[via Kanye's very own personal blog]

I understand if people don't like me because I like me or if people think tight clothes look gay or people say I run my mouth to much, But this Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I've ever had in my life. This is the most offended I've ever been... this is the maddest I ever will be. I'm typing so fucking hard I might break my fucking Mac book Air!!!!!!!!

This is worse than Hurricane Katrina! So what happened out there, Kanye?

THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE ... I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!...

PEARL JAM ENDED ONE HOUR
LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT THAT POINT WE'RE RACING AGAINST THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those. Motherfuckers.

REMEMBER LAST SUMMER WHEN I CANCELED SOME TV APPEARANCES. IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO PERFORM STRONGER IN THE DAYTIME. ANYONE WHO CAME TO THE GLOW TOUR CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE IT PROPERLY. IT BROKE MY HEART THAT I COULDN'T GIVE THESE FANS STRONGER IN IT'S GREATEST FORM... BY THE TIME I GOT TO STRONGER IT WAS DAYTIME AND IT BROKE MY HEART. I'M SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY 2 GIVE THE PERFORMANCE I WANTED TO. I'M SORRY... SOMETIMES I GO 2, 3 DAYS W/O SLEEP WORKING ON MY PERFORMANCE... I HAVE TO ICE MY KNEES AFTER EVERY SHOW AND THEY HURT WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE AIRPORT... HAVING AN EXPENSIVE STAGE CUTS MY PAYDAY IN HALF... CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT BUT NEVER SAY I DIDN'T GIVE MY ALL!!!

Never forget.

[Kanye's Blog via Idolator]

Ice T slams Soulja Boy:

Soulja Boy mocks Ice T:

Ice T hits back:

This isn't about the music any more. Ice T is right; Soulja Boy is the Nickelback of hip-hop. "Crank That" (or at least the remix) is catchy, but his other work is either awful or forgettable. For example, his second hit "Yaah" is a belligerent, childish celebration of being rude.

But the quality of Soulja Boy's music doesn't matter. Ice T has revealed his age and his irrelevance. "Watch the YouTubes," he says, sounding as out of touch as Ted "Series of Tubes" Stevens. Now the argument isn't over the Soulja Boy's talent but over his relevance. Ice T says, "you can't hurt my career 'cause I'm caked out." But all that means is that Soulja Boy can't hurt Ice T's career because it's over anyway.

By escalating the fight, Ice T just helped Soulja Boy keep his young career going. He gave Soulja Boy a chance to talk about Ice T's age (listing things that are younger than Ice T — like Wal-Mart — is a nice touch) and announce that "the game has changed, there's new n—-—s out, and nobody wants to hear that old shit no more." Soulja also earned the support of Kanye West, who blogged:

Soulja boy is fresh ass hell and is actually the true meaning of what hip hop is sposed to be. He came from the hood, made his own beats, made up a new saying, new sound and a new dance with one song. He had all of America rapping this summer. If that ain't Hip Hop then what is? A bunch of wannabe keep it real rappers that ain't even relevant, recycling samples trying to act like it's 96 again and all they do is hate on new shit?

Kanye West was scheduled to play at the hippie-infested Bonnaroo music festival in Tennessee last weekend at 8:15 p.m. Then he pushed it back to 2:45 a.m. to better take advantage of his fresh-ass neon stage set. Then he didn't show up until 4:30 a.m. This angered the assembled hippies, who took to booing, scrawling anti-Kanye graffiti, and waving signs protesting his insensitivity for hippie time management. One, he's a jerk. Two, why would anyone stay up all night waiting to see a Kanye West show? Three, every hip hop show starts two hours late. Get used to it, hippies. [via Animal NY]

"in the kids videos section lol —Rudes | March 10, 2008 "
"why such a mean pose in a video store?? lol take your cool off. —ahedofmytime | January 28, 2008"

"since everyone seems to be confused....it was WACKY TACKY day at my HS. GEEZ! —FresherThanThou | February 18, 2008"

"I...am your father!!!! luke1 | April 25, 2008"

"still a pimp cobra...representing the patriot missiles v. scuds jaybol | November 2, 2007"

[Kanye West]

"At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives! Thanks 2 Bossip and Perez for taking it easy on me on the EW spaz... I did go in a little 2 much on that one. I'm sure there are some cool people who work over there and had nothing 2 do with that review. With all that said.... 'I'm still the greatest!!!' lol!! Oh and I was in the studio with T.I. last night.... so get ready!!!"

Did he just give a shout-out to who I think he did? Puke.

"I know I shouldn't dignify this with a comment, but the reviewer threw a jab at all the artists. I just wanna know when was the last time you enjoyed yourself. If you can't have fun and lose yourself at this tour it's a good chance you're a very miserable person. I actually feel sorry for you guys. Your job forces you to not have fun anymore. Grab a drink, holla at some nice girls, and party bitch!! You don't know shit about passion and art. You'll never gain credibility at this rate. You're fucking trash! I make art. You can't rate this. I'm a real person. I'm not a pop star. I don't care about anything but making great art. Never come 2 one of my shows ever again, you're not invited and if you see me...BOW!! This is not pop, it's pop art!" [KanyeUniversity]

A riveting memoir, Hiding In Hip Hop, uncovers a hidden and well-known unspoken secret. Deep within the confines of Hip-Hop is a prominent gay sub-culture. A world that industry insiders are keenly aware of, but choose to ignore. From the testosterone of men striving to be on top and in control, to the "by any means necessary" bravado in an industry that thrives on power, homosexuality is a reality at nearly every level of Hip-Hop.

What's really surprising is that hip hop has managed to keep the identities of its gay people officially secret for this long. Rap has been big business and big money for a long time, but unlike in Hollywood—where gossip hounds have essentially uncovered the gay celebrities, who are then allowed to go about their business—the rap industry still feels that being openly gay could jeopardize an artist's career for good. Tom Cruise hasn't lost work because of the gay rumors surrounding him; Jay-Z surely would. It's a barrier that everyone remains afraid to cross. A rapper who started out as openly gay could theoretically make a career in hip hop, but it would not be a mainstream one. Even today, fostering the twin images of sex lord and crime lord are the most reliable way that MCs propel themselves into superstardom. Though this is changing (see Kanye), it's a long way from changed.

So when Hiding In Hip Hop comes out on May 13—assuming that it does out some identifiable figures in hip hop, and that it is reliable—the fallout will be fascinating to watch. I would expect immediate denials, and private reprisals from anyone named. But the real gay rappers, whoever they are, would be wise to stand up and be counted for the first time. They would go down in history for something much bigger than mediocre album sales. And the marketing opportunities would be enough to relaunch a flagging career, albeit in a slightly more bohemian arena.

If Del tha Funkee Homosapien came out as gay, no one would care. If a hardcore rapper like, say, Fat Joe came out, people would be surprised. But if one of the usual suspects like Kanye or Puffy came out, they would be positioned to use their already-deep resources to continue their careers as trailblazers. So a bit of advice to whoever may be named in the book (assuming it's true): Don't be the mad rapper. When you're dead and gone, one small step you took towards toning down the homophobia in hip hop would be worth much more than your music. And if you are Puffy, your music always sucked anyways. So go for it!

(And if anyone happens to get their hands on the book before May 13, email us.)

• Natalie Portman was with her hippie boyfriend in a park when she got peed on by a dog. There's a picture and everything! Happy Tuesday! [Post]
• Lindsay Lohan told Ashley Olsen to keep her "Full House ass" away from Lohan's girlfriend. [P6]
• Kanye West broke up with his fiancée due to West's, ahem, "busy schedule." [E!]
• Paris Hilton is supposedly getting married in a double wedding with Nicole Ritchie and their Madden brother husbands. There's a picture of Paris holding a book with a picture of a bride on it, so the whole thing is basically confirmed.
• Rudy Huxtable from the Cosby Show will ply a hooker in a movie, since being a hooker is kind of the new black. [ET]
• Britney Spears will keep doing cameos on that one TV show until the ratings stop spiking. [LAT]
• Porn star Jenna Jameson's vagina was stolen from a sex shop. [CBS2]

[Times, KanyeUnivercity.com]

Barats and Bereta:

The original Daft Hands:

Daft Hands do it double-time:

Daft Hands do Daft Punk's "Technologic":

Daft Bodies:

West advises all of us, tautologically, that there is nothing wrong with being used. In the one-page section "Get use [sic] to being used!," West writes, "To use is necessary. And if you can't be used, then you're useless." Webster could not have said it better himself.

In "Be Leery Of The Free Gift Bad," West explains how you don't want to ever owe anyone anything, because that will leave you in "a position of weakness." Like this one time, when Kanye was talking to a sucka MC:

I asked someone to do a part on my album. He agrees and said, "I'm not even going to charge you," as if he was doing me a favor, "But, when I'm working on my album, I want you to do a verse for me."

I responded with, "NO! I want to pay you for what I asked you to do and we'll talk about that verse when the time comes. Thank You And You're Welcome!"

Title shout out!

The last excerpted section, "The Missing Bannister Theory," is about how if you're walking down the street, it's no problem to walk straight, but if you're walking down the street 100 stories high you'll probably fall to your death, because all you can think about is how you wish you had a banister, which is so true.

[Kanye West: Sample Pages]

• Amy Fisher, who can't make up her mind if she's happy or sad about her new sex tape, is DJ'ing at Retox Friday night. According to the press release, "The controversial sex video which Amy Fisher is featured will be displayed their.[sic]"
  
• Page Six spotted "VH1 honcho Michael Hirschorn and his wife, St. Martin's editrix Elizabeth Beier, dining with New York Times-er Bob Morris, literary agent Ira Silverberg." Talk about hot double dates! [P6]
  
• Hip Hop Savant Kanye West is schooled by Beyoncé (truly an angel sent down from heaven) in Connect Four. 9 Times in a row! [KanyeUniversecity]
  

[I]t seems that Spears' performance didn't leave all VMA viewers with the same feeling of disgust. Weighing in on a story about Spears and her subpar routine, ABCNEWS.com commenter wheaton1006 remarked, "I'd hit it."

Speaking of hitting it, some think "it" should be off-limits as a topic of conversation. Writing for the Associated Press, Jocelyn Noveck ponders whether or not comments about Britney's body are fair game.

Did Spears, lest we forget a mother of two, deserve to be held up against the standard of her once fantastically toned abs, sculpted by sessions of 1,000 tummy crunches? Or was she asking for it by choosing that unforgiving black-sequined bikini?

More profoundly, in an age where skinny models and skeletal actresses are under scrutiny for the message they're sending young girls, what does it say that we're excoriating a young woman for a little thickness in her middle?

As to the performance itself, rumors are rife concerning its widely-noted awfulness. People suggests that an "embarrassed" Britney may have been agitated and disoriented by comedian Sarah Silverman.

Fan site BreatheHeavy.com and photo agency X17 speculated that Spears was thrown off after hearing Sarah Silverman rehearse her monologue (which ripped Spears and called her kids "mistakes").

But Silverman's rep tells PEOPLE it's untrue: "Sarah never rehearsed her full monologue ahead of time so no one knew what Sarah was going to say except for Sarah."

Others see a conspiracy by MTV at play. The network, suggests Idolator, fully expected that Spears would deliver an epic mess of a performance, and actually hoped for such an outcome, so that the chaos would keep people buzzing about the astoundingly lackluster show.

If anything, the incessant Internetization of this year's Video Music Awards—the Twittering, the Second Life-ing, the "watch the full performances online!" exhortations—makes this hypothesis completely plausible; MTV has, after all, seemed nothing short of desperate for attention with this installment of the show, and coupling that desperation with the idea that all press is good press could have created quite the toxic stew, if you'll pardon the pun.... It seems pretty cruel, but that's also sort of why it seems plausible—after all, any network that actually put on the shitshow that was last night isn't really feeling altruistic towards its fellow media consumers, is it now.

Furthermore, she's a troubled young woman whose career appears to be on the wane, and the uncertainty over whether she wants to continue to play the game feeds her deep sense of self-loathing, particularly when she gives in to that part of herself that craves the adulation.

In those rare moments of lucidity where she recognizes what a public spectacle she's become, Spears looks down at the Snapple-streaked faces of her two tiny children and weeps at the shocking catastrophe her life has become. Then she knocks back a few margaritas and stuffs herself into two size zero pieces of unyielding fabric and heads out to perform live on national television. Of course that ambivalence is going to reflect itself in the resulting routine.

All good points (we're going with conspiracy), but does it even really matter? It seems that today of all days, when we commemorate the loss of 3000 fellow citizens in the worst terror attack on American soil, should be about the spirit of love, compassion, and forgiveness. Britney Spears, an inbred naïf who coasted to a fame for which she was unprepared through a combination of incredibly short skirts and the decline in critical faculties of the music-buying public, represents everything that America is today, and if we can't give her a pass it says something very sick about us as a society. It's 9/11, people. Never forget. (I mean, forget the performance, but never forget that other thing, with the burning and the crashing and the big hole in the ground.) We love you, Britney: you're still our big fat shining star.

Guess the Metrosexual Musician [TSG]

MC JC [The Hanging Stranger]
Earlier: Rolling Stone and Kanye: Jesus Walks, Poses, Gives Interviews

Lest you find the cover offensive, remember that it's okay if a magazine uses a person of color as Jesus — that conveys sympathy and respect. If it were Mark Wahlberg or Piper Perabo tied to the cross, however, that would mean eternal damnation.

Rolling Stone
Related: Does Jesus Sell Magazines?

West was blessedly inarticulate, angry, nervous, and on the verge of tears, but it didn't matter. He ended on a clear note, and you heard exactly what he said: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." The camera abruptly cut to Chris Tucker, who looked like he'd been smacked in the balls. And you, the viewer, fell in love with live television all over again.

Video available here (Quicktime) and here (Windows Media).
Kanye West's Torrent of Criticism, Live on NBC [WaPo]