Some karaoke slides are pure cliche. ("We offer a wide range of solutions!") Others, taken out of context, feel purely, startlingly random. A chest X-ray. The planet Earth surrounded by cartoon heads. And who thought it was a good idea to superimpose an image of Sony's AIBO toy robot dog over pages from a Dick and Jane-type storybook? And more importantly, what do you say if you're confronted by that slide? (One presenter's take: "Sony AIBO: The Greatest Threat to Humanity Yet!")

We would wager on this popping up on "The Office" any week now. Comparing it to "macho stunts like chainsaw racing," though, is a stretch. PowerPoint karaoke champs can be cool without outside reference points! A video of yourself dominating at this game could be a good way to get hired by Gawker, I imagine.

[via Tax Prof Blog]

Flacks, Hacks, & Friends Karaoke Hosted by Red Branch PR

Flacks, Hacks, and Friends Round One:

Because singing and drinking makes everything better on both sides of
the fence.

The deadlines, the pitching, and the drone of pre-spring has us
itching to shake things up in the media and PR world. That said, we
would like to cordially invite you to join us for our first installation
of Flacks, Hacks, and Friends at Winnie's Bar on Thursday, March 6th @
8pm as we join the Karaoke regulars and put aside all the ruckus for an
evening of harmony, or lack thereof.
Flacks and Hacks

Feel free to bring friends or co-workers or potential crooners off the
street if you're scared to come alone. Remember that just as singers are
essential, so are enthusiastic observers so no pressure to go "American
Idol" if you're a shy gal or guy. Start brainstorming your song line-up
and we look forward to seeing you next week!

Cheers,
The Red Branch Team
*Event Info*
Winnie's
104 Bayard St near Baxter
Thursday March 6th
8:00PM-???

State police say the teacher at Booth Free School barricaded herself inside a classroom Wednesday when she mistook someone singing a Guns N' Roses song over the public address system for a threat.

She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die.

Six troopers and three police dogs showed up and found three teenagers, one of them a custodian at the school, who had been playing with the public address system.

Police say one of them sang ''Welcome to the Jungle'' into the microphone. The song contains the lyrics ''You're in the jungle baby; you're gonna die.''

The teenagers were cuffed for about 15 minutes while police investigated.

Ha. DUH, NO! She's Judith Regan. Judith "Golden Vagina" Regan. Judith 'my cock is so enormous' Regan. The woman who has inspired almost a mini-genre of books and screenplays about what a mythically hilariously insanely evil boss she is! Judith! Regan!

Here's how she describes herself as a boss, by the way: "I was the perfectionist manager who wanted everything better. My author's book covers had to be perfect ... the title had to be changed 20 times ... the sales goals had to be revised .. the content had to be reconstructed. I was never happy unless it was done and done right."

So we've heard!

So she can dish it out, but can she take it? "People were afraid to come to my defense ... it disappointed me to the bone and broke my heart." Also: ""It was a vulnerable moment for me." Aww! So: no.

You know how, after a traumatic event like a breakup or a firing, sometimes you find yourself unable to think in any terms besides the lyrics of pop songs? That seems to be what's happening to Judy. Not only does she repeatedly quote her karaoke fave 'My Way,' she also writes,"They tried to hurt me, and maybe they did, but I know this much is true: You can take your punches, and you can take everything away from me, but no one will ever hijack my imagination, my drive, my creative spirit, or my dignity."

Yes: Lucky for Judy, she long ago discovered The Greatest Love Of All.

After all, I had fond memories of donning guyliner and infiltrating the place. Also, Slut Machine had once road tested the bathrooms and we were hoping for a repeat performance.

By some horrible twist of fate, I ended up on stage in the suit and tie, with a stack of laminated numbers in one hand, judging the performances. The good news was free drinks. The bad news, we couldn't leave. Thank god we were sitting next to Super Frank, James Brown's manager and Andy Hilfiger, Tommy's brother, or else the night would have been a real wreck.

Andy H., who looks like a chubby version of his robot brother, is in a band with a couple of other middle-aged white dudes. He was wearing a tight denim jeans and a denim jacket with bedazzled patches on it. He plays bass, which Tommy taught him when he was a kid. The band is called MARS. They play classic rock. Other members include Scott Lipps, president of One Model management, and Michael H who is widely described, weirdly, as an adopted Hilfiger. Andy said that he is looking forward to playing the Halloween party at Scores.

Super Frank is an older shlubby looking white dude and was, by far, the person to know. He was James "The Godfather of Soul" Brown's business manager for the last 5 years of his life. He recalled how James Brown used to make him and his personal manager have these singalongs in the tour bus driving between shows. "We had to sing his new songs which was really stressful. If he didn't think you knew the words, he'd point at you and say, 'You're not singing loud enough.'"

On stage, the karaoke was dismayingly competent but completely boring. There's a sweet spot in karaoke performance in which the performer is neither completely in his or her comfort zone nor so wildly out of it that whatever song he or she is attempting to sing is debased into a series of grunts and shrieks. Last night's karaoke fell well within the comfort zone: Lots of rote memorization. An additional road block in enjoying the evening was the doucherie of those singing. Especially worthy of mention is the lead singer of Gym Class Heroes, a tattooed kid named Travis McCoy. His baseball cap was perfectly off-kilter, his Members Only Jacket was the appropriate shade of maroon, his version of "Time of My Life" managed to be both believable and depressing.

The Aging Heartthrob: Usually perched on a bar stool near the "stage" (and by stage we mean that part of worn-down floor in front of the large television screen), the aging heartthrob retains the sort of generic good looks that made him a star in various regional theater productions of Oklahoma! and Clifford Odet's Big Knife. Having retired from the theatre (pronounced with three syllables) the AH favors songs that showcase his range. His specialties include Billy Joel ballads (esp. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant) and Shout! In fact, during the part in that song where there's a decrescendo ("A little bit softer now") he's likely to crouch down, only to dazzle us with his athletic prowess during the "louder now" part.

Korean Mick Jagger: Balding, mustachioed, Korean. One wouldn't expect the snarl of the big-lipped Mick Jagger to come from this unlikely source but, as the man approaches the mic, his demeanor changes. His gut, hitherto obscured by an old blue t-shirt, seems to disappear. His baggy jeans somehow tighten. Beneath the weight of his years and the cost of his age, one can see the swagger of a young boy from Kent. It shows itself in a gentle swaying. He'll sing Beast of Burden, Loving Cup and Jumpin' Jack Flash. Don't expect Satisfaction. That's child's play.

The Tisch Kids: Every so often, you'll walk into a karaoke bar and there will be a cluster of pristine melodramatic brightly-dressed young'uns. We'd advise you to get the fuck out while you can. These are the Tisch kids, musical theater majors who've escaped from the NYU campus to crash your karaoke party and make you feel inferior (and also, weirdly, superior). That they have superb voices is irrefutable. They introduce tricky rubato on It's Raining Men and nail every note in Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights. But they really besmirch the enterprise of karaoke, which was never really about how well you can sing but how hard you try and how admirably you faceplant.

The Atonal Hipster: If the Tisch kids are to be assailed for their overpreparation (training, actually), then the atonal hipster is to be upbraided for his refusal to try at all. Mustachioed often (but ironically), this character thinks it is really funny to sing Air Supply's Lost in Love really horribly. Which it is. For two seconds. Then it gets extremely irritating. Now one way to look at this is that this tendency of cloaking real effort in irony is an endearing defense mechanism of someone uncomfortable with vulnerability. But just as this ethos renders long term relationships untenable, so too does it ruin Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker and the Kink's Waterloo Sunset.

[Photo: LIIegs/Flickr]

We used to not understand the appeal of private karaoke rooms. We thought that most of the entire point of karaoke was to humiliate oneself in front of as many people as possible! But we were wrong. It turns out that editing the karaoke experience down to its barest essentials is actually better than waiting one's turn in line behind Korean Mick Jagger and Broadway Extra Show-Off Lady. This is especially true at Muse Karaoke Suites, where the bare essentials include a dinky little basement room, some microphones, and a mindblowingly encyclopedic song list. Seriously, they have everything, and they're especially strong in our two favorite karaoke categories: 1) radio hits of the early 90s and 2) songs from obscure musicals. 'Feed The Tree' with an 'I Know Him So Well' chaser? Yes please. Word to the wise, though: there will be songs that you'll think you want to sing because you just kind of can't believe they have them, and you really shouldn't. People who sing 'Wuthering Heights' at karaoke without some kind of professional vocal training might accidentally rip a vocal chord, or damage an eardrum. Just looking out for you here.

We're reliably informed that, alas, there was no performance from editor Adam Moss nor owner Bruce Wasserstein, and we're deeply saddened that fetching flack Serena Torrey opted not to take the stage. (We imagined a rousing rendition of, says, "Call Me," or at least something equally Blondie.)

This is not to say, however, that no one sang. Quite the contrary, in fact. A source deep within the mag reports some highlights:

standout performance of the night: stacia theil, editorial assistant, (and trained opera singer) belting out "hit me with your best shot." she brought the house down

runner-up performance: matt dobkin doing bon jovi's "wanted dead or alive" all i have to say is: that dude's hot.

randy minor jumped up onstage for almost every tune. there were many moments during the evening when he also removed his shirt. i have no idea if the guy can sing, (he was drunk enough that he kept missing the mike,) but he has great abs

sandra landsman — sandi is the head of hr and the sweetest person in the building — and others singing violent femmes' "why cant i get just one fuck."

The full report is after the jump, and we have no doubt our own party will be far less amusing.

standout performance of the night: stacia theil, editorial assistant, (and trained opera singer) belting out "hit me with your best shot." she brought the house down

runner-up performance: matt dobkin doing bon jovi's "wanted dead or alive" all i have to say is: that dude's hot.

julie stone from the ad department was also a favorite onstage.

carl rosen sang something no one could or wanted to hear. a-for-effort, but it was rough

chris bonanos attempted elvis costello's "veronica," which should be excluded from karaoke playlists cause that song is impossible.

randy minor jumped up onstage for almost every tune. there were many moments during the evening when he also removed his shirt. i have no idea if the guy can sing, (he was drunk enough that he kept missing the mike) but he has great abs.

the photo department spent a lot of time onstage. but i cant, for the life of me, remember what they sang

all of the factcheckers, presumably seeking more bylines, got together and sang "like a prayer" to managing editor ann clark. very good stuff.

more later, when the haze from too many stoli vanilla shots wears off...

oooooooh i just remembered a good one: sandra landsman — sandi is the head of hr and the sweetest person in the building — and others singing violent femmes' "why cant i get just one fuck."

Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Media Christmas

"Justin's life experiences are an added benefit. The fact, for instance, that he spent his youth as a pop singer in the UK will create healthy competition for the Karaoke Fridays that I hope to reinstate now that we have such a talent on board. We are looking forward to his skill as an entertaining leader and visionary."

Karaoke Fridays with a bona fide onetime wannabe British pop singer? We never, ever thought we'd say this, but: We kind of wish we worked for Judith Regan.

Plus, she must do a mean "Barracuda."

Full memo after the jump.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Erin Crum
Communications Manager
(212) 207-XXXX

JUSTIN LOEBER NAMED SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, EXECUTIVE MARKETING AND PUBLICITY DIRECTOR
REGAN MEDIA

New York, NY (November 28, 2005) — HarperCollins Publishers today announced Justin Loeber has been appointed Senior Vice President, Executive Director of Marketing and Publicity for Regan Media. Loeber will begin his new position on January 3, 2006, reporting to Judith Regan, CEO and Publisher, Regan Media.

Loeber comes to Regan Media from Simon and Schuster, Inc., where, since August 2004, he was Vice President, Director of Publicity for Atria Books and Washington Square Press. At Atria, Loeber restructured the publicity department and created campaigns for Michael Jordan, Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson, and Ewan MacGregor, to name a few.

"Justin has a great vision for the future and I am excited that he has joined the Regan Media team. His publishing track record and his optimism are a great inspiration to us all," said Regan. "Justin's life experiences are an added benefit. The fact, for instance, that he spent his youth as a pop singer in the UK will create healthy competition for the Karaoke Fridays that I hope to reinstate now that we have such a talent on board. We are looking forward to his skill as an entertaining leader and visionary."

In 2001 Loeber joined HarperCollins Publishers, working as Director of Publicity for the Ecco and HarperCollins imprints-publicizing books by Lawrence Taylor; Olympia Dukakis; Michael Korda; Anthony Bourdain; Colombian Presidential candidate, Ingrid Betancourt; and Singapore's First Prime Minister, Lee Kwan Yew. Before joining HarperCollins, Loeber was Director of Publicity for Running Press Book Publishers where he structured the publicity department and spearheaded their marketing and serial rights efforts. Loeber was one of the pioneer senior publicists at Broadway Books and has held various positions at William Morrow & Company and Villard.

Prior to his career in publishing, Loeber lived in London, England, where he was a solo pop recording artist signed to rock star Gary Numan's Numa Records. He was the opening act for Numan's Berserker Tour, which toured throughout the United Kingdom. After his stint in England, Loeber returned to America as a recording artist signed to two additional top independent labels, Vinylmania and Emergency Records. Loeber has also produced and created music videos and TV commercials.

HarperCollins is one of the leading English-language publishers in the world and is a subsidiary of News Corporation (NYSE: NWS, NWS.A; ASX: NCP, NCPDP). Headquartered in New York, the company has publishing groups in the U.S., Canada, the U.K. and Australasia. Its publishing groups include the HarperCollins General Books Group, HarperCollins Children's Books Group, Zondervan, HarperCollins UK, HarperCollins Canada, HarperCollins Australia/New Zealand and HarperCollins India. You can visit HarperCollins Publishers on the Internet at http://www.harpercollins.com.

That experience makes us even more impressed with brothers Brian and Jared Smith, whom we'd like very much to have as our new best friends. According to yesterday's real estate section, the brothers built a karaoke bar — complete with elevated stage, a top-notch machine, 1,200 songs, spotlights, and props — in their Chelsea apartment (which we suspect is just a few blocks from our place, making our new friendship even easier). Today we discovered the best part: A multimedia presentation on the Times site, featuring photos of the whole apartment, narration by the Smiths, and even some clips of the boys singing "Livin' on a Prayer."

We strongly encourage you to watch and listen. But we also have questions: Have you been to the Karaoke Klub, as they call it? Have you sung there? We want to know all about it — including, most important, the one thing that would make this the perfect karaoke venue: Does Kelly from Winnie's ever come to run the machine?

If so, we're there.

The Brothers Karaoke [NYT Audio Slideshow]
Renting for a (Karaoke) Song [NYT]