Self-deprecation and crazy sex teases, together at last. Anyhow she says she could be getting out of jail any day now, and you better believe we have big plans for her when she gets out. We haven't thought them up yet, though. Read her entire long-ass letter, as always, at Animal NY.

Inside Edition, you motherbitches. Stop eating off the internet's floor. That's our job. Go to Animal NY to read the entire, lovely letter, and see a lovely pic of Kari (allegedly).

Start your Xmas shopping now!

ITEM ONE: Bucky Turco, the Hipster Grifter's official prison pen pal, is now also pen pals with Jerzy Mitchell, who is Kari Ferrell's cell mate. He posted a letter from her today. Go read it or you will be slightly less prepared when the Hipster Grifter Jeopardy category shows up.

ITEM TWO: Burning Angel's Joanna Angel says that she would be very enthusiastic about engaging in conjugal relations with Kari, on video. So. Just something to consider.

Read the whole letter at Animal NY. It's five pages long! One entire page is about auctioning off her vagina. The rest of you really need to get those letters in the mail.

She got nine months in jail. Which is not too bad, considering all that stuff she did, allegedly. KSL.com reports:

The 22-year-old pleaded guilty in August to third-degree felony forgery, two misdemeanor counts of issuing a bad check or draft and one misdemeanor count each of attempted forgery, attempted identify fraud and attempted issuing a bad check or draft.

Ferrell on Friday was given credit for 132 days she already served behind bars. She also was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and $4,194 in restitution.

Bucky Turco notes that she actually beat one of her charges. Way to be! We don't know whether Kari will get time off for good behavior, but either way she should be free before Valentine's Day—just in time for our Win a Date With Kari contest.

But ex-cons need jobs. What's next for Kari? Yea, she can try the blogger thing, and maybe sell her story as a tell-all, or try to squeeze some money out of someone for a TV interview. But realistically that's not going to make her rich. Expand the book idea, hmmm? She can write a guide to picking up hipsters, or something. Tell men how to get hipster women. And how to tell if they're grifters! Get it at the Barnes & Noble checkout racks all across Middle America! Who else is better positioned to explain the young artsy coastal elites to citizens of Utah-like states? Build your brand, Kari! Build your brand!

Email us and we'll help. Also, stop all the crime stuff. That's mean.

[Oh and FYI Hipster Grifter Halloween costumes are one of the very coolest ones you can wear this year, according to TONY. Make a note! Nerd.]

Ever since Kari Ferrell asked all of Williamsburg's bearded young men to throw a hot dog down her hallway, America's been waiting to see how NBC's most unceasing police investigative drama would incorporate that phrase, and its utterer, into its canon. Wait no more. Just watch the clip, all the way.

Also: The only similarities the girl in this episode bore with Kari Ferrell were, 1. She was Asian, 2. She was always lying about how she had some medical condition, in order to win sympathy and/or money, and 3. She was using her sexiness to get things from men. But the lady in the show was way crazier than even Kari Ferrell (has had a chance to be so far).

Bremner, a 27 year-old FIT student, has quite a bit of history with two men. One, her Clyde Barrow-esque partner in crime, Jim Clay Harper, Bremner's 23 year-old boyfriend (She likes younger dudes! So you're saying I have a chance..). The other, Johnny Law:

• She was busted last August after her parents tipped her off to a search warrant being executed on their Queens homestead, and she went on the lam to Europe for a few months. They tagged in a bunch of cities over there, came back, and in arriving in their opposite respective home cities going through customs (her in Chicago, he in New York), got nabbed:

  Harper, a Chicago native, was pinched at JFK Airport, while New Yorker Bremner was picked up at O'Hare International. Police sources told The Post that a search warrant was executed at Bremner's apartment earlier this summer, prompting her family to tip off the accused Bonnie and Clyde of graffiti as they were tagging trains across Europe. Harper and Bremner intended to throw off authorities by arriving in their opposite cities of residence, sources said.

  
  

• Then in April, Bremner turned herself in on charges from New York. She had to serve six months of hard time on Rikers.

  
  

• Now, she's going back to prison, serving jail time for her pretty paintings in Boston. She's also banned from Boston:

  Jake Wark, a spokesman for Suffolk County District Attorney Daniel F. Conley. Bremner, who signs her work "Utah," was ordered to complete five years of supervised probation, take part in any treatment deemed necessary from a mental health evaluation and pay restitution to be determined at December court hearing, Wark said. She was also ordered to stay away from Boston during her probation period, which will be supervised by New York authorities.

That's a punishment? Also, note the fact that her tag—which I'm told by those who know better: puts plenty of the boys to shame—is UTAH, right? Where is Keri Ferrell, the Hipster Grifter incarcerated? UTAH. Exactly.

Meantime, just look at her: a fashion student! Loves to paint! 27, cute indie-girl bangs that she probably has to blow away from her face above her forehead. She's where Domino and Vice meet in the middle. How cute is she? So cute, that she called jail "a ghetto sleepaway camp":

She even kvetched about the food on Rikers because she was a vegan, and threatened to sue until they hooked it up with soy milk and peanut butter.

Over instant message, CLAW tells us it took a lawsuit-threatening letter before "they finally got her soy milk and peanut butter." The other option is finding a chaplain, like Rabbi Leib Glanz, to illegally hook up Goodfellas-style prison feasts.

Word! Hollywood's waiting on this one; it's not ubiquitous enough for Law and Order, but just right for Zooey D's next feature project. SWOON*. Let's go over this one more time:

• She's cute.
  
  
• She's a troublemaker.
  
  
• She was a girl scout!
  
  
• She can hang with the boys.
  
  
• She's a vegan.
  
  
• She's done hard time.
  
  
• She can rock a headband.
  
  
• She's from Queens, which has been the New Brooklyn for the last 20 years.

This is the girl Dennis the Menace couldn't close on. I'm in love. Danielle, we salute you for being inexplicably cute and dangerously cool. You're a menace 2 society and our hearts. When you get out of the slammer, holler. You can draw on my walls any time.

[Ed. *Bucky Turco at ANIMAL NY was confused by SWOON, which he didn't know was dumb internet memespeak for "I'm in love," as SWOON is a grafitti artist in her own right. I am SWOONing, not referencing SWOON. Just to be clear. Also, I would be lost without Gothamist's awesome coverage of this as well. They've been onto her since she first showed up in court.]

The promo clip for the episode is pretty vague. All the apparent parallels with the Kari Ferrell case are, 1. An Asian woman is involved, and 2. There appears to be some illicit sexxxy action going on. That said, this plot summary from an NBC message board really doesn't sound like the dynamic grifter we know and love:

A CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR IS FOUND DEAD WITH HER UNFAITHFUL FIANCE AS THE PRIME SUSPECT. HOWEVER, WHEN A YOUNG JOURNALIST IS ATTACKED AND LINKED TO THE CRIME, THIS OPEN-AND-SHUT CASE MAY NOT BE AS SIMPLE AS IT ORIGINALLY SEEMED.
After CSU investigator, Daisy Chao, is found murdered in her apartment, Detectives Cyrus Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Kevin Bernard (Anthony Anderson) suspect her fiancé Jim Anderson may not be telling the whole truth about his involvement with the murder. When young journalist, Emma Kim (Guest Star Camille Chen), is attacked by a cab driver, DNA found at both crime scenes seems to implicate the same man for the attacks. The investigators become personally involved with the case as Detective Lupo gets close with Emma, and ethical questions arise. Also starring: S. Epatha Merkerson (Lieutenant Anita Van Buren), Sam Waterston (District Attorney Jack McCoy), Alana De La Garza (Connie Rubirosa), and Linus Roache (Michael Cutter).

This would require the Grifter character to be a journalist. Doubtful.

She also says she's been reading a lot and working out and complains that the shoddy journalists at ABC "made me out to be a narcissistic racist." Which is certainly true!

Go read the whole letter at Animal NY. She's a very good writer. And hey, she asks for mail. Here's her address. C.C. us.

This ill-advised and delusional jailhouse interview with ABC News is just the thing to sustain all you Hipster Grifter addicts until the Law and Order episode comes out.

"As far as this whole story is concerned, I think that the reason it has been such a big deal is because I am pretty, intelligent and very well spoken," Ferrell told ABC News in a series of phone interviews from jail. "I am charming and funny."

Kari will not be sentenced for her crimes until next month, so perhaps teary contrition is in order, here? Nonsense! She lied in court at her extradition hearing, and she's not about to let her hardcore record be marred. We sincerely hope that Kari Ferrell is slyly manipulating us all. Rather than this being her sincere explanation as to why so many people came out to tell stories about her, you know, robbing them and stuff:

"Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame," she said

Sure. Kari, you see, is different. She wasn't "WASPy enough" to stick with her tennis lessons; she was "already reading at a college level " in second grade(!), she says; her keen and rebellious mind was a little to much for those white-bread teachers:

"In history I always asked about the war in the Philippines or how Columbus slaughtered millions of people. And that's not what they teach in the public schools in Utah," Ferrell said. "The teachers had no idea what to do with me."

Send you to detention, for stealing chalk? We may never know. What we do know is that after ending the war in the Philippines, Kari eventually made her way to New York, ripping people off all along the way. She got written up by Doree Shafrir, got famous, got caught, and got shipped back to Utah, where she's getting ready to do her time. And her plan when she gets out, my friends: To return to New York, with its infinite capacity to "forgive."

But not to forget.

The show is said to be seeking Asian females, 25-29, to play a character who mirrors Ferrell's penchant for using sex and faked medical conditions to elicit sympathy and cash from gullible guys. [Note: we took out the specifics from the description because our tipster is afraid that revealing details might cost them their job]

Ferrell is, of course, perfect for the "ripped from the headlines" show; her youth and sex appeal should draw much better ratings than the episode about the fornicating middle-aged lawyer based on Eliot Spitzer. The only question is whether Ferrell's precious criminal quirks can be translated for network television; as our tipster writes, there's "no word yet on whether or not she will be giving Jack McCoy a hand job with her mouth."

Salt Lake County prosecutors filed charges late Thursday against Kari Michelle Ferrell, 22. She is now charged with one count of identity fraud and issuing a bad check, both third-degree felonies. She was also charged with two misdemeanor counts of issuing a bad check.

That's in addition to the $60,000 she was already charged with stealing. The new charges are related to bad checks, and opening a cable account in someone else's name. And hey, you think our commenters are bad? Here's some of the hometown sentiment:

[KSL.com, TribTowns.com]

"She gets picked up today by [SLCPD] and flown back at around 3 or 4 pm from Philly," Det. Matt Evans of the Salt Lake City Police Department tells us. It's been six weeks since the SLCPD promised to extradite her if she was caught. She was in Brooklyn at the time; a couple of weeks later, a "friend" lured her to Philly and turned her over to the cops.

When she gets back to Utah she'll be facing charges of stealing at least $60K.

[THE WHOLE SAGA]

An eagle-eyed internet dating tipster forwarded us these screenshots which are incontrovertible proof that Kari Ferrell's twin sister is operating (as a grifter???) in Detroit, as we speak! "The First Things People Usually Notice About Me: My chest piece and my sweet sense of fashion."

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.She also had these familiar pics on her profile, in case you thought this was all an amazing coincidence. Somebody please date her and ask her how her unfortunate resemblance to a criminal has impacted her life.
The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.
The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

Jon Huntsman, a seventh-generation resident of Utah, has been the Beehive State's governor for the last five years. His old man, Jon Huntsman Sr., is like him, a very prominent member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but unlike him, was a staffer under the Nixon administration. Roman Grant Huntsman Sr. has eight kids and 70 - count 'em, 70 - grandkids. Jon Huntsman Jr. has seven kids, one of whom (Gracie Mei, which, in all honesty, is actually a pretty cute name for a kid) was adopted from China. Diplomacy!

Huntsman's political resume runs deep: staffer for Reagan, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Commerce and Ambassador to Singapore under George H.W. Bush, and was a deputy trade representative under Dubya for two years, which must've been kinda excruciating, even as a high-ranking Republican. His experience in Asia also has its roots starting early on: the LDS mission he took as a young (Hunts)man was to (what Top of the Ticket called "the other China") Taiwan. He's one of those guys who took the advice to be "fluent in Mandarin" very early on.

Jon Boy's record for scandal is - like many an LDS politician - unsurprisingly clean. His voting record, however, has pissed off a bunch of people. Mainly, other Republicans. Even though he supports Senate resolutions against same-sex marriages [insert Hunts-man joke here], he's supported civil unions, which, where he's from: ain't cool. Like many Utah politicians, he's pretty pro-environment. One time, he publicly bitched out his own state party for not confirming a state appeals court nominee. He is, for all intents and purposes, a moderate Republican, especially coming from the land of (perpetually elected LDS shadeball) Orrin Hatch. Considered the state Republicans are in, he's relatively well liked in the party, though he did once co-chair an unsuccessful campaign for the presidency: John McCain's. You might've heard of it?

Which brings us to the political upshot to this thing, which there's a shitload of, and this is the talking point everyone's going to be rolling over the next few days. First, Utah's pretty much stunned: check out Mormon-mouthpiece paper Deseret News' jaw-to-floor filing on the appointment if you want to get a sense of what the climate there's like right now. Mainly: Huntsman was viewed by many as a potential candidate for the 2012 Republican ticket against Obama, especially since he'd already announced his intent to not run for Utah's governorship in 2012. Notes Politico:

"Viewed purely through the lens of 2012 politics, the move looks like political genius by the White House: It's like John Edwards or John Kerry joining the Bush administration in 2001."

And it is a pretty brilliant move on Obama's part. If Huntsman has a shot at the presidency, he's gonna have it until he takes it (i.e. it's seriously doubtful that Huntsman could really do anything to blemish his record and make him a less viable candidate in 2012 as he would be in 2016, when it's gonna really count). Huntsman didn't exactly have a difficult election to win in Utah: his record as a moderate had yet to be established in his first election, and in his second, last year, he kicked the shit out of his Democratic opponent, "Sideshow" Bob Springmeyer. He was polling above a 75% approval rate in Salt Lake City, and SLC - sorry, but: home to Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell - is the most liberal place in Utah. Also, Utah hasn't had a Democrat in the Gov's office since 1985.

The list of ambassadors to China to come before Hunstman isn't too exciting, with exception to one name: George H.W. Bush. He was president once. See where we're going with this?

Finally, trivia fun. Huntsman's a Dream Theater fan, and (in maybe the only true lose-lose blemish on his political record) named July 30, 2007 "Dream Theater Day" in Utah. He also once jammed on the keys with REO Speedwagon at the Utah State Fair once. Thankfully, he's not going to China as a cultural envoy.

Bottom line: Hunstman's confirmation is a non-issue. There might not actually be a better guy out there for the job. He's passionate about China for both personal, political, and occupationally-oriented reasons. He's a moderate, even-keeled politician (party lines on voting issues aside). And despite the requisite Republican huffing (which they'll get over), both Huntsman and Obama get the closest thing to a political win-win from this.

Obama naming Huntsman ambassador to China [Politico]

Huntsman tapped: Obama's selection of China envoy sets off a political furor [Deseret News]
Obama names Republican governor as envoy to China [Reuters via TPM]

She said she was 22 years old and said she had a bachelor's degree in music from the University of Utah. (Several sources had previously told The Observer that Ms. Ferrell does not in fact have a degree. After her hearing, The Observer called the University of Utah's transcripts department, which told us that no one by the name of Kari Ferrell or Farrell had ever been enrolled.)

This was her first opportunity to lie in public since lying about how she got arrested, and she knocked it right out of the park. Now she waits for Utah authorities to come pick her up. Up to 30 days.
[NYO]

When Kari was out running the streets it was actually cooler not to like her, since anyone could be the NEXT VICTIM. But now that she's locked in the belly of the beast, she's the perfect antihero! TV news shows are already bulling their way into the story, to hilarious effect. Oh TV news, your overdone ominous tone only makes the self-styled counterculture embrace her more!

And what about this kid, Tremble (HEH), the one who snitched her out to the cops? Since snitching someone out to the cops is not even a permitted option for a "reporter" *cough* such as myself, I conveniently am not forced to have an opinion. Although many of you do, and that opinion is he is a hero, or a fucking bitch! One or the other. A funnier point that was totally subsumed by the SNITCH uproar was this: Kari Ferrell even lied about getting arrested. She said she turned herself in. Lie! Lying to the end!

Just how a hipster antihero should be. There's no such thing as a "hipster," but there is such a thing as a "grifter," and she's one. The Kari Ferrell game is just getting started, people. It's out of our hands now. The Hipster Grifter story rushed from Vice to the Observer to us to Animal and now it's hit the MAINSTREAM, and once it's there, there's no going back. There's no controlling it. She's hotter than an Amazon Firefighter. Learn to love it.

[Thanks to anon tipster for Kari's artistic business card, front and back]