The worst thing is that hosts Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood did different versions of the same joke twice, like an old drunk man who is convinced that it's only because people didn't hear clearly that they didn't laugh. Next year I believe they're planning a series of jokes about Milli Vanilli, followed by a medley on the similarities between Ice Ice Baby and Under Pressure. Here's the video, via the Daily Beast.

Like a meta-New Yorker cartoon, we filled in speech bubbles in hopes of having the funniest punch-lines. It wasn't long after that we voluntarily evolved the phenomenon to include names of friends and loved ones; each of us holding close hopes of universally personalizing that question as to who Kanye was going to let finish. Eventually time went by, and we forgot all about the self proclaimed hip-hop deity who has long since passed into relative obscurity.

It's taken the world by surprise that reclusive filmmaker Spike Jonze, a figurehead not seen since the release of his silver screen classic, Where The Wild Things Are, would join forces with yesteryear's eccentric urban maestro Kanye West for a cinematic opus too big for the big screen, and too hot for television.

The film is being presented here in it's entirety, in case you are under the impression that this is culturally relevant art house fare... but if you want one man's humble opinion, this movie doesn't really start until five minutes and three seconds into the second part. Why? Spoiler alert: A muppet commits suicide.

• It's hard keeping track of Jennifer Aniston's alleged love life. One day she's screwing Gerard Butler, the next it's secret meetings with Brad. Now she's apparently staying in close contact with her "ex" John Mayer, on whom she's "hooked" and "can't let go." Yes, it can all get confusing, but at least she only has three in the rotation. For now. [NYDN]
  
  
• Jon and Kate Gosselin's former babysitter claims Jon hacked into Kate's emails and now Kate's saying she may talk to her lawyers because she's "disturbed" by it all. Yeah, so are we. [Us]
  
  
• Oh, haha! Professional actor Jesse Metcalfe joked that he got erections while making out with Eva Longoria. No wonder this guy doesn't get more acting jobs. [TMZ]
  
  
• Donald Trump continues his war of words on Tilda Swinton, who opposes his plans to construct a golf course on a Scottish coast. She compared it to poor people's forceful evictions during the Highland Clearance's gentrification, which led Trump to say of the world-famous actress: "It's a shame that she would disgrace the thousands of Scots who suffered for her own personal gain and in order to get some easy publicity for herself." [Page Six]
  
  
• Tao will pay Kim Kardashian $50,000 to "celebrate" her birthday at their Las Vegas location. Life's truly unfair. [Page Six]
  
  
• Paul McCartney's son, James, was trying to quietly start a music career. Now the papers are on to him, so that bubble's burst. [The Sun]
  
  
• California claims Patti LuPone owes nearly $10,000 in back taxes, but her people say it just isn't so, because the actress is "meticulous" about paying the tax man. So there! [Page Six]
  
  
• Ahhh! We've seen scary skinny models, and Miranda Kerr definitely deserves honorary mention. Well done! [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Melissa Rycroft, who's a "celebrity" for being on The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars, has swine flu... [NYDN]
  
  
• ...And MSNBC's think Rycroft's announcing her swine flu for publicity. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Poor Fred Durst! Married three months and it's already over. [People]
  
  
• Just when you thought the Kanye/Taylor Swift scandal had gone to tabloid heaven, Taylor Swift hints that she may make fun of it when she hosts Saturday Night Live. Sounds like too easy a set-up. [Star]
  
  
• Sources say GQ photo-shopped January Jones' boobs to make them bigger, but photo editor Dora Samo insists Jones just uses what her mama gave her: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular." [Page Six]
  
  
• A second autopsy reveals that cocaine did not contribute to Billy Mays' death. Now, let's let the poor man's family rest. [NYDN]

The newly signed law makes it mandatory for patients to get health checks before undergoing cosmetic surgery. Imagine that, mandating people get checked by a doctor before undergoing surgery! Can the reign of the commissars and the Soviets be far behind?

The Donde West law was named for the mother of rapper/Taylor Swift-abuser Kanye West, who died two years ago after getting plastic surgery without first checking out whether surgery was compatible with her coronary-artery disease.

Hammering another nail in the coffin of the dream, Schwarzenegger signed another law limiting the ability of paparazzi to stalk at will across the state. The new law outlaws photographing celebrities involved in "personal or familial activity." The law also places fines on outlets who carry such pictures.

Californians awoke to a different state this morning; a state where paparazzi and plastic surgeons now are expected to live within "societal norms." Californians once had a term for such a state. We called it New Jersey.

• Madonna once called Guy Ritchie "retarded." Now he's getting revenge by calling her "retarded," too. Shit, celebrities can be so retarded. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh, good! The gloves are coming off in Peter Brant's divorce from Stephanie Seymour. Court papers say that Seymour, who's famous for being a model, spends $50,000 on clothes every month and has been stealing art from the mansion she shared with Brant, who owns Interview. Yee-haw! [Page Six]
  
  
• Courtney Love, who posts a scary amount of late night tweets, would like to thank her parents for her ass, but nothing else. [Twitter]
  
  
• Get excited, people, because Tina Fey will again impersonate Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. [NYDN]
  
  
• Conrad Murray, the doctor everyone thinks killed Michael Jackson, may be arrested after failing to show up to family court to discuss the $13,000 he owes in back child support. [ET]
  
  
• Dina Lohan has a line of shoes, which we hope will be more bearable than Lindsay's pathetic fashion line. [Page Six]
  
  
• Kanye West loves Alexander McQueen sooo much. But in the straightest way possible, of course. [Kanye]
  
  
• Heidi Fleiss was in a "horrific" car crash back in June. Don't worry, though, she's as alright as she was before the crash, which we suppose isn't saying much, but it's something. [TMZ]
  
  
• Wow! So, Gourmet's closing's a big deal, huh? It's so big, in fact, that a cafe worker at Newark's airport recognized former editor Ruth Reichl and gave her a sandwich. If only all former Conde staffers were getting such treatment... [Page Six]

• Kristen Stewart's now on the record as having said that being a Twilight star killed her social life, which has made her boring. Which is besides, you know, making the movie, and being Frumpalicious Vampire Bait. Listen, sweetcheeks: you get the sparkly vampire boyfriend, you gotta make sacrifices. Like your safety from cannibalistic 8th graders who wouldn't think once before sucking the bone marrow out of you in the middle of a Hot Topic without so much as a spork in sight were you to show up sans-protection. It's the small things us famous types miss, isn't it? When I go to Hot Topic, I just want to be left alone. Srsly. [NYDN]
  
  
• Our Lady of the Immaculate Penis, Lady Gaga, recently canceled her tour with Kanye West due to creative differences. She aspired to sell tickets. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin was going to quit Jon and Kate Plus H8 Eight for "the sake of the kids." See! Gosselin's recent cease-and-desist order for TLC to stop filming the show wasn't a ploy to get back at Kate for getting him kicked off the show, or for him to get more money: it was for the kids. Sure, assface. Many of us would've naively believed that back in May, but this half-way crook (and his wife!) knew his marriage was dunzo when they were resealing their vows in front of their kids on TV. Gosselin went on TV to defend his tabloid-worthy asshattery for the last few months, as well as to apparently make some kind of reconciliation with Kate, as he wants the divorce proceedings to stop. Honestly though, if the kids are off TV, great. But they're still going to grow up to hate their dad for his four months of completely being a cockface. Also, of all the things he regrets, no mention of Ed Hardy? Psh. Y'ain't sorry till you're sorry, holmes. [NYDN]
  
  
• Rev. Al Sharpton guest-hosted WWE Raw on Monday night, earning WWE their lowest ratings since last November. The crowd booed Sharpton as well, but then again, anybody who doesn't jump into a figure-four leg lock from the ropes while breaking a chair over their face gets booed by those people. Also, Rev. Al Sharpton: if you've got the scratch, you can apparently get him for your kid's bar mitzvah. And wouldn't that please Aunt Roz. [Page Six]
  
  
• After Katie Couric's husband died of colon cancer, she had a colonoscopy on-air to raise awareness. She was recently at a broadcasters' to-do, and make a joke about sticking a light up her ass. It was good. Among Katie Couric's more notable accomplishments will be making a colonoscopy not just something we need not fear, but something charming, as well. Her former Today show co-host Matt Lauer could not make a colonoscopy look charming. Watching fourth-hour Today show alcoholics Kathy Lee and Hoda is like getting a colonoscopy, except it's like someone's sticking a blacklight in the asshole of your brain. [Page Six]
  
  
• Hey! Brett Ratner! Kind of a dickbag making dickbag movies, but lo and behold, he can occasionally impart some wisdom on the masses when not imparting terrible, shitty, expensive movies on them: he recently got on Blog Talk Radio (what?!) to discuss whatever Brett Ratner would discuss on Blog Talk Radio, and ended up talking about America's most popular child rapist, Roman Polanski. He called the LA judicial system "corrupt," and then apologized for it later, specifying his intent to speak solely on the merit of the judge in Polanski's case. Ratner should've said "incompetent," but that would've hit too close to home? [Page Six]
  
  
• Joey Ramone apparently needed to be sedated. Recent revelation: he had schizophrenia. He got booked at St. Vincent's once for being crazy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Dolce from Dolce & Gabbana just closed on two penthouses at 200 11th Avenue for $29M, the most expensive real estate closing this year. Meanwhile, I paid my rent on time this month. [Page Six]
  
  
• The Erin Andrews peephole perv has been arrested. [NYDN]
  
  
• This guy who stole Kristen Dunst's $2,000 purse and Simon Pegg's iPod (on the set of the How To Lose Friends and Alienate People adaptation) was aquitted of all the major charges because he was a moron. A breakthrough for morons, or something. [NYDN]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan posed on a stripper pole to promote her line of leggings. She could've posed above an industrial paper shredder and it would've made more sense. Also: those leggings are fugly. Not that I'm a connoisseur or anything, but you know: truly. I was recently discussing this with a colleague: leggings-as-pants are the best trend to happen to straight men (and gay women!) since the whole sweatshirt-off-the-shoulder Flashdance-era thing. Lindsay Lohan: are you seriously going to be the one to fuck this up for me? God. Damn. You are truly worthless. [NYDN]

Finally, in honor of our favorite aforementioned schizo punk, Weekend Readers: I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend.

• Oh, this is convenient: Kanye West blames booze for his infamous VMA outburst, and now people are saying he's going to go to rehab, but his friends say that's not so. Too bad, because we really wanted to help fuel his martyr complex. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Remember Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic rant following his DUI? Well, he wants you and the justice system to forget: his lawyer will argue next week that since Gibson's completed his probation, the arrest should be expunged from his record. [TMZ]
  
  
• Janet Jackson, who has by far been more dignified than most of her family in mourning Michael, will wear black to show the world just how sad she really is, which is funny, since some people argue Michael hated that color. [The Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Osbourne, once the picture of teenage rebellion, doesn't like that kids these days wear short skirts. [Page Six]
  
  
• Briefly ubiquitous actress Emmy Rossum's husband has filed for divorce. Meh. [People]
  
  
• A "faith healer" claims he has cured Amy Winehouse's insane alcoholism. Even if we thought such a thing possibly, we'd advertise with caution. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Ellen Barkin ran into Matt Damon on her street, where he was filming, and told him to come over when he was done. He laughed. [Page Six]
  
  
• 90210 star AnnaLynne McCord really wants Cosmo to put her on the cover so that she can be on the same celebrity plane as Blake Lively. It's good to have goals, we suppose. [Page Six]
  
  
• Roman Polanski will fight his extradition. Shocking. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Rest easy, America, for police have the second suspect in Lindsay Lohan's burglary in custody. Phew! [NYDN]
  
  
• OK! has spent a total of $300,000 on pictures of Khloe Kardashian's wedding to Laker player Lamar Odom. Who says the days of publishing's excessive spending are over? [Page Six]
  
  
• For reasons that escape us, fashion designer Marc Jacobs will reportedly join the cast of gay network Logo's Kept, which is basically Real Housewives with gay men. Watch A-List become C-list! [NYDN]
  
  
• Dita Von Teese's new Wonderbra ad campaign has been released. It's vampy. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jude Law won't be winning father of the year: he's demanding a DNA test to prove that Samantha Burke's tot really came from his loins. [MSNBC]

A young lady named Ashley, who used to be an "escort," has a lucrative cross-promotional agreement with a local tabloid. Betty Draper, a fictional character, gave birth. Everybody died at Yale. We met Princess Coldstare! Steve Jobs cannot stop lying. Kanye might've been an inside job, and even Obama's in on it. (He thinks Kanya is a jackass, or at least that is what he wants us to think he thinks.) The Jay Leno Show was what we thought it was. No one has any perks at Conde anymore. Gossip Girl involved ponies. President Obama remained black, though it was considered impolitic to point that out. (He also is a Jedi.) Melrose Place continued to be a thing on television again for some reason. We learned all about Ray J. Clark. (He probably killed someone.) (A person, not a monster.) Someone took bad pictures of a little girl. We partied with Perry Farrell. Glee kept having the singing and dancing and whatnot. Not singing and dancing: Phil Spector. Wolf Blitzer sucked on a different show for a change. Project Runway saved the LA Times, by destroying it. Anna Wintour smiled.

So we beat on, boats against the current, ceaselessly fucking that chicken.

The White House.

Despite the fact that race, racism and racists have long flapped in the air of rhetoric surrounding the President, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs had to dance around the media's current Carter obsession by stressing, thrice, that Obama doesn't think people are angry because he's black.

Well, we know that's not true, so aren't Gibbs and the President exasperating the problem by pretending it doesn't exist? Yes, discussing our nation's sad history of slavery and discrimination isn't always comfortable, but considering all the recent discussions, not to mention the flurry of racist Twitters hurled at Kanye West, wouldn't it be nice to have the White House eventually sit down, face the facts, and talk the nation through this whole thing, so that, by some miracle, we can put it behind us?

For, in the space of lack created, there's now more room for people like Glenn Beck to weigh in on the matter. And you can be sure that he's got plenty to say, like aligning Carter's views with those put forth by the nation's greatest enemy: Osama bin Laden.

Meanwhile, Carter remains more isolated than ever, for every Democrat under the sun's backing away from him.

Image via digicla's flickr.

How strange: Smith posted the video, which shows a smiling Obama surrounded by giggling aides as he makes clear that the remark was intended as off the record, at about 2 p.m. today. But within an hour or so, he took it down with this note by way of explanation:

UPDATE: Not so much: Wiser heads than mine at POLITICO made the call to take down the video of the "jackass" moment. Sorry about the tease if you missed it.

CNN didn't miss it. They grabbed the video and began airing it, complete with the Politico watermark.

Why would the heavies at Politico force Smith to take down a video that everyone wanted to see? Smith's commenters, as well as Business Insider and Mediaite, accused the site of "kissing up" to the White House, but that's unlikely given the fact that Politico's business model is based on enabling the ongoing—and now literal—demonization of the president. It's all very queer. We asked Smith for an explanation, and he responded, "You'd better ask those who made the call." He referred us to Politico's flack.

UPDATE: Smith has forwarded a response from Politico's managing editor, Bill Nichols:

We just felt upon reflection that it was more respectful to a fellow news-gathering operation to take it down. We had no complaints from ABC, CNBC, the White House or anyone else.

Nice to know that an online upstart like Politico has officially joined the Washington good ol' boy culture! And that they willfully acknowledge membership, apparently without realizing that it makes them look like snobbish insiders who would rather be in the good graces of their "fellow newsgathering operations" than publish shit that their audience cares about! Someone should tell their media reporter Michael Calderone, the guy they hired to report (respectfully?) on those fellow newsgathering operations.

While the disappearance of the video may have initially been a mystery, Smith's original take on its significance is not. As per standard Politico positioning, it was bracing blast of narrow-minded and defensive self-justification:

And here's that video, which shows, above all else, the president as a normal person — and moreover, a normal pol, utterly immersed in the cable-news frivolity he affects to disdain.

Affects to disdain? Barack Obama thinks something Kanye West did on TV makes him a jackass, ergo Barack Obama secretly loves everything on every cable channel and his sustained years-long critique of the mouth-breathing cable-news idiocy that Politico trades in is a lie and he really loves Ben Smith and he's just like everybody else and One of Us! One of Us! One of Us!

Why couldn't he take that sentence down, instead?

While the White House maybe would not have chosen to leak this audio (or would they?), the only people who'll be able to hate on Obama for this tape will be Glenn Beck, and...Glenn Beck. Obama's agreeing with the Republican position here! As he has in the past! Rappers need to stop acting like jerks! The rest of the tape is just him shooting the shit with the press corps, which also serves him well by fostering the common man's daydream of maybe hanging out with the prez one day. Chilling.

And does anybody actually care that ABC's Terry Moran tweeted this crap, then deleted it, because maybe this HOT story was off the record? No, it is just a talking point. Using off-camera footage is a fine tradition in the media. Look at any Michael Moore movie. And as you hear Obama on this clip, jokingly asking for things to be off the record after he already called the world's most famous hip hop artist a 'jackass,' in a room full of reporters, it's clear that he doesn't really give a shit. Neither should anyone else.

It is kinda funny though.

• USA Today: "What happened to civility?"
• Hartford Courant: "US Lacking In Civility."
• Houston Chronicle: "Incivility is heard 'round the nation."
• Washington Post: "Call it the Glenn Beck-ization of America or an erosion of civility."
• San Diego Union-Tribune: "There's been a real shortage of civility lately."
• ESPN: "What has happened to civility?"
• Minneapolis Star-Tribune: "Psst: The death of public civility."
• Columbus Dispatch: "Public figures aren't the only Americans who act this way, says P.M. Forni, co-founder of the Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore."
• Examiner.com: "All three episodes are a sad reflection on the politics of civility in contemporary society."
• Wichita Falls Times Record News: "If civility isn't dead, it's definitely on a respirator."

[Pic: Getty]

Taylor doesn't seem to hold a big grudge, nor does she seem particularly wounded, but she did say that Kanye has not reached out to her personally...and that he's welcome to do so.

Update: Kanye just called her.

The monologue was horrific, and included a joke about how men like to control the remote while watching TV. Thanks for that original observation, Jay. A follow up segment with Dan Finnerty of The Dan Band singing to a girl in a car wash was tremendously unfunny. This show has been in the planning stages for months, and with the world watching for his first episode, this was the best that Leno could do?

His interview with Jerry Seinfeld was the highlight of the hour, with Seinfeld firing jokes off about the show, not knowing when it was on, and how when he quit his show he really quit the show. Jay should have taken his lead. Having Oprah do a taped segment and not even once acknowledge Jay is about as close to genius as the show got.

Speaking of Oprah, Leno then trotted out Kanye West, in the midst of the brou-ha-ha concerning his bad behavior at the Video Music Awards. Unfortunately, the scandal means that this clip will be show all across the internet for the next day to hear what Kanye had to say. It was something about how his mother's death and too much touring made him act like a dick. We're saving our reaction for a different blog post.

This one concerns the quality of Jay's broadcast, and other than Seinfeld, Oprah, Jay Z, and Rhianna, it wasn't very high. Even the familiar Headlines segment at the end of the show contained far too many penis, poop, and vagina jokes to make anyone other than a 14 year-old boy and your crazy uncle Mort chuckle.

This first episode was Leno's chance to shine, when he should have gotten out his best material and the funniest segments that he's been compiling for months. Instead, the best thing about it was another comedian and an apology that he lucked into. We don't know how this experiment is going to last through the month, nonetheless another year.

ABC News' Terry Moran interviewed was listening to CNBC's interview with Obama today and, during an off-the-record exchange, Obama called West a "jackass" for interrupting Swift's big moment last night. And, as an intrepid reporter, Moran posted the verbal bitch slap on Twitter. Whoops! The White House totally smacked Moran down and ABC News was forced to release this statement:

In the process of reporting on remarks by President Obama that were made during a CNBC interview, ABC News employees prematurely tweeted a portion of those remarks that turned out to be from an off-the-record portion of the interview. This was done before our editorial process had been completed. That was wrong. We apologize to the White House and CNBC and are taking steps to ensure that it will not happen again.

Um, whatever. The President should be able to have an opinion on such a pop cultural happening. He's made no secret that he's hip. And, as an American, he should be able to speak out on West's utter stupidity. In fact, it's his duty. If you're not against West, you're a terrorist. Obama, are you a terrorist?

Tune your sets to NBC at 10pm Eastern tonight, and watch the first episode of The Jay Leno Show. It will air every weeknight in the same time slot, but by tomorrow afternoon, we probably won't care anymore. Tonight's big guest is Jerry Seinfeld. Musical guests include Jay Z, Rhianna, and possibly-stage mic grabber Kanye West, who is said to have been upgraded to a full-blow guest now that he has some 'splainin' to do.

So, as you watch, react in real time to the action on your sets in the comments section below. We'll be there with you, so let's make it into a little party, shall we?

Well, we're a little more civilized than that, but we're up for some spirited debate.

Moylan: As Guest of Guest points out, the whole things seems too good to be true, and too many people benefit. Everyone has sympathy for Swift, everyone loves Beyoncé (more), everyone thinks Kayne is (more of) a dick, and everyone is talking about MTV for the first time in a long time. Sure, it wasn't as obviously planned and Madonna kissing Britney Spears, but with a little bit of acting and canny planning, this is a publicity masterpiece.

Rushfield: Well that is the most half-baked argument I have ever heard. As any scientist or detective can tell you, motive alone is not enough to convict for a crime. Yes, MTV likes controversy, but their fake controversies in the past—eg. Bruno falling on Eminem—ham-handedly telegraph "this is a stunt" a mile off. Last night, you saw a moment of genuine awkwardness production-wise after Kanye took the mic when the booth seemed to stumble and be unsure about cutting away—not the hallmark of a pre-planned, pre-coreographed stunt.

Moylan: But why Swift so readily give up the mic? And how did Kanye get such easy access to the stage? I think it all started on the red carpet, where Kanye was conspicuously drinking from a bottle of booze and Beyoncé was talking up how she hoped that Swift would "get her moment" at the awards. It all just seems like foreshadowing for the unfortunate event. As for the production, well, WWE has been pulling stunts like this and making them look real(ish) for years.

Rushfield: Brian Moylan, your conspiratorial mind is seeing shadows everywhere. Why did she give up the mic so readily? First, she's a teenage girl, probably in a daze at the greatest moment of her life. Suddenly, there is Kanye West in her face grabbing her at hand, would you put up a fight? If that were me and I was a teenage Taylor I would just be shocked and think he was about to do some tribute to me or make a speech about Michael Jackson or something. The conspicuously drinking—well, its not the first time Kanye has done that either. Beyoncé wishing Taylor well does create a very neat circle, but a bit too neat to be planned.

If you were going to set this up as a stunt, would you really throw in a foreshadow like that? And why shouldn't she wish Taylor well. Just because your heart is filled with a hate for a young Southern girl who is the first non-tramp role model America's teenage girls have had in a decade, doesn't mean Beyoncé's heart is also made of coal. What needs to be examined here, Brian Moylan, is why you are so committed to locking the sunlight out of your life. To paraphrase Kelly Clarkson, in her letter to Kanye, What happened to you as a child Brian Moylan?

Moylan: It's not about what happened to me as a child, but what has happened to the celebrity industrial complex in my scant years on the planet. We have entered an age where every word that comes out of a celebrity's mouth, every outfit they wear, every Starbuck Mocha Frappachino they are photographed with by the paparazzi has prescripted, chosen, or placed. Every moment that we see in regards to the famous has been carefully planned out by professionals to make people money and to make all those teenage girls clamoring for a virgin queen like Taylor Swift buy more albums or her fragrance or House of Dereon jeans or Mocha Frappachinos. In a universe where everything is fake and for sale how can anything—from Kanye's outrage, to Taylor's sadness, to Beyoncé's righteousness—be genuine. Mr. Rushfield sees a magic bullet, but I see a man on the grassy knoll.

Rushfield: You make some important points and somewhat shame me in my wide-eyed innocence. But I think your argument is ultimately too cynical and not cynical enough. My basic rule of showbiz is that if things go perfectly, its by accident. Especially on a big live production, there are too many mix-ups, confusions and chaos for things to really fall into place like that. You are comparing it to the sparkling surface of Nivea ad on a bus bench, but in a live production environment, you never get anything that shiny. And besides, isn't it just a better world if you can just turn off your mind and just believe that last night a little blonde southern girl got the moment of her life ruined for her by a drunken hip-hop artist but then was saved by the Good Witch Beyoncé? Isn't that a happier place for us all to live?