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Lysergic Asset
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
Come back when you sparkle or can turn into an eagle or some shit. - Most excellent turn of phrase.
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MattGaymon
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
I was run down by a cab on my way to Buddakhan. I blame myself.
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bowleserised
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
"laughing at Courtney Love's batshit claim that Britney Spears was molested as a young girl, and the British tabloid who's paying an unnamed female Spears family member to argue that she did. "

Did what? I'm so confused.
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TargetLady
12/06/09

@bowleserised: Got molested? The sentence construction is confusing, but kind of British-sounding. Like, "I haven't ever snorted Pixy Stix from the floor of a drained jacuzzi, but I have it on good authority that Courtney Love has done."
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bowleserised promoted this comment Edited by TargetLady at 12/06/09 11:10 PM TargetLady was starred TargetLady was unstarred

bowleserised
12/07/09

@TargetLady: I'm British ;) But it sounds like it's the unnamed female Spears family member who did something, rather than Britney who had something done to her.
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lobstr
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
In 2003, shortly after Versace's murder, some pals and I were in South Beach walking south when we happened upon a mansion with a spotlight on it and maybe 15-20 people standing around staring at it. I didn't know right away this was Versace's old house, but suddenly this horrid white guy with a tilted baseball cap starts to loudly explain to his friend "Yea yea this is where that fashion faggot got gunned down!" and he proceeded to re-enact the shooting as if he were Cool Moe D cast in some thug ghetto shoot'em-up -- he crouched behind a pillar and jumped out and pretended to point a gun, er, sorry, gat, sideways at Versace, and yelled "Blam, blam, die, faggot!"

Some notes:
1. Chad Wiggerton likely did not realize the shooter was Versace's ex-lover, and likely did not use the word "faggot"

2. The shooter probably did not hold his weapon sideways.

Nonetheless, his editorializing of the event was hilariously grand, and all of the onlookers made sure his role in the douchebaggery world was maintained.
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Foster Kamer
12/06/09

@lobstr: Uh, that's not awful. Miami's full of characters. Always fun to see people go to South Beach who are otherwise total troglodytes, and how they experience it.

Also, where's that video of you and the Koala Pillow? I was trying to explain this to someone the other day and kept laughing too hard to find it.
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Edited by Foster Kamer at 12/06/09 1:31 PM Foster Kamer was starred Foster Kamer was unstarred

ParahSalin
12/06/09

@lobstr: The shooter wasn't Versace's ex-lover, he was some nut who maybe met him once at a charity event. I used to see Versace and his partner on the beach and walking the streets of South Beach, and he was always super gracious to people asking for pictures or autographs. He'd been in a long term relationship, and wouldn't have touched Andrew Cunanan with a ten foot pole.
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lobstr
12/06/09

@Foster Kamer: ah, yes, Koalie.

Did you mean the time the WB fell for my tale of how he saved my life from errant tornado-blown shards of glass: [haxxor.tv]

or this ol' ditty, same channel:
[haxxor.tv]

then there's this'n:
[haxxor.tv] (that thar tornado got him a lot of exposure!)

the all-time classic Yolanda-distractor:
[haxxor.tv]

and bonus points for the Koalie news hax via t-shirt: [haxxor.tv]

I was unaware you were a Koalie fan :[]
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lobstr
12/06/09

@ParahSalin: ah, whoops, guilty as charged for being equally as uninformed as Glocky Douchebaggala.. I guess I was just recounting what I remember from the press.. (cuz, you know, wiki wasn't around in '03 to misinform us, heh) ..

but I still maintain Versace was probably not called a "faggot" and shot at with the sideways gangster-grip when he was being accosted.
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ParahSalin
12/06/09

@lobstr: No problem, it's just that I used to work in the fashion industry, and there were so many awful people who deserved to get shot in the head, and Versace wasn't one of them. Sadly, that's how it always seems to go (note the number of Bush death threats vs. Obama death threats). I'm pretty sure Cunanan didn't call Versace a "faggot" before he killed him since he was gay himself. I think he just wanted to go out in a blaze of glory after a killing spree, and decided Versace was an easy target because he was so accessible. I'll always remember walking behind him and his partner one day on Collins Avenue, and some young couple stopped him and the girl posed with Versace and his partner while her boyfriend snapped pictures and he gave them autographs. I remember when I heard he was murdered I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.
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Hiroine Protagonist
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
"Hotmess Courtney Love reports that hotmess Britney Spears molested a kid. "

This is how rumours start, children.
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raincoaster
12/06/09

@Hiroine Protagonist: Just because Courtney love is mentally four, doesn't mean it was child abuse.
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Hiroine Protagonist
12/06/09

@raincoaster: I feel like you missed the point completely. Am I right? I think I am.
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raincoaster
12/06/09

@Hiroine Protagonist: I think not. Parse it again, with the original title and contents in mind, not the EDITED version you now see.
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AzureTexan
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
"Glenn Beck's job is to stick his dick in your ear."

Aural sex?
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DahlELama
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: He likes to make sweet, sweet lobe.
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AzureTexan
12/06/09

@DahlELama: And he likes a good, hard cochlea.
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PaisleyPajamas
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: Those rumors about him being into c-anal are true, then?
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Edited by PaisleyPajamas at 12/06/09 1:44 PM PaisleyPajamas was starred PaisleyPajamas was unstarred

AzureTexan
12/06/09

@PaisleyPajamas: Yes, but sadly, he's a very selfish lover — it's never about EUstachian tubes, it's always about HIMstachian tubes.
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pony_express
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: Earwax poetic.
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JohanPaladin
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: Shinshi shinshi. I can't find the video but you should see a great episode of SNL from like 2000 with a PHENOMENAL sketch starring Christopher Walken and I think Ana Gasteyer as lovers, guests of the wonderful LOVAHS Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch. Jacuzzi. Native Drumming. I think its on Will Ferrell's best of collection.
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AzureTexan
12/06/09

@pony_express: That's when you start swabbing partners, right?
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PaisleyPajamas
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: You'll end up with a bug in your ear your doctor can't cure.
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pony_express
12/06/09

@AzureTexan: I think with Beck, it is more a case of banging one's own eardrum and inviting others to watch...
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Airvault
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
Look for "Lil Warry" to blow up big in '10, yo.
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Foster Kamer
12/06/09

In reply to Britney Spears Was Molested as a Young Girl, According to Her Hotmess Courtney Loves
16 items. Bang-bang.
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DahlELama
12/06/09

@Foster Kamer: You are a wizard. I believe this trumps "sparkly werewolf."
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mamacrass
12/06/09

@Foster Kamer: Yes, and the lead story is wrong.
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DahlELama
12/06/09

@mamacrass: Hmm, you do appear to be right--looks like the claim is that Jamie molested Britney as a girl...eep.
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VerdaKremlin
12/06/09

@Foster Kamer: 16 incoherent items. Denton pays by the word in blow on Sunday mornings? Great.
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Foster Kamer
12/06/09

@VerdaKremlin: It's not part of the full-time package yet, but we're in negotiations, plus backpay for expenses.
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JohanPaladin
12/06/09

@Foster Kamer: Some of your posts have seemed rather crazed lately.
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Foster Kamer
12/06/09

@JohanPaladin: I promise, all I've had is coffee this morning. We safe the hard stuff for the nights.
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son of spam
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
What are young girls for if not to get in trouble?
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thatgirlinnewyork
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
before you think the pendulum is swinging back, remember that we have sarah palin and her colorful brood.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
I seemed to remember that as soon as Paris went on Larry King, post-jail, the thunderstorm blew over and the
media backed off of her. I think the public saw a little glimmer of her humanity and not just a spoiled, dopey, racist heiress. I'm not defending her; just making an observation.

Or Larry is magic.
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Edited by Banjo-Sea Kitten at 11/23/09 6:35 PM Banjo-Sea Kitten was starred Banjo-Sea Kitten was unstarred

cpjones
11/23/09

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: Didn't really work for Chris Brown though, but that's because he sucks worse than Paris.
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Baroness
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
This headline really got my hopes up, breaking news I hadn't read perhaps.
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TedSez
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
Britney used to be a pretty good singer, until she ruined her voice and now uses vocal sweetening on recordings and lip-syncs in public.

Taylor Swift was never a very good singer, so she uses vocal sweetening on recordings, but proudly sings off-key in public.

Which means we've entered an era of concurrent fake-itude and realism, and no one under 25 cares what the difference is.
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hatey
11/24/09

@TedSez: Really? Britney Spears had talent? I've never heard her even hit a real note. Her voice is, at best, very thin.

Taylor Swift really should have been kept around Nashville as a very talented songwriter, but because she's so lovely, they decided to make her a star. Ladyfriend can't sing, I'll give you that.
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lobstr
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
This is the dawning of the Age of Airheadius..
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
11/23/09

@lobstr: that's my rising sign!
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AzureTexan
11/23/09

In reply to You'll Miss Paris Hilton Now That She's Gone
New to the screen this fall, and always right on time: Kristen Stewart in "The Life and Times of Emily Post."
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