Kathy Hilton Tells John McCain to Shut His Stupid, Crusty Face

How much of a silly old ass do you have to be to get me to side with the terrible, slithering Hilton Clan? About the size of John McCain, I'd wager. The war-loving Republican nominee's ad comparing Senator Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears (watch it here) has gotten Paris' mom Kathy Hilton to write a terse response today. Well, she likely had someone else write it, but still. More »

Make A Sick Child's Wishes Come True By Bidding On Mel Gibson's Pants

Not since Sharon Stone shrinkwrapped her below-the-belt Basic Instinct co-star for a gala fundraiser has the Make-A-Wish Foundation had such an exciting, celebrity-pants-related opportunity. Kathy Hilton has spent the holiday amassing an impressive collection of celebrity memorabilia for an eBay auction benefiting the dream-fulfilling children's charity, including a pair of stonewashed dungarees worn and signed by Mel Gibson. More »

Paris Hilton Released From Jail; As Expected, World A Far Better Place

At around 12:15 a.m. last night, Paris Hilton was quietly released from the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, ending a 23-day sentence so harrowing that the troubled heiress found God and has publicly rededicated a life notoriously defined by the hollow pursuit of unearned fame to serving, like, cancer kids or other jail-type people, you know, whatever the publicist tells her will get those angry mobs to not show up at her the debut of her new Incarcerated perfume burning her orange-jumpsuited effigy. As you can see in the above video, the late-night release was effective in easing press congestion around the prison, drawing only the most dedicated two hundred or so local journalists to bathe the reborn heiress in the warm, familiar light of their flashbulbs, making Hilton's emotional reunion with her mother every bit as special as the typical night out at Hyde. More »

Hilton's Lynwood Jail Now Offering 'Platinum Club Inmate Points' Redeemable For Exciting Upgrades

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Remainders: Kathy Hilton's Motherly Nipple

• Kathy Hilton takes a tip from daughter Paris and goes for the midlife-crisis nip-slip. Click to enlarge (NSFW) and shudder. [Jossip] More »

Kathy and Rick Hilton Close Down Marquee

It's not strange to see Nicky Hilton and Kevin Connolly at Chelsea megaplex Marquee at 3 AM. It is, however, rather strange to see them partying at said hour with Nicky's parents. Seriously: What were Kathy and Rick Hilton doing at Marquee at 3 AM on a recent school night? (Not that they'd be any less out of place on a weekend.) Does this strike anyone else as strange? The Hiltons are hardly parental types, but the thought of Kathy dancing on a banquette at such a late hour still gives us chills. Call us conservative, but we like our parents asleep by 10 PM, passed out on the couch in front of the History Channel, right where they belong. More »

Gossip Roundup: Amy Sacco, This Is Your Life

• Bungalow 8 and Bette restaurant owner Amy Sacco continues her quest for total domination: Sarah Jessica Parker's Prettymatches Productions (how cute) has signed a deal with HBO to produce a tv series based on Sacco's "story." [Page Six] More »

Kathy Hilton Destroying Texas Public Schools

As if it weren't bad enough when Google News sullied the West Nile Virus's good name by associating it with Kathy Hilton, now their crazed news-bot is trying to use the Hilton matriarch and her mindless reality show to bring down the entire Texas public school system. [Scroll down the page until you see the pic.] More »

Short Ends: Lamas Chippendaled Out Of Playmate Wedding?

· "The two of us have chosen to take different paths, but will continue to support each other in the spirit of the goodness and light that brought us together." Commenting about the sudden, possibly stripper-induced cancellation of his client's wedding, Lorenzo Lamas's agent waxes surprisingly poetic. (Eh, you know his assistant wrote it.) Still, it's hard not to view any Lamas-related misfortune as karmic payback for Are You Hot? More »

The 'I Want to Be a Hilton' Sneak Peek You've Been Waiting For

Can't possibly wait for tonight to find out what happens on I Want to Be a Hilton? An anonymous (and, we know from experience, reliable) source was at the taping of the episode, and, Ellsbergianly, he violated his confidentiality agreement to bring this urgent update to Gawker readers: More »

A day in the lives of the Hilton women

Nicky Hilton, who is having her chihuahua dyed pink for an upcoming fashion show, on why she's designing handbags when she doesn't need the money: "I just wanted to do something for young girls. Not every girl can afford a Prada bag or a Gucci bag. They're fun yet sophisticated." How much? "Maybe $125 to $400." Mom Kathy brags about older daughter Paris's literary inclinations: "She said, `I've read two Jackie Collins books.'" More »

The Hiltons' Christmas buffet

David Patrick Columbia reports that Rick and Kathy Hilton, heirs to the Hilton Hotel empire and parents of Paris and Nicky, who are "very homey people" had their annual Christmas buffett tonight at their apartment in Waldorf Towers. DPC raves about the amazing "warmth" of the place and simplicity of the buffett, which is "just like your neighbors have." We're willing to stretch the definition of "homey," but not so much that it includes a Park Avenue mansion. And we're willing to stretch the definition of "warmth," but not so much that it includes "eats small orphan children for breakfast, but in a genuinely tender fashion and only behind closed doors." (Perhaps we exaggerate on that one.) We do admit, however, that there may some similarities between the Hiltons and our neighbors. Our neighbors, for example, also have annoyingly vapid daughters. Our neighbors also... Okay, so that's where the similarities stop. Note to DPC: Wipe your mouth. You're drooling. More »