Absolutely, completely, 100% true. Here's looking at you, NBC, via the AP report:

...a 27-year-old teacher in Baltimore, [Bush] will contribute stories about once a month on issues like education to television's top-rated morning news show, said Jim Bell, its executive producer.

"It wasn't something I'd always dreamed to do," she said. "But I think one of the most important things in life is to be open-minded and to be open-minded for change."

Hopefully, she'll end up hanging around post-segment, get shitty with Kathy Lee and Hoda, and enlighten them with the story of Chandarella. Must See TV, right there. Jim Bell, Today's executive producer is already giving quotes about how he's not using it as political grease for a future shot at trying to Frost/Nixon old Daddy Dubya. Watch that D:

Bell said Hager won't be covering politics. He said he didn't consider the job as a down payment for a future interview with her father, who has been living quietly in Texas since leaving office earlier this year. Attacks on NBC News by conservatives for the liberal bent of MSNBC also had nothing to do with it, he said. "I hope to focus on what I'm passionate about because I think I'd do them best job on them - education, urban education, women and children's issues and literacy," Hager said.

Jenna Bush is nice, and fun! And know what? This is actually somewhat likable in its complete and utter boldfaced stunt-casting nature. And while this might not exactly be a ratings boon—at all—educational it shall be: all you aspiring TV anchors, look to the stars! You apparently have a better chance of getting there than on Today.

1.) David Cassidy Is A Creep

2.) Drunk Babies

3.) Drunk Housewife

4.) How Can Someone Sound Sage and Delusional at the Same Time?

I could listen to her all day long.

5.) Kathie Lee Gifford and Kim Jenner Are BFF
And they have Wendy Williams' approval.

6.) Hoarders
It's good.


Spiritually good.

7.) Brad from The Rachel Zoe Project

8.) White Rappers

9.) Wedlock or Deadlock
Strangely, this is real.

10.) Language Barrier
Miss Universe 2009—who was crowned on Sunday after saying that women no longer have "barriers"—is learning English.

1.) Moms and Their Boxed Wine
After staging an intervention for her son, this woman's family then staged one for her over her Xanax addiction. She didn't want to go to rehab because of the its strict no-alcohol policy.

2.) Does Joan Rivers realize that perhaps she's gone too far with the cosmetic procedures?

3.) Did you like the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion shows?

But it sucks that they never revealed what exactly Danielle "tried" to do to Dina that Caroline was freaking out about. From the way Caroline told it, Danielle took a hit out on her. But that doesn't seem realistic. Danielle sort of hinted at what it might on her blog:

I had no idea at the time what "disgraceful" acts she was referring to. I only found out later what she was talking about, from someone in her own family. I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him.

4.) Cop Without a Badge Guy Talks
Danielle's ex-husband, Kevin Maher, who gave up all the dirt on her in "The Book" was on The Insider talking about how Danielle is "a bisexual." She didn't really deny it though.

5.) Promise Piercings
Kids are expressing their love for each other in new and different ways, like piercings…

…And emails.

6.) More Kid Stuff
NYC Prep was alright, but not great, IMO. But I did really like this girl, who is friends with one of the cast members, but not part of the cast herself. She's down town/to earth.

She seems tipsy.

And I love the way she communicates.

7.) Snoop's Statement On Michael Jackson

8.) Snoop Getting Off The Phone




9.) Larry King And "My daddy, P. Daddy"

10.) Reading: With Kathie Lee & Hoda

Because the internet really likes her cans. Embarrassed, poor Hoda tried to cover her busty display with her hands and a vase of flowers, but it won't help. Now that Kathie Lee has gotten wind of some weakness or self-consciousness in her Egyptian enemy, she'll exploit it and needle at it until Hoda flees the scene and the show is Kathie's... Allll Kathie's. The beginning of the end is here, Hodes. Prepare for more boob jokes.

1.) "Have you seen Latoya?" has never sounded so creepy, or incriminating.

2.) Paula Deen visited the Today show, refused to leave, spread her legs, and grabbed two fistfuls of her vagina. The clip is rather long, but worth every second.

3.) The Real Housewives of New Jersey appeared on The View on Friday. Jacqueline, who discussed her difficulty with fertility on the show this past week, is now pregnant, and due June 11.



Unfortunately my two faves, Danielle and Teresa were not present. Teresa, it turns out, is also with child.

4.) Are your kittens still alive?

5.) More traumatizing than dead kittens: Judge Judy has never been a feminist.



But the thing is, her definition of why she's not a feminist is actually very feminist. So, like Mormon people who baptize the dead, I will anoint Judge Judy as a feminist, and get on with my life already.

6.) Oh, and if you ever need to read her mind, just read the captions on Larry King Live.

7.) Technology is destroying families, and making fathers sad.

8.) George Hamilton gave Bridget a lesson on the cultural history of Miami. Then they bonded about tanning.

9.) Sometimes I feel exactly like this:

10.) UGH! Maya Angelou, don't give her any ideas!

In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo is a minor observation of a 19th century battle by the Mexican army against the French and is therefore pretty irrelevant to Hispanic people of non-Mexican descent. Here in the States, it's a crazy made-up themed drinking holiday for honkies in sweaters. Maybe we're supposed to pray for the victims of swine flu or something.

Honestly, how we celebrate it in California, home to the nation's largest Hispanic population: We hoist a Tecate to our local taco truck, and drink in the memory of the New Yorkers who must make do with subpar burritos. Suck on those rock-hard, underripe avocados, Kathie and Hoda!

Yeah, Kathie was talking about bathroom lights or one of the other fascinating topics these two gypsies are always yammering on about, and she mentioned that in the nighttime she's nude. Awoken from her "it's come to this..." stupor by the sound of genitals turning to dust and blowing away on an East wind, cohost Hoda said "Whaaatt???" Kathie was indignant and weird as always, while Hoda did an informal census of the crew to see who slept naked. Many people did. But especially Kathie.

But don't worry. If you're planning on breaking into her house and stealing her jewels as I am, she always has some kind of cover up on hand just in case. So, you know. You won't have to spend any of your loot money on an urn to hold your genital dust.

She was trying to describe what it's like when a man cups your face with his hands, moves in three quarters of the way to a kiss, and then waits for you to do the rest. Kath did a visual demonstration on both cohost Hoda and flabbergasted supermodel Molly Simms. Her being the singular Kathie Lee, she also managed to get in some jokes about Hoda being lonely and miserable and about her hubby Frank not being a sexual dynamo. At one point in the middle of all this Hoda said "I'm going to kill myself." Scary thing is, we think she meant it.

Access Extra Tonight host Billy Bush was filling in for Ms. Gifford this morning, and he and Hoda flipped through some photos of a recent vacation. Billy, referring to one picture, said "it looks like you're keeping the Pinot Grigio industry alive and well." Hoda, not missing a beat, responded: "You have no idea how much sheeee was drinking." Because, hah! What can Kathie Lee do to her if she's not there? Except, you know, shame and debase her some more when she gets back. Sigh.

First up, one of our devoted video interns, Daniel Caron, has made a montage of clips of the sweatshop bosslady hurling her grossy-wossy sexual innuendos all over the be-windowed studio. These are from the past two months or so. Hoda mostly looks horrified and confused—by Kathie, by the show, by her life.



Next, in a clip put together by intern Shannon Donnelly, we have Kathie Lee treating poor confused, horrified Hoda terribly this morning. Hoda is lonely and single and Kathie Lee thinks that's hilarious! At least her devoted husband doesn't watch porn in hotel rooms with airline stewardesses who have been paid to seduce him. But, you know. Kathie still wants to make fun of her anyway.



Doesn't it all look shockingly like this?

[P6 says Anderson was spotted making his boyfriend sit in the back of a plane, while he sat up front. Bad form, sir.]

Kathie Lee first said that some people (meaning us, I guess) "don't have a sense of humor" but then proceeded to make the same "Hoda's a drunk" jokes that we were making. She gave her a Poinsettia champagne cocktail (I think that's what it was) to gulp and then tried to hand her a Baby Bjorn full of wine. Hoda just laughed meekly and said "please tell them you're kidding..." Which Kathie Lee did, eventually. The whole style of the back and forth was alarmingly similar to this weekend's SNL parody, down to the ominous "you know who you are..." from Kathie.

Gaelic, elevator-scoring superstar Enya stopped by the increasingly unhinged fourth hour of the Today Show (we picture Matt Lauer tossing his apres-taping screwdriver at the screen in disgust every morning in the back of his limo), providing a perfect opportunity for Gifford to share her observations about this magical, lute-playing people culled throughout her travels on the Emerald Isle. ("You all look like and speak like people-sized leprechauns! I love that you force your children to learn how to play an instrument because you're all poor. The skin—is that genetic or is there some Irish moisturizer I should know about?") She then attempts harmonizing on "Silent Night," providing an ear-raping accompaniment to the holiday classic so awful, all any of us could do was pray that Hoda Kotb would end the nightmare by crashing a poinsettia pot over her co-host's head. [Today]

• 'The Today Show' [NBC]

• 'Fox and Friends' [Fox News]

Today's hour provided so many awesome grumpy Kathie Lee moments, we were inspired to compile them into one misanthropic montage—edited by our video intern Daniel Caron. Within the span of one hour, she implies that the show is going to suck, complains about having to be PC about the holidays, suggests her husband is deaf, catches Cheyenne Jackson calling her a bitch, and makes a reference to "drying out" that suggests alcoholism or something much more gross. This is so awesome. We're firmly Team Kathie Lee. [Today]

• Today [NBC]

• "Subject: trying to find an email address for Kathie lee
  JUST WANTED SOME POINTERS ON GOOD WED
  AFTERNOON SHOWS.ALSO LIKE TO KNOW WHERE TO GO FOR AN INEXPENSIVE LUNCH.kATHIE AND HODA ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT OUT OF WAY PLACES THAT SOUND GREAT.WILL BE IN THE CITY WEEK OF OCT 13TH .dON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT BROADWAY,WOULD LOVE SOME SUGGESTIONS.ASK KATHIE TO TAKE A MINUTE,AND EMAIL ME SOME GOOD INFO."
• "Real world kids were at highline ballroom last night..Theyre totally awkward & it was uncomfortable to even watch. One of the girls got thrown off of danger radio's tour bus for being an asshole & spilling beer."
• "I am writing to give you gossip about a gossip columnist. Her name is Jo Piazza and she works for the New York Daily News. In the short time I've worked with her (I'm a publicist in the fashion industry), I've only had horrendously negative experiences, the bulk of which have resulted in my wanting to gouge her eyes out with a dull spoon. But that's not why I'm writing to you today, Gawker. I've recently heard some great tales about the lovely Jo that are too juicy to remain under my bonnet. Here we go: And the remainder of the email is a little too rich to run without corroboration—Ed.