• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart claim to be "taking it slow," as in, not getting married yet, denying recent reports that Pattinson proposed to Stewart. However, we can probably project, for all of you stalkerish teenage Pattinson fans who have come to the site via search results, and would like to kill Kristen Stewart in cold blood, or at the very least, see her be cast out of the Twilight universe, that (A) she's not going anywhere and (B) unlike the characters of Stephanie Meyer's ridiculous vampire chastity universe, well: they're probably fucking. Have a nice Sunday, kids! [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jude Law opened the first preview of Hamlet on Broadway last night, and he wasn't that bad. Not surprising! But then again, there wasn't an opportunity for him to pull his dick out and violate your (sister/girlfriend/nanny/presumably of-age daughter), so: good to know. [NYDN]
  
  
• John Travolta, wife Kelly Preston, and daughter Ella made their first public appearance at the premiere of Road Dogs since the death of their son, Jett. In all honesty, it looks like they're trying to smile, and would rather be somewhere else. I sincerely feel bad for them, crazy Scientology business or not. Look: [US]
  
  
• Some Malibu shopping center is advertising itself as a Paparazzi-Free Zone. Which is ridiculous. Because nothing in Malibu is Paparazzi-Free. [Page Six]
  
  
• Britney Spears used a music video audition to try to pick up on a model and take him home. This never works for me. Somehow, she didn't anticipate the model knowing that she's got two kids and is absolutely crazy. [NYDN]
  
  
• Tyson Beckford wasn't allowed in the VIP area at Mansion (or, ridiculously, "M2") so he started yelling at a bouncer, and then realized the bouncer was letting him in. I don't get it. Male models and they problems confuse me. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jets fans! You have so much to look forward to. Your hottie rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez listens to James Taylor before games to get pumped up. Hopefully he won't turn his offensive line on to Enya, lest he get knocked into submission after four snaps. [NYDN]
  
  
• More sports: Mets dynasty player Lenny Dykstra snuck his way into today's Gossip Roundup. He has to sell his 1986 World Series ring, because he's now only worth $50K. The world is sad, no? [NYDN]
  
  
• Nikki Beach—an island resort on Turks and Caicos—went bankrupt after the mega-celebrities who used to vacation there drying up. The place had personal butlers and a pillow menu, and you know what? Some extravagances are stupid, but a pillow menu, I wouldn't mind. I mean, that's stupid too, but I'd just love to say to someone: just bring me your fluffiest goose down in complete sincerity. [NYDN]
  
  
• VH1's going to be toning down the format of their reality shows after people started getting killed post-appearance. Because, you know, that's insane. Hey, though: remember Pop-Up Video, VH1? Nobody got killed by Pop-Up Video. Or Rock and Roll Jeopardy, though we did have to watch Mark McGrath school us all is pop culture knowledge. The guy has a MENSA-like aptitude for rock trivia, seriously. Who'd a thought? [Page Six]

According to the Daily Mail - who rounded up some interesting quotes on the matter - it appears to be a very real possibility. To say Travolta's had a rough go of it recently would be putting it very, very lightly.

On the business side of things, Travolta's big role this year performed under studio expectations. A complete aside, when you consider his personal life:

His son Jett - reportedly autistic, a diagnosis the Church of Scientology refuses to dignify - passed away earlier this year. Travolta defied Scientology and acknowledged it. Some sleazy gossip website put together a theory that enlists the idea of Travolta not only having a gay lover, but the gay lover - his son's nanny - being a primary cause of his son's death. Which is besides the fact that someone tried to extort him over documents involved in his son's transportation, and his wife might've tried (successfully) to get Roger Friedman fired by going to the top brass at Fox over Friedman's comments on Scientology.

All of this gives the Daily Mail's report some ground to walk on, when they note:

His distress, say sources close to him, has been compounded by the first cracks in his 34-year relationship with the Church of Scientology, the cult-like religion of which Travolta is a prominent and generous benefactor. And there are dark mutterings that if he carries out private threats to leave, the organisation will go public with embarrassing details of his private life, including, it is claimed, allegations of past homosexual relationships. Sources in the U.S. disclosed to me this week that his son's sudden death has 'deeply shaken' Travolta's faith in the strange sect, which makes wild claims about its ability to cure a variety of physical and mental disorders.

There's more talk of Travolta taking late night drives by himself, and being in a "state of constant distress." There's the very evident weight Travolta's gained. There's the memory of Scientology's scary-ass leader David Miscavage slagging on Travolta's sexuality:

Earlier, the prestigious Time magazine also reported allegations made by Richard Aznaran, the former security head of Scientology, that the Church's leader, David Miscavige, had repeatedly joked about Travolta's 'promiscuous homosexual behaviour'.

And then there's the fact that Scientology has a well known history of intimidation of the physical and emotional stripe. This goes without saying, but: Travolta's donated millions of dollars, and what could only be thousands of hours to the church throughout his life. Shit, he made Battlefield Earth.

For a celebrity of Travolta's stature to renounce Scientology would be massive, for both parties. Even rumors of Travolta's potential departure from the religion are pretty damning. Granted, it'll be a difficult path if he chooses to take it - the resistance he'll encounter from the highest levels of the religion are potentially fiscally, emotionally, and physically dangerous to his livelihood - but one that could shake Scientology to its absolute core.

Is John Travolta cracking up? [Daily Mail]

The report was obtained by the National Enquirer. Travolta's use of the term "autistic" seems to be a break from church doctrine, which teaches that pyschiatric diagnoses are fake ailments invented by Nazi psychiatrists so they can give people drugs to keep them from realizing their true potential of controlling the physical world with their minds.

Prior to Jett's death, his mother Kelly Preston attributed his problems to a rare disorder called Kawasaki disease and to "environmental toxins" from carpet-cleaners. She claimed that a Scientological detoxification regime had helped to ease his symptoms.

After Jett's death, Scientology representatives denied that the church has taken a stance on autism, saying, "It's medicine. The church deals with the spirit. If people have a medical problem or a physical ailment, they go to a doctor. It's church policy that they do so and they get that addressed." But autism is a psychiatric disorder described in DSM-IV, psychiatry's diagnostic bible. While a case could be made that Travolta was only using the term generally, to describe a disorder with physical roots that he thought could be explained, Scientology-style, by toxins, it's certainly unusual for a high-profile representative of the church to use the word.

Previously, Bahamian officials had taken three people in for questioning about the case: Obie Wilchcombe, a former tourism minister who was close to the Travolta family; Tarino Lightbourne, an ambulance driver who was part of the crew who took the dying Jett to a hospital; and Pleasant Bridgewater, a local politician and lawyer who represents Lightbourne.

E! News reports that the FBI is supplying Bahamian police with voice-analysis experts to help analyze conversations between Bridgewater and Travoltas' lawyers.

Wilchcombe, meanwhile, says his only involvement was trying to warn the Travolta family of the extortion attempt, which seems to center around either a photo Lightbourne took in the ambulance or other information he gathered about Jett's appearance as he lay dying. The official cause of death was listed as a seizure, a condition to which Jett was prone. His parents attributed his seizures to exposure to cleaning chemicals. Many observers believe, however, that Jett suffered from autism, a disorder which often coincides with seizures. Travolta and his wife, actress, Kelly Preston, are devout Scientologists. Members of that cult believe conditions like autism are psychosomatic and can be cured through sometimes dangerous religious rituals.

The involvement of an American spy agency in a Bahamian police investigation only adds to the air of mystery around Jett Travolta's death. Lightbourne has entered a plea of not guilty. The question of what he claims to know, and why that claim so disturbed Travoltas' lawyers, lingers.

Jett died in the Bahamas on January 2. The National Enquirer, citing a Bahamian newspaper, says police are investigating a local politician and a co-conspirator for the alleged extortion attempt. Mike Ossi and Howard Butler, Travolta's attorneys, released a statement:

Regrettably in a time of such terrible grief there are often a few individuals who attempt to make false claims in hopes of making millions of dollars. We will never let that happen.

Which makes no sense. If people are making false claims, why doesn't the Travolta camp just deny them? Wouldn't threatening to reveal something true be far more profitable?

The constantly changing versions of the events surrounding Jett's death have gripped the public's imagination because it is so congruent with the story of his father's life. John Travolta would have us believe that he is normal; that he is not a member of a crazy cult; and that he is straight. At least two of those things are false.

Let's count the inconsistencies, which extend back long before Jett's tragic passing:

• Jett's parents, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, adherents of Scientology, have long maintained that Jett suffered from Kawasaki disease, an immune disorder which causes inflammation of blood vessels. But Kawasaki disease is not linked to seizures, according to medical experts.
• When they weren't blaming Kawasaki disease, they publicly maintained Jett's health was fine, even though many in Hollywood believed Jett suffered from autism. And suddenly, after his death, we learn that Jett wasn't fine; rather, he was constantly supervised by two nannies and a baby monitor.
• Autism would explain Jett's disturbingly affectless appearance in public; about a third of people with autism also suffer seizures. Travolta and Preston are followers of Scientology, which believes conditions like autism are all in the victim's head — that they are "degraded beings" requiring "purification." Preston has said in the past that Jett underwent a Scientology purification, which reportedly involves high doses of niacin.
• Police in the Bahamas said Jett, who was found unconscious late on New Year's Day in his parents' condo and died at a hospital shortly afterward, had struck his head, and reported blood on the scene. The nanny who found him, Jeff Kathrein, a Scientologist wedding photographer hired by Jett's parents, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, was once spotted in an intimate kiss with Jett's father. Police said Jett was alone for hours, after last being seen the evening of January 1; a family lawyer maintained that Kathrein, who slept eight feet away from Jett, found him almost right away.
• A funeral director hired by the family said there was no sign of a bruise and that Jett's body "looked great." The cause of death on Jett's death certificate was listed simply as a seizure.
• Two chartered planes and a police hearse, ostensibly carrying Jett's remains, waited on the tarmac Monday, as Bahamian police blocked access. It was a ruse: Jett's body was being cremated at the time, and the family planned to fly his ashes back to Florida on Tuesday.

Jett, in reality, had a rounder face. But so what? The need to airbrush away Jett's chin is the perfect metaphor for the pathetic misdirections and deceptions the Travoltas have engaged in. What they're covering up is not worth covering up. This is not some grand crusade for the truth — which in the end is the simple and tragic tale of a teen boy dying too young. The lies, big and small, that Travolta tells aren't for Jett. They're for him to maintain his fake public image. He asks us, out of politeness or gullibility, to swallow it whole.

Yes, everyone wants to let the family grieve. Let them grieve — but Jett Travolta is the only one who should lie in peace.

· Reports on Saturday revealed that Jett, 16, suffered a seizure at the Bahamian vacation home of his parents John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Travolta himself applied CPR until medics arrived; the EMT crew chief told Radar that Jett had a hematoma, suggesting a head blow, later confirmed by Travolta's lawyer and family friend Michael McDermott. There was "a minimum amount of blood," and Jett had no pulse. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. An autopsy is underway as of this writing.

· The day after it broke the story, TMZ followed up with word of a police investigation and pointing out conflicts between the Travoltas and investigators in the timeline preceding Jett's death. The Travoltas' nannies say Jett went to sleep at 6 p.m. on Jan. 1, and was discovered when one of the caretakers, Jeff Kathrein, awoke the next morning to find the teen unconscious on the bathroom floor. The police say Jett was last seen entering the bathroom at 11:30 p.m. — meaning he was undiscovered for up to 10 hours following his seizure. Naturally the Travolta camp went on the offensive, arguing that it was likely a second trip to the bathroom — after the caretakers were asleep — during which Jett collapsed.

· But who is Jeff Kathrein, anyway? Is he, as our East Coast cousin declaimed, "Travolta's rumored gay lover"? Or, as the LAT points out, an aspiring celebrity photographer who nannies to pay the bills? Shocker: The Travolta camp isn't commenting. But Kathrein will shoot your nuptials if you're in the market for a wedding photographer.

· Meanwhile, Scientology's enemies latched on to the opportunity to eviscerate its proponents, with Mark Ebner digging up a 2007 interview in which the father of an autistic girl alll but alleged child abuse in the Travoltas' treatment of Jett, whose own severe case of autism was long-suspected by outsiders but never acknowledged by the family. Instead, Jett's non-responsive condition was attributed to Kawasaki syndrome, a rare physical ailment that excused the Travoltas from treating Jett with CO$-condemned psychiatric drugs. (He did, according to McDermott, take anti-seizure medication for a while, which soon failed and whose regimen was ended.) With the exception of brother Joey, who studied autism for a documentary and believed Jett suffered from the condition, the family maintains its diagnosis.

· And a fascinating comments thread at Anonymous's Web site describes the "handlings" and $1,000-an-hour audits the Travoltas might have in front of them as part of Scientology's mourning rituals.

· Finally, it wouldn't be a celebrity death unless someone exploited it for their cause. Autism United sent an e-mail blast this morning asking Travolta and Preston to come clean for the sake of "15,000 parents of children with autism" — to be expected, we suppose, at least moreso than this pot-smelling press release from the publication Cannazine:

Research published in an issue of Science journal published in 2003, found that receptors in the brain, which respond to naturally-occurring cannabis-like chemicals (cannabinoids) made by the body, guarded neurons from being damaged by overstimulation.

Study co-author Beat Lutz, from Germany's Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry, said the group's experiments on mice followed anecdotal and clinical tests of cannabis to treat seizures.

"In my opinion, there are certain forms of epilepsy where patients may feel relief from the use of cannabis," Dr Lutz said.

Maybe. Has anyone consulted Dr. Denis Leary on the matter?

Jett's parents, Travolta and Kelly Preston, are both "clear" — an exalted, expensively attained status in Scientology. Critics of Scientology have long known that the pseudo-religion, based on Hubbard's Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, discourages adherents from seeking medical help for problems they deem "psychosomatic." That old line about it being all in your head forms the basis of Scientology's weird belief system; most problems, even if they manifest themselves physically, are spiritual in nature, stemming from the patient's "reactive mind." Even aspirin is deemed a mood-altering drug to be avoided — too bad if you take it to prevent blood clots.

Hence the controversy over Jett Travolta's apparent death from a head injury, likely incurred after he suffered a seizure in the Bahamas condo where the Travolta family and their two nannies were staying. John Travolta and Kelly Preston have long claimed Jett developed Kawasaki disease after exposure at a young age to carpet-cleaning chemicals, which resulted in seizures, a claim medical experts find unlikely. At the time of his death, he was under the care of Jeff Kathrein, a wedding photographer whose main qualification for the nanny post seemed to be a course he completed in Scientology and a kiss he shared with Travolta.

Whatever the cause of his seizures, a Travolta family lawyer now says Jett had been taking Depakote, an anti-seizure medication, but had to stop it because of liver damage. Liver damage from Depakote is rare; more recently, the FDA has been concerned about its link to suicidal thoughts — exactly the kind of condition Scientologists they believe they can treat through the religious coursework they call "auditing."

Travolta's actor buddyTom Cruise has made the church's stance infamous through his wildly unpopular tour of the talk shows in which he tried to advance Scientology's anti-pyschiatry views. His badgering of NBC's Matt Lauer on the Today show pales in comparison to his crazy-laughing-guy turn in a private Scientology video. He's since declared that he's not going to share his Scientologist beliefs with the public, a decision which seems to have boosted box-office returns for Valkryie, his latest film.

Good for Cruise, bad for Scientology, which desperately needs Cruise's star power to spread the church's message. As well as his money, rumor has it — the church, once a financial powerhouse, is said to be strapped for cash.

Travolta and Preston surely loved Jett, and are as grieved by his death as any parent would be. But the accusation will linger that they privileged their adherence to Scientology over their devotion to their son. The death of Lisa McPherson, a 36-year-old Florida Scientologist who died after church members removed her from a hospital where she was due to receive psychological care, received little attention outside of local newspapers. Jett Travolta's death, on the other hand, is winning international attention, and raising the question of Scientology's anti-medicine stance. Could the quest of Hubbard's cult to spread the faith by courting Hollywood celebrities have backfired once and for all?

From a video celebrity photo agency X17 took of the family's trip to a Paris restaurant in November, it looks like Jeff's wife Ana Kathrein, his partner in a wedding-photography business, is the other nanny, since the help is said to travel constantly with the family and no other adults are visible with the Travoltas.

According to a record of Scientology courses taken, Ana Kathrein is a Grade III Scientologist, which puts her three grades away from being "clear," a vaunted status Travolta has apparently attained.

So why did Travolta and Preston pick these two — aside from their common religion, which teaches wacky beliefs about mental illness — to care for their children? Jett Travolta reportedly suffered from a host of medical problems, which his parents claim stem from exposure to carpet-cleaning chemicals, a claim medical experts find unlikely. Some speculate he had autism, a condition for which parents often hire expert caregivers. Instead, Jett got two Scientologist wedding photographers.

A TMZ.com story on the death of John Travolta's 16-year-old son, Jett, mentioned that he was found by family nanny Jeff Kathrein — but it didn't run a famous picture of Travolta kissing Kathrein.

In 2006, Kathrein and Travolta were caught by paparazzi locking lips. The Travolta camp's official explanation: Why, John kisses everyone like that! But in the wake of a teenager's death, no one stopped to ask who the man who found him dead is, and what his relationship was to the kid's father.

Kathrein is one of the Travolta family's two nannies. On his website, he describes himself as a photographer; he mostly lenses weddings. His qualifications for childcare are unclear, other than being a Scientologist like Jett's parents, John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Kathrein's wife, Ana, is also a Scientologist. (Some Scientology critics believe the church forces gays and lesbians to stay in the closet and pursue heterosexual relationships, frequently citing Travolta and Preston's marriage.)

Why the deference from TMZ, which is usually the standards-bearer of standards-lowering? Much remains mysterious about Jett Travolta's tragic death — and impolite questions ought to be asked. Isn't that what celebrity tabloids are good for?

Take the family's unchallenged assertion that he suffered from Kawasaki disease, an immunological syndrome which causes painful inflammation, after exposure to carpet-cleaning chemicals, and that he died after hitting his head after suffering a related seizure. At least one doctor disputes the notion, saying that there's no link between chemical exposure and Kawasaki disease and that it does not cause seizures.

Jett may have suffered instead from autism which went untreated, because of Travolta's adherence to the cultlike religion of Scientology and the bizarre beliefs about mental illness that go with it. And if Travolta hired Kathrein for reasons other than the best interests of his child? That only makes it worse.

The TMZ story, with a grainy photo of Travolta and Kathrein buried in the lower right-hand corner:

And the 2006 National Enquirer story which ran both an innocent-seeming photo of Travolta and Kathrein talking, and the two locking lips:

They've little in the way of specifics right now. Previously, Travolta and his actress wife Kelly Preston had their lawyers bat down reports that Jett had been diagnosed with autism. Travolta vehemently denied that Jett suffered from the mysterious ailment, blaming his health problems on a disorder called Kawasaki Syndrome. A disorder that can, apparently, lead to heart disease.

A sad story.

Update: Travolta's attorney has confirmed the death, saying that the boy was with his family at their hotel when he succumbed to a seizure and could not be revived. He died on the scene. More: Access Hollywood reports that Jett died after falling and hitting his head on a bathtub, while over at TMZ, they have a statement from the Royal Bahamas Police which says that Jett had last been seen going into the bathroom yesterday and was discovered unconscious by a caretaker at 10am this morning.

Related: The Carpet-Cleaner Controversy That Precided Jett Travolta's Death

Image via Splash

”Which cocaine-loving actress is said to be relying on her closeted husband to meet guys? A source says that when they were at a party recently, the hubby asked a fellow guest, ‘Do you want to bleep my wife? Because you can.’”

Sounds like a cinch, abounding with potential suspects, right? Not so fast. After our handy thinking caps proved to be malfunctioning this morning (or, possibly, the mindgrapes under said cap?), we took a few guesses after the jump, but today calls for the help of you commenters who, as always, are typically far more savvy at this sort of thing than us:

Anyone else who sadly remembers Mango the flamboyant monkey, or Corky Romano the flamboyant mob kid or, really, Chris Kattan the flamboyant Chris Kattan, was surely as shocked as we were to hear someone like model/actress Sunshine Tutt had agreed to marry the quirky little guy. Is she a cokehead, though? Well, were we forced to utter "Sunshine Tutt" whenever introducing ourselves to someone, we might need something to bolster a bit of confidence too. Melanie Griffith has admitted to dabbling with her fair share of substances in the past, and hubby Banderas has not only high-kicked on Broadway, but dude has not one, but two perfumes colognes under his shiny belt. Yasmine Bleeth, maybe the biggest repeat offender in cocaine bustland, is married, but we (and, we suspect, she) don't have a clue who this husband of hers is, but perhaps none of the above matters. When we hear the term "closeted actor," we instinctively picture the two actors most closely associated with the phrase in the public's eye: man-smoocher John Travolta and macho, macho man Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes is many things, but a cokehead? Nah. Kelly Preston, on the other hand... How an actress could fake her way through filming an explicit sex scene with Cruise without the aid of drugs? The world may never know.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, FilmMagic, Getty]

• CELEBRITY SIDE DISH [NYDN]

10. Cate Blanchett, who pretty much picked the most stunning maternity dress we've seen since Kate (excuse us! Katie!) decked herself out in Versace and Dolce while carrying the mysteriously conceived Suri.
9. Heidi Klum in Galliano, who managed to make popped collars look glamorous.
8. Katherine Heigl,whose one-strap gown was the most perfect red for a blonde with aggro issues.

7. Amy Adams in Proenza Schouler, whose bustier top made us forget that innocent twang she's perfected in interviews altogether.
6. Calista Flockhart, whose billowy gray and white gown officially erased those OMG SHE'S SO EFFING SKINNY pics of yore from our memory.
5. Cameron Diaz in Dior, who we'll now forgive for that controversial Valentino extravaganza she waltzed through last Oscars in to unsuccessfully make Justin Timberlake regret his dumpage.

4. Jessica Alba, who never really looks bad, but finally figured out a way to tell Hollywood to take her seriously.
3. Kelly Preston in Roberto Cavalli, who we think may have finally turned Johnny T. straight by looking 20 years younger tonight.
2. Keri Russell in Nina Ricci, whose baby weight has disappeared faster than it took to deliver the damn thing.

1. Penelope Cruz:Because of its sheer and utter flawlessness.