R&M]
• The illustrator for Madonna's children's book The English Roses, Jeffrey Fulvimari, is attacked in Chelsea. There's a Kabbalah joke in here somewhere, but we haven't the will to find it. [Lowdown]
• Kid Rock defends his honor by suing the company trying to distribute his sex tape. Considering Scott Stapp is the co-star, we're thinking the suit is for defamation of character. [Detroit Wonk]
• Lucyna Turyk-Wawrynowicz, the Polish housekeeper who stole from Robert De Niro and Candice Bergen, gets sentenced to three years in jail. Upon her release, she will only be allowed to work for D-List celebrities. [IMDb]

10:35 AM on Wed Feb 22 2006
By Jessica
68 views, 1 comment

Latest by People Paula: Don't worry, Lucyna. Even Kathy Griffin needs a maid. more »

olympics

The Secret of Sasha Cohen's Success

As our beloved little princesses swirled and twirled on Olympic ice last night, we couldn't help but wonder:

Does warding off the evil eye provide an unfair advantage? More »

8:07 AM on Wed Feb 22 2006
By Jessica
1,595 views, 3 comments

A Cure for Those Listless Duane Reade Employees
Kabbalah Energy Drink© is now available at a shitty Duane Reade near you! Ward off the evil eye and serve it mixed with vodka, "just how Madonna likes it."

3 comments

colin farrell

Gossip Roundup: You May Never Know the Magnitude of Colin Farrell

• Colin Farrell and Playmate Nicole Narain have successfully shut down dirtycolin.com, the site that was offering the duo's sex tape for $14.95. Obviously, if Narain is to get her well-deserved cut of the profits, we should be paying no less than $24.99 for a look. [R&M]
• We're not upset that Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter has an SUV. We are, however, positively dismayed to learn that it bears a bumper sticker. What is this, fucking Great Neck? [Page Six]
• Howard Stern's offspring, Emily, is now suing the Jewish Theater of New York regarding their use of her photos to promote Kabbalah — the play which she dropped out of after her father expressed concerns about her appearing naked. Really, her hissy fit is the best promotion any theater could by. [Lowdown]
• At the funeral for her adopted mother, Naomi Campbell was so dismayed by the mortician's makeup job that she wiped it all off and redid the woman's makeup herself. Interesting way to show your softer side. [Page Six]
• Magalogue Shop Etc. brings REAL LIVE BOOBIES to the Today show. [MSNBC]

11:35 AM on Wed Jan 11 2006
By Jessica
6,614 views, Comment

lindsay lohan

Gossip Roundup: Lohan Seen Near Pregnancy Test

lohanfront.jpg• Page Six claims to have seen a picture of Lindsay Lohan's friend bringing the starlet a pregnancy test while she rests at a Miami hospital. Because hospital pregnancy tests just aren't as reliable as an E.P.T. [Page Six]
• An attempt to patch things up with Katie Holmes' parents doesn't go well for Tom Cruise, and the couple leave the family home earlier than planned. Thetans just don't have the time to deal with that sort of bullshit, y'know? [Scoop]
• Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen filed for divorce yesterday. We'd mock them but, after they initially separated, they actually tried to work things out for their kids. So now it's just kind of sad. Like Platoon. [Page Six]
• Howard Stern's daughter Emily drops out of a Kabbalah play, in which she would appear nude, after concerns that pictures would end up on the internet. Damn you, bloggers. [Lowdown]
• Vincent Pastore is being sued for by his former fianc e, Lisa Regina, who is seeking $5 million after being physically and emotionally abused by "Big Pussy." Lord, if we could sue a pussy for all it's put us through... [Cindy Adams]
• The White House continues to withhold information from full congressional oversight regarding its stance on scallops. [R&M]

11:33 AM on Thu Jan 5 2006
By Jessica
106 views, 1 comment

Latest by greyherring: Why such skimpy treatment to the Howard Stern daughter story? Where's the righteous indignation about her dad's controlling nature? Where are the nekkid pictures? more »

nicole richie

Gossip Roundup: Miami, Where Famous People Go to Fuck and Fuck Up

• The reports from New Year's in Miami are predictable: Lohan hospitalized, Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler fight over Mr. Bongjangles, Vin Diesel acts hetero, and Nicole Richie awkwardly poses for "promotional purposes" with ex-fiancé DJ AM. What, exactly, were they promoting? The dangers of celebrity engagements? [Page Six]
• Enrique Iglesias spent New Year's entertaining the sons of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafy, but the feds were too busy tapping your phone line to notice. [R&M]
• Cutbacks at the Times leads to the close of the nurse's office. Alas, no more Snoopy band-aids for Punch. [Page Six]
• After calling in Kabbalah ghostbusters to cleanse her "haunted" London home, Gwyneth Paltrow is diagnosed as officially retarded. [Scoop]
• Amanda Peet flips off a smiley fan in the East Village. Just like any native New Yorker would, really. [Lowdown]

11:45 AM on Wed Jan 4 2006
By Jessica
375 views, 1 comment

Latest by kitty v: i like how the fan asks that their name not be used, but then proceeds to give so many identifying bits of information. "The fan, who asked that her name not be used, has lived for many years on E. Seventh more »

lindsay lohan

Gossip Roundup: Lindsay Lohan Too Cool for School

• Lindsay Lohan hasn't really given much thought to attending college. Surprising, we know, but think about it: She's already got four years of heavy binge drinking under her belt. What could higher education possibly have to offer? [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• If you're going to write a graphic roman clef about your affair with former Times editor Howell Raines, have you any choice but to call it Touched by Ink-Stained Hands? Clearly not. [Page Six]
• Celebs like Paris Hilton don't take Kabbalah seriously enough, prompting Madonna to choke them with her red string. [Scoop]
• Congrats to Us Weekly EIC Janice Min, who's expecting her second child. So many choices for her new baby's name: Tomkat, Federletus, Vaughniston, Brangelina... [Page Six]
• Lloyd Grove gets snippy with WWD's Jeff Bercovici. They'll be meeting under the old willow tree at 4 P.M. to settle things once and for all. [Lowdown (last item)]

10:53 AM on Mon Nov 7 2005
By Jessica
93 views, 1 comment

Latest by pipharper: Lindsay Lohan doesn't need college. She just needs a room in her home that has a beer pong table and a stripper pole, and she'll be set. more »

madonna

Gossip Roundup: Madonna Will See You in Hell

• Madonna annouces that if we all don't give up our wicked ways, we'll all go to hell. From slatternly songstress to earth mother to English lady to evangelical Kabbalahist, is there anyone this woman can't be? And are we going to see Madge burning copies of her own records? [R&M]
• Will innocent Kirsten Dunst head down the path of Lindsay Lohan? Allegedly the starlet has been spending a bit too much time with the Boone's, thus reigniting our flame of hope that Jake Gyllenhaal will leave her drunk ass and be our boyfriend instead. [Page Six]
• The crew from Lil' Kim's last video shoot has yet to be paid, perhaps because all the money has gone to bribing her wardens. [Lowdown]
• The new James Bond, British actor Daniel Craig, is scared of water and press conferences. [Scoop]
• Guess Page Six gets the same press-releases-as-celeb-sightings as we do. [Page Six]

12:00 PM on Tue Oct 18 2005
By Jessica
168 views, 1 comment

Latest by bdsox: that picture of kirsten dunst looks like she slammed several cocktails and hit the red carpet...maybe i don't hate her as much as i thought i did afterall... more »

kabbalah

Remainders: The Fedora Matches the Chupah

• You may mock Ashton Kutcher's choice of headwear for his wedding attire, but be aware that the white fedora is the yarmulke of choice for Kabbalahists everywhere. [Oh No They Didn't]
• Fanciful Gawker alum Choire Sicha takes 3000 words of the Observer's precious pink space to tell you that which you already know: He's a big 'mo cruising public restrooms for love. [NYO]
• Cynthia Nixon and her lover, presented without comment. We don't think our words could do the union justice. [JJB]
• Camel toads are a rare breed, often found hiding in the warm, soggy crotches of ill-advised stretch pants. [Revo1]
• Somebody better tell this bitch to close her legs. [CNN]
• The artist in her element: Paris Hilton pretends to record her album. [Hello]
• And, because one Paris link is simply not enough: Simple Life cancelled mid-production? [WoW]

6:42 PM on Wed Oct 12 2005
By Jessica
99 views, 2 comments

Latest by Muk: Me and C-Nix take our kids to the same playground. She cool. Step off. more »

nick and jessica

Gossip Roundup: We Don't Care Who Says What. Nick and Jessica Are Fucking Over. Just Accept It.

• Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson issue the standard denial in response to yesterday's celebrity weekly bukkake over their break-up; Us Weekly stands by their report. Perhaps the denial has something to do with that exclusive contract Simpson signed with OK!, which apparently guarantees the mag exclusive rights to all Simpson coverage. As if anyone's going to care once OK! "breaks" this story. [Page Six]
• Madonna is reportedly trying to convince Oprah Winfrey to convert to Kabbalah. If, God forbid, this happens, it's only a few short episodes of Oprah until the entire world has fallen under the red-string spell. [R&M]
• Bespectacled hostess Georgette Mosbacher agrees to throw the book party for Michael Gross's 740 Park, which exposes the inner-workings of the absurdly wealthy cattery. Naturally, Morsbachers socialite friends are horrified, just horrified. [Lowdown]
• Kevin Federline is a fantastic baby daddy but, it seems, a decidedly less-than-fantastic daddy. We're sure once he leaves Britney, he'll be much better to the little Federletus. [Scoop]
• Everyone on West 71st Street hates their neighbor, Today co-host Ann Curry. And you thought that on-camera schtick was just a persona. [Page Six]

12:45 PM on Thu Oct 6 2005
By Jessica
105 views, Comment

paris hilton

Gossip Roundup: Paris Steals Mary-Kate's Boyfriend

• Not even a week after Paris Hilton officially announced the break-off of her engagement to Paris Latsis, the heiress has been spotted skanking around with Stavros Niarchos, aka Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend. If our little squirrel twin goes into an anorexic tailspin because of this, we will kill Hilton with our bare hands. Bitch. [Page Six]
• Because everyone (but you) has a book deal, CNN's silver hearthrob Anderson Cooper is reportedly pulling around $1 million for a memoir of the past year of his life. Even more amazing: The furious bidding war for Cooper's tome was sparked by, well, nothing — there's no proposal, no outline, just the magic of Coop. [Lowdown]
• What's up with Lindsay Lohan's crankypants? They certainly don't fit her well, especially now that she's eating. [Page Six]
• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore may be legally married, but their crackpot Kabbalah rabbi wasn't ordained — meaning their union is less kosher than a pulled pork sandwich.
• When things don't go well at Damon Dash's America mag, the Roc-a-fella co-founder throws punches. [R&M]

11:07 AM on Tue Oct 4 2005
By Jessica
2,185 views, 1 comment

Latest by Molly Sims: i just threw up a pulled pork sandwich! more »