• Andrew Young is testifying in front of a grand jury as to whether or not John Edwards used campaign funds to keep Rielle Hunter quiet, or as the legal categorization would have it, "Baby Mama Hush Slush." [Rush & Malloy]
  
  
• Chelsea Clinton's wedding on Martha's Vineyard is going to be at Vernon Jordan's estate in late August, as previously reported. We're saving the date and waiting for our invite. We should probably not hold our breathing. [NYDN]
  
  
• Mugatu-esque German designer Karl Lagerfeld got some talk-to-the-hand from Heidi Klum's publicist, who says that the German Vogue issue with Klum on the cover (with an apparent 140-page spread inside) sold more issues than any other. None of this matters, because Lagerfeld is still kind of a scary Mugatu-esque asshole. [Page Six]
  
  
• Oh noez! Ron Weasley (Muggle name: Rupert Grint) has the Swine Flu. Gawker exclusive: Weasley was taken to Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing of Hogwarts were they tried to use some healing potions to no avail. Then then had to ship him off on the Hogwarts Express back to Central London, where he became just another awesome celebrity case of Swine Flu. He is now better, and has flown back to the set of re-enactment documentary Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Meanwhile, Hermione Granger (Muggle name: Emma Watson) is keeping her relationship with Weasley under wraps as she publicly announces her plans to attend Columbia University in New York, where I will attempt to charm her with my Muggle blogging skills Brown University in Rhode Island, where she will come into contact with a bunch of Jewish Hipsters who she will hate because she didn't go to Columbia, in New York, a far more magical place than Rhode Island. It will probably fail miserably. Also, Harry Potter (Muggle Name: Daniel Radcliffe) won't date Emma Watson because it'd be too weird for them. Good to know the competition is thinning out. [Daily News, Showbiz Spy, Just Jared]
  
  
• Otis! My man! Tobey Maguire's kid has a name, and thy Spider Man spawn's name is Otis. People has the inside dirt on the middle name, too. [People]
  
  
• Rumer WIllis is going to be a lesbian on 90210. I hate that show and thus you will get no elaboration on what's probably a tragically bad, sub-par attempt at Gossip Girl's ingenious stunt casting. I'm sorry Rumer Willis, but you're no Wallace Shawn. You just aren't. [Daily News]
  
  
• Courtney Love trashed her hotel room at The Inn on Irving Place. Have you ever seen The Inn on Irving Place? It's the closest thing downtown has to a Bed and Breakfast. Like, jesus, Courtney Love: trash The Bowery Hotel. Located conveniently near the old CBGB space, you can relive memories of when that kind of thing was cool in bougie style while throwing things off your balcony at legitimately hot celebrities drinking in Bowery's backyard. Trash the Maritime and throw things out of those weird porthole windows. Trash the douche-magnet Hotel Gansevoorte - seriously, people would love that. Trash DeNiro's Greenwich Hotel or SoHo's Mercer Hotel, which were practically constructed for celebrity destruction. But The Inn at Irving? Are you raging a war on cuteness? Also, you know trashing hotel rooms is, like, so 1999 when Scott Weiland, Marilyn Manson, and the rest o your Home for Formerly Addicted Friends from The Crow soundtrack or whatever aren't doing it anymore. Seriously, old lady, put it on ice and chill the fuck out. You're already inches from this as is. [Page Six]
  
  
• There are 210 diamonds on the ring Kevin Jonas gave to his bride-to-be. Even I'm sitting at home with a gallon of ice cream, crying. We can haz inadequacies? There was also a small engagement party none of us were invited to. They went out for Pizza. [People and Pink Is The New Blog]
  
  
• Levi Johnston, shopping a book. I laugh loudly every time I see mention of Tank, his multi-faceted bodyguard/publicist whose name is Tank. He also does birthday parties. [Page Six]
  
  
• Matt Damon doesn't want Clooney or Pitt to take home the People's Sexiest Man Alive three-peat. Instead he's lobbying for Hugh Jackman. I'm still lobbying for Robert Gibbs. [People]
  
  
• Kelsey Grammer is already making jokes about the short-lived, massively underrated sitcom Back To You. [Page Six]
  
  
• Taylor Swift used to pick up Sparklers on the wrong end and burn herself as a child. SWOON. She can do no wrong. [People]
  
  
• Lewis Black believes in the power of the word "fuck." He notes that it's essentially a punctuation mark to many New Yorkers. This is one of those things that isn't "funny because it's true" so much as simply being true. The kind of true thing you hear, and you're like, yeah, what of it? [Page Six]

Don't try it. Because their lawyers will find you and stab you with a wire hanger, or something. Via Pursuitist, Chanel ran an ad in the back of yesterday's Women's Wear Daily letting the world know specifically what IS and IS NOT Chanel, and how it absolutely chaps their exquisitely powdered asses when you get it all wrong. Neit more with this bullschizah! Get it right, you Well Intentioned Mis-Users:

That's right: it's not a Chanel Jacket, even though the look in question is patently Chanel's, which, you know, would be a pretty decent thing for anyone else. Like when people call all brown soda a "Coke," there are probably worse things in the world than being ubiquitous, unless you're Lagerfeld or Chanel's lawyers. In which case, any commoner taking the name of Chanel in vain will be positively destroyed. Or made to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Either way: I'm going to take my Chanel tattoo and get it erased, cancel the service on my Chanel Cellphone, and take my Chanel Condom off (while holding the reservoir tip, of course), while taking a stand for appropriated brands everywhere, and against Chanel. Because, honestly, as "important" as Chanel may be, anybody snobby enough to try and dictate the way people speak or write is pompous, stupid, and probably giving fashion at large a terrible name (pronounced "Chah-nehl," in case you were wondering). As for the "extraordinary woman's timeless contributions" to fashion, I don't think Chanel's lawyers will disagree with anyone when they bring up her homophobic Nazi past. But then again, they've got more important things to keep in mind, right? Footage of Evil Chanel overlord, Karl Lagerfeld, trying to change minds on child labor policy, below:

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.

What is Chanel? Well, let's find out... [Pursuitist]

Worth noting: one commenter pointed out that this ad's run by Chanel quite often. Whoops! In any case: DO NOT KILL THE PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA.

His minimalist clothes for Chanel were inspired by white paper, and embodied what he terms "New Modesty." After the show, he implored everybody to "stop crying" over the slowdown.

[WSJ via Cityfile]

Complaining about fur is "childish," you see:

Hunters in the north "make a living having learnt nothing else than hunting", he said, "killing those beasts who would kill us if they could."

Animals should be killed "nicely" if at all possible, said Lagerfeld, who admitted to being queasy about eating meat.

He's a regular Peter Singer! What about those anorexic models, Karl?

Lagerfeld also said the issue of size zero models was insignificant compared to the "zillions" of fat people...

"In France there are, I think, less than one per cent of people who are too skinny.

"There are nearly 30 per cent of young people who are too fat. So let's take care of the zillions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that's left."

Lagerfeld was then eaten by a ravenous half-girl, half-mink monster. [Telegraph UK; pic via]

Calling the dress the worst "fashion faux pas" of 2008 is, of course, a shameless publicity stunt by Time, which is publishing a listicle orgy called "The Top 10 Everything." Sounds very Digg-friendly!

The Wintour-hating Europeans have already taken the bait, but Britain's Daily Mail was kind enough to concede that the dress "stole the show" at the gala, which Wintour hosted.

Wrote Time (emphasis in the original):

When the history of modern fashion is written, this will be its Waterloo moment. The unimpeachably stylish Vogue editor Anna Wintour turns up at the premiere fashion event of the year, the Met Costume Gala, which she is hosting — it just doesn't get any better than this — in a dress that makes her look like she's encrusted with ammonoid fossils.

An "ammonoid," in case you don't know, is a vicious, near-extinct cephalopod predator of the "fashionrag" family, requiring for survival a lush environment of glossy wood byproduct, generous expense accounts and masochistic assistants, and generally agreed to have been suddenly endangered by the rise of reality television, the internet and bitchy roman a clefs. (If seen in the wild, do not approach.)

seekingwhat's new line beats the original, "You Won't Believe Who I Have Tied Up Back At The Castle."

2% socialite, 0% blogger!

One writer, one photographer, one rapper. Three designers. Seven royals (one of whom is Kate Middleton).

The list:

Ivanka Trump
Michelle Obama
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy
Kate Middleton
Sarah Jessica Parker
Diana Taylor
Julia Koch
Tilda Swinton
H.R.H Crown Princess Mathilde of Belgium
Evelyn Lauder
Zac Goldsmith
Daniel Craig
Matt Lauer
David Beckham
Lapo Elkann
H.S.H. Prince Heinrich von und zu Fürstenberg
Count Manfredi Della Gherardesca
Kanye West
Morley Safer
Bryan Lourd
Sisters Alexandra Kotur and Fiona Kotur Marin
Brothers Rafael, Duke of Feria, and Don Luis Medina
Brothers Andrea and Pietro Clemente
Iris Apfel
Karl Lagerfeld
Julian Schnabel
Sydney and Charles Finch
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Kelly Lynch and Mitch Glazer
Christy Turlington Burns
Carine Roitfeld
Katherine Ross
Stacey Bendet
Fran Lebowitz
H.R.H. Crown Prince Pavlos of Greece
Jonathan Becker

No, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham was not named. Nor was Scarlett Johansson or Heidi Klum. Glaring omissions? Please advise.

The International Best-Dressed List [Vanity Fair]

The metamorphosis of art and beauty is my passion. The discovery of contemporary mediums of expression has allowed me to pursue my interest in art, beauty, architecture and progressive cultural exchange. Dubai is a fashion bud on the verge of blossoming into the next fashion hub of the world. The city is alive with culture and rich in personality, making it a perfect place for aesthetic, fashion and design to flourish. Isla Moda has tremendous potential to be the style icon of the future and I intend on driving the island to high style stardom.

Notice he doesn't mention anything about the abra full of dirhem that Dubai Infinity Holdings, the backers of the endeavor, most likely puttered up to his waterside villa.

We don't see anorexic (girls). The girls are skinny. They have skinny bones.

Lagerfeld shrugs off concerns over skinny models [Reuters]